Chapter Twenty

Everything I should have known

"Love; the most dangerous drug in existence. It makes us betray trusts, act foolishly, experience pain that is blinding and everlasting and incredibly addictive.

But the high is like nothing else".-Anonymous

The idiot told me everything.

The trusting, astoundingly stupid moronic imbecile told me every last gritty detail.

His meetings with Dumbledore, the history of the Gaunt family, all about horcruxes; he even included the cute anecdote about poor Lord Voldemort locked away in an orphanage, making things hurt if he wanted them to.

I bit my tongue during that part and tried not to make a scathing remark about how Dumbledore should have known the horror he would be inflicting on the world.

We were sat in the empty Transfiguration classroom just Harry and I. I wondered if Ron and Ginny had been opposed to him telling me everything and that would explain their absence. If that was true, they hadn't given anything away; merely smiled goodbye and made their way to the common room straight after dinner. They didn't even ask where we were going which means Harry must have told them. I still couldn't bring myself to look at Ron but thankfully neither Harry nor Ginny had tried to make me.

I listened intently while he revealed his story and all of its treasures, my facial expression oscillating between curiosity and an impatient need for him finish.

Eventually, he sat back and sighed; he sounded relieved and I watched as his shoulders visibly relaxed.

"That's everything?" I said, surprised that my voice came out a whisper. I cleared my throat. "That's all of it?"

He nodded with a controlled mask of calm, he was gauging my reaction.

I stood up from the desk and stretched my arms, buying myself time before I would have to say anything. In truth, all of this information would have been completely overwhelming, if not for the one simple certainty that had pushed its way to the fore of my mind since Harry had first mentioned anything about it down in the Great Hall.

"So on Thursday, the day after tomorrow, you are leaving the school with Dumbledore to go to some caves on the coast where he thinks there is a horcrux hidden?"

He nodded, still giving nothing away in his face and I walked towards the window.

"Do you know when you will be leaving the school?"

His brow furrowed and I wondered for a brief moment if he was suspicious of my question...then I realised he was trying to remember what Dumbledore had said. He had already decided to trust me implicitly; he didn't need to be suspicious.

My stomach turned a little with guilt but I shook it off.

"I think about midnight. He doesn't want anyone to know that he won't be here and the plan is to be back before anyone would even notice. Final exams on Thursday, everyone will be in their common rooms anyway, celebrating".

I nodded, even better. The less people got in the way the better. I was already hoping that when I reiterated all of this to Malfoy, he would see it as I did; as a way to buy some time.

"Hermione, are you alright?"

"I'm thinking", I replied sitting down opposite him again and settling my hands on the desk; running my fingers over the grooves and wondering briefly how many students had sat in this very desk before me with nothing more to worry about than exams.

"You said you thought something was coming, what did you mean by that?" I asked the question without looking at him, frightened my eyes might give me away or some such nonsense. At least that was what I told myself. The truth was, in fact, that now I had decided to betray his trust I couldn't quite bring myself to look at him. Guilt did not sit well on me.

"Can't you feel it? Ever since..." he coughed sheepishly, "Well ever since you and Malfoy and the rumour and the changes; the atmosphere, the air. I don't know what it is, call it paranoid intuition but something has altered perhaps irrevocably".

I nodded, "Irrevocably; I agree with you on that part anyway".

"It's like there is a storm brewing and we can see it on the horizon coming closer and closer until it engulfs us all and I feel so powerless".

He put his head in his hands and I finally dragged my eyes over to watch him. He was breaking apart, I could see that now. Little flecks of him were disappearing before my eyes and drifting into the air around us; eventually there would be nothing left.

I put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed, he brought his hand up to hold it and raised his head to look at me now that we were so close together.

"Were you always like this Hermione? Was I so blind in being your friend that I had no idea who you actually were?"

"Don't think about it now Harry", I said in what I hoped were soothing tones but they came out more like a reprimand.

"I want to know; did he change you or did we miss something?"

I sighed and moved my hand away, "I think we all missed something even me, he just saw it and brought it out. Malfoy really does like to grapple with things he doesn't fully understand".

"I was afraid you would say that", he sat up and stretched his legs out from under the desk. "When did it all go to hell?"

"I can't fix on the precise moment, the exact second that things began to change but now when I look back and I try to, I see that things have been changing from the moment we set foot inside this school. The only constant is change I suppose, as they say". I managed a weak smile but Harry didn't return it. His eyes had moved back to studying my face.

"Don't stare at me like that Harry, you make me uncomfortable". I returned my gaze to the desk and tried to settle my tumultuous thoughts.

"Is he everything to you?"

I stood and moved towards McGonagall's desk fingering the little porcelain figurine of a tabby cat, not refusing to answer but not exactly welcoming the question.

"I don't know", I said honestly. "But I want to stick around to find out".

"He loves you?"

"He doesn't know what that word means; I can't imagine he has lived in a world where it is thrown around very often. I imagine the only kind of love he understands is between his mother and himself; anything else confuses him. He thinks that to love someone you have to be willing to die for them, to hurt anyone who gets in the way, to show loyalty through the pain and suffering you inflict on anyone who ever caused harm; that is a dangerous kind of love".

"You've given this a lot of thought", I heard Harry get to his feet behind me.

"I've had to", I replied. "I've had a lot of time to myself recently". It wasn't meant to sound sad; just factual but my words still caused Harry to shuffle uncomfortably.

"Here, I want to give you this".

He handed me a small glass phial filled with some black powder. "It's Instant Peruvian Darkness Powder, it may come in handy. On Thursday, I want you to patrol the corridors with Ron, Ginny, Neville and Luna".

Panic squeezed my heart, "You're having them patrol the corridor? Harry that is a terrible idea, if Dumbledore knew..." My words came out too rushed and unstable as I realised that he was dragging everyone else into this.

"Just promise me you'll do what you can to keep the school safe?"

I stared at his face for several seconds trying to see what I had done to regain this kind of blind trust. How could I promise him when I already knew that it would be a lie? The time to change my mind had been and gone; if I had been about to I would have told Harry to tell me nothing.

Malfoy.

Yes...I was doing this for Malfoy.

I nodded.

"This should keep you safe until you can get help if anything happens".

"What's going to happen?" I whispered.

"I don't know, but I want you to be ready if it does".

The Astronomy tower was cold that night, freezing in fact and I wondered with summer so close that perhaps it was me who had finally gone cold. My heart was heavy was I ascended the stairs but as soon as I entered; his arms enveloped me. I breathed his musky scent in deeply as he buried his face in my hair. Everything just seemed to melt away and this sudden contact; this infinitesimal glimpse of sentiment made me want to collapse into a hysterical, sobbing mess.

He moved back and cupped my face between his hands; allowing me momentarily to forget Pansy's revelation, forget Harry, forget Malfoy's breakdown earlier; forget everything that wasn't him. His lips brushed mine softly, moving against them sensually before becoming more passionate and hungry. He was being Draco, not Malfoy and I knew where this would lead if I let him... and oh how I wanted to let him.

I groaned as his tongue touched mine lightly but found the strength to put my hands on his chest and push him away.

"What?" He breathed, annoyed suddenly his face flushed and his eyes glinting.

"I have to speak to you and I have to do it before you make my mind go all...foggy", I whispered, closing my eyes when he pressed his forehead against mine.

"I didn't propose to Pansy", he sighed exasperatedly, moving his hands down from my face, to pull my waist until our hips ground together.

"It isn't about that, I have to tell you something important". He stared at my face, watching the resolve in and it and assessing if what I had to say was urgent or stupid. Eventually, he sighed.

He pulled away and sat on the window sill, all business but his eyes were blazing and his expression serious. "Hurry up and tell me then so I can do to you what I've been imagining all day". He flicked half a grin at me, the Draco part of him still controlling everything.

I noticed that he was barefoot, as was his want and he was still in his uniform as per usual. For the first time though, I too had forgotten to change; my dealings with Harry had made me slump back to my dorm and fall into a deep, uneasy sleep.

I tried not to let his words affect me but failed miserably and had to squeeze my thighs together. "Well it's two things actually. The first is I saw you in the Room of Requirement today".

He stilled and the roar in his eyes dimmed considerably; Draco had been pushed out, the door slammed and the key turned in the lock, as quickly as he had arrived and here stood Malfoy.

"You saw that?" He choked. "I didn't think anyone was there".

"I'd gone with Harry to get a book that he had hidden there for the potions assignment, I was trying to find a way to speak to him like you wanted me to but at breakfast was just too difficult with Ron there and everything".

He nodded but now refused to look at me.

"I wanted you to know that I think I understand what was wrong, I want you to know that my friendship with Harry is now for protection reasons only, and it was only done at your request. I am yours and I have no intention of leaving; much as that kind of possession frightens me it doesn't make me want to run".

He nodded but spoke quietly, "You might reconsider after I've...done what I have to do".

"Malfoy we don't know what is going to happen so please don't make assumptions. Your words were too...too much...the emotion in them...it was nearly more than I could bear so I won't go into it any more than that alright. I promise also to never use what I saw against you. Harry has promised to keep his mouth shut and on that at least, I trust him".

"The other thing I want to say is that you have to bring the Death eaters to the school on Thursday".

At this he glanced up, "Thursday? As in the day after tomorrow? I don't know what you know about Death Eaters but they don't exactly schedule appointments."

"I know that but I think it is a good a time as any because the final exams are on Thursday so everyone will be in their common rooms".

Except me, Harry, Ron, Ginny, Luna and Neville that is.

"Why Thursday?" He was watching me carefully, rising from his place on the sill like a predator.

I felt myself moving backwards nervous all of a sudden, "No specific reason".

He walked stealthily towards me, his hair falling into his eyes and his fists clenching. I could see his entire posture tensing and I felt an unwelcome prickle of fear; picturing and not for the first time the damage he could inflict.

"Why Thursday?" He repeated and this time my back found the wall, he placed his hands on either side of my head and leaned down towards my face; scrutinising everything he saw there. He was almost unrecognisable to me and that was the most frightening thing of all.

"You know something and you're not telling me. What is it?" His voice was dangerously low and he was looking at me like I was some sort of traitor.

"I'm not..."

"Don't lie to me", he whispered menacingly and for the first time I realised this was a different Malfoy; different from the petty, arrogant moody one I had come to recognise. This was another one to contend with and this one was dangerous.

"Malfoy", I said not frightened in the least and raising my arms to rest on his chest, hoping the physical contact would remind him who he was talking to.

"Why Thursday? This time you better try the truth". He bared his teeth and my gaze widened, his smile was glinting like a wolf ready to devour all in his path.

"I can't tell you", I whispered shrinking slightly under his terrifying grin.

He moved one of his hands down to grip my face, holding the sensitive point between my neck and my jawbone but this time it was not sensual or passionate; it was a warning.

He rubbed my throat before grazing the back of his hand along my cheekbone.

"You don't have a choice here I'm afraid".

His capricious nature never ceased to overwhelm me; I didn't know how to handle it. Perhaps that was how Harry felt around me these days.

"Dumbledore won't be here on Thursday". I wasn't lying; I was editing and as far as I saw it he didn't need to know why Dumbledore was leaving and that Harry was also involved.

I watched his mind process that but his gaze remained locked with my own.

"You want me to bring Death eaters into the school at a time when my target isn't even going to be here?"

I swallowed a noise.

"What?"

"You called him a target". I whispered my eyes focusing on his face which suddenly relaxed.

He moved away from me and the cold air rushed in to replace his warmth. I shivered.

"Death eater speak I suppose", he said gruffly his back to me.

"Sometimes I forget that you are a death eater", I sighed wrapping my arms around myself.

He turned swiftly and sandwiched me to the wall once again his hands resting on my hips, "Don't ever forget that I am a death eater, not ever alright?"

He was pleading with me, his eyes had softened into a deep, warm grey but his voice was firm.

"Why?"

"Because when I say and do things to you that I don't mean, remembering that I'm a death eater; I'm the scum of the earth might just help you in forgiving me".

"You'd never hurt me".

"I'll never use violence against you, never. I may be a death eater but I have honour and there is no honour to be found in that. But what I have to do to Dumbledore and sometimes the hurtful things that are directed at you that I cannot take back once I've said them...these kinds of things...just remember that I'm a death eater".

He pressed his forehead against mine, breathing heavily. I raised one hand up to run through his immaculate hair while moving my other hand up and down his left forearm

"Bring them on Thursday, if Dumbledore isn't here then they will have to leave".

Malfoy leaned back to stare at me incredulously, astounded at my stupidity but he didn't correct me. Maybe he had a slight glimmer of hope that I was right but his heart must have told him otherwise. Instead, he brushed my hair away from my face and pressed his lips against mine before speaking "I'll try".

Then his lips captured mine properly and we finally stopped talking as I relished the return of Draco.

Malfoy never did ask how I'd gotten this information but wasn't naive, I don't think he knew how to be. Years of living in Malfoy Manor had taught him to think cynically, with everything. He knew the Death eaters wouldn't leave, he knew they would wait for Dumbledore but in his head what difference did it make? He would have to do it eventually anyway and at least this way he could let me live in some sort of deluded hope a while longer.

I think he hoped that because I would be in the Common Room, I would be safe. I'm still glad I never did tell him the whole truth.

If I had known that the next two nights would be my last in Hogwarts and that what awaited me was worse than death, maybe I would have...well what's the point in saying maybe now. I didn't know and there's an end to it.

For that night, the Astronomy tower was our haven and as Draco thrust himself deep inside me and kissed me with a passion I'd never know with anyone else, I was happy.

Naive and stupid.

But happy.