AN by indigo's ocean:
Sooo, guess what? I got back on vacation Sunday, August 2nd. Almost a month has now passed between the time I got home and the time PFF's chapter was posted and it wasn't because we needed twenty reviews - no, we got twenty reviews, and Potions nearly got her ass kicked for promising smut when I was away and out of touch (kinda). Her author notes will be monitored closely from now on.
No, this posting delay was because someone decided to take advantage of my vacation and not write. And keep not writing until I threatened her, "Okay, no cute Al/Wrath roleplay until you finish writing that beast." Incidentally, my next chapter is done. I say this because it's the first time I'm in the lead and I'm a jerk and also, this is revenge for back in June and early July when that same someone would not stop bugging me about my chapters.
Ah, anyway, in case any of you care my vacation was really fun, though I got sunburnt TO THE EXTREME. Like, seriously; there were a couple blisters on my shoulders and it hurt like hell. I couldn't wear bra straps properly until - well, let's see, I got sunburnt on Monday after swimming in the beach for five hours straight and reapplying twice; I could put on my bra straps the day we left the beach which was like, Friday. Definitely one of the more, if not the most, painful experiences of my life.
Speaking of painful experiences, ostriches are scary. Like, seriously scary, man. Like, scary like the velociraptors in Jurassic Park scary.
With that said, enjoy the chapter! It's really great, I must say, and Ed's thought's make me want to laugh. Except for the end. Gah. That made me want to run away, hide under my bed, and slit my wrists.
So you'll probably adore it! -bows-
Chapter by Potions For Foxes
Stupid Cupid
(quit hitting on me)
Chapter Twenty
Envy was still at his new favorite hobby: peering at me.
"Why'd you punch Roy, anyway?" Envy asked. My eyes widened. I don't want to answer this question ever. Oh God, could I have gone after Roy for a more stupid reason? I honestly don't think so. "Getting out some pent up aggression or something?"
"Uh," I turned red. You see, I thought that Roy shoved you and was being a jerk, so because I'm overprotective and stuff, I decided to punch him. Like that would go over well. "It actually may be more stupid than that." I looked away quickly. If I told him, he'd hit me, I knew it. "You'll probably hit me again if I tell you."
"You could get a bruise on the other side of your face," Envy suggested mockingly. "Then you'd match on both sides."
"Uh," I said. I looked down quickly. "I don't know about that." I don't want Envy to hit me, but if he hit me, he'd have to touch me. I want Envy to touch me. But, not that badly, though, well… probably not quite that badly. Yet.
"You never know," Envy said. He looked at me and slowly took a bite of his chocolate. I gulped. Couldn't think… clearly. "Until you tell me that is."
I then launched into what has got to be the stupidest explanation of my life. This is including the time I had to explain my bloodshot eyes, massive hangover, and bellybutton piercing to my lovely mother at Way Too Early In The Fucking Morning.
"Roy shoved you and I was really, really, really stupid and didn't think because he shoved you," I said, hoping that Envy didn't understand most of it (Sarah Palin's speeches make more sense than what I just said—okay, maybe it was a little more coherent than that). "Don't hit me?"
"Oh?" Envy said. He raised an eyebrow and you can really see the family resemblance there. "I hit Roy first, why not punch me in the mouth?"
"Er," I said. Because I don't like Roy, I like you? True, but like hell I'm going to tell Envy that. "Well, um," I said stalling for time. I looked away quickly. Fuck , I was an idiot. "I don't like Roy?" I smiled at Envy. Maybe it would hypnotize him into forgetting about this whole thing.
"Thought you were friends," Envy said. Fuuuuck. His chin is on his hand and he just looked so cute right now—and FOCUS ED! Now is not the time. Stare later, answer his questions now.
"Er," I said intelligently. "We're not close and…" I trailed off and closed my eyes. Fuck this was embarrassing. And so stupid. Just really stupid. "He shoved you." I repeated that again. It's essentially my reason for starting that stupid fight. I was just going to talk to Envy and then BAM! He's on the ground and I'm punching Roy. Yeah… Mom does say I'm too reactive.
I guess if you really thing about it, I don't like Roy. I mean, he's a nice guy but I'm jealous. And not of his height, I'm plenty tall. It's that—Envy always forgives him for anything. Roy's pulled some pretty stupid shit and Envy just forgives him. Just like that. It took him less than a day to decide he wanted to apologize to Roy about the cafeteria scene.
I know it's not as bad as the whole freshman thing, especially after what Sloth said, but I wanted him back quick. And it's not like I'd ever do something like that again; whereas Roy gets to be a repeat offender.
"I guess I'm a bit jealous too," I admitted. I drank some of my water and plopped an ice cube in my mouth. It's cold and it felt good against my tongue. I crunched it quickly. I was too agitated to just suck on it.
"Of what?" Envy demanded. "You want to be the one that shoves me?"
I stared out the window. The pair tree is beginning to bud. A bird landed in it. I sighed. Envy didn't get it.
"Why do you forgive Roy and not me?" I asked trying not to sound like it mattered. The bird flew away. Bummer.
"Forgive him what?" Envy asked. He doesn't get it at all. "I pushed him first."
"NO! Not about that," I said. How dense could Envy be? "I mean, oh this is stupid," I turned to him and looked at him, trying to see if he was lying or really didn't know. I couldn't tell. "You really want me to tell you?"
Envy paused. He looked confused. "Well, I mean," he trailed off.
"Alright, look," I said, trying to make this clear to him. "You just—he always—and it's not fair!" And there goes clarity. "Just you why? I mean, I was an idiot freshman year and I can't believe I did that—so fucking stupid—I'm sorry and I like you and you always forgive Roy, but I guess I'm worse than that, right?" I laughed, or tried to, to avoid crying. I ended up choking on a piece of sushi, which hurt because it was caught in my throat.
But Envy was pounding my back and babbling about me not dying and being arrested for murder. Yeah, didn't make much sense to me, but I'm going to blame that on the fact that I was choking and thus deprived of oxygen.
"I'm—" I coughed, trying to get the damn thing out of my throat. "Not going to die." I gave up on not sounding gross and hacked up the sushi. I did swallow it instead of spitting it out into my hand.
And that's when I realize Envy's still touching me. He has his hands on my back and if I squint and don't move I can pretend that this is normal and we're dating or something. I smile, I really can't help it. It's just, he has his hands on me and yeah… smile.
"Good," Envy said. "I guess thinking about me and Roy is bad for your health."
"Yeah, no kidding," I said and looked over at Envy. He's just so … perfect? We used to be really close and he was my best friend for a while. My lip rise into a small smile and Envy blushes. He's so adorable but he removes his hand.
"Maybe you should give it up? You'll probably live longer."
"Maybe I should give—" I stopped myself from repeating Envy's sentence back to him. I should pay less attention to him and a little more to what he's actually saying.
"I mean, why should I worry about you and Roy, he's chronically straight, girls, and boobs and all that stuff and you're—" a terrifying thought occurred to me. What if Envy's straight? "Wait, you are ga—you aren't straight are you?"
"Uh, I didn't mean it that way," Envy said. He looked uncomfortable. I should drop it but… "I mean just, you know, in general."
"Well, I'm bi but you probably already know that, I mean Sloth had to have told you something. I mean, you do know that I'm bi right? But not like Russell, oh God not like Russell, he'd have sex with anything with a pulse. I think he draws the line there, God I hope he draws the line there."
In case it isn't already obvious, I babble when I'm nervous. I covered my eyes with my hands, trying to block out the image of Russell exhuming a corpse from a—not going there!
"Uh, yeah, Russell and I, um, talked in Psychology," Envy said. Ha! Talked my ass. With the way Russell was smirking… well it's not like I'm going to ask Russell. He'd probably lie and if Envy isn't going to say anything. "But yeah, I know that." I blinked as Envy leaned forward. He rested his chin on his hand and just looked at me. Didn't say anything, just watched me.
"Oh well, uh, that's good?" I wasn't sure. Honestly, Russell has that affect on people. "So ah, what about you?" Shit, I shouldn't have said that. Shut up Ed don't make it any worse that – "You're not straight, are you?" Fuck… Grin maybe he'll forgive you. Grin!
"I'm sure Sloth told you in your little chat. Don't ask if you already know."
Fuck. Envy's looking away and doesn't look particularly thrilled with the topic.
"Look, I'm sorry," I said. Fuck, I couldn't go five minutes without screwing something up. I was way better at this freshman year, back when Envy didn't hate me or distrust me. "It's just that—" when you asked if I was gay freshman year I should've said yes and kissed then we wouldn't be having this awkward conversation. "Oh right um," I paused. For a moment, I did consider the possibility that Envy was straight, completely forgetting that Sloth pretty much told me I was the reason Envy was gay and I managed to miss that.
Was this conversation even salvageable?
"I don't think that telling you that I was terrified you didn't like guys for a moment there is going to help? But um, man, I don't think there's one thing I haven't fucked up with you, is there?" It's a question worth considering. Freshman year was a win until… yeah that. Then sophomore year didn't count because we didn't speak to each other. I guess not antagonizing him … can't really count and then now.
I ran my fingers through my hair. Manny's? But I didn't really do anything—except ask a few stupid questions. But how was I supposed to know they would set Envy off? And then lunch, I just asked him to lunch and he thought it was a joke or something. You can't call that my fault.
I guess, I guess what this thing consists of is me saying something and Envy taking it the wrong way and it just spiraling out of control.
"Well," Envy said and he's probably running through the same list of things that I am. The same very short list. "You did let me come here instead of my parents' hose, and you gave me chocolate." Envy paused. Well, that was surprising. I guess I'd— "But then again the fight was your fault in the first place, so I guess you're right." And then Envy did the weirdest thing. He smiled at me. But I absolutely love her, when she smiles. "You really do fuck everything up."
"He shoved you," I repeated. And yes, I realized that I was doing a phenomenal imitation of a broken record, but you have to admit it's a little better than doing an imitation of a working record. At this point, said working record would be playing Absolutely by Nine Days. Yeah…
"Happens all the time, Edo. That's what friends are for," Envy said and then looked horrified. I blinked. Edo. He used to call me that. I smiled at him. He .. maybe?
"You used to call me that freshman year," I blurted out. Yes, I was grinning. He called me Edo. "You're the only one who calls me—called me that."
Envy shifted on the stool.
"It was," he said and bit his lip. "I mean, I'm sorry. It slipped out."
"It's okay," I said, leaning closer. I wanted to touch his hair but I'm pretty sure that's off limits. I don't know why he's apologizing either. "I actually kinda like it."
There is an awkward silence. Well greaaaat. And since I wasn't Russell I couldn't—fuck what if he. Okay, there's no way Russell would sink that low. Not even he would do something like that. Besides, Envy said they talked, not kissed.
"Err," I said finally. Envy looked up. "Do you want to go back up to my room, I wasn't kidding about English." I looked around for something else to say. Fuck this was embarrassing, and I don't mean how I did on the test. "I seriously failed it."
"Well," Envy said hesitantly. "I mostly guessed." He trailed off but got up and followed me up the stairs.
"I seriously don't think I've ever done this badly on a test," I muttered as I hunted around in my backpack. I know I jammed the test in here somewhere.
"Maybe it was just an off day?" Envy said. I nodded vaguely as I unbuttoned my school shirt. It's getting a bit irritating and I hate wearing them when I don't have to. Russell, Ling and I all take off our shirts the second we get home or to a home. It didn't really cross my mind that Envy might take that a bit … differently.
"What the hell are you doing?" Envy demanded. I blinked and turned around.
"Huh?" was my eloquent reply. Not that I had to worry about witty responses or snappy comebacks at that point, not with the way Envy was staring at my belly button piercing. He was blushing too. He looked down.
"Why are you stripping? I thought we were going over the test?"
Okay, I was just going to change out of my clothes but…
"I generally study naked," I said with a smirk. I don't even know what I expected him to say, but I didn't ever thing he'd say something like:
"Oh really? Since it's your house, maybe I should study naked too."
My eyes grew wide. Envy. Naked. In my room. While Al and Mom were gone.
"Ah-ah-ah, if you want to?" I managed to stammer out. I hoped he'd say yes. "I was um, just going to, um, change out of school clothes and um, but if you want to that's fine too." I wasn't really sure what to do. On the one hand, I want to take this slow and not screw it up and this was a joke and it would be taking it way too fast. On the other hand, Envy. Naked.
"Just kidding," Envy said quickly. He grinned. He sat down on my bed and looked at his test. Oh. Well, that actually made more sense. It's disappointing but if we both were naked I don't think we'd do much going over of the test. I'm pretty sure Russell's hidden lube in my room too so… Envy's talking.
"Please put on a shirt."
"Don't like the piercing?" I asked, but turned around and grabbed a shirt off the floor. It's the Shins shirt that Envy gave me. I hesitated. It's a bit old but … I like it. "Do you want to change into something more comfortable? I don't know if you'll," I bit my lip. It's true but it doesn't mean I have to like admitting it. "Fit into my jeans or anything but…"
"I'm fine with my school clothes," Envy said. He was smiling a bit as he unbuttoned his shirt. I watches his deft hands carefully loosen his tie and tried not to think about where I wanted those fingers to be. His black nails contrast with his pale skin. That's funny, he must've changed colors. I thought the purple looked better.
"Suit yourself," I said and pulled on the Shins shirt. I kicked my shoes off and yanked my socks off. I held on to the top of the dresser so I wouldn't fall over. I didn't want to look like a complete dork in front of Envy.
I don't want to take off my pants in front of Envy. That would be pushing it.
"Nice nail polish," I said, smirking a bit. Maybe he'd paint my nails sometime, at his house, when no one … FOCUS ED.
"Oh thanks," Envy replied. He slipped off his shoes and socks quietly and crossed his legs. He looked up at me and ducked his head quickly. Was he blushing? He looked up again. Maybe a little? "Isn't that a little too big to wear around?" he asked. "I mean, I'm sure there are more appropriate things to wear."
"But," I protested. I love this shirt. It's my favorite. Not only is it signed but… hey don't look at me that I have plenty of things from girlfriends past. I kept the stuff that Winry got me. It still counts even if she bought it for me after we broke up. I know I have that hideous sweater Rose knit me, buried in the back of my closet. I faked a wool allergy to get out of wearing that hideous lumpy thing.
Lyra… left a pair of panties in my room once. We didn't actually do anything (I have never been so happy to see Al) but Mom freaked over that one. Dad bought condoms and informed me if I had an illegitimate child, it was fine, provided it wasn't with Lyra. I'm not even sure if he was kidding…
And the Shins shirt is totally appropriate. It's not too big, it's comfy. Sure it had a few holes, but that didn't mean anything. So what if I had to rescue it from the Good Will bags a few times. That doesn't mean anything.
"Fine," I said, heaving a sigh. I don't see why everyone hates this shirt. I pulled it off and tossed it into the closet. I turned to face Envy. "Got any better ideas?"
He looked away quickly. Couldn't stand the sight of me and my rippling abs for very long, not to mention my sexy piercing. Bet I'm going to make an appearance in his dreams tonight.
"I don't know," he said, still not looking at me. "It's your closet."
"I don't know what to wear!" I whined. I want you to dress me. "Ugh, I'm such a girl," I said instead of that. "I mean, ah fuck, why don't you come over her and pick something before I fuck this up."
Envy gave me a disgusted look and walked over to my closet. He kept his distance, as though getting close to me would kill him or something. Maybe if he got any closer he wouldn't be able to resist my hot stomach and awesome piercing. He'd look at me with lustful eyes and say 'Take me now, Edward.'
"This is all fancy stuff," Envy said. Wait what? Oh that's right, we're in reality not a badly written porno. Damn.
"Err, yeah, Mom likes to keep it in there so it won't get wrinkles or whatever," I said. I think it's to keep Winry from getting the idea of storing her extra stuff in there. As is, she will go on and on about how guys don't need walk in closets. She's very jealous of the closet. Something about displaying her shoes and stuff. Me, it's where a lot of Rose's gifts reside. In addition to the sweater, there's also an extremely hideous throw blanket, a pair of mittens with no thumbs, and the ugliest pair of socks ever. Mom's always after me to give it to Good Will, but first off I don't think that even the hobos on the streets would want it, let alone the Salvation Army. Secondly, it would be my worst fear that Rose would discover it, realize it was the sweater she gave me, and bawl her eyes out in the store.
I'd like to avoid that.
Winry can't decide if it's sweet or if I'm an idiot. Russell calls me paranoid. But Ling has read Flipped and agrees with me. It's best not to throw out gifts from girls who like you. It always ends badly.
"Let's try the dresser," I suggested and carefully slip my arm around Envy's waist. He didn't jerk away or spazz. Instead he just let me lead him across the room to my dresser. I removed my arm before he could stab me to death with his elbows.
"So where are your shirts?" Envy asked. Damn. The arm thing didn't affect him at all. Not fair, was he made of stone or what?
"This drawer," I said and pulled the middle one open. I watched as Envy bent over slightly to search my drawer. His ass, and whole backside really, looked amazing. His shirt rode up a bit and there was this thin line of pale, pale skin that disappeared instantly when he straightened and thrust something into my hands.
"Here," he said. I pulled it one. So what if the pulling and stretching lasted a little longer than strictly necessary. It's not like Envy was complaining or anything. He was totally checking me out. The shirt was tighter than something I'd normally wear. It clung like mad to my body and my piercing, which can be really uncomfortable. Piercing gets caught on the shirt and that is not a good feeling. Of course, the fact that Envy kept looking at me out of the corner of my eye definitely made it worth while.
I slumped down on the bed. I really did need help with English. I can't believe I did this badly on the test.
"I don't think I was having an off day, in fact I thought the test was really easy." Compared to the effort it took not to lunge across the room and ravish you senseless in front of everyone because you're just that sexy and I'm just that shameless.
"Maybe you weren't reading carefully enough?" Envy suggested. He sat down on the bed, keeping his careful distance.
"But I only got about fourteen right," I said, falling back across the bed. "And I did read carefully. I went back and checked my answers like five times." Because otherwise I would've thought about you with that whip in that costume and gotten a raging hard on in English and that would've been all sorts of horrible.
Envy looked at my test. He was probably shocked at the sheer number of errors present. Probably thinks I'm stupid. I'm not. Envy's just extremely distracting. And he had been biting his eraser and there was no way I could think about grammar when he did stuff like that.
"The more I learn, the less I know," Envy said, reading off the test. I looked at him. "Why irony?"
"Well, the idea of learning a great deal only to discover you know less is ironic, right?" I said, smiling. Or at least that's what I figured it meant. Envy rolled his eyes. Apparently I was wrong.
"Obviously not, um according to Rix," he said. He paused, then "But it kinda does seem ironic. Yeah. But it's a paradox. Sorry."
That sounded really familiar. I remembered going over the two a while ago and thinking that it was very hard to tell them apart. I think the difference is that irony is more sarcastic while paradox ends up being a bit Zen like. Actually, I think a lot of Zen is paradoxical sayings that reveal the truth of the world. Or at least that's what Ling claims they do. Fuck…
"I didn't by any chance manage to mix those two up, did I?" I asked. I spent several minutes debating on which to use and unlike now, didn't remember Ling's inane Zen tangents.
"Yeah, you did," Envy replied. "But it was an understandable mistake, you know?"
"I guess," I said and shrugged. Envy was still in his school uniform. It looked pretty prim and proper, yet oddly sexy. A lot like Saturday actually when he was wearing those glasses and… "You were wearing glasses Saturday?"
"Yeah," Envy said. He brought his delicate looking fingers up to fidget with his tie. The afternoon light glinted off his black nails. They sparkled or glittered, like car paint; only when he turned them the black wasn't just a sparkly black, it was purple and green and really very cool. Iridescent. But every once in a while you find someone who's iridescent, and when you do, nothing will ever compare. I think Envy's iridescent.
"Can't see otherwise."
"You looked, um, really hot Saturday," I said. It didn't even register that that was something I shouldn't have said to him. It just slipped out.
"With glasses?" Envy asked. He doesn't seem entirely convinced. But it's true. He looked amazing Saturday, with his hair loose, the sweater, and, yes, the glasses. He looked… perfect. "Whatever you say, next question?"
And he just ignored the fact that I was hitting on him. Weird. But at least he didn't punch me.
"Sure," I said and waited.
"Of the people, by the people, for the people. Unity?" Envy asked, looking at me with a raised eyebrow. "This is English class, not constitutional propaganda studies or whatever. You need to look at these literary terms."
"I thought it was unity because people was the unifying constant. Like it is a very unified sentence… Fuck what was I on that day?" My reasoning had sounded so much more brilliant in my head. Read aloud, well, it sounded like I was blazed out of my mind. OR thinking of Envy in a French maid outfit. Same thing. Maybe not.
Envy giggled at me. He actually giggled. It was so cute.
"I told you it was an off day. Now do you know the right answer?" he asked, cocking his head to the side and giving me an encouraging look.
"Syllogism?" I said, taking a wild guess. The word sounds cool but that's really not the best test strategy. "Um continuity—wait, no that's a math term." I had no idea what I was talking about.
"I guess not," Envy said and sighed. I bit my lip. I didn't mean to be so incompetent. "It's parallelism. Since, um, I guess you can remember it like all three parts of the phrase are parallel to each other. Constructed the same or something."
Well, that made sense. Sorta, not really. But Envy was trying, and I learned later, doesn't have much experience with the whole helping people study sort of thing. Sloth is pretty good about her school work and I think that she'd rather ask people who might you know… do her than Envy. And Envy's not all that fond of Wrath.
"What is syllogism then?" I asked. This test would have gone so much better if I had known what these terms actually meant and hadn't been thinking about Envy.
"Err, it's a type of argument with two premises and a conclusion," Envy said. He didn't sound entirely sure himself. Oh well, I'd just look the terms up later when Envy wasn't sitting on my bed. "You should probably review the terms yourself. I guessed on that one to be honest."
He guessed and got a hundred percent?! That was so unfair. It's not like I actually studied or anything, but to just guess on most of them and get them all right. That's really not fair. Come on, how lucky do you have to be?
"Hey, still," I said, not wanting to give Envy another chance to yell at me. I had quite enough of that at Manny's. I smiled at him, trying not to seethe. "Izumi says that's mostly what the AP test is. And she got fives on all her AP tests. Friggin' genius woman."
"Thanks," Envy said and blushed a bit. I smiled. He's really cute and I wonder if he holds his liquor like he holds compliments. Now that would be interesting. He ducked his head a bit and his green hair obscured his face. "What's next?"
"I think that's mostly what my mistakes are, except for twenty. I guessed on that one, choose the word I didn't know, wrong strategy apparently," I said with a shrug. "I really wanted to call it a synecdoche, but that wasn't on the list."
"Wait," Envy said. He looked at his test again. "You're not serious, are you? I mean." He looked at me like he couldn't believe I was quite that stupid. "You are Catholic, aren't you?"
I bristled at that.
"My mom is, it's just the church she drags me to every Sunday," I replied. "Um, the entire service is in Latin, so it's not my fault I retain nothing. And synecdoche is totally an answer. You're using a part to represent a whole. Like the cross represent Christianity. Or like in that movie Synecdoche, New York, where he creates the city and yeah." I trailed off. Okay, I knew that the cross wasn't actually a part of Christianity in the literal sense, but I had to defend my answer somehow.
"The cross doesn't represent Christianity," Envy said exasperatedly. "It's a symbol. A symbol of Jesus' death. I'm not even religious and I know that." He paused. "What movie?"
"I told you, Latin, I don't speak Latin," I said. I don't pay attention in church at all either. For example, last Sunday I figured out that I was bi and really attracted to you. I don't say that. It's a good reason, but I didn't think that Envy needed to hear that right now. "And I try not to let the brainwashing get to me." I slept through theology classes. Dad kept offering to take me to get something else pierced if I actually failed one, but the look on Mom's face, well, I still only had two piercings. "Um, it's this really cool film that came out last year. I never got around to seeing it."
"You've had theology how long?" Envy asked. He sighed frustratedly. "What's it about? The movie, I mean."
"Oh, it sounds pretty trippy," I said. "It looks like it's about this guy who for some reason decides to build a replica of New York City inside a warehouse and then something happens but, of course the trailers don't tell you what, just allude." I hesitated. Maybe… "Maybe we could rent it and watch it, together, some time. If you wanted to."
"It does sound interesting," Envy said. Damn. I don't know what to make of that. Is that a Interesting—I'm being polite and want to slap you interesting or I would like to see the movie, but not with you interesting, or You're shit at synopsizes interesting. Maybe it's I'd like to see the movie with you, but I'm too scared to tell you interesting. Whatever species of Interesting it was, it made me nervous. And I babble when I'm nervous.
"I think that's about all, I just should probably pay more attention and not think about y—" I shut my mouth before I could finish that work. Fuck. Maybe he didn't notice. Quick Ed! Pretend it didn't happen! That should work! "And probably ought to look up those literary terms and stuff."
Nice save.
"Wait," Envy said, eyeing me strangely. I smiled at him. Nothing to see, I didn't say anything incriminating. "What were you going to say? Before you suggested the dictionary, I mean."
"Oh nothing," I said quickly looking away. God I hoped I wasn't blushing. "Oh! Look at the time! You should probably call Sloth or whoever picks you up from school. And um, would you like to stay for dinner? My mom," I paused. Should I? Well, he was going to find out eventually. "My mom has been dying to meet you since freshman year."
"You told your mom about me?" Envy asked. He looked away quickly and twisted his tie in his hands. "I guess I'll call Sloth."
"Yeah, well, I really liked you—like you," I said. My face felt like sunburn. It was probably bright red too. "Oh and I know it seems weird, but could I introduce you as my." I couldn't help but smile at that thought. I'm not really asking Envy out and it's not like he'd agree but… "Boyfriend?"
He spun around and glared at me. Fuck that was the wrong thing to say. "I don't know how easy you think I am, Elric; that's pushing it. What the hell are you trying to pull?"
"No I mean, fuck it's just that my mom and I know the first thing she's going to ask is 'Are you two finally dating?' so you can either have to explain that to her or." I grinned. "You can be introduced as my boyfriend."
Envy snorted. He wasn't impressed with my strategy. Yes, I did have a strategy. It was very vague, but it was there. Actually it was pretty much, Get Envy To House (check), Be Nice (check?), Show As Much Skin And/Or Piercing As Possible (check), and Wait (in process of being checked). It was working very well.
"Asshole. Fine. Don't take it too seriously."
See, improvement. I smiled. He said too seriously, implying I could take it a little seriously.
"So, if I want you to be my boyfriend, what do I have to do?" I asked, looking at Envy's purple eyes. They looked particularly vibrant in the sunlight. "Hmm?"
"Probably a lot more a lot more than making me fear your mother," Envy said. He tossed his test to the side and it floated to the floor. He lay down on the bed with his hands behind his head and looked up at the ceiling. I wished he wouldn't. I don't know how or why Ling did this, but he felt that it was necessary to staple a poster of Michael Phelps to my ceiling. It wasn't Phelps in his dolphin compression suit either. No, Ling preferred the old school speedo shot. Him and all the girls on the swim team.
"Oh?" I asked before I lay down next to Envy. I didn't touch him. I didn't want to push it after the whole I Want You To Pretend To Be My Boyfriend thing. Hence, no touching. I like my hands attached to my wrists, thank you very much. "Like what?" I asked, looking over at him. Just because I wasn't going to touch him didn't mean I wasn't going to seduce him. I cleared my throat and said in the sexiest voice I could manage:
"Envy, what do you want me to do?"
He smiled at me. My stomach cartwheeled, my libido shook a tambourine and my heart thudded a bass drum wildly. His eyes were halfway closed and let me tell you this, Envy's eyes set the gold standard for Bedroom Eyes. He's practically the definition.
"You could start by getting off the bed," he purred. My eyebrows flew up and my libido dropped the tambourine in shock. No way.
"O-oh?" I said trying to string a thought together. Bed off me? Start get me off? That couldn't be it… Off bed you me? Me off you bed? Envy glared. Riiiiight he still thought my brain was working… But eyes and he had a sexy voice. "But where would I go?"
Envy didn't look impressed with my lack of movement. I sighed and clambered off the bed. I sat on the floor and looked up at him. "Happy?" I asked sarcastically.
"Ecstatic," he said. Then sat up suddenly. "Ah shit I forgot to call Sloth." He searched his pockets for his phone before dialing a number quickly. His fingers blurred together and his nail polish flashed.
"Hey," Envy said before pausing. He frowned. I really wished I had some way of eavesdropping on this conversation. Well, more so than usual. "I won't be—" He stopped. I wanted to know what Sloth said. Damn. "Yeah I figured you would've heard." Okay, they were probably talking about the fight. Envy agreed to something and then glanced at me. I pretended to look very interested in the carpet. "Well, Ed invited me to his house." I wasn't going to look up. I wasn't going to look up. "For English you dumb shit!" I looked up. What had Sloth said? "We're studying!"
Then I really wanted to know what Sloth said because Envy blushed and looked flustered. "We're not!" Really wanted to know what Sloth had just said. What exactly was Envy denying?
"Yeah… Um yeah." Booooring.
"And, um I'm staying for dinner." Envy turned red again. Then: "Fuck you. Tell Pride. Can't say the feeling's mutual. Bye." He turned to me. "Sisters."
Personally, I don't think that Sloth is all that bad. Then again I don't live with her.
"At least she behaves in public," I muttered think of Al. "You wouldn't believe what Al has done." I paused. A thought occurred to me. "Oh! Envy, after dinner can you have Sloth pick you up? Tell her to bring Wrath." This would show Al…
"Encouraging creepy behaviors in little children, are you?" Ednvy asked giving me an apathetic looked.
"From what I remember you don't have to encourage Wrath much," I said. Most of it was just enabling. Wrath was perfectly capable of being really creepy all on his own. "Besides, this is vengeance for Monday morning and that Kitler."
"Right," Envy said. "I only understood about half of that but it's okay. Explanations are not required." He flopped back down on the bed, his head resting on my red pillow. It's almost a family heirloom. The red flannel covering is actually part of my great-grandfather's old coat. It's worn soft over the years. My great-grandmother hand-sewed it together and stuffed it with down from the geese on the farm. It was never officially given to me… It was just when we were all at the farm and I was seven, I got the stomach flu and ended up cuddling with the pillow… Great-Grandmama decided to let me keep it. She's given one of those pillows to all her great-grandchildren. Great-Grandpapa had a lot of shirts.
And now Envy has his face buried in it. I don't mind. Maybe the pillow will smell like him. OR it could posses hypnotizing powers and he'll end up staying forever… okay it probably doesn't have that. Though when I was little I used to think it had healing powers and would always clutch it when I was sick.
"It involved me waking up at five-thirty," I said. That morning had sucked. The whole cat spraying, Febreeze, getting accused of early morning pot smoking by Mom, and then Al… Al and his stupid cat. "Not fun. So um, I got off the bed, didn't I? Any other conditions? Aren't you going to ask me to do Twelve Labors, like Hercules? Or should I just go slay a dragon?"
Envy curled up like a cat. He buried my face in the pillow. I winced. First off, you know what I said about how I thought it had healing powers? Well that means that there's a lot of snot, fever germs, and God only knows what else on that thing. And it hasn't been washed in a while…
His hair fell over his face and he peered at me through one eye. "To by my boyfriend?" He paused. "Um… your pillow's." Ha, too bad, you're not getting that. Great-Grandmama said that I was to keep that pillow and she would know if I gave it away or lost it. Sure, she's dead… but I don't think that would stop her. Mom said I get my stubbornness from her… "What if I told you to go swim the English Channel?"
Ah, now that I can do.
"I'd do it," I said. Freezing water is easier to cross than long dead ancestors. "Wet suit or no wet suit."
"Naked," Envy said, grinning impiously. "Wait, scratch that. What if I told you to fuck Roy?"
Uh… no? I don't think Roy would be too thrilled with that idea.
"Uh, I'd really rather not," I said. It'd be rape for one and I just don't see that happening. Ever.
"Ah, I'm still kidding," Envy said. He sounded surprised. Probably because I didn't say no. "You're really committed." Well, yes, of course I am. And, most girls find that incredibly sexy.
"Good because I'd need years of therapy to get over that," I said and made a disgusted face. Al would say I Told You So and mock me. And then there's the whole I don't see Roy being willing to do something like that ever. Not in a million years. "Can I join you on the bed? Please?"
Envy looked at me before scooting over. Win. Wait, he still has the pillow. Damn. I think all the pathogens in it are dead. I hope so, otherwise Envy's going to get really sick after this.
"Fine, as long as you behave," Envy said giving me a suspicious look, like I'd try to molest him or something. Which I wouldn't do. Molest that is, unless Envy consented but that wouldn't be molestation then, would it. I grinned and sprawled out on the bed. Why pressure him when I can just tempt him?
"When's your mom coming home?" he asked suddenly. He sounded a tad panicky. Was that little amount of skin causing that? If so I could reveal more, much more. "I mean, when can I expect my doom?"
"Err, probably pretty soon," I said, stretching again. I arched my back and reached with my arms. I loved stretching. "She has to pick Al up and then I think she's going to take him shopping for his costume. He's in the school musical or something."
"We don't have a school musical," Envy said. He sat up suddenly. I smiled and looked up at Envy. He looked so vulnerable, sitting on my bed, clutching the red pillow to his chest. His hair was mussed and the light is perfect. He matched the room, surprising because the color scheme is creams, browns, and dark green and he's green, pale, and purple. But the afternoon sun made his skin glow, his hair matches the room regardless, and his eyes—his beautiful, expressive wide purple eyes. The golden sun turned them deeper, more vibrant, like rich gemstones or velvet or jewels.
And I think I could stay like this forever, just staring at him.
FIN.