It's not every day you come across a homosexual, red haired, stark raving mad, sharp toothed, green eyed, man wielding a chainsaw. The sight of it is rather rare. You have the same chances of seeing a phoenix. But I was fortunate enough to see one.
"Lucky me," Meerily hummed the voice of who was writing this in a black leather bound diary of sorts, "To be honored with such a sight."
The person put a tab in the book, folding the edge of the paper, and placed a feathered quill in its ink pot. Then he thought, but he spoke his thoughts for he was more fond of talking to himself than thinking to himself. He placed his folded hands underneath his chin and tilted his head, sighing dreamily.
"Grell Sutcliff, surely soon to be former reaper of the London Dispatch. Oh how you fascinate me. Such a pretty bird, finally free of her cage."
The person took his feathered quill in hand and began scrawling more thoughts onto his paper. His handwriting lovely and cursive, the handwriting of a nobleman.
Perhaps I should seek to capture her. Oh yes, I've quite forgotten to call the sweet thing a her earlier. She does so love being called by what she wants to be, rather than what she is. What should I capture her with? A net is too coarse, it might hurt the lady. A box is so crude, she deserves so much finer. A trap of sorts? She is too smart to fall for that. Then maybe she is uncatchable, a free bird. So she wishes and so she shall be. She's much better free anyhow. Still, how she would liven up things with those bright red feathers of hers. I do mean her hair, such long lovely locks.
He bit the tip of his quill, sucking on it despite the fact that the ink would most likely stain his perfectly white teeth. He drummed his fingers on his desk until a little bell chimed. A customer! From the shadow it read as a definite male but something was off about his character.
"Welcome to my humble shop, good sir, do you seek a coffin? I have some lovely cherrywood ones for sale or perhaps you might like something a bit classier, like velvet lined."
It was revealed now that the man speaking was the Undertaker himself, smiling madly at his customer. His smiled dropped though when he saw it was no customer but someone he was at familiars with. That straight, smooth, proper hair cut, that permanent frown, those cold eyes framed by thin black glasses.
"Oh, hello William. Come to visit your old partner? Sit, sit lad, I'll make ya some tea."
"I'm not here on a social calling. I require assistance."
"Oh my, always with the business and never enough time to spend having any fun. You really ought to loosen up you know. Perhaps you need a good laugh?"
"This is serious, Mr. Cr-"
"Ah ah ah, no using my real name. I find it so demeaning."
"But what you call yourself now is but a title. Surely you'd prefer-"
"William, sonny boy, I've never been one to live by titles except this one. It's so suiting to me, don't you find? Now, have some respect for your elders."
"Very well. Mr. Undertaker, what I have to say is of grave importance."
Perhaps using the word grave around a man who finds hilarity in death was the wrong thing to say for now he was doubled over with laughter. The possibly senile man was laughing so hard that was making his chest hurt. His eyes were starting to water and drool seeped out of his mouth. His hands curled up into a fist as he pounded on the table, snorting. William sighed heavily realizing his mistake as he pushed up his glasses with the sharp end of his reaping tool.
"Really now, isn't that enough? You're going to break something."
"Hihihi…ahhhh~ Sorry, me lad. Teehee. That was much too funny. Tell you what, since you've given me a first rate laugh I will listen to you fully now."
"Do you give your word that you will not suddenly become mad with laughter?"
"I can only promise so much, Will. Let's sit, even if you don't have time for it. Standing troubles me so and sitting is much more informal. Come, we can be informal around each other can't we? You're practically my son."
"Don't say such things, Mr. Undertaker. For someone as legendary as you to call me your child is unfathomable. Now, onto business," William monotonly started up, sitting down across from the gray haired ex reaper who was grinning from ear to ear like the Cheshire cat, "Stop smiling at me like that."
"I can't help it, poppet, I'm rather happy you know, even if there's no reason to be. Hihihi. You should try smiling once and a while, it will brighten up that boring face of yours."
"I'd rather not. Now may I please continue?"
"As you wish."
"Thank you. You might have heard I'm sure that Grell Sutcliff is on the loose, going completely rogue."
"Ahhh~ So that explains why she's been thrashing about town causing such chaos. And here I thought she was simply mad."
"HE'S mad alright, completely off his rocker."
"Oh she's that kind of mad, is she? What's wrong with a bit of lunacy here and there? I myself am mad, too, you know. Hihi."
"That I know all too well, but you are no harm to our civilization of reapers. Grell has gone much too far. He's violated too many rules!"
"You mean she has violated you?"
"As much as that displeases me I would rather that than this," William confirmed, twitching at what he just said, basically disgusted.
"Oh my, is it that bad then? What has the little dear done to make you so cross?"
"Destruction of the library, infiltration, insubordination, almost murdering one of his fellow reapers, slaughtering the innocent, and taking reaper files for his own personal gain."
"What an interesting character, she is. She's caused so much destruction, it's no wonder she has your panties in a bunch. I'd like to be informed as to why the little robin has left the nest and gone feral."
"It's her-ah, now I'm saying, it's his love for that demon he always fawns over. Disgusting creatures, demons. How can he even be attracted to that mongrel?"
"I sense a bit of jealousy, Mista Spears."
"What you sense is completely wrong. I am jealous of no man nor beast, I haven't time for feelings other than hatred toward demons, they are the worst things created ever. Grell has gone insane with desire to be loved in return; all of his attempts have turned up empty."
"Poor dear, her heart could only be broken so much. It's a wonder she hasn't gone bonkers before this. Such a pity. Why don't you love her, William?"
"He is my coworker, nothing more nothing less. The most he'll ever be is my acquaintance. I have no time for feelings of romance or passion. Besides if I had a type Grell would not fit it. First and foremost he is male, and that is already one strike against him."
"These days gender or sex does not matter, especially not to me. While she may hold male anatomy rest assured that diva is all female. Still, I cannot believe anyone would turn down such a starlet. You're just too stuffy to feel unwavering love for anything other than work. Any who, why do you tell me all this? Not that I don't like being in the know when it comes to reaper society but why me?"
"We've already sent one of our top reapers from the United Provinces division to go after him but I don't trust him. I was the only one who didn't vote for him, I voted for the woman from the French division and I stand firm on that. Some body that proper and strict can be trusted with a delicate mission. I might be violating rules myself by asking you to accompany me to go to France and get her."
"Will, my dear boy, you're breaking rules! HIHIHI! I never thought I'd see the day where the conventional, normal, and monotonous little workaholic I took under my wing would break any rules! What a happy day to be me, hihihi."
"Please, don't remind me. I think the court for once was wrong about this. They chose power over precision. Always flawless, that's a reaper to the core. Somebody that strong and unstable isn't fit to catch someone strong and unstable. You need order to put out the maddening fires, not more fire to build it up. So, I ask you, legendary reaper Undertaker, to join me."
"You're a bit of a fool, laddie, I'm just as barmy as she is."
"Not so, your madness is rational compared to his."
"Madnes..rational?! HA! I'm going to die laughing, really I am. You're so funny without meaning to be. I suppose I shall balance it out then, between to stuck up proper reapers I shall be the leveler."
"So you see then why I need you? Besides your powers exceed all else. Will you join me then?"
"If only for the laughs, then yes. I can make no promises that I will stop her. She's a fragile one, I can't just use force on her."
"Use whatever it is you must to apprehend him at the least. Come, We haven't a moment to waste."
"Alright then, serious spears," Undertaker teased bringing up his rather large and imposing silver death scythe that was shaped like what you would expect a grim reaper to have only more metallic and with a skeleton decorating it.
"Please refrain from calling me that nickname. It wasn't funny back in the day it's not funny now."
"Humor me once in a while, Will. An old fool like myself could use a bit of empathy."
"Very well, only because I respect you above all else."
"Really I'm not that great. I'm just a humble undertaker. I'm flattered that you value me; it makes me feel wanted again. Ah, I almost miss the glory days of reaping."
"Why did you retire?"
"Personal opinion. I don't like to be restricted or confined, luv. Too many rules. I needed to be free. I suppose the same can be said of our red haired trouble maker."
"I would prefer you not to call me pet names."
"What did I say earlier?" Undertaker harshly asked, his voice suddenly a bit deeper and not accented, almost normal. That's how it had been back in the day.
"You said humor you. It's just…you call me love. Those sort of names are for loved ones and pets."
"While you are no pet, I do love you, my boy. You are very dear to me as one of my first pupils. One of these days you will succeed me."
"I don't think it's possible to succeed you, sir."
Undertaker was lost in thought again as they strode off toward Paris, France to find the reaper who was the finest of her kind there. His thoughts were on a red headed "fair maiden" whose heart was so broken the pieces were surely cutting up her insides.
Pitiable song bird that has the lost the will to sing. Your voice is dried out from tears. Desperate star who's lost her glow. It's faded into the darkness. Deprived reaper who has lost her mind. Soon to be a reaper no more. Not to fear, my dearest, I am good at stitching up bodies, if you allow me I will stitch up your heart too. Such beauty in your breakdown, I am almost unwilling to stop it. You'll set the city on fire, dear, and consume all in your path. Sad that no one has loved you and those that have died painfully. Little lost lamb, come to your Sheppard. Allow me to mend your heart, for only then can I properly steal it.