A/N: This was originally part of Chapter 19, but I felt that it was getting too long and cumbersome, so I split the chapter up into two chapters instead. Which means you get two updates in one night! Hope you enjoy. This chapter definitely earns the M rating.
Buffy ran away from Giles and dashed to the bathroom. She just felt too overwhelmed. She couldn't believe her mother was dead, and guilt threatened to overwhelm her as she realized that for a brief moment, she enjoyed being in Giles's arms. She shouldn't feel happy about anything while her mother was lying dead on a slab. She only deserved to feel pain. She threw open the door to one of the bathroom stalls and began to wretch in the direction of the toilet bowl. She felt nauseated, but couldn't do anything except make dry heaving noises, scraping her throat raw.
Outside the bathroom, Spike paused. He could hear Buffy's combination of sobs and heaving, and the love he had once felt so strongly towards her compelled him to want to go in and comfort her. But he felt a stronger pull towards Dawn. Whatever he had once felt for the Slayer was dulled now into something unnamable...not friends, certainly not lovers, but not enemies either. But the surprising revelation that he felt compassion and not hate for the Slayer was not enough to counteract the protective instinct telling him to follow Dawn. So he left Buffy to her misery and followed his heart.
Eventually Buffy was able to calm down somewhat and drag herself up off the ground. Standing in front of the mirror, she splashed water on her face, washing away the streaks of mascara her tears had caused. Buffy attempted to find some sense of normality in making herself presentable, but a manic look still graced her eyes. Fussing obsessively in front of the mirror until she found herself at least somewhat less haggard, she rushed out of the bathroom…and ran right into Ben, the hospital intern she'd gotten to know over the course of her mother's illness. He'd even given her his phone number at one point…but she'd never called. It was all so normal…and normal was something she needed right now.
Ben was rather preoccupied. He was angrily on his way to retrieve the last of his personal belongings from his old locker now that he'd been fired due to 'excessive absenteeism'. He was totally unprepared when Buffy walked right into him.
"Buffy!" he exclaimed. "I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again! But it's good…to see you, that is." Then, noticing her tear-streaked face, he asked, "Are you ok?"
"No...I'm about as far from ok as a person can possibly get and still function."
"What happened...can I help at all?"
A crazed look fell across Buffy's eyes. She wanted to forget. She couldn't take this pain. "Yes, as a matter of fact, you can help," she said in a low voice, inching closer to him and placing her hands on his chest. "You remember our date that never happened? Well, I've reconsidered." She leaned in close and whispered into his ear, "My house, tonight, midnight."
"I...um...alright," Ben said, slightly confused yet very intrigued. When she'd never called, he thought that she wasn't interested. He wasn't about to let this second chance pass him by. As Buffy walked away, Ben rushed off to find her address from the hospital's medical records. He felt guilty about taking advantage of Buffy's obvious distress, but something overpowering inside of him was compelling him to take her offer.
Buffy walked away with an air of forced calm. She arrived back at the waiting room just after Dawn and Spike, and all of them rode home in silence. Once back at her house, Buffy approached the door with an air of caution. Something seemed off. She crept warily inside, doubly nervous when she found the front door to be slightly ajar. She had closed it, hadn't she?
Willow followed close behind Buffy, and gave her friend a hug as she turned on the lights. "Surprise," Willow said quietly.
Spread out in the living room were several sleeping bags and as much comfort food as a person could eat. Anya and Tara gave slight smiles and waved at Buffy. "Just call us the Buffy support group," Anya said.
"Um...you look confused," Tara said shyly in response to Buffy's dumbfounded look. "W..Willow called us from the hospital and told us what happened. That…that there wasn't anything the doctors could do. After you all raced off in Giles' car, Anya and I were gonna take a cab and join you at the hospital, but after Willow's call…well…there didn't seem to be much of a point. But W..Willow thought you might want some company tonight. So...we're here for you."
"Count me in too...I'm always there for ya, Buff," Xander said. "This isn't like, a girls only event, is it?"
"No, of course you can stay," Willow said as she put her arm around Xander's waist. "The more the merrier. You can stay too, Giles, if you want."
"I do think that would be quite like having a chaperone at a slumber party," Giles said with a soft chuckle. "I'll not do that to you. But I think it's a wonderful idea for there to be people here tonight. If Buffy and Dawn don't object, that is."
Buffy gave a nervous look at the clock...only nine o'clock...she had time. "Sure, whatever. My casa is your casa and all that."
"How cute...the gang is having a party. Give me my blood and chocolate ice cream and I'll leave you all to your own devices."
"Who said you were invited, Fangless Boy?" Xander said snidely.
"My intimate relations with both of the Summers sisters guarantees me my spot, boy. But why are you here again?"
"You wanna start something, Spike? Remember, I can beat you six ways to Sunday and you'll just have to sit there and take it like the neutered vamp you are."
Spike and Xander began to menacingly approach each other, and Willow deftly stepped in between them. "Now boys," she said in a chiding fashion, "I know we're all on edge, but we'll have no fighting here, ok?" She gave Xander an imploring look and he shrugged. "Whatever."
Willow turned to Spike and whispered in his ear, "There's Death By Chocolate in the freezer and blood in the fridge." Spike gave a pointed look at the other witch and leaned in close to Willow. "You're too good to me," he said in a sultry tone as he gave her a slight peck on the cheek. He gave an inward grin as Tara's eyes narrowed and she gasped slightly. He was evil after all...and causing a little tension to start between the sugary sweet couple was almost too easy. And he could use a spot of fun to help him blot out the decidedly human sensation of remorse he was feeling at Joyce's untimely death.
He didn't want to alienate his own woman though, so, his mischief managed, he turned around with a devilish smile on his face and grabbed Dawn's hand. "C'mon, little bit...let's go stuff our face with chocolate. I'll even let you have some before I pour blood all over it."
Buffy watched Dawn retreat into the kitchen with Spike, and she noticed that Dawn was missing the customary giggle that normally accompanied any activity involving Spike. Behind her, she could feel the silent presence of Giles. "Do you think she'll be alright?" Buffy asked quietly.
"She is strong, like her sister. I think she will survive. And as much as it galls me to say it, I'm glad she has Spike to lean on. But what about you, Buffy? You can't do this alone. Who will you lean on?" An unspoken invitation was in his voice, and Buffy turned around stepping mere inches from his body. She tried to look into his eyes, but she couldn't let herself face the love and acceptance she knew she would find there. She had let her mother die...she didn't deserve acceptance. Instead, she stared over his shoulder and said, "I'm the Slayer. It's my job to face the evils of this world alone."
"The Slayer always has her Watcher...do remember that Buffy."
A pained silence stretched out between the two. Finally Giles took his glasses off and rubbed away at a nonexistent spot. "Um, well...yes. I think I will be taking my leave now. Take comfort in your friends, and if you need me for anything, please don't hesitate to call."
As the strained scene between Giles and Buffy went on, another tense interaction was occurring in the dining room. Willow and Tara were standing close together, heads almost touching, but the exchange wasn't a sweet reaffirmation of how glad they were to be alive and together. Instead, it was a whispered, heated argument.
"If you wanted to be away from me, you should have just told me," Tara said quietly.
"What are you talking about? Where is this coming from?" Willow asked desperately, hurt and frustration filling her voice.
"First, you rush off to the hospital and leave me behind without a word of apology. Which…which I can understand since seven of us couldn't have fit in Giles' tiny car and you needed to be there for Buffy. But just now…you…you were flirting with them as if I didn't even exist!"
"Who?" Willow exclaimed, a confused sort of desperation in her voice.
"Every guy in that room! Xander, Giles...even Spike! If you want a man, I respect that, but at least have the decency to tell me the truth about it."
"Tara...we shouldn't be fighting over this. We live over a Hellmouth. Every single day we face death. Today we faced death! We should be comforting each other, not fighting."
"Are you still attracted to guys?" Tara asked softly, tears in her eyes.
"What on earth does that matter? So what if I am...it doesn't matter who I'm attracted to...I choose you. I didn't realize I had to establish clear gay/bisexual lines to be with you. I mean, you are attracted to women, but I'm not accusing you of doing anything with Anya while we were at the hospital."
"That's absurd!"
"Not as absurd as you thinking that I want Xander, Giles or Spike."
"But I saw the way you put your arm around Xander, and the way Spike flirted with you. You enjoyed it!"
"Tara, we are NOT having this conversation now. Look, Buffy is going back into the living room. We are supposed to be here for her, not bickering over mild flirtation."
"So you admit you were flirting. I...I understand. Maybe I should just go...it would be easier that way."
"Tara...no. I want you to stay. Please... if not for me, stay for Buffy. She needs us now."
"Fine."
"Fine."
Willow and Tara re-entered the living room just as Giles slipped quietly out the door. Buffy came in looking like a lost puppy dog.
"So, how would you like us to amuse you?" Anya asked, her bluntness lightening the mood slightly.
"Guys, I don't know if I'm up for this," Buffy said softly.
"Hey, Buffster, we're all here for you," Xander said. "Don't make me start singing 'Lean on Me'...cuz I will if you force me to."
"Ok...ok. I give in. Anything but Xander singing," she said jokingly before letting her tone get serious again. "There is something we could do. Mom...she just loved those old, black and white romance movies. You know, the really sappy ones with great happy endings? Maybe we could watch one of those, you know, like in memory of her?"
"I think she would like that," Willow said.
Willow sat down next to Buffy on the couch and Tara located the seat as far away from Willow as possible, but she stayed for Buffy, so she wouldn't have to deal with her best friend's girlfriend problems on top of everything else. The mood in the room was a sleepy sort of sadness and soon the darkened room and crackly black and white film combined with everyone's general state of exhaustion caused everyone to drop off like flies. One by one they all fell asleep…everyone except Buffy. She was still wide awake and feeling incredibly alone. Just before midnight, Buffy slipped outside. The manic feeling was back, where she just wanted to crawl out of her skin and pretend that she was someone else.
When Ben arrived, she snuck him in the back door and up the stairs. She pretended that she was a teenager again, sneaking her boyfriend up to her room, trying to be quiet so that her mom wouldn't hear. If she tried hard enough, she could almost believe that her mother was just behind her closed bedroom door, ready to pop out and scold her for having a boy over so late at night.
Ben went along quietly, but when Buffy dragged him into her bedroom and began to pull his shirt off, he placed his large hands over hers, stilling her motion, and asked, "What is going on Buffy?"
"Can't we just…not talk?" Buffy asked, dragging Ben's head down for a kiss.
"Buffy, you know I want this," Ben said with shaky breath as he pulled away from her addictive kisses. "I've wanted this for a long time now. But I need to know what's wrong…to know that I'm not taking advantage of you in any way."
"You want to know what's wrong? Fine! My mom died tonight...and I need you to help me forget," Buffy said in a desperate voice.
"Oh, God! I'm so sorry Buffy. Do you...do you want to talk about it?"
"No," she said matter-of-factly, shoving him down on her bed.
"I don't know if this is a good idea," Ben said nervously as Buffy literally tore the shirt off his body.
"I don't care," Buffy replied, her voice low and sexy. As Buffy unzipped his jeans and began to run her hands over him, Ben groaned and found that he didn't have the will to protest any further. Who was he to deny a girl in need, after all?
Dawn and Spike had crept away from the party almost before it even began. Toting ice cream and blood, they crept up to Dawn's room. Now they sat there on Dawn's bed, the silence creating a distance between them even though they were only inches apart.
"Luv, tell me what you're thinking. You barely touched your ice cream. Let me into that pretty little head of yours. You have walls up so thick I can't even tell what you're feelin'."
"My mom's dead, Spike."
"Yeah, I know, bit. Rotten luck, that. She didn't deserve that sort of fate. But we can't change the past short of magic of the darkest sort, and I'll be dust before I let you meddle with that."
Dawn got a very reflective look on her face. "It's just, Mom was like the center of my world. The one person that could never die. This changes everything. I mean, if she can die, then Buffy can die...you can die. I can die. I don't want to die Spike. Maybe it's selfish of me, because if I were dead then everyone else would be safe. Glory couldn't use me if I were dead. But I don't want to die Spike...I stopped wanting to the night I found you."
Spike trailed his finger along the side of Dawn's face. "I'm not going to let anything hurt you...I promise you that."
"I...I have an idea Spike. Something that will make everything better. You could consider it a birthday present to me."
"What's that, luv? You finally gonna let me get rid of that pesky virginity you've been clinging to?"
"Not quite yet, although I bet afterwards, ALL of my reservations will be gone," Dawn said, her voice full of promises waiting to be fulfilled.
"Ok, you've got me interested. Just what has that delightful mind of yours cooked up?"
"I want you to bring me across, Spike."
"Bring you across? Luv, you have GOT to stop watching that Forever Knight show. We don't 'bring people across.' We turn them...we turn them into demons with the face of the human they once were. You can't possible believe I will do that to you. That innocent thing you've got going on is right sexy."
"I'm serious, Spike! This is the best solution. You told me that Glory said the Key's blood is pure, that the Key can't be a vampire. If you make me a vampire, Glory can't use me to open a portal to the hell dimensions. We'll be saving billions of lives. I can still be innocent too. Well…sort of. Willow, she has like three sets of the ingredients for the soul restoration spell, just in case, you know. So even with a demon, I won't have to be all evil. And I won't die. I won't ever have to die. We can be together forever."
Spike leaned towards Dawn, her words inflaming desire in him. "You don't know how tempting you make it sound, luv," he said, his mouth inches from her neck. "But I can't. I'd be dead in so many ways if I even tried."
Dawn began to run her fingers up and down Spike's chest, toying with the button at the top of his black jeans before trailing her fingers back up to graze his nipples. Inside she felt uncertain, but outwardly she displayed nothing but practiced calm. Slowly she leaned back and peeled off her tank top, revealing a sapphire-colored satin bra underneath. Running her fingers over the top of her breasts, she sighed in a pouty voice, "Don't you want me, Spike?"
The bra hit the floor with a careless abandon. Her panties were soon to follow, leaving her totally naked. His hands gently traced the inside of her thighs while her fingernails scraped cruelly against his neck. "Rough...I need you to be rough," Buffy growled. "Make me forget everything but this."
Ben rolled on top of Buffy, staring into her grief-stricken eyes. His conscience screamed that he shouldn't do this, but he could already feel that panicky feeling inside of him, the feeling that heralded something else taking control. With a harsh thrust he was inside of her.
Spike was on top of her in a second, kissing and nipping at her neck, his fingers exploring the feeling of her breasts over top of the bra. As much as she seemed to be inviting him, he did not allow his hands to stray below her waist, to continue to remove her clothing until she lay bare before him. Instead, he pinned her beneath him, roughly pushing his hands into her flesh, bruising her delicate skin.
Dawn cried out in surprise, "Spike, you're hurting me!"
"That's what demons do, luv," Spike snarled, letting his fangs elongate. "You're a smart girl. You should know by now that my chip is long gone."
Fear flickered through Dawn's eyes, but her crazed state made her resolve firm. She looked up at him in defiance and said, "Good. I'm glad the chip is gone. I can't have you passing out from pain in the middle of turning me. The point is for me to live forever, not die in the process."
Spike's features softened as his eyes turned from gold to blue. Scare tactics over, he asked, "You really want me to do this, pet? You can't take this kind of decision back if you change your mind."
Dawn leaned up and kissed the vampire above her. "Thank you, Spike. No matter what happens, I love you. Remember that."
Buffy arched her back and groaned. Ben's fingernails left angry red welts across her skin, and his thrusts were causing a painful fire between her legs, yet she continued to beg him, "Harder...oh, please...harder." Nothing gentle and loving would do for this. She needed the physical pain to wipe away the emotional agony, so she could forget the image of her mother's dead body lying unnaturally twisted on their dining room floor.
Some part of her still felt guilty for her actions and worried what Giles…and the others…would think of her if they found out, but that crazed part of her mind that needed to escape was in control now. Then she felt Ben's hand creep between her legs, and as the rhythmic motion of his fingers caused a deep pleasure to mix itself with the pain, she lost the ability to think at all…which was exactly what she wanted.
Dawn tilted her neck back, offering her life to Spike. Spike, despite his prior roughness, took the greatest care in sinking into her, his fangs barely causing her to wince as they slid into her neck. He suckled her slowly, much more slowly than he usually did. He needed to take more this time, and to do that, he needed control. There could be no violent draining of blood. Everything had to be precise for her to become a true childe.
Dawn moaned at the sensations coursing through her body. They started out mild, the slightest tingle in her neck. Then it began to spread like a fire through her. She felt her body respond, but it was stronger this time. Usually the peak came much sooner, but the pleasure just kept building and building as she felt him pass the point where he usually ceased his feeding from her. Dawn threaded her arms around his back in a fierce grip. She then wrapped her legs around his waist and leaned back as far as she could, opening her body as wide as possible to his advances. She no longer cared about anything, so long as he never stopped.
Their moans were almost constant now, increasing in pitch by the second. Frantically they slammed against each other, each possessed by some inner driving force. Finally, Ben gave a rough pinch with his fingers and Buffy went over the edge, releasing her pain and guilt and pleasure in a long, primal scream. Above her, Ben's low, masculine moan increased in pitch until it became feminine in tone, yet animalistic in its intensity.
"Oh...oh god! I'd forgotten what perks these human bodies have," Glory moaned, shuddering in her orgasm.
Buffy stared up at her in complete shock and confusion. "Wh...what? How? What...?" Buffy rambled shakily, still spasming from her own, powerful release.
Glory ran her finger along Buffy's thigh, licking up the blood that had gathered there. Continuing up her body, Glory lightly ran her hands over all of Buffy's various cuts and scratches. Buffy was too numb and confused to move, let alone protest. Finally, Glory crawled up the rest of Buffy's body. Leaning in close to her face, she asked with a smirk, "How's it feel to be fucked by a god, bitch?"
Buffy was only capable of letting out a small whimper of protest before the world collapsed into a flash of white.
Dawn clutched Spike's body tightly, trying to meld with him despite the layers of clothes separating them. He continued to drink and drink, and inside her she felt her body reaching the point of no return. If he continued much longer, she wouldn't survive without an infusion of his blood. Power flooded out of her as she screamed in rage and frustration and pleasure, such keen pleasure.
Then the world turned white as Spike's body was flung from her.