So I've updated this yet again! I like the time jump because it gives me so many more storylines to tackle (: but anyway this chapter will involve a lot of flashbacks and it will give you more detail about what exactly happened over the past year. This will be posted to in two parts so if I get a good amount of reviews for this part then I will post the other part soon! So please R&R I'd love feedback. Also for those of you that have read Breakable, that update will hopefully be up within the next week.
Time is a funny thing, it uncontrollable, unreliable, and most importantly unpredictable; this is the reason most people seem to be afraid of it. Time and change seem to go hand-in-hand, the funny thing is its set in stone there's no going back and changing it. So while during the time span all this change can occur, you cannot change time itself, as much as we all wish we could. So I just have this one question, if you could go back in time what would you do to fix the present?
The loud and continuous noise of the coding patient seems to blare in my ears like a tick that won't just leave you the hell alone, the horrible noise just seems to go on and on. The breaths in my chest slowly start to become shallow as the initial shock where's off. Her dark brown eyes meet mine now, her features are stoic and calm but her eyes tell a different story, the glimmer of utter defeat seems to cascade out of them with just one glance. The horrible constant beep continues and I slowly start to lose my tolerance to it. She turns her head now and finally turns it off, Altman throws down her surgical gloves in defeat and storms out of the OR in heap to go scrub out for another surgery. The hot tears slowly start to prick at my eyes now but I will them away, .cry! Everyone seems to be eyeing me now, like I'm about to break or something it only motivates me to keep out the tears even more so. Bailey opens up her mouth to speak but quickly closes it when she hears the start of a cry. I stare at her now, there's no way she'll be able to call this. I glance at the clock now.
"Time of Death… 16:33." I say shakily, she silently thanks me for doing so.
As I exit the OR the sticky red blood all over me makes me want to shed my own skin at this very moment, this could have been Derek. The realization hits me like a bolt of electricity. My slow walk down the hall turns into a desperate sprint for the nearest bath room; I have to get it off! I swing open the door and a tall blonde resident eyes me curiously. I quickly brush past her and run into the shower the hot water burns my skin but I don't even care because the horrid red blood covering me sprinkles off me and swirls into the drain, I let out a deep sigh of relief. Blood has never freaked me out not even as a kid, but for some reason this particular blood makes my stomach churn ferociously. My jaw tightens and the nasty bile I've been holding in the back of my throat seems to slowly make its way to the surface, I throw a towel around me and quickly run across the now empty locker room to the nearest toilet. I hunch over the white porcelain as my stomach empties all its contents. The nausea finally seizes and my arms continue to shake from holding myself up over the toilet, I flush the contents and let myself lean against the wall now.
The familiar little office on the east wing of the building vastly approaches as I come closer and closer to the entrance. I stand there for a moment, contemplating whether or not this is a bad decision but I slowly turn the nob on the door, and the familiar blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair catches my vision. She looks up at me now.
"Meredith?" she says obviously surprised at my return.
"You fixed me before." I state rather obviously, she puts down her book now.
"I hardly fixed you, you fixed yourself." She says taking off her reading glasses.
"Do you have time… for me I mean ?" I question hopefully. She nods lightly and I take my seat across from the familiar fish tank.
"So what happened?" she questions. "You are actually going to talk this time right?" she questions in all seriousness.
"A lot happened." I say honestly.
"Good thing I have a lot of time on my hands then." She says meeting my gaze now.
"I don't even know where to start." I say in honest confusion.
"Just start from the beginning."She says insightfully. "You and Derek were in a car accident and he was injured correct?" she says in a concerned but almost monotone like voice.
"Yeah that was last year" I say quietly. She nods now and looks to me for more information.
"How badly was he injured?" she questions.
"He… he was pretty bad." I say my voice finally breaking. "There was a lot of internal injuries." I finally manage to croak out.
"But he recovered, correct?" she questions.
"Yeah he's almost there he's finally back to work." I say lightly.
"What specifically brought you in here now?" she questions. "Why not sooner after the accident?" she says curiously.
"I-I had this patient today who… the case was a lot like Derek's… injury wise I mean." I tell her. She nods in realization now.
"And the patient he didn't make it?" she says in realization… I nod at her.
/
The nice inviting soft cushion of the chair entices me to take a seat as I near it, after three back-to-back surgeries the chair seems to feel like heaven.
"Back –to-back surgeries?" the familiar perky voice questions me, I look over to the direction of the voice and her presence finally makes its self-clear to me.
"Oh… sorry Iz I didn't even notice you there." I say apologetically, she laughs lightly now.
"It's fine, I feel your pain." She says gesturing her back of potato chips in my direction, I gladly take them now and shovel them into my mouth.
"I really needed those." I say thankfully.
"Yeah me too." She says almost annoyed that I ate them all.
"Crap… I'll buy you some new ones…" I say as I pull out two singles from the pocket on my scrubs.
"It's fine." She says handing me back the money. "I have more food in my locker no worries." She says smiling at me. The beeping of my pager goes off and my heart sinks a little at the sound. The 911 flashing across the screen only intensifies the sinking, so much for sitting down. With that I get up and run across the hospital to the ER. I dash out the double doors and the cold Seattle wind hits my face and sends a shiver down my spine.
"What have we got?" Altman and Hunt question both at once.
"29 year old mail was hit by a car, suffered a broken leg and obviously internal injuries." Says Gina handing us over the gurney.
/
"So the injuries were a lot like Derek's then?" she questions.
"Yeah…. With the exception of the broken leg… the internal injuries were a lot like Derek's." I say remembering the massively damaged organs perfectly, like their imprinted into my brain.
"So you brought the patient into surgery." She says.
"Yeah we brought him in and we all fixed the damage the best we could." I say the memories still flashing around in my brain. "We even got the patient out of surgery he was… stable for the time being like Derek was when they brought him out." His… wife was waiting for him." I say the tears finally making their way out my eyes, I quickly brush them away. The memory of her seems to be imprinted into my mind almost every detail.
Please don't let him die! Please we just got married and we have this whole plan ahead of us he's the love of my life so please just save him please! She cried out in desperation to me as I stood there frozen in place.
"She begged me to save him." I say ashamed of myself now.
"But you couldn't." she says understanding me now.
"Yeah he ended up bleeding out more and when we brought him back into surgery it was too much on his body." I say in defeat.
"So you feel guilty because you can't save her husband when yours was spared." She says understanding me now. I nod. "I understand Cristina left." She says, the pain from her words seems to rip through the stitches of denial I've been using.
"Yeah she took a fellowship in Boston." I say.
/
"Cristina… you can't just…. You can't just leave me now." I say crying now.
"Meredith this is the freaking Mayo clinic I have to take this opportunity when it's given to me I deserve the best." She says rationally.
"But what about me, George, Izzie, and Alex?" I question trying desperately to persuade her.
"That's not fair!" she exclaims "You have no right to guilt me into staying when you did the same thing and packed up and left yourself!" she exclaims in angry tears now, how dare she use that against me?
"That's not the same thing!" I say countering her.
"Yeah it is! You left Seattle and now I'm leaving Seattle." She says angrily.
"You have Owen." I say lightly.
"My career means more to me than Owen does. Just because I chose to pick my career over my lover doesn't mean you get to be mad at me because you did the opposite!" she says.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I counter in shock.
"Oh Meredith, you know what it means! You spend all your time taking care of Derek now whether or not he even needs it! You've missed more work than any other resident, you went from being the best to being ordinary." She says in brutal honesty, the hurt and shock of her words hit me now; ordinary is just something I should get used to being called.
"Fine, have a good career while us ordinary doctors get squashed below you for being human." I say dully storming out of the room now.
"Meredith!" I hear her call after me, but I just keep walking away trying desperately to ignore her.
/
"You and Cristina got into a fight." She says clarifying my story.
"Yeah I walked away and she left the next month." I say.
"That didn't help with the abandonment issues." She says sympathetically and professionally at the same time.
"George left too" I say to add to my problems.
/
He lets out a moan of agony as I help him out of the bed. He stands on both his feet now and slowly starts to catch his breath¸ I stroke his arm trying to comfort him.
"Are you okay to go still, because we can stay home." I say making myself very clear.
"No… standing up just hurts still that's all let's just go to the wedding and have a nice time, you're the best man… you have to be there." He says smiling dully at me now, I nod lightly at him and slowly help him slide into his tux one piece at a time. He steps both legs into his pants and I pull them up over his hips slightly kneeling as I button them. I help him slide into the jacket over his pale blue button up shirt and he buttons the jacket.
"How do I look?" he questions, half smirking at me.
"I better not let any of the other women near you." I say running both hands through his perfect hair as I kiss him softly.
After the long walk down the stairs, the struggle to get into my jeep, and the traffic filled drive I finally arrive at the church and kiss Derek goodbye as he takes his seat next to Mark.
Izzie frantic last minute adjustments and cries for me could be heard as I enter the back of the church
"Meredith, what the hell, you're late!" she says in panic and anger, oh jeez… attack of bridezilla. "Get into the dress now!" she says loudly pulling it down from the hanger, the purple flow dress is handed to me and her she pushes me to the back to put it on now. I put it on and zip it up but to my utter horror the dress falls down I stand there for a moment, frozen and panic what the hell do I do? Izzie barges in now and her eyes seem to bulge out of her head.
"Meredith it doesn't fit!" she exclaims in horror "Damn it Meredith the dress is like a 0 and it fit last week!" she says in anger and annoyance.
"Iz, I'm sorry I don't… I-"she cuts me off now.
"Meredith, are you eating?" she questions seriously now.
"Yeah I just I think I have a weird stomach bug I can't keep anything down." I say semi-honestly. I eat…. At least I think I eat.
/
The reception of the wedding is nice…. At a hall with the music and the food obviously Izzie's dream wedding. The chief eyes me now I can already see the concern in his eyes.
"Meredith." He says cordially.
"Chief." I say flashing him a small smile.
"Derek seems better I was talking with him earlier." He says casually.
"Yeah he's getting there." I say lightly.
"I hate to do this Meredith and I hate to rush you but…. With Cristina leaving and now George I need you back to work as soon as possible." He says seriously…. George is leaving, what the hell?
I storm off now and see George on the opposite side of the reception hall, the anger expression on my face meets his confused now.
"Meredith, what's wrong?" he questions obviously confused.
"You're joining the army and you didn't even bother to tell me?" I say angrily, he takes his hand and quickly covers my mouth.
"Meredith…please shut up. I was planning on telling everyone in a few days but I couldn't tell her on her wedding day… that's not fair." He says hushed. I nod at him and look over him. George joining the army… the thought makes me nauseous.
"George." I say grabbing his hand "Are you sure you want to do this?" I question.
"Meredith I have to." He says eyeing me with complete confidence.
"Just please be careful." I say he nods at me and smirks
"I plan to be." He says taking a bite of his chicken now, the nausea builds now in my system, and I can feel the vomit rising from the putrid smell of the chicken. Crap! I run over to the bathroom now and empty out whatever little amount of food was eaten with Derek at breakfast. George eyes me with concern.
"What time is it?" I question fearfully hoping for it to be any time but 3:22. Please not 3:22
"3:22, why?" he says confused. Damn it! I let out a sigh of defeat now and eye him for a moment.
"I've been hurling every day at precisely 3:22p.m. George and I'm late." I say finally admitting it out loud.
"So you think you're." I cut him off.
"Pregnant yes." I say wearily.
Tbc….. OK so I hoped you enjoyed this update please review and I will continue the chapter and you will figure out just exactly what happened after this flashback (: