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I promised that we'd try. If this doesn't work...
~Edward Cullen, Breaking Dawn
As I sit here waiting for Carlisle to come, I reflect on the last few weeks. The solitude, while lonely, was necessary for reflection. I see that now, even though, at the time, I argued with Carlisle about it. I've spent the time interacting in intense counseling sessions with the good doctor. Although, we argue and I do not always agree with him, he makes some valid arguments and I feel much more comfortable in my role as victim.
I haven't heard another voice inside my head, nor lost any time since the night I left the hospital. Carlisle thinks it's because of the new combo of drugs, but I know better. Something changed that night. I'm not sure it was the invasive combining that I had hoped and worked so hard for, but definitely something positively different. I feel calmer, more in control. Of course, I've been alone for nearly a month except for the daily visits from Carlisle. I'll just have to wait and see how it goes when I'm reintroduced in the ward.
That's today and I couldn't be more excited to see my friends and, especially, Bella. I am a bit nervous as well. I can't help it. I hate myself for doubting Bella. I know it's terrible of me to not have more faith in her love but it's sometimes difficult for me to believe that she could love me after what I've done...after what's been done to me. Carlisle tells me that these are Bella's decisions to make and I have to agree, it would be wrong of me to deny her the same thing that was so often denied me. Though, if I have anything to say about it, she'll never know the state I was in when they found me.
I lost track of time as I sat beside the bed, watch the blood spread across the floor. I was mostly covered in it myself, smears on my cheeks, and matted in my hair. Continuous mumbling and uncontrollable jerking afflicted my head, arms and legs, a side effect of severe adrenaline plunge and shock says the doctor. All I know is that I had no energy, no...anything left.
So I sat patiently as Officer Uley, the deputies, Carlisle, and the nurses barrel into the room, one by one, slipping in the blood and falling on top of one another. During other circumstances perhaps it would have been funny to see them stumble over each trying to get to me. All that was missing was the Benny Hill music in the background.
For a while afterward, I felt empty without the voices. Like a piece of me was missing and I suppose, in a way, there is. It is difficult to know what to do when there was no one to consult, or persuade. It felt lonely just being me and took some to adjust. I feel good now, thanks to Dr. Cullen, I feel more confident and content. I'm ready to see my friends, my family...my love.
*~*~*Dr. Carlisle Cullen*~*~*
"Emmett, I know you and Rose have gotten rather close lately," I say while he nods. "She trusts you now. I want you to stay by her side as we re-introduce him into the ward. And Esme..."
"I know," she answers. "I'll be by Jasper's side the entire time. This entire situation has been so rough on him."
I can't help but to smile at her. She always knows what I am going to ask of her. "Thank you."
We walk into the common room together. Rose and Alice stop arguing over the newest fashion trend and look at the three of us. Jasper notices the sudden silence and peeks over the top of his book.
"Today's the day," he mumbles as a smile grows.
Bella walks into the room, looking around. "What's going on?"
"Bella, have a seat on the couch," I start. "Rose, Alice, please join us over here."
The girls sit on the couch, Jasper remains in the chair. They all look to me to speak, but I wait for Esme and Emmett to take their places before I utter a word.
"As you are aware, he will be returning to our ward."
"Yeah, so we heard," Rose spouts off.
Emmett places a hand on her shoulder and scolds, "Rose."
"I can't help it, Em. I don't know which... who we're getting back."
"It's alright Rosalie. I know that you and a few of his personalities have clashed with you in the past, but remember, there were a few you of them that you loved too."
"Are you going to tell us who is coming back into the ward?" Alice asks, her eyes wide in anticipation of me spilling the secret.
"I promised him I would keep that under wraps. I feel it's best he tells you himself."
Alice pouts while I explain a few of the rules for this 're-integration'. I tell them to keep their questions to a minimum; he needs to be allowed to set the pace. I mention that their visit will be brief to ease the stress, but if he wants to talk to them longer, let him initiate that. Finally, I remind them to keep their movements calm since it had been over a month since he's seen them all.
I leave them talking, and walk to his room. I peek in and see him sitting in the chair in his grey sweats, and running his fingers through his hair. He looks nervous, making me feel just as nervous.
I step inside the room and clear my throat. "Ready, son?" I ask.
He takes a deep breath and nods. "Carlisle, do you really think they're going to accept me? Even after everything they know I've done?"
I take a moment and think over all of the one-on-one talks and group sessions I've had with the others. "They are waiting to see you. They all seem rather excited."
He gets up, taking another deep breath. I pat him on the back and we walk together to the common room. Just before entering, he pauses and looks to me. I reassure him and he steps into the room.
Jasper is the first to say something. "Hello, Edward. I'm glad to see you."
The other patients murmur while a perplexed look comes across Edward's face.
"How did you..." he begins, but Jasper interrupts him.
"It was in the way you walked into the room. Something about that... I could just feel it."
Edward chuckles.
"I can't say that I'm not entirely disappointed," Jasper says.
Esme gasps. "Jasper Whitlock!"
"It's alright, Esme," Edward tells her. "I know what he means."
"Glad to have you home, brother," Jasper says, standing and saluting him.
"At ease," I order. "You want to meet me in my office and talk about it?"
"Yes, sir." Jasper takes a few steps, and turns, hugging Edward in a 'bro hug' and breaking one of the rules I had just gone over with them.
"Esme, would you mind?"
"Not at all," she replies, pulling Jasper to the side.
Suddenly, Alice squeals, "I knew my brother would win the fight!"
A smirk appears on Edward's face. "I see you haven't changed a bit. Still like crayons and dragons?"
"I'm not a baby anymore," she tells him just before sticking her tongue out. She stomps out of the room, leaving Edward and the rest of us laughing so hard, I could barely hear her call back, "If you want to play chess later, Edward, I'll be in my room."
"So you're the one that came back to us, huh?" Rosalie asks as she saunters up to Edward.
"Rose, babe, we talked about this... be nice," Emmett says, following behind.
She stops in front of Edward. From her expression, you cannot tell if she's angry or happy. Then she says, "Well, I'm glad you're the winner. I sort of liked you... second best anyway."
Edward snickers and holds his arms out for a hug. Rosalie huffs, "I'm not going to hug you. I said I sort of liked you."
She walks away, her hand playfully slapping his arm and calling, "Come on, Emmett. I might need to talk about this with someone."
Emmett glances at Rosalie and back to Edward. "It's so great having you back with us, bro. I have been dying keeping your little secret. You know how hard that is for me?" He gives Edward a fist bump and a wink, and leans in, whispering something to Edward.
"I said come on, Emmett!" Rose yells.
"I gotta go. Later bro." Emmett trots off after her.
Edward can't take his eyes off of Bella, while she shyly bites her lip. Suddenly, I feel like the third wheel, knowing that Jasper and Esme must be feeling like the fourth and fifth wheels.
"Esme, why don't you take Jasper to my office so that I can talk with him?"
"Of course. Let's go down, Jasper." Esme pauses, just a moment, before hugging him. "I'm so glad you're back. You belong with us, Edward."
Then there are three of us left in the room. Edward, Bella, and myself. I'm not sure they know, but I did notice the little side looks he gave her between speaking with everyone else. I have also noticed that she blushes when their eyes meet. They definitely have a connection.
Although I am uncomfortable in the room with them, I'm hesitant to leave, knowing that Edward was most worried and stressed about reuniting with Bella. I feel more uneasy by each ticking minute as their attraction seems to be growing stronger by the moment.
"I'm... uh... I'm going to check on Jasper," I say. "I'll be in my office if you need me. Excuse me."
I step into the hall and wait. I watch as they stand and stare without a spoken word. But it's the unspoken words that are screaming. I see that their relationship is something I have underestimated. And while it's against hospital policy to allow such a relationship, I am going to allow it.
Because in all this world, under the shittiest of circumstances, it seems that they have found happiness, calm... peace in each other. They have helped each other grow and have become dependent upon each other to survive. To take one of them away, would kill them both...
*~*~*Edward POV*~*~*
As they all filed out of the room, I held Bella back, waving them all on and thanking them. I'm sure they all knew Bella and I need a private moment, but I doubt they knew exactly what I had in mind. Bella had waited patiently a long time, and knowing that the others didn't always put her first during their escapades. Tonight, I've made up mind to give her what she wants...what I want and have denied myself so long...too long. Tonight, I'm going to try and be the man she believes me to be...that I want to be for her.
Bella and I are the last to leave the room, just as I planned. I follow them out, holding Bella's hand, but as quickly as I ascertain that no one is watching us as they make their way down the hall. I pull her the opposite way, toward a supply closet that Emmett, with a not-so-subtle wink, promised to leave unlocked.
I pull my girl giggling into the room and kick the door closed behind us, abhorrent to allow her to leave my arms for one second.
The feelings rushing through me are expected but still overwhelming. I kiss her wildly, my hands roaming over her body. I love how her body responds to me. I want to drive her as crazy as she's driving me. Clothes are strewn haphazardly as we bare our bodies and souls for one another.
Soft touches on her breasts let loose a strain of garbled moans from her mouth. I take my time exploring this new territory, feeling the soft weight in my hands as her nipples plump and pebble against my palms. A hunger for her turns my heart inside out when she whimpers my name.
She grins at me boldly as she moves my hands from her breasts to her slick mound. My finger slips easily into her wet heat. Eagerly, she moves against me, encouraging me with her sounds of rapture.
Soon her hand slides down to grip my cock in her tight fist, moaning how good it feels. My knees buckle when she pumps me, the head sliding easily against her hand with my precum. Sliding down the wall, I sit heavily upon the floor, gasping at the cold against my bare bottom.
Bella wastes no time straddling my legs, begging with me to make her mine. I silence her with my lips against hers, for there is no need for my girl to plead for me. I am already hers.
The rush of pleasure that swept over me as she aligned my cock with her pussy was electric.
"Oh Edward. Yes!" she whimpers as sinks down on me. Slowly she takes me inside her as I sit and watch the disappearing act. More than my member vanishing inside her wetness, my soul ceases to be my own; I feel it retract from my body even as her essence fills me. We are no longer two, but one entity to walk this world intertwined.
"Hold still just a moment, baby," I ask, winding my arms around her to keep her still in my lap. "I need just a minute." Not because I need to cum but because I've never felt such pleasure.
Neither of us is able to hold still for long and soon she is bouncing beautifully against me. Up and down. In and out. The ecstasy causing my eyes to cross at times but I fight valiantly to keep my eyes on her.
The one part of my brain that is still capable of thought wonders if it will always be this intense between us, while my whole body answers with a resounding, "yes".
All too quickly, I feel my orgasm barreling toward me, my balls tightening and my stomach clenching. I vainly attempt to hold off the inevitable, but when Bella pinches her nipples between her thumb and finger, screaming my name hoarsely, I am done for.
Spent, but still craving the feel of her, I tighten my grip on her waist as I soften inside of her, I hold her in my lap, rocking her slightly as I rub her back. It's a nice to land back on Earth from the heights of Heaven we have just raised. I am broken from my thoughts of naked angels with long chestnut hair when I feel moisture on my chest.
"Bella, are you crying?" I ask softly, wondering if I've done something wrong.
"I'm so scared this won't last. It feels almost too good to be true," she whispers in confidence as
If she's afraid if anyone heard her happiness they would try and steal it and I suppose in the world we live in that's not such a far leap.
"Hey," I shush her gently. "Of course there will be obstacles in our way, but the two of us together...there is nothing we can't accomplish," I tell her with conviction. "I believe that. Do you?"
Bella turns her head, looking at me with bright brown eyes. "I do! I believe, Edward."
"Then, it's all right, love. Every thing's going to be fine," I rush to assure her.
Bella's mouth popped open wide, but just as quickly, she closed it tight and tried to turn from embrace.
Increasing my hold, I refused to release her. "What's wrong?"
She tried again to turn but I held tight. "Tell me."
"You just called me 'love'?" she questioned timidly.
"I did. I called you 'love' because that's how I feel about you," I told her honestly.
Her eyes widened dramatically, but when she began to speak, I placed my finger over her lips and silenced her.
"Get your own moment," I told her teasingly. "This is mine."
Her brilliant smile told me all I needed to know anyway. "I love you, Bella."
Her breath caught in her throat, and her eyes slammed shut. I allowed her to bask in the moment, knowing that she would do the same for me very soon.
*~*~*Dr. Carlisle Cullen*~*~*
Walking through the halls on my way back to the office for the night, I pass by Edward and Bella, who are smiling and holding hands as they walk down the hall. They continue to speak without words - a lover's language known only to them.
I turn the corner and pass the common room. I see Emmett sitting next to Rosalie. He talks to her in whispers and she laughs and responds like he's her best friend in the world - a sight I thought I would never see.
I quietly leave as not to disturb them, and continue on my way. Walking by Alice's room, I glance in and see her standing in front of a mirror with her blanket wrapped around her and twirling around. Instead of using it as a cape like she has in the past, she has it wrapped around her in some sort of modern day toga, a dress for sure. Her tongue sticks out as she notices a glitch in her design and she immediately gets to work folding and tucking the fabric before murmuring, "Much better." She is growing up.
I continue on, passing Jasper, who is on his nightly perimeter check. He acknowledges me with a nod as he passes. He stops at Alice's door, and I hear, "Good evening, ma'am. You look ravishing tonight." Alice giggles as his drawl strengthens on the posing of the question, "May I have this dance?" I'm so glad Jasper isn't allowing Edward's return to dampen his spirits.
When I get to my office, I open the door, almost walking into Esme, who apologizes profusely for being in the way. I wrap my arms around her and pull her to me, kissing her softly. "I can't think of anyone else I'd rather run into."
She hugs me tightly. "I made you coffee. It's on your desk," she says, expecting me to stay for Edward's first night back.
I surprise her by saying, "I won't be long. Let me finish the notes for the charts while you tuck in the kids. Then we'll head home for the night."
"Yeah?" Her eyes scan mine to make sure I'm telling her the truth.
"Yeah. They've had a big day, but they all seem just..."
She interrupts with the word... "Blissful."
I couldn't agree more.
*~*~*U*~*~*
"April 12th, ending notes for the day...
"I am glad to report that Edward's re-integration into the ward was seamless. He was welcomed with open arms by everyone here, and appeared to have no stress with the excitement of the day.
"I was most worried about Jasper finding out that Edward was the prevalent personality since falling in love with Dali. I know he wears his heart on his sleeve. He surprised me though. He appeared just as happy that his 'brother' is here to stay. After our talk, he assured me that he was doing just fine. He even mentioned that he was starting to take a liking - his words - to Miss Alice now that she was growing up. Good for him.
"He is right, too. Our Alice is growing up before our eyes. She is acting more like an eighteen year old rather than an eight year old. She has implemented a daily make-up regimen on her own accord without help or direction from any of us. I have caught her trying to make her clothing a little more adult as well as reading books meant for her age range. There have been some regression back into her early childhood, but they are few and far between these days.
"Rosalie has been a wonderful influence for Alice's progression. Of course, she has made tremendous strides in her own recovery. She seems no longer afraid to receive the attention of a man. She talks openly with me now. It has become effortless for her. I can also see that she and McCarty are becoming closer and closer by the day.
"Before I can recommend a full release from the ward, I will have to trade McCarty with another floor to make sure that it isn't her being too comfortable with the men here. I have the feeling, though, that she will surprise us all and hold her own. I am going to miss her, but I am so proud that she has overcome those obstacles to become a strong, beautiful, confident young woman... something we knew she always was.
"Bella was very withdrawn while Edward was away. She kept to herself. Most days, she sat alone, in a chair in the common room and stared out the window. Nurse Platt and I were very worried about her ever coming out of her shell.
"She did begin talking and interacting with us over time. Coincidentally, it seemed that she did so as we got closer to Edward's return. That fact does concern me, but I am confident that she can do things for herself, without Edward's presence. I will have Miss Platt, and McCarty help me show her that she is as strong and independent as Rosalie. Her case is definitely a work in progress.
"I think I can even obtain Edward's help with the task. He is willing and doesn't want to see Bella pulled down into nothingness. He just may be the key in her overall recovery.
"As for Edward, his prognosis seems to be positive. He has not shown any signs of a personality change since that afternoon a month ago. (refer to notes of March 16th) I am under the impression that the death of his father, while tragic in its own right, was the necessary step in making Edward Anthony Masen whole once again. He will continue to be closely monitored, especially during the trial next month. At this point, there is nothing more we can really do for him, since it seems that he is finally healed for good.