I don't own OHSHC.

March 14, 2014

4:28 PM

The door clicked quietly behind the very last customer to the host club. As if it was a relieving cue, every single host left in the room (all minus Kaoru, obviously) slouched. Kyoya quietly suppressed a yawn and rubbed his face. His bleary, sleep-deprived eyes burned as he tried to focus on the laptop screen in front of him. To his left, Tamaki slumped down into an armchair, groaning. The usually bright eyes lazily shifted over to the screen, though it was obvious the columns of numbers meant nothing to him. "What are those...?" Even his voice was weary and dull.

"I'm comparing the club's numbers from the past days," Kyoya turned the computer to face his friend. "There's being a general decrease, as anticipated." But not desired, not at all. His voice lowered; there was no need for the entire club to hear his conversation. "Hikaru's requests have risen dramatically, but he hasn't seen anywhere near his usual, and leaving early. It's not like I didn't expect this, however..." The words trailed off.

"It's bad, I know." Tamaki groaned again, slouching even more, it seemed. Despite the silence that fell between them, they both knew they were thinking the same thing, worrying about the same thing. How was the club supposed to stay afloat when the members were so distracted?

Kyoya knew that the customers noticed; some had even asked him if everything was okay in the club. He found their concern very touching, and responded with a smile and a sincere "Times are a bit rough for us at the moment, but we all thank you for your concern and support." His terminology was an underestimation, a large one. The entire ordeal was putting a huge strain on the moods and demeanors of everyone in the club.

He glanced from his best friend to the rest of the members, who were draped over the lush couches, sitting in a thick, still silence, then back to Tamaki. "I do believe they have no reason to be kept here anymore, and they look bored out of their minds." That wasn't exactly the reason he believed that they should leave, however.

The other seemed to understand, directing his attention to everyone else. "Hey, you guys, I'm not holding a meeting today. Just... go home." And he didn't need to tell them twice. Hikaru was the first one out, bolting toward the door as if he was on the run. Mori and Honey left much slower, giving a few words of departure ("Have a nice night," and "Bye, see you tomorrow!", respectfully) before closing the door behind them.

That silence fell again, but this time, there was a little bit less tension. Kyoya felt his shoulders relax a bit and leaned back in his chair. It was quite sad, the fact that he found it difficult to truly relax when Hikaru was around. He knew it was wrong and he definitely felt guilty about it. It was hard to stay calm when he felt that he had to protect the brothers, to somehow shield them from more pain.

Tamaki yawned loudly, leaning his elbows on the table in front of him. "What did you want to talk about?" He gave a small smile, one that conveyed trust and comfort (but Kyoya noticed the dark circles under his eyes). "Is something wrong?"

"Well, I..." Words failed him, it was hard to detangle the web of feelings and translate it into a description. "...I... went to see Kaoru yesterday morning. He looks terrible, to say the least. He wouldn't talk to me at all. And he flinched when I tried to help him. He thought I was going to hurt him, Tamaki.

"I had to tell him about the press problem, I didn't have a choice. If he were to find out through gossip..." He shook his head, trying his hardest not to look at Tamaki; he knew the look on his face would destroy him. "I wish I didn't do it. He had a severe panic attack before passing out in front of me." Kyoya fell silent again, glancing over to search his friend's face for a reaction.

Oh, what a reaction he did find. "Mon ami..." It was barely a whisper, shocked, horrified. Eyes wide and sad, with not a single trace of his smile. "Mon ami, that's awful. I can't imagine... I'm so very sorry," Only when Tamaki rested a hand gently on his arm did Kyoya feel the sheer amount of sorrow shared between them. The club used to be just a crazy, irrational idea, but now, it was so much more. The members were a part of their family, a part of themselves. He had never lost a close family member, but he imagined it felt a lot like this. To lose family was quite a horrible feeling, indeed. No amount of happy moments could fill the omnipresent emptiness in his chest caused by the sad, cruel truth.

The truth, it seemed, was something that no one wished to face. The doctors, Hikaru, his father, even Kyoya himself; no one wanted to see the world and the problem for what it was, but it forced itself upon them, making them face the ugly facts. Ugly, awful facts.

A loud sniffle caught his attention. Without a word, he placed his own hand over the now trembling one resting on his arm. The familiar ache of guilt grew in his chest as he felt tears fall into his hand, tears that didn't belong to him. Sniffs grew into sobs, trembling into full on shaking. And all Kyoya could do was watch. Watch and listen, to try and bring some false sense of comfort. It wasn't something he was very used to doing, but then again, there was a lot he still wasn't used to.

Tamaki drew a shaky breath, wiping his eyes with his free hand. "I-I'm sorry... god, what kind of friend am I? Always the dramatic one... but do you know w-what I think?" He finally looked up, with one of the saddest smiles Kyoya had ever seen, his voice thick with grief. "I think y-you're in pain, much more than me. Am I right?"

"Tamaki, it's not-"

"Don't lie to me, I know I'm right. You think nobody can tell, but I can. What kind of best friend would I be if I couldn't, yeah?" The smile fell. Another sniff. "I see how tense you are around him, and careful, like you think he'll break. You keep checking on him, which is kind, of course, but I think you're doing it for a different reason. You didn't have to take on that pesky reporter, you didn't have to visit Kaoru yesterday, you didn't have to get the best goddamn neurologist in Japan, but you did." His chuckle was humorless as he shifted to rest his head on his hand. "On its own, it's admirable. But I know you. I saw how you looked, I saw your sadness just a few minutes ago. So, mon ami, there's a different reason why you're helping.

"You're compensating. You feel guilty as hell."

Dead silence; it seemed to last an eternity.

"I could have stopped him. I knew..."

"There was no stopping him. Once Kaoru set his mind to leave, not even you could've made him stay."

"I should've tried harder. I should've gotten the car, or something. You know this could have been avoided." Kyoya's words were bitter, withering, though it was not directed at his friend, rather, himself.

Tamaki, it seemed, was quite resilient. "Yeah, but it wasn't avoided. It happened, and it sucks, but it's not your fault. Should've could've, would've; of course you would change things. But it's too late to change it now, so-"

"You think I don't know that?! I can't change what's already happened, but is it so wrong to try and make the problem less of a burden?" His voice was rising, but unsteadily frustrated.

"Of course it's not wrong, but you're not actually making the problem less of a burden, more like trying to shift the burden from them to you." Through his frustration, Kyoya vaguely wondered how Tamaki was staying so calm.

"Why are you pretending to understand what-"

"You're trying to 'make amends' and get rid of your guilty feelings by taking the entire problem to fix by yourself. And what makes you think I'm pretending to understand? Why would I be saying all this if I didn't know it to be true?" He was still resilient, but now his voice was rising too, his eyes fierce and almost angry. Well, maybe not 'almost'. "I've been in your shoes. I've done this. That's how I know."

At this, Kyoya's argument immediately disappeared. The anger that had been burning just moments before was gone, completely vanished. "I... I just... I'm sorry for exploding. I didn't mean to."

His friend seemed to deflate as well, leaning back in his chair. The fire left his eyes as well, and suddenly they were just two exhausted, grieving friends. "It's okay. I'm sorry, too. It just hurts to have to see you go through this when I can't really do much to help, you know?"

"Yes, yes I do."

This time, the silence was comfortable.

"Tamaki?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. What kind of best friend would I be if I couldn't help you out once in a while? Not that you need a lot of help, but whatever..."

Kyoya chuckled. "I think you underestimate your worth sometimes. "

"Aww, you're making me blush."

"Oh, shut up."

Hey! So from now on, chapters are going to get longer. Believe it or not, I'm actually starting to wrap up this story. The ending is all set, all I need to do is get there. Reviews are greatly appreciated! I love hearing all of your thoughts about the story! Love y'all :)