a warning, just to be on the safe side, guidelines-wise: the first part of this chapter is rated mild R, proceed with caution :)

Chapter Twenty – Edward

I wasn't really sure what woke me up. It was a typical February morning, so the sun wasn't even up to sting my eyelids. Exhaustion was overwhelming; my entire body ached with it. I'd never been so tired in my life. My eyelids were heavy, all but glued to place. I wasn't exceptionally cold – on the contrary. Despite the rain I could hear pounding against the windows, it was warm in my bed, and I snuggled closer to the source of it. It scooted closer to me in response. There was no reason for me to wake up now, but from some reason, I did.

A pallid shoulder was the first thing my eyes met, then a mass of tangled brown hair. I pressed my nose into her hair, letting its scent overpower me. I had one arm draped over her waist. Our hands were intertwined, as were our legs. I could feel her feet tucked between my own. I shifted ever so slightly just to feel her pressing her back against my chest again. I smiled sleepily. My lids were drooping again. Yes, there was absolutely no reason to wake up just yet.

When I next resurfaced, dim light was coming through the windows. The rain seemed to have ceased by now. I opened my eyes slowly, just to make sure she was still there, that I wasn't dreaming the first time around. But she was there. Her body was warm, still pressed against mine. Her breathing was soft, soothing. Her hand was still in mine. I tightened my grasp just a bit, brushing my fingers against her skin. It felt real. It didn't mean anything, though, not necessarily. Maybe I wasn't awake yet. Maybe this had all been a dream. There was no way I'd deserved her. There was no way I was so lucky to have her spend the night here.

Last night was a magical blur of kisses and soft caresses, of passion and tenderness. I remembered being anxious about hurting her. We fit together perfectly, like two pieces out of the same puzzle. I took my time exploring her body. I wanted to discover every scar, every freckle, every birth mark. I wanted to know what made her squirm or quiver or grab the sheets. I wanted to know what made her giggle or cry out or whimper. I wanted to learn the way she reacted to my fingers, my tongue, my lips. Everything was so new, but at the same time so effortless. Instinctive, like playing my piano. But for this one night, her body was my instrument.

Things were so amazingly lucid this morning. It all made sense. And I didn't care we hadn't been together for long. A part of me had been in love with her since the day I'd seen her in Emmett's wedding. The rest of me seemed to be catching up quickly. There was nothing else I wanted, no one else I wanted.

Slowly, gently, I untangled my fingers from hers and traced my thumb along her hairline. "I love you."

The whisper echoed strangely in the silent room. For the first time, the words sounded sincere and not forced. For the first time, I didn't feel guilty for saying them. There was a certain relief in them, actually. I did love her. I'd loved her for years. This admittance felt like the final missing piece of the puzzle.

She shifted beside me. My body went rigid, and I could feel myself grow pale with horror. She was supposed to be asleep! I braced myself for the inevitable. Surely that would scare her off, if nothing else had so far. She would never forgive me for that. She would never come back here again. She would be out of this bed, out of the apartment, so fast I wouldn't have a chance to blink.

But instead of shying away, she cuddled closer.

"I love you, too," she murmured. She sounded groggy, but definitely awake. Her hand slid along the sheets, as if searching for my hand. Still flustered, I placed my hand back in hers. She gave my hand a little squeeze before she turned, just enough for her to face me. Her eyes, still fogged with sleep, lit up. "Hi."

"Hey." My reply was distracted. My mind was everywhere. I was sure I hadn't detected anger in her expression. But maybe she didn't want to hurt my feelings. Was I supposed to apologize anyway?

I snapped out of my frenzy as soon as her finger touched my bottom lips. Her eyes were anxious. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I assured her, kissing her finger. I propped myself on one elbow so I could look down at her. Her face gave nothing away, apart for the concern in her gaze. It didn't mean anything. She could still be mad. Maybe she wasn't one to wear her heart on her sleeve – in some cases, at least. I hated the necessity of questioning it, of facing reality, but I didn't have a choice. I wouldn't be able to put it off for long anyway, so I might as well get it over with. "You… okay?"

There was a flash of uncertainty in her stare, as if the question puzzled her. But soon enough it was gone. "I'm perfect," she replied, slightly more awake now.

It was the honest true, that much was clear. But I still didn't have the slightest idea what to do now. I couldn't just… ignore the facts the words had been said. I didn't want to ignore that. If what she said was true… it would bring our relationship onto a whole new level. And still… was my confession too soon? I searched my words carefully. "You weren't supposed to hear that."

She obviously knew what I meant, although I didn't specify. She didn't seem hurt. There was this familiar spark in her eyes now. "Are you going to take it back, then?"

I felt my lips curl into a smile. For a moment, it felt ridiculous to be scared. "No, I don't think I will."

"Good, because I don't want you to."

I bent to kiss her, when I realized something was wrong. I sniggered as soon as I realized what it was. "Bella, will you please remove that blanket from your mouth?"

She shook her head, frowning. "Morning breath."

I shrugged in mock indifference. "Fine. I'll kiss you through it." I didn't give her a chance to reply before I pressed my lips to the fabric over her lips. I heard her muffled giggle as she pretended to struggle, but then I felt the blanket being pulled away as my lips crushed against hers. Yes, last night had definitely not been a dream. "Much… better…" I murmured, kissing her harder.

This kiss was different than any of the ones from the previous night, sweet and lingering rather than passionate and frenzied, an aftermath. Her small hands came between us as she slowly wrapped them around my neck, trying to pull me on top of her. I smiled as I eased onto her, guiding myself inside her again. We set up a slow pace, as lazy as our kiss. The way our bodies responded to one another was amazing; it was almost as if they'd been attuned to one another. They spoke their own secret language. Daylight made all the difference in the world. I'd never seen her eyes so dark before. I murmured her name before I exploded. Through the ripples of pleasure and release, I could hear my name escaping her lips as she followed me there.

It seemed forever had passed before I was recovered enough to even open my eyes. She was still trembling beneath me, and even though I must have been crushing her, she didn't protest. I looked up to meet her eyes. Her gaze was disoriented, her cheeks slightly flushed. Her breathing was strained, hot against my skin. She whimpered a protest when I pulled out of her. I kissed her nose, smiling down at her. I had no intention to go anywhere. I let my lips wander across her forehead, her temple, her jaw. I trailed them closer to her ear. "Gee, Bella, if I knew I would get that lucky, I would have played for you days ago."

Honestly it sounded like something Emmett would have said – and meant it – and for a moment I feared she'd take it seriously. I held my breath for her response. She giggled, and I pressed my lips to her neck in relief. Her pulse was running wild. "I sort of expected Gee, Bella, what did you put in that lasagna?"

I let out a throaty laugh. "It's true that four hundred years ago in England you could have been charged with witchcraft, but if you did slip something into that lasagna, I promise I wouldn't have minded."

Laughing softly, she wrapped her arms around me when I rested my head against her heaving chest. I lay there, listening to the silence. The city noises ceased to exist this morning. I heard nothing but the erratic rhythm of her heart, beating in synch with my own. I felt nothing except for the way her fingers threaded in my hair.

"What time is it?"

"I don't know." I didn't care.

"My roommate is going to kill me," she groaned.

"I'll come back with you to explain."

"Is this how you planned to go public?" There was laughter in her voice.

"No. But I can't allow you getting killed over spending the night here. I was sort of counting on you coming back."

"That's sweet, but I think I'd better handle her alone before she meets you. I had it coming, really. I've been stalling for weeks." She laughed softly. "I really don't feel like getting up now, though."

"Well, I don't feel like letting you get up, so we're good."

My stomach growled, making both of us laugh.

"So much for staying in bed," she said, her fingers straying from my hair to my back, leaving a trail of goosebumps wherever they went. "Do you want me to start on breakfast?"

I pulled away from her reluctantly, and supported my weight with my elbow so I could hover above her again. "I want you to stay where you are and go back to sleep. I'll wake you up when breakfast is ready."

She cocked an eyebrow, skepticism reflecting in her stare. "Are you sure you can handle breakfast?"

I just smiled, and went out of bed. I could handle anything today.

xoxox

Emmett and Rosalie's bedroom had an adjoining bathroom, but I used the one down the hall so she could go back to sleep uninterrupted. I took a quick shower and pulled on a clean pair of boxers and a white tee shirt. When I stepped back into the hall on my way to the kitchen, I could hear the rustle of sheets and blankets, so I knew it meant she did as I'd asked. She liked my pancakes that other time, so I was going to attempt those again. I hoped I still had that recipe someplace around the kitchen, because I didn't want to call my mother just now.

I did a quick survey of the living room. It looked intact, which was a relief. Some of our clothes were still by the piano where we'd left them the night before. I went over to pick them up, folding them hastily before I placed them on top of the piano. I let my fingers linger against the fabric of her purple cardigan. I smiled to myself. Her skin felt so much softer in comparison.

It wasn't as late as I thought. The digital clock on the microwave said 10:34. I'd never slept in beyond 8 or so, but it was Saturday, and I didn't have to be anywhere anyway. I did worry about Bella, though. She seemed really bothered about getting her roommate worried. I wanted to go back to the bedroom and tell her she could give her roommate a call if she wanted, but then decided against it. She'd better just sleep. She could make that call later.

I knew there was no stalling it anymore. We'd have to tell someone about this soon. The thought came with certain reluctance, but I knew it was inevitable. I wondered how I was going to do this. Even if I swore my mother to secrecy, there was no way she wouldn't tell my father, and that meant Emmett would somehow find it all out. And I could anticipate his reaction. He'd freak out. I shuddered at the thought of his endless innuendoes. Yes, Emmett would definitely be the hardest to handle with.

But funnily enough, now with those love declaration out in the open, I wanted to tell someone. I was too happy to keep it contained. I needed someone to know about this. My first thought was Alice, although there was a good chance she'd be just as bad as Emmett, but I knew she would be happy for me. I scanned the living room again. I couldn't remember where I'd left my phone the other night, but it was nowhere within my field of vision. I could call her after I started on that breakfast, I thought.

I started a fresh pot of coffee and found everything I needed for pancakes and scrambled eggs, because even I couldn't go wrong with those. I managed to break one egg into a bawl when a knock came on the door. It was more than a knock. It was almost as if someone from the other side was trying to bring the door down… by hammering against it.

"Alice?"

I stared at my cousin who charged into the apartment as soon as I got the door opened. I wanted to chuckle at the coincidence, but then I realized how bad it was to have her there. It was one thing breaking this to her on the phone, but an entirely different thing to have her here, a step away from discovering the secret I'd been struggling to hide from her for so long. Yes, I wanted to tell her about Bella, but I didn't mean to introduce them so soon.

But my frantic alarm didn't last long as my eyes zeroed in on her face. She looked like hell. Still out of breath since she'd probably run all the way here, she was wearing her pajama top beneath her unbuttoned coat. Her hair looked as if she'd combed it with her fingers. Her eyes were wide with fright. Panic was sharp and instant. Something happened at home. An accident. She came to break the news to me. Who was it, my parents, Emmett, Sophie…?

"Alice, what's the matter? Are you okay? Are you hurt?" I placed my hands on her shoulders. I was horrified to realize she was shaking. She looked as if she was going into shock. It was worse than I thought, then. More than an accident. Did someone die? "Alice, talk to me, what is it?"

She closed her eyes, and I could see she was struggling to keep her breathing even. I slowly let go of her shoulders, to give her time. I waited for her to come around, my heart racing with fear.

Finally, her eyes fluttered open again, and she spoke. "My roommate… she…" Her voice trailed off again, as if she couldn't bring herself to continue. It was selfish, but I couldn't help the relief that surged through me. It had nothing to do with our family then. Everyone was okay.

But Alice wasn't. She just… stood there, hardly holding herself together. I'd never seen her so helpless before.

Carefully, so I wouldn't startle her, I moved closer, and placed a hand on her back. "Alice, come on, let's sit down. Do you want some water?"

"No," she shook my hands away, and remained standing. She took another deep breath, but this time she looked up at me. "My roommate didn't come back last night," she whispered. I didn't think she was aware of the way her voice was breaking. "I haven't seen her since yesterday afternoon. I must have missed her because our schedules are so different on Friday. She left me a note saying she was going out with some friends. I went out to hear Jasper play, and I came back before she did. I didn't think much of it; I thought she was just running a bit late. It's not like her, but it wouldn't be the first time. But when I woke up this morning, her bed was still made."

The dread and fear in her expression suddenly shifted into slight confusion. "You just woke up?"

The change was so instant that her question caught me off guard. "Umm, yeah."

Her forehead creased. "Since when do you sleep in?"

"I, umm, didn't get much sleep the other night." God, I hoped I wasn't blushing.

Luckily, she didn't care much for my reply. She was deep in despair again, as she heaved a sigh. "Edward, what am I going to do? I didn't report her, although I clearly should have. It's not the first time she disappears, but it's the first time she's been gone for the entire night! I'm just so worried about her! I'm scared to ask around because if someone else finds out she's missing, they might report her, and there will be questions why I haven't done it!"

"Hey, relax, Alice, it will be okay!"

There was unusual moisture around her eyes… tears? I pulled at her arm and led her to the kitchen counter. I waited until she took a seat and then sat beside her. "It's just…" she said, looking at me again. There was new urgency in her stare. She deliberated, and then shook her head. "Look, Edward, I wasn't completely honest with you about my roommate," she confessed, and looked down with what seemed like guilt. "I know I should have said something before, but I thought… I hoped… I'd be able to… you're so damn stubborn!" she exclaimed all of a sudden, and smacked my arm. Her eyes flared with anger, but it soon melted back into distress. "And now she's missing and I just… I'm so worried."

"Alice, you need to slow down, Munchkin. I can't understand half the things you're saying." Or why she smacked me, for that matter, as if it was somehow all my fault.

When she next looked at me, her gaze was earnest. "I need to tell you the truth about my roommate," she whispered.

She wasn't making any sense, but I didn't think it would be right to question her just now.

"You have to promise you'll forgive me. For not telling you before, for trying… I didn't mean to interfere, but I only wanted to… you must know I did it for you, because I wanted you to be happy, I wanted – "

She was crying openly now. I reached out for her. "Alice – "

She smacked my hand away and wiped her own tears angrily. She struggled to look at me. "The truth is that you know her."

Was she high, or delirious, or just insanely worried? "What are you talking about? I've never met your roommate in my life."

"Yes, you have, only you don't unders…" Her voice trailed off as her eyes focused on something across the room. "Is there someone here?"

I let my eyes follow hers. Bella's coat was still against the back of the sofa. Her boots and bag were still by the door where she'd left them the evening before. Damn it. I kept my eyes on the coat, stalling. Just minutes ago, I planned on telling Alice everything, but right now, I didn't know how the hell was going to do it. My mind was coming up empty on explanations.

I knew that keeping silence wasn't a brilliant move either, but it was too late to do anything. Alice squealed through her tears, an action only she seemed able to manage. "Edward Cullen, you're hiding a girl here, aren't you?" she accused me. It was strange to see her grinning when there were still tears sparkling at the corners of her eyes. Her eyes were back on me now, and I could imagine what she saw: my mess of a hair, the fact I was hardly dressed, the anxiety at being caught. Blush crept on my cheeks, and I could tell she noticed that, too. Her grin widened. "Is that why you slept in? Or haven't slept at all, if my suspicions are correct – "

"Shut up, Alice," I mumbled, properly embarrassed now. She had Emmett on speed dial, and I knew she was going to use it as soon as she walked out of this door. But, since I was doomed as it was, it seemed absurd to just brush her off with an excuse. The evidence was there, and it was a matter of time before her eyes would spot the clothes I'd previously left on the piano. I needed to give them something. "You'll scare her away."

"I knew it!" she squealed again. "Well, where is she? I want to meet her!"

I cringed. "Unless you woke her up with your screaming, she's still asleep."

"Wore her out, didn't you?" she asked, winking. "Oh, Emmett will be so proud of you."

My cheeks were flaring. This was so humiliating. But I had to focus. Distraction was my most powerful ally just now. "Umm, Alice? Is it really necessary to do it now? You started telling me about your roommate…?"

Her features darkened again at my reminder. "Wait, tell me something first," she pleaded. "This girl. Is it serious?"

I closed my eyes, then opened them. So much for our bubble, I thought bitterly. "Yes, it's pretty serious."

"You didn't tell me." It wasn't an accusation, just stating the facts.

"We didn't tell anyone. It was kind of new, and…"

She shook her head sadly. "Then whatever I have to tell you won't make a difference."

"You can't know that, Alice. I still don't know what you have to tell me because you haven't actually said anything yet."

"Edward, I came here because I was hoping you could help me. I think she might be in trouble, and I was hoping you would want to help her, once you knew who she was, because I know how much you cared about her."

She was talking in riddles again, and I meant to point it out.

Fate had other plans for me.

"Edward?"

Shit. I saw Alice freeze at the unfamiliar sound, coming from the hallway. Distress turned into curiosity, and then into complete astonishment when Bella stepped into the living room.

She was wearing Emmett's New York Yankees tee shirt and it fell to her knees. Instead of her own funny purple socks, she was wearing a dark pair I recognized as my own. She just ran her hand through her hair, but it froze in place now when she noticed our unexpected visitor. She didn't blush like I'd expected her to. She went pale. She looked paler than Alice. She staggered slightly, but caught herself on time. She lowered her hand slowly, keeping her eyes on Alice the entire time. Her eyes reflected horror, and embarrassment…

And recognition.

Well, so much for secrecy. Now I had no choice but introducing them. I was about to walk over to her and say something, but something in Alice's face stopped me.

She didn't take her eyes off Bella, in a look that could only be described as a glare. Her lips were frozen in a silent gasp as she took in the sight of her. I knew I should have said something, anything, but I was too transfixed by Alice's reaction. It made no sense to me, and my mind was determined to process it before anything else.

"Alice."

It was this single word which made me tear my gaze from Alice. My head snapped up towards Bella again. She paid no attention to me. If she had, she'd find shock, confusion, bewilderment in my expression, as one single question unleashed itself in my mind.

How the hell did she know my cousin's name?