XIX – To Home, To Heart

"Vyyti! Ostav'te moyu sem'yu v pokoye, vy zver'!"

Sonic slowly backed away from the angry Cybernian grizzly bear advancing on him, raising his own hands up in surrender. In the cold, dark storage room serving as a makeshift cell, small children wept into their mother's fur, and men stared daggers into him, clenching their fists and snorting.

Sonic desperately tried to calm them down, making odd gestures with his hands and speaking to them as if they had brain-damage.

"No! Me... save... you!" he babbled, pointing from himself to the bear in front of him. He flinched as the bear drew back his fist, narrowly ducking under the powerful blow.

"Ty smeyesh', chtoby pokazat' vam stalkivat'sya zdes'! Ya ub'yu tebya!"

"What's the matter with you?" said Sonic, completely baffled, "I... Sonic! Big hero, yes?"

A dull thud impacted his head, followed by a clang of metal. Nursing his skull, Sonic saw a tin can rolling along the floor, and the child that threw it scowling at him. As more tins flew through the air, Sonic beat a hasty retreat into the corridor.

From the cell opposite, a similar clamour suggested Shadow was having just as much success. The black hedgehog appeared in the corridor, his face heavy with concern.

"What's going on?" said Sonic, "I thought they'd be happy to be rescued!" Shadow closed his eyes, sighing in frustration.

"Isn't it obvious?" said Shadow, "How do you think these people were kidnapped in the first place? Those robots copies you met in the woods must have taken them. No wonder they're so hostile."

"So what do we do? We can't just leave them down here." Shadow scratched his chin contemplatively.

"We'll open all the doors," he said, "and then leave them to make their way out on their own."

Sonic nodded, and the two boys tore along the corridor at blinding speed, throwing open the locks of each door in quick succession, a heavy clang reverberating along the narrow passageway with every handle turned. When they reached the final set of doors, they turned and sprinted back to the entrance, high-tailing it up the stairs before anyone caught sight of them.

With a solid thud Shadow punched the cellar doors clean off their hinges, scattering them across the deserted streets outside. A rush of cool, fresh air washed over them, and the daylight seemed blinding in comparison to the dank enclosed cellar.

Stepping out into the snow, Sonic and Shadow dusted themselves off, glad to be in the open air once more. Shadow took hold of Sonic's hand, throwing him a coy smile. Sonic blushed slightly and turned to face him, leaning in for another kiss.

Before their lips could touch, a voice pierced the stillness of the air.

"How sweet," it said, "two little hedgie-pigs in love. Makes me glad I can't actually vomit."

Sonic turned to face the voice. Ahead of him yet another doppelganger stood watching them, wearing that same grin that made Sonic's blood boil.

"You again!" snapped Sonic, his hackles rising, "give up already! We got you beat!"

"Have you now?" said the fake sonic, smirking, "Your tenacity impresses even me, Sonic. It's no use to keep fighting though, GUN are on their way, and they won't like what they find here."

"Ha!" Sonic laughed, "that's where you're wrong, buddy! We've got a town full of rescued innocents to show them." The other Sonic shook his head, his smile never faltering.

"What you've got is a town full of scared, angry people who will swear blind to GUN that the person who kidnapped them... was you." The obvious truth hit Sonic like a boxing glove on a spring.

"Aw crap," he said, "you don't give up do you?"

"I will never give up," said fake Sonic, his voice becoming low and threatening, "not while there's still a part of you I can hurt, Sonic. I will hound you until your dying day, I will twist your mind into madness, and your spirit into torment. You will break for me, Sonic, and I will savour every moment of your despair."

"Don't you ever stop talking?" yelled Shadow, putting himself between Sonic and his copy, "you pompous asshole. If you spent less time taunting us and actually following through on your threats, you might actually have achieved something. Grow a backbone and face us!"

The doppelganger hesitated, seemingly stunned by Shadow's outburst. But his unnerving smile returned moments later.

"Less talk, more action, eh Shadow?" he said, "I'll have to take you up on that. I'd love to hang around, but it looks like the cavalry's arrived." He gestured down the road to the left, where a gray military truck sped towards them from a great distance.

"I'll be seeing you real soon," he said, before racing into the distance in a blue blur, the only evidence of his presence the distantly fading sonic boom vibrating softly through the air.

Sonic stomped his foot into the snow, flattening it with an angry crunch.

"Chaos, I hate that creep," he said, "who does he think he is?"

"You shouldn't hate him, Sonic," said Shadow, "you shouldn't even pity him. Strong emotions cloud your judgement, make you irrational. Look at him simply as a threat that needs to be removed."

"You mean be more like you?" Sonic said, turning around to glare angrily at him, "bottle everything up, and become a complete basket case? I'm still mad at you for even thinking about pressing that button back there."

Shadow said nothing, staring blankly at the ground. After a while he looked up at Sonic with hollow, distant eyes.

"I had two choices back there, Sonic," he said softly, "press that button and be hated by you forever, or let you do it and watch you hate yourself. I thought it was simple; I'm used to being spurned by everyone around me, being an outcast, but you... it would destroy you, just like our enemy wants."

Sonic slowly crept over to Shadow, feeling his anger soothing as the black hedgehog sombrely spoke.

"I couldn't do it," Shadow continued, "I couldn't bear to have you hating me. I wish I understood why I need you to love me, all I know is I need it, I crave it. It makes me feel... something I haven't felt in a long time."

A long time.

There it was again, the parallels to Maria. The creeping feeling that he was living a lie, letting Shadow cope with his grief through misplaced affection for him. He knew he should push the issue, get it all out in the open before he fell so in love with Shadow that he couldn't escape from heartbreak.

It was too late, he had fallen past the event horizon of desire. There was no going back now. He would see this out to the bitter end.

He tried to speak, but the words he longed to say caught in his throat. Shadow took hold of his hands, softly caressing them and staring into his eyes.

"Sonic... Do you forgive me?"

"What?"

"I'm... sorry," he said, "for what I put you through down there. Do you forgive me?"

Stunned by Shadow's apology, Sonic forgot his troubles, losing himself in Shadow's soft expression.

"I..." he said, "of course, Shadow. I forgive you."

They embraced, nuzzling each other's fur and sharing the warmth between them. A low rumble roused them, and they turned to see the truck they had spotted earlier pulling alongside them.

The military truck skidded to a halt, grinding its massive tires along the icy road, black smoke billowing from its exhausts. From within the grey canvas of the rear section a clamour of movement could be heard, and the hedgehogs stood watching in anticipation.

From the back of the truck, soldiers began to leap out one after the other. Clad in black combat fatigues and wearing dark visored helmets, they circled around Sonic & Shadow, brandishing assault rifles and flattening the snow with their heavy boots.

"On the ground!" they shouted, "get on your knees and put hands behind your head!"

Sonic obliged, burying his knees in the cold snow and raising his hands. Alongside him he saw Shadow do the same, wearing a face like thunder.

Looking back towards the soldiers, Sonic's eyes lit up when he saw one without a helmet. A red echidna.

"Knuckles!" he cried, "what are you doing here?"

"Do not speak!" one of the soldiers snapped at him. He felt his blood rising at being ordered about, ready to snap at the jackbooted thug, but catching Knuckles' eye he saw him shake his head, raising a finger to his mouth. Sonic got the message, and remained silent.

Another helmetless soldier approached. A grey wolf with a scar across his eye, Sonic's fur rose; he got the feeling he wouldn't like this one very much.

"Excellent work, men," he said, in a younger-sounding voice than Sonic expected to hear, "we finally managed to catch these bastards."

Sonic could practically feel the steam billowing out of his ears. The way this guy smirked at him made him want to leap to his feet and smack the wolf across the mouth. He'd had his share of insufferably smug people around him lately, even if one of those was Shadow.

Before he could speak, he heard people shouting behind him. Looking over his shoulder, he saw from the corner of his eye the townspeople emerging from the dark cellar at last. Weary & weeping, young men helping old ladies across the threshold, and all of them glaring at him.

"Anyone know Cybernian?" asked the wolf. One of the soldiers raised his hand, and the wolf gestured for him to speak to the townspeople.

"Listen, we can explain," said Sonic. The back of the wolf's hand struck him across the cheek, surprising him, but hardly making him flinch.

"You were told not to speak, asshole!"

Sonic could see Shadow quivering with rage, desperate to stop himself blasting the wolf into atoms. As amusing as the concept seemed right now, Sonic realised that things would go badly for them if he did.

Unintelligible speech rang out behind them, and Sonic caught the sight of people angrily gesturing and pointing. After a few minutes of this, the soldier came back over.

"They say these hedgehogs kidnapped them from their homes, Sir," he said to the wolf, "and kept them in some kind of dungeon under this house."

"Oh, really?" the wolf said, glaring curiously at Sonic with a self-satisfied smile, "well that makes things a lot easier. Thank you, private."

"Shall we take them into custody, Sir?"

"No," said the wolf, cocking a pistol, "I have a better idea."

Sonic froze as the wolf pressed the cold metal barrel to his forehead. Unable to look away, he stared along the barrel into the dispassionate, freezing hazel eyes of the wolf standing over him.

"Baxter!" cried Knuckles, rushing alongside him, "what are you doing? This is supposed to be a rescue mission!"

"We don't rescue dangerous fugitives, echidna," said Baxter, not taking his eyes off Sonic.

"Dangerous fugitives?" said Knuckles, his anger clearly rising, "you've seen the evidence that proves them innocent."

"Have I?" said Baxter, "all I've seen is a robot that can barely hold itself together. My grandmother does a better shapeshifting act when she takes out her dentures! What I do have is this; multiple witnesses and recorded footage of these two committing acts of murder and destruction, plus an entire town of Cybernians who'll testify to being kidnapped, imprisoned and probably tortured by these psychopaths. I've got them bang to rights." He smiled again, smugly satisfied at his own so-called achievements.

"Don't be an idiot, Baxter!" said Knuckles.

"Au contraire, this is the smartest thing I've ever done," said Baxter, gripping the gun tightly, "your fox friend was a fool to threaten me. When I present the butchers of Station Square to the world, slain by my hand, then we'll see who the real Hero of Mobius is!"

Sonic's heart seized up as Baxter's finger hovered over the trigger. He closed his eyes, thinking about those he loved; Tails, Amy, Knuckles and of course, Shadow. Time seemed to slow to a crawl as he awaited the end.

"Permission to speak, Sir!" he heard a voice say. Opening his eyes, he saw a stocky male bat, covered in thick body armour and a full-face visor standing alongside Baxter on the other side to Knuckles.

"What is it?" Baxter growled in frustration, "can't you see I'm about to make history here?"

"Commander Richard Baxter," said the bat, in a strange voice that sounded lower than it ought to be, "I'm relieving you of command in accordance with Section C, Article 7, Paragraph 3 of the GUN hierarchy doctrine."

"What?!" bellowed the wolf, "on what grounds?"

"Compromising mission parameters for pursuit of personal gain. Basically, Sir..."

With a blindingly fast movement the bat struck him across the face with the butt of his rifle. Sonic lifted the wolf's arm up away from his head and out of harm's way. Spinning round Baxter staggered towards Knuckles, who drove his fist up into the wolf's chin. With a spurt of blood streaming from his nose Baxter flew backwards through the air, landing in a heap on the soft snow, out completely cold.

The bat pulled of his helmet, revealing a decidedly feminine face.

"Consider yourself suspended!" said Rouge.

"Rouge!" Sonic & Knuckles said simultaneously. The other soldiers brandished their guns towards her, but Rouge fixed them with a fierce glare.

"Are any of you really going to shoot a lady?" she barked, brandishing her own gun in their direction, "if anyone else wants so threaten my friends, you'll end up in a far worse state than Baxter here. Put down your weapons. Put them down, NOW!"

To Sonic's surprise, the soldiers balked, lowering their guns and placing them on the floor. To be fair, he felt intimidated by Rouge right now, but these were hardened soldiers, weren't they?

"Rouge, am I glad to see you," said Sonic, leaping to his feet, "oh, and you too, Knuckles." Knuckles rolled his eyes at him.

"I don't understand," said Shadow, also on his feet, "why did they surrender? They had you outgunned." Rouge gave Shadow a peck on the cheek, before winking.

"You don't think I've been sitting around doing my nails all this time, do ya, sugar?" she said, "I've been monitoring GUN activities for days, waiting for a sniff of my two favourite hedgehogs. When I found out Baxter was putting together a team to come after you, I knew he wasn't after your autograph. So I may have hacked into the main system and switched the roster at the last moment."

"You switched the soldiers?" said Shadow, "with whom?"

"Recruits who failed their psych test for high-pressure scenarios, and had to be moved to desk jobs. People less likely to shoot me for pulling a ballsy move like that."

"They're office workers?" said Sonic. Looking at the soldiers behind Rouge, Sonic could see it now; they fidgeted awkwardly with their gear and paced nervously. None of them made eye contact with him. He sighed a little to himself; he actually felt sorry for them, with the exception of the wolf passed out at his feet.

"Rouge..." he said with hesitation, "wasn't that a bit harsh? These guys could have been traumatised, or had a relapse or whatever. You put them at serious risk bringing them here."

"Needs must, Blue," said Rouge, "it was either that or let you be killed. You can't make an omelette without cracking a few eggs."

"I agree with Sonic," said Shadow, "it was wrong of you to put these men in danger like that."

Everyone turned to look at Shadow, Sonic included, with their mouths hanging open.

"Okay," said Rouge, shaking her head in disbelief, "I don't know what's been going on here, but something's seriously wrong with Shadow."

"There's nothing wrong with me, Rouge," he said. He began to rub his hand through Sonic's quills, gently parting the blue strands and gazing at him longingly. "I've just found a new... perspective on life."

"So I see," said Rouge, raising her eyebrows curiously, "I can't wait to hear all about it. Don't spare any of the more… intimate details"

"Don't even go there, Rouge," said Sonic, "this week has been a nightmare." He turned to Knuckles. "Is Tails okay?"

"He's fine, Sonic," said Knuckles, smiling, "this whole thing wouldn't have been possible without him. He practically stormed GUN HQ all by himself."

Sonic's heart swelled with joy. His brother was safe, and doing just fine without him. Even so he couldn't wait until the moment he threw his arms around the little fox cub again. Just to hold him in his arms and tell him he loves him. He would tell him this time; he had learned not to shy away from expressing himself that way, and his near-death experiences reminded him of how important it was to say these things before the chance is lost forever.

"You think that's impressive," said Rouge, pointing at her chest, covered by layers of body armour and camouflage-patterned fatigues, "do you realise how hard it was to get my boobs into this outfit?"

~o~

The transport plane parted the stillness of the cold Cybernian air, its roaring engines shattering the desolate quiet that haunted the snow-covered woodlands and mountains below. The black jet was an ink stain on an otherwise pristine blue clear sky, and in the hold, a hedgehog almost as black himself sat in quiet contemplation.

The darkened hold, warm by comparison to the frozen wilderness from where he had come, still held an air of coolness that satisfied him. They had waited in that town for assistance to arrive; Sonic had insisted Rouge call the local GUN outpost and get them to secure the town, in case the Chaos Robots came back. Thanks in no small part to his fluent Cybernian and intimidating voice, Shadow managed to convince the hapless agent on the end of the line that he was an important GUN leader. They parked up in the truck on the outskirts of town, speeding out of there when the GUN trucks rolled in, before they were discovered as imposters, and before anyone saw Baxter gagged and bound in the back.

The low rumble of the plane soothed his mind and relaxed him; the past few days had been mayhem for him, physically and emotionally. He wondered what he would do once all the insanity and fear was over, could he ever have a normal life after this? He pondered what 'normal life' even meant to someone as messed-up as him.

His thoughts broke when someone nudged him in the ribs. Turning in his seat, he saw Rouge smiling at him.

"So, Shadow," she said, "why don't you tell me all about your little holiday?" She was always so nosy, probing into his private affairs and interrogating him about his feelings. He supposed it was only natural; she was a spy, after all. That wouldn't stop Shadow putting up his wall of indifference.

"I'd hardly call it a holiday," he said, not even turning his head to glare at her, "not only did I have to fight off an army of Chaos-powered robots driven by some egotistical maniac lurking in the shadows, but I had to put up with Faker's asinine antics the whole time."

"Huh?" said Rouge, "I thought you and Sonic had something going on." Going on, what was she implying? When he was alone with Sonic he didn't mind opening up, now eyes were scrutinising him, questioning his actions and making him feel… ashamed, was that it? Uncomfortable at least about how he had acted before.

"Where did you get such a ridiculous notion?"

"Well Hon, I know it can be difficult to detect these things without super-secret spy training," said Rouge, "but you haven't taken your eyes off of him this entire flight."

Shadow snapped out of a stupor that had been holding onto him. He realised the image in front of him hadn't changed all throughout his introspection. He really had been staring at Sonic.

Sonic didn't seem to have noticed; he was too busy chatting with the soldiers, regaling them with tales of their adventures in Cybernia, making exaggerated sound effects and gestures while they sat transfixed by him like small children at story time. The 'soldiers,' so timid and easily cowed before, now seemed at ease and confident, laughing and smiling, inspired by Sonic's gregarious nature. That same nature that burrowed into Shadow's psyche and would not let him go, the one that irritated him like nothing else, but kept him coming back for more. Sonic lifted the spirits of everyone around him, even Shadow's own darkened soul, without even trying; it was like he had a pathological need to make everyone happy.

"Excuse me," said Shadow, rising to his feet and walking away from Rouge, much to her confusion. He approached the group of men, catching Sonic's voice over the din of the plane.

"…friggin' pensioner running about four hundred miles an hour. I couldn't believe my eyes!"

Sonic looked up as Shadow approached, smiling warmly at him.

"Guys, this is Shadow," he said, "my… companion throughout all this." The soldiers turned to face him, their eyes exuding respect and wonder.

"Wow," said a young racoon, "you're the legendary Shadow? It's an honour to meet you." The recruit held out his hand for Shadow to shake it, but Shadow merely glanced at it nonchalantly.

"Legendary?" asked Shadow, eyeing Sonic suspiciously. The racoon retracted his hand sheepishly, but kept quiet.

"Yeah," said another soldier, a golden retriever with a toothy smile, "we heard how nearly died sucking all that Chaos energy out of the bunker to save all those people. That takes serious cojones, my man."

"And how you totalled those zombie-bots with an epic Chaos Blast," said the racoon, "I heard they could see it from space!"

"Shadow's the real hero, guys," said Sonic, clasping Shadow's hand in both of his, "I couldn't have done any of this without him."

Shadow hesitantly surveyed the group of men in front of him. The way they looked at him filled him with a creeping sense of bemusement. Every one of their faces glowed with pride and admiration, a far cry from the looks of suspicion and disgust the general public usually gave him.

Freak. Monster. Abomination. That's what they usually called him. Not to his face of course, they were all too afraid of him, but they said it with their eyes, with the way they hurried past him and clutched their children close to them. He's different, he's not one of us, obviously he chose to be born like that.

And people wonder why he kept to himself.

"Sonic," he said, "can I talk to you for a moment? In private." Sonic looked up smiling, but his face fell slightly when he met Shadow's stern look. The two hedgehogs marched back to Shadow's seat. Opposite them Rouge had gone back to flirting with Knuckles, who sat statue-like in an attempt to resist her charms, the heat from his face practically melting the plane from the inside. Taking their seats, Shadow leant over to whisper in Sonic's ear.

"Why are you lying to them?" he asked, "I never did any of those things. It was all you." Sonic scratched the back of his head, blushing slightly.

"I'm not technically lying," he said, grinning, "sure I may have done those things, but I meant what I said. I really couldn't have done any of it without you. I felt you deserved some of the credit, even if I stretched the truth a bit." His teeth glinted white in the dim light of the hold, and Shadow turned away, holding his arms tightly crossed.

"Hmph!" he sniffed, "you needn't have done that for my sake. Only you could have been crazy enough to think up that plan in the bunker, or to attempt a Chaos Blast without training." Sonic stared at him, clearly unsure if he was being insulted or not. Shadow could actually hear the cogs turning in the blue hedgehog's mind, and smiled to himself at Sonic's naivety.

"That was a compliment, Faker…" Shadow drawled. Sonic laughed a little, but still stared through Shadow, clearly troubled by something. Sighing to himself, Shadow turned to meet his distant emerald eyes.

"You have doubts, don't you, Sonic? I've seen it in your eyes," said Shadow. Sonic blinked a few times in surprise, before letting his shoulders slump.

"I… I don't know, Shadow," he said, "I mean, it's been great spending all this time with you, but some of the things you've said, the way you've been all protective and worrying over me, just makes me feel…"

"You think I see you as a substitute for Maria?" Sonic's mouth dropped open.

"Well… kinda," he said, "you've got to admit, the way you've been acting is really weird. Sometimes you look at me like I'm not there, like you're thinking about someone else. And don't forget, we only really started to bond because of the similarity between my feelings for Tails and yours for Maria. That's got to have had an effect on you."

Shadow continued to keep his arms folded tight, biting down on his lip in frustration. He didn't like people telling him how he felt, or how he should be feeling. No-one knew who he was on the inside, no-one had a right to know. He was his own hedgehog, and no amount of scrutiny would reveal his heart.

Except he had revealed it to Sonic, without any prompting from the other. For some reason those verdant eyes brought his inner self spilling out without fear or shame, and in those moments, he felt a deep sense of trust towards Sonic. No-one had a right to know the real him; Sonic had no right not to know.

Turning around in his seat and letting his arms relax, he held out his hand face up, motioning towards it with his eyes so Sonic could see. Sonic took hold with his own hand, and around their clasped gloves a faint purple light radiated. From the corner of his eye Shadow could see Rouge looking over suspiciously.

"Heh, I got a tickle," said Sonic, smiling lovingly at Shadow.

"You're right, Sonic," said Shadow, "When I look at you, in my mind I see her, feel the need to nurture and protect someone close to me, but… I see someone else as well."

"Who?" said Sonic. Shadow rolled his eyes so hard they nearly span out of his head.

"I think I'm nearly ready to lo… to give you what you deserve Sonic," he said, his voice dropping to a low whisper "but I need some time to myself, to think. I know what I need to do to get my head together, but I need to be apart from you for a while, so I can see clearly and objectively."

Sonic's face fell, and his eyes became weary with sorrow, but Shadow held his free hand up to his cheek to gently stroke it. Rouge's eyes were practically exploding with curiosity by this point.

"No tears, Sonic," said Shadow, lifting Sonic's head up to face him, "it'll do you some good to have some time away from me. You can decide what you really want."

"I want you," said Sonic, almost inaudibly.

"Not as I am now," said Shadow, "not when I'm so conflicted. When I return, I'll know who I am, and everything will make sense."

"Where will you go? And when?"

"I can't tell you where I'm going, but I leave as soon as we land,"

"What?!" Sonic yelled, taking his hand away from Shadow and turning everyone's heads towards them "you can't do that! We've still got this villain to deal with."

"You don't need me for that, Sonic," said Shadow, holding the blue hedgehog softly behind his head, "you're the Hero of Mobius. I know you have the strength to beat him. I have complete faith in you."

"I ought to record everything you say," said Sonic, laughing, "no-one's gonna believe me when I tell them."

"Don't tell them," whispered Shadow, "please. What I've shared with you is for you and I alone. Nobody else deserves to know."

"What will I say when you just up and vanish?" asked Sonic in a hushed tone.

"Tell them I'm a jerk who can't stand to be around cretins like you and you're friends. It's not that far from the truth."

"You are a jerk!" Sonic said playfully, giving Shadow a light tap round the head, "I'm going to tell Tails, though. If he asks me straight up, I can't lie to him."

"Fair enough," said Shadow after a moment's consideration, "I know he means everything to you."

"He does," said Sonic, smiling wistfully and rising to his feet, "but so do you. Good luck, Shads." As he walked away, Shadow stared at his slender blue form, trying to ignore Rouge desperately trying to get his attention.

"Sonic?" called Shadow, gesturing for him to come back. As he approached, Shadow rose to his feet, throwing his arms around him strong enough to lift Sonic off of his feet, earning them a gasp from Rouge.

"I will come back," he whispered in Sonic's ear, "you have my word. Whatever else happens, Sonic… you have my friendship, and my trust. That's not something that's easily earned." They parted again, and Shadow slumped to his seat, gazing over at Sonic as he had done before.

I know I love you, Sonic, he thought, somewhere deep inside, I know it. I just need to prove it to myself.

~o~