First bar song: watch?v=G7TfCW5BgCw
Second bar song: watch?v=M0xNVAy1gkQ
And a theme song for the end part of this chapter: watch?v=hvpQsPKEwbw
Italic speech later in the chapter is in Spanish (there's so much it was easier to do that than attempt to translate).
Chapter 20: Family
July, between Fifth & Sixth years, Summer Holidays
"Remind me why we're sitting in this hunk of metal?" Santana asked as the plane began to move down the runway. It jolted a little and she gulped, sitting up even straighter in her seat.
"Because dad gets sick from long-distance floo," I explained again. It was kind of weird, seeing her nervous. Normally she hid it so well - but I guess she didn't care what any of the muggles on the plane thought. My parents and Chloe were sitting further back because we couldn't get five seats together.
"Yeah, but why do we have to go on this? Why can't we floo and avoid hours of being stuck in the same seat, trusting muggle techno-stuff to keep us in the air?"
The man sitting next to the window turned and gave her a strange look, but she didn't notice. She was busy wringing her hands in her lap.
"Because it's a family holiday, and we all go together. Santana, I promise it'll be fine. Your ears will feel a bit funny at the start and end, but you wouldn't even know we were in the air apart from that."
The plane stopped moving and she relaxed a little bit, but then it set off properly to take off and she let out a squeak, staring out of the window in terror as we continued to speed up. I reached into her lap to grab her hand and she squeezed it so hard it felt like it was going to pop.
"Santana, look at me." She swivelled her head away from the window just as we left the ground, and I had to wonder what our classmates would think if they saw her now, eyes wide and so tense. "It's okay, it's safe, I promise. Pinky promise, yeah?" I encouraged her, knocking her other hand with mine. Trembling a little, she unclenched her fist so I could take her little finger, her eyes never leaving mine as we rose through the air.
"This doesn't f-feel safe, it's so loud and shaky," she muttered after a little while.
"It's always loud at first, it'll get quieter soon. We could always sing over the noise."
That knocked her out of her nerves enough for her to give me a derisive look.
"I'm not singing in front of these people."
"Why? Your voice sounds so nice," I pleaded, hoping to distract her. I thought it might be working.
"You're biased," she retorted. The plane was starting to level out and I hoped she would calm down soon. It was kind of nice holding her hand, but she was squeezing so hard it was beginning to hurt.
"Doesn't mean it's not true. You should sing more often."
"I think we get enough of that from Berry," she replied with a roll of her eyes. She glanced up as the bell chimed and the seatbelt light went off, then risked a glance out of the window to see we were above the clouds already. After a few moments of staring, realising we weren't about to plummet back down to the ground, she sat back in her seat and her hand relaxed around mine - but didn't let it go completely.
"Maybe I can persuade mum to let us floo back home," I suggested.
"Ahh, this is more like it," Santana said with a grin as she stretched out on the beach. It was hard to take my eyes off her when all she was wearing was a tiny blue bikini. Her skin was so smooth and tanned and her dark hair pooled perfectly around her head. She pushed her sunglasses above her eyes and for a moment I thought she was looking at me in my bikini too, but then her eyes were on mine and she was smiling, reaching up for my hand to pull me down next to her. She giggled as I landed with an oomf on my stomach and I pressed the side of my forehead into the towel, never looking away from her face even as she pulled off her sunglasses completely and closed her eyes.
An idea popped into my head and I bit my lip as I crawled down the towel so I wouldn't laugh too early and give away my plan. Her feet were already buried a little, her toes curling into the sand, but I knew I wouldn't have long to do this before she realised what was happening. I pushed the sand slowly around her feet to make a little crater, then gathered as much sand in my hands as I could and glanced up at her face. Her eyes were still closed and she was smiling a little. I dumped the sand on her feet, then grabbed her ankles when she tried to jerk them away and pushed all the sand I'd gathered on top of her feet as she struggled.
"Wha- Brittany!" she yelped, managing to free one of her feet by kicking it to the side and rising up quickly to push me into the sand. I closed my eyes tightly when her fingers dived for my ribs and began to tickle me, rolling in the sand to try and get away from her.
"No Santana, no-ahh! I'm… ah, I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I squealed, slapping one of her hands away and bouncing to my feet. She was right behind me though and I started running, heading for the sea and avoiding all the sandcastles that people had built. I slowed the moment I took a few steps into the water to spin around and kick some back, showering it over her. It didn't stop her though and she dived forward again. A moment later she ploughed into me, sending us straight into the water. I gasped as the cold hit me all at once, clutching at her as I found my feet and pulled us both upright again.
"You-" she was breathing hard, and bent over for a second to catch her breath. "What'd you do that for? You're supposed to wait until people are asleep to bury them!" she exclaimed.
"But it's more fun when you're awake and trying to get away," I replied with a grin. Her hands were around my waist, her fingertips pressing gently into my skin, and I wasn't sure if the goosebumps I was getting were from that or from the chill of the water. I stepped back, out of her hold, and then quickly bent down and scooped up a handful of water to throw over her. She gasped and stumbled back, then she was chasing me again through the water. I realised too late that taking things into the sea had been a bad idea when I resorted to swimming, and she caught up with me in no time at all and dunked me underwater.
"Hey Santana, what house d'you think I'll be in?" Chloe asked, tugging on Santana's arm from behind. I stepped to the side so she could slip in between us. "Britt and dad say Ravenclaw, but mum reckons I might be Gryffindor."
"Oh, Ravenclaw for sure," Santana told her with a smile. "I don't know any other eleven-year-old who can recite the first chapter of The Standard Book of Spells."
"Yes, but Ravenclaw isn't about memorisation, it's about intelligence and wit, and what if I'm not clever enough to even get the common room riddles? I've been looking at riddle books to try and help but I still can't work out a lot of them-" She was interrupted by Santana's laughter, and looked a little affronted. "What?"
"Chlo, I have never met anyone more likely to be a Ravenclaw than you. You're doing research before you've even been Sorted."
"Well it's good to be prepared!" Chloe replied, glancing up at me and obviously unsure whether to be proud or insulted. Proud, duh. Didn't she know how much of a compliment that was coming from Santana?
"Girls, you've missed it!" my dad called from behind. I turned to see him outside the restaurant we'd booked a table at earlier. Chloe ran back and entered with him and my mum, and Santana and I walked slowly back.
"I don't know why she's worried, she really is clever," I commented quietly as Santana held the door open for me.
"She must get it from her big sister," Santana replied, nudging my shoulder with a grin. "Uh… a mesa Pierce?" she said to the hostess. Even though I thought Portuguese sounded really similar to Spanish, apparently Santana couldn't understand hardly any of it. She still knew more than me though from visiting a couple of times before - her family lived just over the border - so I let her do all the talking. The woman led us to the table my parents and sister were already sat at, saying a few things to Santana that I didn't understand and offering us menus.
"What did she say?" I asked her in a whisper as we sat down.
"Beats me, dunno why she kept jabbering on."
Luckily the menus we were given were English and when we got our proper waiter he spoke in English too. After we'd placed our orders and just as the bowl of bread rolls arrived, my dad spoke up.
"So Santana, I hear you're being made quidditch captain?"
She suddenly looked nervous. "I… well, I hope so. I think so. But Professor Sylvester might change her mind, I don't know for sure until I get the badge…"
"Who else is she going to give it to? She likes you way more than she likes Puck, and there's no way Karofsky or Azimio are getting it," I pointed out. "You've totally got it."
"Well that's great!" my dad said enthusiastically. "You'll make a brilliant captain! What did your parents say when they heard?"
"Oh, I haven't told them yet," Santana admitted, fiddling with the corner of her menu. "I just… I didn't want to get their hopes up and then find out I didn't get it."
"Oh. Well, it'll be a nice surprise for them then, won't it?" my dad replied with a wide smile. I smiled at her as well. Sometimes I think if only more people smiled around Santana she wouldn't say mean things as much.
The waiter brought our food soon after that and Santana let me try her shrimp. She refused to try any of mine though, because of the peanut sauce. It's weird how much she hates peanuts. I remember persuading her to try peanut butter one time when we were littler than Chloe is now, and she spat it out straight onto the floor. Luckily the cat ate it, so mum never saw.
It was great how well she got on with my family. Once the subject was off the quidditch captaincy and her parents, she started telling Chloe all about Hogwarts, filtering out the stories about parties and drinking and the occasional duel but telling jokes about all the professors that kept setting me and Chloe off into giggling fits. I spoke up sometimes when I could stop laughing for long enough, but it was nice just listening to her speak and not be worried about what our classmates would think of her.
"Britt, you getting pudding?" she asked, knocking me out of my thoughts.
"Ugh… I don't know… I'm so full," I sighed, rubbing my stomach and wishing it had more space for food. The desserts menu was lying open in front of Santana and looked so tempting… but I thought I might burst if I had any more to eat.
"Come on, you're not going to turn down cheesecake are you? Raspberry cheesecake. I'll share it with you." She nudged me with her elbow, then did it again, and finally I nodded with a grin. I couldn't resist her smiling at me like that.
"And I want ice cream!" Chloe piped up next to me, tugging on my dad's sleeve. Santana beckoned me closer and leaned in to whisper in my ear as he ordered.
"What d'you think the chance are of your mum letting us go out tonight?"
I turned to look at her with a confused frown and shook my head. Didn't she know my mother? Mum would never let us go out alone at night, especially in a place we'd never been before. Santana sighed and nodded, picking up her spoon as our cheesecake arrived at the same time as Chloe's chocolate chip ice cream.
"It's so nice being off that stupid quidditch diet," she said, taking a big spoonful of the cheesecake. I struggled up in my seat, wishing I hadn't eaten so many of those bread rolls before our meals, and took a much smaller bite.
"Quidditch diet? Brittany, I didn't know you had to be on a diet for quidditch?" my mum asked, suddenly looking very concerned.
"It's just Professor Sylvester's craziness about how we'll fly faster if we're not so heavy. Slytherins are the only ones who have to put up with it," Santana explained.
"Well you should complain, that's not fair on you!"
I choked on my cheesecake. "Mum, you can't complain about Professor Sylvester!" I gasped as Santana patted me on the back a few times. "Monica did once about how she's always booking the quidditch pitch for Slytherins, and she kept getting detentions for the rest of the term! One time she got a detention for coughing too loudly in class!"
"Britt's right, it's way easier to just go on her stupid diet at Hogwarts and eat whatever I want during holidays," Santana agreed, setting her spoon down and leaving the last bite for me. I scooped it up, took a breath, then ate it in one gulp, savouring the flavour as much as I could when my stomach felt like it was about to explode.
"Ugh," I groaned, leaning into Santana. "Ate too much…" She laughed in my ear and wrapped an arm around me.
"You just need to get up and walk around a bit."
"No I don't," I mumbled. "I need to sit in this chair until I feel like I can walk without popping."
"No you don't, come on," she encouraged, standing and pulling me with her.
"Santana," I grumbled, but she just laughed again.
"We'll wait outside," I heard her telling my parents as she pulled me towards the exit. I sighed and trundled along, wondering what it was she wanted to talk about. It was obvious she wanted to talk about something or she'd have let me fall asleep in that chair until we had to leave. "Alright, we need to work this out."
I leaned against the wall and looked up at her with lazy eyes. "Work what out?"
"Coming back into town tonight."
I blinked several times and lifted my head to look at her properly. "But we can't. We're not allowed."
"Britt, we'll be fine. We can't ignore this opportunity. The drinking age here is sixteen, and you've got your weird muggle travel book thing that says how old you are, right?"
I nodded, still not sure. I hated getting in trouble with my mum, and we'd be in so much trouble if she found out we sneaked out.
"So here's the plan. We go to bed early. You can sleep off all that food. Then when your parents are asleep I'll wake you up and we can get ready and come back here, it's like a ten minute walk. And if any muggle guy tries something when we're walking alone, we'll just show him a bit of magic, right? Hex him into the nearest tree. We'll be perfectly safe."
"I… I don't know, Santana. What if my mum wakes up?"
"We won't be gone long. Two hours tops, I promise. Just long enough to experience a bit of Portuguese nightlife, yeah? We're only here a week, we've got to take advantage of it."
I guessed that two hours wasn't that long to be gone. Hearing Chloe's voice suddenly approach, I nodded quickly and she grinned in victory.
Once we got back to the villa we were renting, it really wasn't hard to act tired. I was tired, I just wanted to sleep off all the food I'd eaten. I shouldn't have had that cheesecake. I yawned a few times without even trying and mum said I should go to bed early, and of course Santana came with me. She was still wide awake as I pulled my sundress off and crawled into bed without bothering to put on pyjamas - we were going to be getting up again soon anyway. I smiled sleepily at her as she sat on her own bed on the opposite side of the room, watching as I pulled the sheet over myself.
"Night Santana."
"Night Britt. Sweet dreams."
It didn't feel like any time had passed at all when I felt a hand gently shaking my shoulder and Santana's words in my ear.
"Brittany, wake up. It's time to go," she whispered. I blinked, my eyes adjusting to the darkness and finding Santana's face right next to mine. She smiled when she saw I was awake and moved her hand to run through my hair, then stopped and quickly stood up. "I got out clothes for you, they're at the end of the bed," she said, turning away as I sat up and reached for them. I tried to wipe away some of the sleep in my eyes as I pulled the black top over my head then wiggled into the tight jean shorts and slipped my feet into my flip-flops.
"Here, I'll do your make-up," she offered quietly, coming over again and gesturing at me to sit down before she started quickly putting on mascara. I watched her face as she worked. She'd put lip gloss or something on, because the tiny amount of light coming from the window was making her lips sparkle a bit. I wondered if she was thinking about what had happened that time I'd tried to put make-up on her.
She leaned back to admire her work and I took a quick breath. I needed to stop thinking about this stuff. I loved being her friend again, but being just her friend was kind of hard at times.
"Uh, Santana?" I whispered to get her attention. Her eyes jerked up to my face. "Am I ready? Shall we go?"
She paused, then nodded, putting all her make-up away then picking up both our bags.
"Your ID thing is in here, right?" she checked, and I nodded, taking it from her and slinging it over my shoulder. "Alright then, let's go."
We crept out of the villa as quickly and quietly as we could, tiptoeing past the pool and out of the gates. Once we were on the main road, my heart slowed down a bit and I began to actually look forward to going out. We hadn't really been to any parties recently except for that one after our OWLs were finished, but I don't remember much of it because we finished off the last of the Dragon's Absinthe before going, and after that the whole night was just a blur.
I grabbed her hand as we hurried down the street towards the noise and lights of the town and she swung our arms back and forth. We kept glancing at each other and starting to laugh, but I didn't even know what we were laughing at. We were walking so fast it took even less than ten minutes to get into town and reach the first bar, and Santana pushed me eagerly inside. It was busy with music playing at the back, but Santana still spoke loud enough in my ear for me to hear as she pushed some euro notes into my hand.
"You need to ask for 'quatro tiros de vodca' and 'duas cervejas', okay? Four vodka shots and two beers," she translated
I nodded, not replying so I could repeat the words in my head as I pulled out my passport and walked up to the bar. It took a few minutes to get anyone's attention, but when I did I tried to repeat what Santana had said.
"Uh… quat tears de vodka? Um, and das cerva… um." The man was looking very confused. I mimed taking a shot. "Vodka? Quat?" I repeated, holding up four fingers. He nodded in understanding, and quickly poured out four shots. How did Santana know the Portuguese for 'vodka shot', anyway? "Uh, and… das…" I trailed off again, gesturing directly behind him to a fridge of beer, holding up two fingers this time. He pointed to one of the bottles and I nodded, not really caring what type it was. Beer all tasted the same to me anyway.
"Catorze euros," he said after reaching for the passport I had laid out on the bar surface. Not sure how much he'd said, I just lifted the notes Santana had given me. He picked out a 5 and a 10, then dropped a coin back into my hand and turned to the next customer. I swivelled to find Santana already right behind me, reaching out to help transport the drinks to a tiny table she'd found to one side. We took the shots together quickly before the beer, and my foot was already tapping along with the music.
"Santana, we should dance!" I called to her over the tune. She shook her head and tilted the bottle of beer in her hand back and forth - was she pointing to the bar? She wanted more? I turned my head to try and see what she was pointing to, but I couldn't find anything, so I reached out for her hand instead and started moving it with the music, waving it around. It was like our hands were dancing but not the rest of us. Well, except my feet, because they were still tapping. She lifted the bottle to her lips and drained the rest of it, then jumped to her feet and pulled me with her into the throng of people. I laughed aloud and allowed her to tug me through to the middle of the crowd then move her hips and begin to dance, not letting go of my hand. The music changed almost straight away and the whole crowd cheered and burst into song. I sang along as best I could, trying to pick up the words. Even Santana sang - I guess because there was no chance of being heard when everyone else was so very loud.
"…delícia… -sim você me mata… se eu te pego, ai, ai se eu te pego!" I shouted out with everyone else. I was so glad Santana had persuaded me to do this. It was brilliant! Everyone here was brilliant! They were all dancing and singing and happy, and Santana wasn't worried about what other people would think so she was singing and dancing too. The song faded and changed to another that wasn't so easy to sing along to, but it didn't matter, because we were having fun. We went to have a few more shots a couple of times but mostly it was just dancing, and singing where we could catch onto the words or the songs were in English.
I laughed loudly when I heard another English song come on that I recognised. This was much slower than the others, but people were still dancing. I grabbed Santana's other hand and started to sing along when the words began.
"Heart beats fast, colours and promises… How to be brave? How can I love when I'm afraid to fall…" I trailed off when I noticed Santana looking at me strangely, and I heard the lyrics echoing in my ears.
Watching you stand alone, all of my doubt, suddenly goes away somehow… One step closer…
She was biting her lip, and I took a sharp breath and continued singing, trying to ignore how she was looking at me.
"I have died every day waiting for you," I started, then almost choked on the words when they processed. "Darling don't be afraid, I-I have l-loved you…" I trailed off again. She wasn't dancing now. Neither was I. People were bumping into us, but I was just trying not to think about how much those words were true. I'd done so well not thinking about it until now. "I… I'll be back in a sec," I muttered, turning abruptly and pushing my way through the crowd to the door that led to the toilets. A woman exited just as I entered, but other than that it was empty. I leaned against the counter, squeezing my eyes shut and trying to block out the sound of the music, the words that wouldn't leave me alone. The door swung open and I quickly straightened, only to find Santana standing there. She walked towards me slowly and stopped in front of me, reaching up one hand to brush away a tear I didn't even know had fallen as the music continued to play in the background
Time stands still, beauty in all she is. I will be brave…
"Don't cry," she whispered, her hand sliding smoothly to the back of my neck.
And then she was kissing me, just like she always did, her lips pressed so tight against mine it felt like she never wanted them to part. Her lips were silky soft and moved just right against mine, and it was glorious. I felt like I might float away at any moment so I leaned in closer, kissing her back desperately to try and ground myself, until I realised what I was doing. No, this wasn't right. We were meant to be just friends. We weren't supposed to be doing this now. I pressed my hand to her arm and pushed slightly, stepping backwards at the same time to end the kiss. I was breathing hard, and so was she, with that weird look on her face again. It was like she was pleading with me, but I didn't understand.
"Why… um," I struggled to get my thoughts under control. "Why'd you do that? Why'd you kiss me when there's loads of other guys out there to kiss?"
Santana stiffened, and didn't speak for a little while. I didn't know what else to say though, so I stayed quiet while she tried to come up with a response. My lips were still tingling.
"Did… did you mean what you said before?" she asked, in barely more than a whisper.
I frowned, not sure what she was talking about. "Did I mean what?"
"Y'know…" She was trying to avoid saying it. "That… that you think I'm a slut," she finished, so quiet I could hardly hear her.
I was shocked for a moment, then confused, then it all came flooding back to me and I felt so guilty. I'd forgotten about that. I'd been so angry that day I'd just shouted the worst insult I could come up with.
"No! No, no, Santana, you're not! I swear I don't think that, I swear! I was just mad, I didn't mean it," I promised, taking a few steps towards her again and ducking a little so I could see her face properly. "Santana, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it. And the girls who say it don't know anything anyway, they're just all jealous," I assured her. Finally, she looked up, and I gave her a strained smile. "Can we just… forget about this all? What I said, and, uh… what just happened."
She nodded, and I managed to smile a little brighter.
"It's almost been two hours now," she said, her voice more subdued than usual. "You want to head back?"
I nodded in agreement, and together we wound our way out, through the crowds and outside, back on the road to our villa. We didn't really talk much. I was still trying to work out why Santana had kissed me when there were so many other people she could have kissed, and whether she was still upset about what I'd called her. And Santana… well, I had no idea what she was worrying about. It was definitely worry, but I didn't know why and I wasn't sure I wanted to ask. We were still getting 'friends' back on track, I didn't want to ruin it. It was just easiest to forget this night ever happened.
2 weeks later
I hated the summer holidays. This year was better than most, getting to go to Portugal with Britt and her family, but now I was back at home, Brittany was off somewhere with Artie, and it was the second worst day of the year. Actually, no, it was the worst day, because at least on the actual anniversary of Tony's death I have Britt and the distraction of class. On the day that would be his birthday - he'd have been turning fifteen this year - I was alone in my room, with everyone else keeping to themselves. When I did cross paths with my parents, it inevitably turned into an argument. I'd woken up that morning to the sounds of them screaming at each other before leaving for work, and it had started up again the moment they got back. It really was easiest just to keep to my room.
Sighing heavily, I reached out again to examine the note that Brittany had sent this morning.
Are you sure you don't want me to come back earlier today? I'm sure Artie wouldn't mind if I explained, and I don't want you to be sad on your own.
Britt-Britt x
I didn't want to ruin her day as well, though. And I certainly didn't want Artie knowing that I was hiding in my bedroom because my family wasn't functional enough to deal with this. So I'd assured her I was fine and that I'd see her that night anyway like we'd arranged. I heard a knock and glanced up to see one of Edlyn's large ears appearing around the door first before the rest of her body slowly came into sight. She cleared her throat quietly before speaking.
"Master and Mistress require you for dinner, Miss Lopez," she told me.
I sighed again and rolled off the bed, putting Britt's letter back on my bedside table. The traditional family dinner was the worst part of this day. Abuela came and everyone was miserable and tried to make small talk. I traipsed down the wide staircase into the dining room where my parents were already sitting side by side, abuela at the head of the table.
"Santana, hurry up! The food will be getting cold if you keep dawdling!" abuela said sharply in Spanish, gesturing at me. I picked up my pace and slipped into the waiting chair, trying to ignore the appraising once-over she gave me before clapping her hands once. Two house elves I didn't recognise hurried forward with food floating all around them, setting it down on the table as gently as possible. I waited for abuela and my parents to start helping themselves before I leaned in to scoop up some fideuà.
"Santana, you should eat more! You are as thin as a rake!" abuela commented. I piled more fideuà onto my plate and she motioned at me to take some bread as well, so I did. "You are too concerned with boys, they will not mind if you have a few curves!"
Go through the motions, I reminded myself. Nod. Start eating. Don't let her get to you. I purposely turned my mind away from the thought that popped into my head about whether Brittany would mind if I had "a few curves".
"I hope you are not neglecting your studies?"
"No, abuela," I replied immediately with a slightly forced smile. "I studied a lot for my OWLs, don't worry."
"But I do worry! There are so many distractions for you at that school, and I hear so many stories of children gone astray. Don't you agree, Hernando?" she prompted, turning to my father. He nodded straight away, just like he always did.
"Of course. But Santana will not let us down. She knows that if she gets low grades for her OWLs I will have to seriously consider getting a private tutor for her NEWTs. I considered pulling her out for OWLs but she insisted-"
"Papá, I'm not leaving Hogwarts. I get good marks, and Brittany's there," I said in English.
"You will do as your father tells you, Santana," my mother interrupted, in Spanish again. I slumped back in my seat. This hadn't taken long. The first thing they agreed on all day and it was to gang up on me.
"Santana, sit up straight or you will get a bad back," abuela scolded. I let out a quick breath through my nose then sat up, lips pressed tightly together and staring down at my food. I didn't want to eat it now. I wanted to go back to my room and ignore the unspoken topic that was on everyone's minds. The empty seat next to mine. "Eat up, Santana, what did I tell you before?"
I brought a spoonful of fideuà to my lips and chewed slowly, trying to imagine I was back in Portugal with Brittany next to me, eating most of the cheesecake because she was too full from the rest of the meal. It worked for a few moments, then my abuela was speaking again.
"Santana, I do hope you understand that you are our only legacy and you must live up to your Lopez name to the fullest," she said seriously, eyeing me over the table. I froze, not sure what to do. My eyes flicked to my parents but they were avoiding looking at anything, including each other.
"I'm sorry Tony's not here to make you worry less." I tried to snap at her, but it came out in more of a whisper. Suddenly all eyes were on me and I wished I'd said nothing.
"Santana, go to your room," papà ordered. His eyes had shifted and now he was looking determinedly over my shoulder.
I clenched my jaw and stood, dropping my spoon back into my bowl. "I was just saying what everyone was thinking. It's not fair. You're always thinking about how he might have turned out and fantasising and then comparing me to him when he's not even alive!"
"Go, Santana!" my father boomed, standing up suddenly as well. I took a hurried step back, the chair scraping against the floor as I pushed past it and moved as fast as I could towards the exit without running. I shouldn't have said that. Even if it was true, I shouldn't have said it. The one rule of family dinner on Tony's birthday was not to mention Tony, and I'd gone and broken it twice in a row. I didn't go up to my room like I'd been ordered. I pushed open the front door and walked out into the street.
It was dark outside, and I wondered exactly what the time was. I hadn't been paying attention all day, to clocks or anything else. My feet started moving and I let them take me where I needed to go. Brittany must be back by now. She was the only person that could take my mind off things. Even though I'd been trying to work out just why I'd kissed her in that bar ever since it happened, and she had been on my mind constantly because I hadn't got to see her as often as usual, I knew that if I went to her now she would somehow make all of those things go away and just make it easy to spend time with her.
Most of the lights were still on in the Pierce house, including one much dimmer light I could see through the curtains in Chloe's window that probably shouldn't be on at this time. Doubtless she was reading past her bedtime again. My eyes shifted and I found Brittany straight away through the large bay window, nestled onto the sofa. But next to her was Artie. Why was he there? He got her for all of today, why did he have to be with her now as well? I wanted some time with her. I mean, I wanted all the time with her, but I couldn't get that so I had to settle. Why didn't he have to settle as well?
I turned away quickly to head back on the pavement to my parents' house before she could see me. I didn't want to interrupt her. I didn't want to deal with him. I wondered if she'd told him about that kiss, and my whole body went cold at the thought. No. She wouldn't do that. She knew it wasn't supposed to happen. She wouldn't want to hurt him. So why couldn't I stop thinking about it? It was just a kiss. It was nothing compared to what we'd done before, even though I'd wanted it to go further. But I couldn't get it out of my mind, just like I couldn't get her out of my mind. Even now, when I should be worrying about what my parents might say tomorrow, or reminiscing about Tony, I was thinking about her.
I sneaked back into the house as quietly as possible and up the stairs so they wouldn't realise I'd been out. Edlyn saw me from the end of the corridor but didn't say anything. I reached for a quill and scrap of parchment the moment my bedroom door closed behind me, summoning Pato from his perch outside the window with a quiet click of my tongue.
Tired, going to bed early so don't come round. See you tomorrow, or whenever.
- S
I attached the note to Pato and he flew off without waiting for instructions, having been to the house down the street far too many times to count. I changed into my pyjamas and climbed into bed without waiting for a reply. I probably wouldn't get any response for a few hours anyway, whenever Brittany went up to her room… hopefully not with Artie. Hopefully her parents would object to that. They never objected to me going up to her room, though. But if they knew what we did they probably would… well, what we used to do…
I woke with a start, not sure how much time had passed. It was… what time was it? I squinted at the clock on the opposite side of the room and could see that the smaller hand pointed to some hour just after midnight - one or two, if I was reading it right in the dark. A scratching sound from my window let me know that Pato was back, but that wasn't what had woken me up.
I heard it again from somewhere within the house. A… sob? Another followed straight after, and I tensed when I recognised it. It was muffled, but definitely crying. Mamà, crying. I wondered where my father was, why he wasn't trying to comfort her. I wanted to go to her. I wanted to, but… I couldn't help remembering how she'd snapped at me earlier, just like she always did, reminding me that I had to do what papà said even if I didn't want to. I hated her sometimes. I hated how she always agreed with papà in public and then tore him down in private, and how I always heard the two of them arguing. I hated how she was obsessed with what I looked like and that I was presenting a good family image. I hated how she never took my side.
Another sob echoed through the house, louder this time. I scrunched up my eyes and pulled my duvet fully over my head, pressing it in at my ears. I was a coward. Too scared to even go and comfort my own mother. Too scared to face up to the fact that I'd broken the rule about not mentioning Tony. I knew I was a coward for not going to her, but I just held the duvet tighter over my head and tried to block out the sounds.
EDIT: Had some corrections on the Portuguese (thanks), but I'm going to leave 'tiros' wrong because just saying 'shots' wouldn't be as confusing for the bartender and I'd need to rewrite that dialogue a bit. So Santana just can't speak Portuguese as well as she thinks she can and makes Britt ask for four gunshots of vodka :P