last chapter and then an epilogue forthcoming. thanks for reading!
"And then she pulled my hair and told Miss Patty I pulled hers!"
Logan sighs dramatically with as much wise sympathy as he can muster; having already experienced the woes of the first grade before his school recommended he move up, he feels well qualified to assist Carlos with his. Absently, he squints up at Orion's Belt in one of the rare clear night skies. It looks more like, you know, stars to him, so, to hell with his stupid second grade astronomy book. Those old dudes back then had way too much imagination. Unfortunate side effect of no video games.
"Girls are stupid," he decides.
"Yeah." Carlos shuffles around on top of the sleeping bag, trying to get comfortable. "When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone."
Logan tears his eyes from the striking sight above their heads, but he kind of doesn't mind because Carlos's eyes are prettier than any of the stars, anyway. "I don't know if it really works that way."
Carlos shrugs. "Whatever."
Logan sprawls his limbs out, his toe brushing against Carlos's ankle. It's soft and Logan kind of wants to tickle it because Carlos has the best laugh ever, but that would involve moving. Still, his arms are too long for the layer of blankets they'd laid out in Carlos's backyard, and a few stray blades of grass prickle the underside of his wrists as he stretches out.
"You could marry me," Logan offers. "I wouldn't pull your hair."
Carlos considers the offer, his face spreading into a smile. "Cool, yeah. Would they let us do that?"
"We can do whatever we want, Litos. We could even marry more people if we wanted. We won't have to listen to adults then."
"Oh yeah! But... don't you have to fall in love to get married?"
There's no age too young to feel the effects of love, nor to fear its loss, and Logan turns back to him with a sharp crease in his forehead. "But you're my best friend. I do love you."
"Oh." His lips break into another smile, this one softer, and Logan thinks he looks older somehow. It's weird, because they already seem so, so much older to Logan than they did a year ago. He nods, firmly like he's made a decision, and echoes, "I love you too."
"Good, then it's settled," says Logan.
They're silent for a few long minutes, falling into daydreams through the calls of summer night insects, before Carlos remarks, "I thought marriage would be harder than this."
"Nah," Logan shrugs. "People just make it hard."
xxx
Kendall's spent a long time training himself to just avoid disappointment and expect the worst, especially since a lot of the time, that's what he gets - so no matter how much that persistent bit of his sleep-weary brain is hoping, running James's name on a broken-record loop spreading quickly to the less optimistic bits of his consciousness, he still tells himself no.
He forces a loop of "no" to run over James's name in his head, even as he watches Logan pulling himself slowly to his feet and heading to the foyer, Carlos close on his heels. Even as he shakes himself out of his first piano haze in nearly a year and follows, no and JamesJamesJames are still fighting so hard he's starting to ignore them and wander to third options: that heightened emotional state that insomnia bestows upon its victim is sending his mind reeling into realms of fear, remembering they haven't heard from James in twenty-four hours, and how James likes to wander alone aimlessly when he's conflicted, and how the last time they'd been in New York, Kendall had nearly been mugged.
There's a moment in the foyer that might feel symbolic if their minds were working at a higher capacity, with Logan nearly pressed against the length of the door, one hand on the knob and the other flat against its panels, his forehead resting just beside the peephole, but his eyes are squeezed shut, too afraid to look because whatever it is is probably going to change their lives forever. Kendall pads across the floor to him, pressing himself gently against Logan's back, arms encircling him, and rests his head against Logan's shoulderblade. It's only seconds before he feels Carlos creep up from behind and do the same to him, sandwiching Kendall between the two of them. He feels their torsos shift as they take breaths, and it steadies his own, but he's sure Logan can feel Kendall's heart pounding against his back.
And they're there, a frozen line of nerves three times over, until Logan whispers, "Okay," and Carlos backs off first, then Kendall; pieces breaking off from an almost-whole, as Logan shifts just enough to align one eye with the peephole.
There's a noise Kendall supposes comes from Logan, indistinct with no indicator as to whether it's a good noise or a bad noise, somewhere between a gasp and a sob and a shriek, but he's scrambling and fighting with the locks and the deadbolt like the future of the world (their world) depends on it, swinging open the door as the porch light spills in, showering their visitor in a spotlight almost as bright as the one their eyes have held him under for as long as they can remember.
James smiles. "Um, sorry, I - my phone died when I was at the airport and my charger was - "
The sleepy, slurred line of words cuts off when James finds himself with a mouthful of Logan's tongue.
That, more or less, effectively wakes Kendall up. All of him.
It's all cloudy then, in a weird way that doesn't quite feel like reality; makes him feel more like he's inside a photograph (which, like, James would think is awesome, but Kendall's probably going to be too busy to tell him that, soon). It's like everything he's watching is bright and clear, but everything outside that one line of vision is blurred - it's there, but everything's so much that he can only focus on one bit at a time.
It's a pretty good focus, where he is now: James has dropped his suitcases to the concrete outside the door, his arms coming around Logan, hands grasping tight at his back to hold him closer, curling in like they're trying to find something to grip, finally sliding around and settling at his hips. Somewhere in the blurry parts, Kendall hears Carlos gasp, and who knew gasps could be so distinctive, but it is, it's gorgeous, and everything just gets blurrier when he starts thinking of all the things he might do to hear it again. The thought feels so normal even if it's the first time it's been allowed into his consciousness: and it's an interesting juxtaposition, here, because for all the physical that seems to blur from one image and one moment to the next, the internal - the emotional of it, the way the nonsense flips to logic, a fucking pillar of sense - is finally, finally, clear as crystal.
James holds Logan at arm's length when oxygen calls, looking at him like he just woke up from a dream into a much, much better one. Kendall feels like he missed something because they've both got slick-wet trails down their cheeks that weren't there when their mouths met. James's pulling him close again, heads touching and arms down by their sides, but their hands are entwined as he whispers apologies against Logan's lips, Logan shaking his head in wordless protests, finally giving up and putting an end to it all with his mouth, pressing it again to James's. It's not a real kiss, maybe; there's little movement and it's more like an answer than the question kisses tend to be, but only more beautiful for it.
When Logan lets him go for good, a little sheepish when he meets Kendall and Carlos's matching stares, James's focus scans quickly around to them, eyes big and mouth open a bit before the corners start to curl up.
"So, what, this was all one big booty call, huh?"
Little, disbelieving bursts of laughter are tossed around then as Kendall flings himself forward, and James is so ready to meet him it doesn't even feel like Kendall's the one making the attack as James's arms come around him, so tight he can barely breathe, but James's better than oxygen anyway. Through the still open door he's got moonlight hitting his face from one side, but it feels like Logan and Carlos's smiles on the other are far, far brighter.
He buries his face in James's neck and whispers, "I've never felt anything so good as you in my arms right now."
James chokes something that might be a laugh, but is probably a well disguised sob to hear Kendall echo his words back at him like that, used so long ago but with no less passion.
It's James who moves first this time, and all Kendall can think is fucking finally when he feels James's broad hands cup his face, drawing him forward in no uncertain terms. And god, it's strange, to have the sudden admission to himself that he'd imagined this a thousand times, and it is just as good: James's scratchy stubble in contrast to the dizzying, insistent hot-wet of his mouth, already plenty pliant from Logan's ambush, and even as Kendall feels his knees start to give, it's almost as if the high of it all is holding him up, keeping him steady.
He pretty soon realizes it's Carlos, who's actually holding him up, and mostly to shove him out of the way.
"Move it, Knight," he grumbles, but there's a tiny smile reserved just for Kendall before he plants himself in front of James.
And Kendall can give in this time, because watching their eyes in this moment is worth every second James's mouth isn't on his.
He's never seen that look on either of their faces, and to see it in double, both at once, is staggering: their matching, tiny little smiles, the literal shine in their eyes, and Kendall's never been one for figurative, overused metaphors, but they're totally, totally sparkling. They're like kids at at a junior high dance, they way they inch closer, asking, eyelashes fluttering, noses and smiles bumping into one another before they decide hey, actual kissing would be good now, and finally letting their mouths take them the rest of the way. And it's incredible, watching them kiss, and as everything outside them seems to blur from Kendall's vision, he imagines how much more so it must be for them.
They pull apart a bit and James catches Carlos's ear lightly between his teeth, still smiling as he whispers, "I fell in love with you when you were jailbait," and Carlos cracks up.
It's only when Logan smiles against Kendall's shoulder that he even realizes he and Logan have fallen into one another, Logan behind him, arms snaked around Kendall's middle.
"All right, seriously," Logan huffs, "you're letting moths in, close the fucking door."
This only makes James and Carlos laugh harder, until they're practically doubled over, and James finds some scrap of strength left to hoist his suitcases over the threshold but Kendall steps in between them and starts waving his arms in sweeping motions, trying to usher the moths inside.
"Kendall!" Logan whines, but Carlos is already lunging for Logan, hoisting him up without warning in a fireman's carry, tossing Logan over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and heading for the stairs.
Logan's still whining and batting at Carlos and giggling to the point of tears all at once, and Kendall's laughing so hard he can't really breathe, but he was right, James is totally better than oxygen, because James crouches over enough for Kendall to hop onto his back, and they follow Carlos's warpath, Kendall on James's back and clinging to him monkey-like as he mounts the spiral staircase, and Kendall wonders what exists beyond happiness, because surely, this is it.
Kendall wonders briefly how they do it, when he and James step into the room: how Carlos and Logan can just, be, exist in this so effortlessly already, like they've been like this all along inside, only dormant, like it was tucked away on a shelf when they were sixteen, left to collect dust but never forgotten, and now it's been brought back to use, as full of life as ever. They're collapsed together on the bed, on their sides, legs and arms tangled as Carlos spoons him, and Logan's still letting out intermittent giggles, the smile on his face wider than Kendall's ever seen. Carlos is smiling too, nuzzling at his neck and Logan turns into it, closing his eyes. And while part of Kendall wants to jump in, take Logan for himself just like he'd once promised, there's something bigger inside him that makes him think maybe this whole thing isn't all an accident, or random: maybe there's an art to it, an actual way that this works, and even as he thinks it, the pieces are already starting to arrange themselves in the right order, locking into place until everything makes far more sense than it should.
"...So," James muses, voice a little tenuous beneath the jesting tone, "obviously we're going to sleep now."
Logan and Carlos stutter out another soft round of giggles, and Kendall feels something pulling him, physically, to the bed like he's not even in control of his own limbs, and he wonders if that's what this is - if that's what this means, what they have - if it's always going to be like this, this magnetism that pulls them toward the center of the circle where they all become something greater than themselves on their own. And, idly, if it's always going to be this powerful: in public, in interviews; Jesus, on stage, and if he'll be able to control himself.
Most astonishing is that he kind of doesn't care.
They're quick to meet him when he climbs onto the bed, feeling it dip under his hands and knees. Carlos leans over to meet Kendall's mouth, and Logan's pushing himself up to kiss his way across Kendall's chest stretched out taut above Logan's face, and just as his tongue darts out over a nipple, Kendall breaks the kiss, hanging his head limp and loose, hair falling into his eyes because it's all so, so much sensation in this tiny, concentrated bit of universe.
It takes him a few seconds to register James's choked whisper of, "Jesus."
Three heads lift, an overglowing triad of chocolate-amber-green settling on him, a question that only has one answer.
Kendall smiles, tiny and tentative. "You coming?"
"Pretty close," James splutters breathlessly without thinking, eyes unfocused. "Um, I mean - "
He's blushing, James Diamond is blushing, and Kendall doesn't know why, but it makes him blush back, like he's embarrassed to find it so hot. Beside him he can see Logan and Carlos's nervous little smiles, and when Kendall extends out his hand, beckoning James to them, it's a moment of stalled breaths and roaring heartbeats as James watches them all through thick, heavy lashes, lips parted, for a long and gut-wrenching moment before he slowly starts making his way to the bed.
"Yay," Kendall chirps softly, smiling bright when James takes his hand.
"Um." James crawls up beside Kendall, each movement stiff and uncertain. "So, what - "
Kendall pulls James down on top of him and it says, This.
James lets himself fall with a muffled sort of "mphsh" sound that Kendall swallows, and if kissing James was awesome before, it's even better now, feeling his weight pressing down on Kendall just enough for him to feel pleasantly trapped. James tastes like gingerale and Snickers, forever his in-flight sustenance of choice, and it feels so familiar it steals all of Kendall's crystal-clear focus for a brilliant moment, blurring everything else out. When he pulls back, the contrast of clarity shifts, and he finds Carlos straddling Logan's hips, mouths sliding together, their shirts floating gracelessly to the floor.
Kendall reaches over and pinches Carlos's hip. "Impatient much?"
Carlos pinches back, automatic, before pulling back to set a glowing smile on him, edged with mischief. "Make yourself useful and strip."
"Do it yourself."
Kendall's not really thinking when he says it, but Carlos's slow quirk of an eyebrow quickly reminds him that Carlo ha's never been one to reject a challenge.
It's kind of stunning - the slow, deliberate way he moves, gently climbing off Logan as James climbs off Kendall, curling up against his side; and there's a wave of palpable nerves running through Carlos's movements, but it just makes him more beautiful, stripping him of his inhibitions (ha, stripping, oh god what), because when can anything strip Carlos Garcia of his inhibitions, especially as they're so rare and few to begin with?
Kendall can feel James's chest heaving beside him, one of his hands stroking absently at the waist of Kendall's underwear as Kendall sits himself up enough for Carlos to do as he pleases (and just the formation of those words in his mind sends an electric jolt through his veins). Out of the corner of his eye he can see Logan reaching across the bed for James, trailing his hand down over the strong lines of his arm, across the bare skin below the sleeve of his shirt, and somewhere in the blurry beyond, Kendall hears James gasp.
Carlos inches up on him, tucking his hands under the hem of Kendall's t-shirt, and begins a slow, upward slide. It feels perfectly timed, every inch of newly exposed skin revealed with the same kind of precision Carlos uses when he sings. Kendall lifts his arms obligingly, and Logan reaches up to spread one set of spidery fingers out over the flexing muscles of his bare back, stroking lightly.
Kendall shivers and closes his eyes and when he opens them, he's just missed Carlos leaning in, and finds Carlos's lips working over his, brief, teasing, not even enough time for Kendall to kiss back before Carlos pulls away, turning to James.
James looks almost guilty, like's he's been caught at something, and it helps a bit to ease the nerves in Carlos's smile.
Carlos rests his hands on James's knees, and Kendall can see that they're shaking, and he doesn't know why, but it's kind of precious to see Carlos in pieces like this. Kendall thinks maybe, between the three of them, they can put him back together.
"You," Carlos tells James, "are tragically overdressed."
And this certain smile kind of explodes between the two of them then, wide and knowing, nerves gone as Carlos goes to work on his shirt. It's wrinkled from all the time spent on the plane, and Kendall has to admit, it does look much better on the floor next to the others.
He and Logan seem to take it upon themselves to make use of any bit of James that Carlos gives them access to, situated on either side of him and kissing their way down his chest, meeting in the middle and relocating their mouths to each other as Carlos starts on James's belt. Kendall thinks maybe James's making breathy, garbled noises, mostly incoherent swears and bits and pieces of their names and nicknames, but it's kind of hard to pay attention once Carlos slides James's loose, worn jeans easily down his legs and Logan ducks his head to take James into his mouth.
"HolyJesusfuck," James hisses, and it's the most coherent thing he's said so far.
His hands drop to Logan's hair like instinct, and for a few moments they just rest there, stroking and massaging, and Kendall's so lost in the image of Logan's kiss-swollen lips stretched tight around James's dick, dropping down to the base like it's nothing (and from what Kendall can see, James's dick is definitely something) that he almost misses it when James starts pushing Logan off.
"Logan, hey, wait - stop - "
Logan obeys, but his eyes are broken and terrified. "Is it - "
"No, hey." James's hand comes back to his hair, thumb stroking soft across Logan's cheek as he tries to breathe through his smile. "It's just. This is gonna be over so, so fast if you keep doing that."
Logan blushes. "Oh."
"And like, hey," James realizes suddenly, "why am I the only one naked? That's Kendall's job."
Kendall slaps him, out of a sense of duty. "Maybe you should take care of that, lazy ass."
"I'm lazy? You're the one who wouldn't even strip himself."
Kendall turns an eye on Carlos, dark and wickedly suggestive. "I just like Carlos's hands."
It works like whoa, and Carlos turns the shade of pink he used to wear, but his eyes turn wicked too, and Kendall wonders what's there, what's behind it that Carlos's plotting, what else he might like to do to Kendall with those hands. It makes his blood rush and his cock twitch and for a moment everything blurs.
"Well," James starts shakily, but it's all the introduction he needs as he crawls over Carlos, reversing their previous positions, and slips his fingers beneath his waistband. Kendall can almost hear James's heart beating, but he doesn't falter, just tugs until they slide down, and there's a bit of a hitch because Carlos is already motherfucking hard and James has to work the fabric past it without, like, coming in his pants, and Kendall admires how well he manages.
James can't resist giving Carlos's cock a few slow, tentative strokes, eyes and mouth wide at the reactions. Carlos practically melts under his hands, looking tiny and out of control in a way he never has, but James manages to tear himself away, turn his attention to Kendall, and it's no less intense but there's something lighter in it, playful, and when he shoves gently at Kendall, Kendall indulgently plops back against the pillows beside Logan, sharing James's geeky little giggle as his fingers work Kendall's last bit of clothing down and off - but before he can even touch him, Logan's got his fingers around Kendall's cock, gripping firm and hot.
"A little possessive, honey?" Kendall raises a teasing eyebrow at him, and Logan kisses him hard until the only part of his body that can raise worth anything is the one in Logan's hand.
"Shoo," James orders, batting at Logan's hand and pushing at him until Logan falls onto his back, grinning up at James with a world of mischief swarming in his eyes, and Kendall loves that James can do that to Logan, can draw out that inner child somewhere buried inside the eighty-year-old man, and yet still make Logan feel that he's worth everything even those times he can't let loose, when he's wound up so tight no one can pull him out of it.
But he does, James totally does, and they're still grinning in each other's faces (seriously, heart eyes if we're getting right down to it) as Logan lifts his hips and James peels off his boxer briefs - neon blue, stolen from Kendall.
And Kendall seriously, holy god, thinks he'll never get tired of seeing Logan like this, hard, leaking, face wrecked and flushed, and just, fuck.
Logan turns abruptly to him, and okay, Kendall may've breathed that last word out loud, but Logan's yanking him down, spurred on by Kendall's clear lack of control over himself (Kendall's not sure why; it's nothing new), and their mouths crash, hard and perfect and they fit so fucking seamlessly that Kendall kind of can't believe this is the first time he's really full-on kissed Logan in this. It's so easy to lose himself that he does, and it's more intimate, less desperate, than any of their kisses have been all along, ever - so all-consuming it takes a blurred awareness of the sounds above them to finally pull Kendall away.
"Look," Kendall whispers. "Logan."
Their heads turn upward to see James and Carlos at their feet, leaning over them on either side and meeting in a kiss that's somewhere between cautiously frantic and just plain rabid, Carlos's hands gripping James's arms; James is gripping tight at Carlos's hip and the other curled gently around his neck. Kendall knows this is the first time they've had this kind of freedom with each other, and he knows from experience what that feels like, and just the memory makes him dizzy.
Kendall gasps, choked and shameless, reaching out aimlessly, his fingers just itching to touch, to be a part of it, but the tiny bit of contact as he brushes against James's leg is all it takes for them to shift their focus, dropping down to tangle with Kendall and Logan until they're one big, messy pile of mouths, tongues, arms and legs, cocks, breaths, heartbeats, and forty fingers all constantly desperate to touch more than they were the second before. Kendall's kind of awed that it works so effortlessly like this, that it's really no more difficult with four than with two or three. It's messy and uncoordinated and he figures if they were drunk things might get really confusing (but awesomely); elbows bump and teeth clash and sometimes someone gets a little squashed, but it's supposed to be like that: the flaws are what make it perfect, make it real - because to Kendall, the perfection is the fact that this is real.
He's in a weird state where he can vaguely tell whose mouth/arm/hand is whose, but his body's so ahead of his mind that for a few seconds he can't tell, and that's what he loves the most, feeling like part of one: completely cradled, covered, swallowed by these three boys, knowing these people love him more than anyone in the world, and looking back on this night for the rest of his life, that moment, that thought, is the one he knows he'll remember.
Kendall's not used to carrying around this many unvoiced thoughts, especially at a time like this, that his head is swirling viciously, unaware when he vaguely registers Logan reaching behind the pile of limbs to the nightstand, long fingers curling around the handle and tugging until it jerks open. There's a crinkling sound, and Logan struggling to grab onto something, and suddenly there's a foot-long string of square foil wrappers landing in the middle of their pile, strewn across someone's leg and someone else's stomach.
Everyone gradually comes to a halt, harsh breaths filling the silence, and it's kind of strange, finally getting a good look at everyone, tangled and sweat-glistened skin on skin, eyes suddenly wide. It kind of reminds Kendall of a game of Twister, but even aside from that, he totally kind of wants to laugh, because Logan totally just threw like ten condoms at them and, sorry, but Kendall's hella tired and this is funny.
Carlos is the first to react with a snort. "Someone's got a high opinion of his stamina."
Kendall and James crack the fuck up, toppling down onto each other, and Logan tries to glare at Carlos but it's impossible, not with Carlos's gentle smile on him, his hand tracing soft circles into that little crease at the top of Logan's thigh - which Kendall has learned is Logan's weak spot, and, Jesus, Carlos has probably known it for years.
Logan tears off a couple condoms, throws them at Kendall and James as a weapon, and tosses the rest to the ground.
It's a big enough hint that all laughter dies to careful breathing and parted lips, not quite sure where to go from here.
James sits up and bites his lip and looks at Kendall, who picks up the wrapper and stares down at it, turning it around in his palm. When he risks a glance up, Logan's watching him anxiously, and Kendall knows if he ripped it open and rolled it down over himself, no one would think twice. It's too easy.
He reaches out and places the little foil square in Carlos's hand, looking up into his eyes with a careful smile. "I think you've been waiting for this the longest."
Carlos gives him a look that suggests he might want to have Kendall's babies, and for Carlos, that's kind of like having god's favor shine down upon you.
He closes his fingers around the packet and Kendall watches as Carlos turns to Logan, Logan's eyes glowing as they gaze back into his, and they look so young, like just the fact that they're finally sharing this together, picking up where they left off, has taken them right back to that time, but fumbling teenage nerves now making way for the ease of time-worn wisdom; another half a decade spent developing the strongest relationship Kendall's ever witnessed between two people.
Kendall leans in to kiss Logan's temple, and Logan reaches for him automatically but Kendall's got other plans, pulling himself up to stretch an arm out to the same bedside table drawler until Logan whispers, "Under the books," and Kendall pokes around a bit more, fingers scrambling to close around the little bottle, which he presses into James's hand.
James looks at him surprised, like he isn't quite sure what to do with it, and Kendall can't resist the smirk. "That goes on your fingers." James lovingly smacks the back of his head.
But it's not enough to hide the slight shadow that settles across James's face as he turns to Logan. "Is this... are you..."
Logan smiles at him, big and sleepy, and Kendall thinks maybe it'll be easier for Logan like this the first time, doing it with two people who've never done it, so when they fumble, they'll fumble together.
Carlos settles down against Logan's side, pressing little kisses into his neck as James uncaps the bottle and pours a pool of it into his hand, carefully and thoroughly, like it's a science, and Kendall smiles to himself to think of all the ways all the little bits of our lives influence moments like this in the most intriguing ways.
Kendall really can't help himself, just watching Logan like this, chest heaving and sweat-slick as James spills the liquid over his fingers, and he just, he can't, not, and he feels himself dropping forward before he can think about it too much, spreading Logan's legs and dipping his tongue into the tight pucker of Logan's entrance.
"Oh, god," Logan shudders, head to toe. "Kendall. Fuck."
"Shit," Carlos whispers, a high-pitched squeak of awe, and somewhere above him, James just gasps as Kendall works his tongue, licking all around in wide, lazy circles, and slipping inside a bit to get him ready for James's fingers.
James's looking at him like Kendall's accomplished something grand, eyes sparkling, lube dripping from his hands, which have frozen in place.
"A little more," Kendall urges softly, and James obliges, adding another coat to his fingers. "Okay, good."
James takes Kendall's place then in front of Logan, settling between his legs and circling one finger carefully around his hole before nudging forward, his eyes never breaking contact with Logan's.
"Slow," Kendall whispers, "just like - yeah."
Logan's got one hand entwined in both of Kendall's and the other with Carlos's, his breath stuttering as he presses his hips down onto James's finger, urging him deeper, and James gets the hint, working it gently in and out until Kendall sees something desperate flash in Logan's eyes, something Kendall recognizes all too well, and he whispers, "Another."
And really, Kendall had never planned to be the ringmaster here, but it seems to work, so seamlessly, and it's kind of incredible, knowing Logan this well even though they've never made it further than this on their own. It's almost like he's doing it all to Logan himself, acting it out through them: Logan's pleasure still lies in his hands, in his words, and the power makes him utterly dizzy with want.
Logan's face is stunning as James works him open with two, head tilted back and lips bitten red, and there's only the smallest change in his expression all of a sudden but it's enough for Kendall to know James's found that spot, and Kendall tells him gently, "Do that again."
James does whatever he'd done, watching in awe as Logan melts into it, head falling to the side as he whimpers helplessly into Carlos's neck. Carlos's mouth is just hanging open, like he can't believe it's all real, and Kendall makes a mental note of how fucking good Carlos looks with his mouth open; to tell him later and watch him put that mouth to use with snark, or maybe something better.
"One more," Kendall says, and James's careful as fuck with the third; it's a tight fit and he can see the tension in Logan's face, but it seems James's a quick learner (another valuable mental note; Kendall has plenty he'd like to teach him) because he finds that sweet spot again on the first push, and Logan's honest to god writhing underneath him now, pressing down against James's hand, his body moving in waves as he thrusts, and it's so fucking beautiful Kendall almost forgets this is up to him now, in his hands. The thought makes him reel and his throat is parched when he chokes out, "Los."
Carlos does not need to be told twice; it's like he was on alert, like a fucking boy scout as he rips open the packet and carefully slides it down over himself, exchanging one of those secret smiles with Logan and kissing him sweetly, before he nudges at him. "Over on your side?" he suggests, his voice a bundle of nerves. "So they can kiss you, yeah?"
Kendall would feel a little peeved that Carlos is taking over ringmaster duties with all these awesome ideas, only, said awesome ideas sound highly beneficial to Kendall, so he lets it slide.
Slide, and, oh god, slick, and wet, and okay, now he's watching Carlos line himself up against Logan's ass, hand curled firm around Logan's hip, and just watching this might end things much sooner for Kendall than he'd like.
But Carlos is looking to Kendall now, eyes wide, and Kendall smiles at him, grateful for the distraction. "Um, slow, right? Like, an inch at a time. Wait for him to adjust."
Logan's reaching for James as Carlos starts to move, spilling a broken moan into James's mouth as the head of Carlos's cock pushes through. Kendall drops down to Logan's side next to James, hovering over him, and whispers, "Okay?" in his ear. Logan nods blindly, fingers tight around James's arms. "Relax for him," Kendall breathes. "Let him in."
And apparently Logan's taking this as dirty talk (good to know, Kendall notes), because all in one moment his cock twitches, James notices and wraps a hand around it, and Logan pulls Kendall down to him and gasps against his mouth as Carlos pushes in the rest of the way, agonizingly slow and finally stilling with his hips flush against Logan's ass.
Carlos buries his face in the back of Logan's neck, under the damp, matted tangle of hair, and breathes roughly, like he's trying to steady himself and remember he's not fifteen, and coming right now would probably suck pretty hard. He whispers, "Fuck," and then, "you okay?"
Logan nods shakily, a crooked smile stretching over his lips as he angles his head to the side so Carlos can kiss him. "Move already, dork."
Carlos lets out a breathless puff of laughter and honors his request, pulling out just slightly and thrusting gently back in, and again, already shifting his hips to find the right angle, and, success. Logan moans into the nearest mouth, which happens to be James's, because Kendall can't take his fucking eyes off this, and, heh. It figures Carlos would be a natural at this. Kendall makes another mental note and tries to stave off images of himself with Carlos on top of him, pinning his wrists down (with those hands) and slamming into him as James whispers filth into his ear and Logan's fingers stroke teasingly over his dick, and.
And, right. Maybe Kendall needs to remember he's not fifteen either, even though his body would like to disagree.
Kendall sits up a bit, taking James with him, and for a moment they just watch this unfold, sitting back on their heels in front of the other two, James wrapping his arms around Kendall from behind, one to lock around his chest and hold him in place (Kendall's favorite move ever, how did James know), and the other coming to curl around Kendall's dick, making experimental little strokes as he nuzzles into Kendall's neck and pushes forward a bit, his dick rubbing lightly against Kendall's ass. Kendall tries to bite back a moan and fails miserably, causing Logan and Carlos to look up at them in awe, mouths dropped. It all makes it much, much harder to concentrate on the sight - Carlos and Logan having found a rhythm, their fingers entwined securely against Logan's chest, Logan whispering Carlos's name like he can't believe Carlos is here and needs proof; both of them so fucking beautiful together, the contrast of sharp angles and their obvious need for Carlos's gentle curves to balance them out - that finally Kendall can't take it anymore, wrapping his hand around James's on his dick and bringing it up to his mouth, sucking in the three fingers he'd had inside Logan only minutes before.
James collapses a bit against his back then, pressing his face into Kendall's shoulder, his breaths hot and hard on Kendall's skin, before he gently guides Kendall down to the bed to face Logan, settling behind him and gently sliding the first finger inside him.
He's not quite as gentle as he was with Logan, like he knows they both need this five minutes ago, and Kendall loves it, urging him to two and three before Logan's even opened his eyes and figured out what's going on. He gasps when he does, and Kendall smiles lazily at him, his eyes unfocused and half-lidded, letting his body go limp as James works him steadily open, the efforts pushing Kendall closer to Logan with every thrust. They share a couple of hazy, pecking sort of kisses, noses bumping lightly, hands cradling each other's cheeks, until Kendall feels James slip out of him and he whimpers from the loss, shivering as James moves away. At last he hears the unmistakable sound of foil being ripped open, and an agonizing stretch of silence before James settles back against him, lining up and carefully pushing forward, following Kendall's earlier advice of slowslowslow, but Kendall's no virgin here and he's about to explode as it is, so he arches his back and pushes back against James's hips and hopes he gets the hint.
"Fuck, Ken."
He gets the hint.
And it's been so fucking long since he's done this that he'd almost forgotten, but the feeling is only a thousand times improved for how much time has passed. It feels like the first time again (Beau's soft purrs of encouragement, gentle fingers massaging the small of Kendall's back), the stretch just barely teetering on the good side of painful, the slow-burning drag as James pulls out and thrusts gently back in, so good Kendall almost wants to cry.
Logan, for his part, looks like he's going to pass out if Kendall doesn't start kissing him for real, so he does, and it's wildly different from any other kiss ever, because the force of James and Carlos's thrusts are setting the rhythm for their mouths, leaving them with only a sliver of control over their kisses. It makes Kendall's head impossibly fuzzy to think their tongues are dipping into each other's mouths at the same moment James and Carlos are disappearing inside them, and just when he thinks he's close to death by sensory overload, Logan reaches down and wraps his fingers around Kendall's dick.
Kendall makes some embarrassing noise that may or may not be a moan, or possibly some awkward mating call in primitive cultures, but Logan takes it as encouragement and begins to stroke him a little more firmly, with purpose, and Kendall's hand comes automatically to match him, closing over Logan's cock and starting to pull upward with slow, thorough strokes. Logan melts, like completely melts, limbs turning liquid and his body starting to move obscenely between Kendall and Carlos, snaking one leg over Kendall's hip, his eyelids fluttering shut but always opening again, always coming back to look at Kendall before they fall into another kiss, share another breath.
The noises they're exchanging are enough to steal James and Carlos's attention. James looks up first, muttering some string of curses when he sees them together, bringing each other off with lazy, sleepy strokes; Carlos lifts his head from where he's kissing the back of Logan's neck and gasps, reaching forward for James's hand, which has started crawling aimlessly across the two of them like it doesn't know what it wants other than to touch.
Their hands meet in the middle, just over Logan's hip, fingers interlocking so they can read each other's rhythm, start to match it, so they're fucking at the same pace, the same beat, pushing Kendall and Logan toward each other with every thrust and that's all it takes for Kendall, the overwhelming sensation of being lost in all their collective rhythms, and he's spilling hot and fierce all over Logan's hand - and finally, in that moment, everything finally shoots into full-blown clarity, no more blurred edges, but something bright-white, greater than just vision, something that feels more like some kind of nirvana.
"Oh, shit," James stutters, and Kendall knows he's feeling it, Kendall's tight heat clenching around him, and apparently that's enough for James too, because his own rhythm turns erratic and choppy before his hips still entirely, pressed flush against Kendall's ass, and finally relaxing.
When Kendall thinks to open his eyes again, it's clear Logan's close (and Kendall will never get over the fact that he can tell that), and judging by the harshness of Carlos's breath, he's right there with him.
When James eases out, dropping a soft, reverent kiss to Kendall's shoulder, everything seems to happen in a liquid progression as they slowly slip out of the four-bodied circle, disentangling: Kendall shifts his whole body downward on the bed, dipping his head to take Logan full into his mouth, sucking him down deep, tracing his tongue around the the tip of the head every time he pulls up, and Logan's lost, his fingers digging deep into Kendall's hair to ground himself as Carlos speeds up his thrusts, gasping sharp against Logan's skin.
Kendall looks up briefly to see what set Carlos off, and suddenly there's James behind him, moulded against Carlos's back, watching Carlos slip in and out of Logan with an entranced glaze in his eyes. Kendall's just in time to see James suck one finger into his mouth before it disappears between Carlos's legs, and then it's over. Carlos is moaning, stuttered and raw as he comes, biting down on Logan's shoulder, and suddenly Kendall's mouth is filled with Logan's release, hot and deliciously strong on his tongue.
Before he can really recover or even swallow, Kendall feels a gentle tug on his shoulder, and he pulls himself up, finding James cupping his cheek to pull him in for a kiss. They lean over Carlos and Logan, and Kendall opens up for him at James's insistence, hoping this is what James was going for or he might be a little freaked out. But James just pushes eagerly past his lips, his tongue stealing the last of Logan's release from Kendall's mouth, and below them, Logan makes this choked, awestruck gasp and Carlos fucking squeaks.
Kendall splutters a bit, giggling as he pulls away, and he can feel a few drops of come still trailing down the corners of his mouth.
"Too kinky for you, Mitchell?" he teases.
Carlos's eyes narrow and darken with shocking speed and intensity, and it makes Kendall shiver all over. Carlos lifts himself up, one hand gripping the back of Kendall's neck as he yanks him forward, tongue lapping up the last of Logan's release.
"That," he breaths between relentless kisses, a smile forming against Kendall's cheek, "is mine."
Kendall tries to make another mental note, but the way his brain's working now (or rather, isn't), it's stored rather primitively as, Litos, kink, good.
He falls back down against Logan, tangling their legs as Logan tucks his head under Kendall's chin, and James falls down to Carlos's other side, wrapping around him fully. His eyes are already shut when Logan whispers in a sleepy haze, "Did anyone close the door?"
Three chests rumble lazily with their bodies' exhausted attempts at laughter, and James assures him he did.
Kendall feels someone take his hand, but he's asleep before he can figure out who.
It's bizarre, waking up like this, with the late June sun low in the sky from descent, rather than ascent. The light's as low as it would be in the morning, but it's lazier now, contented, finally ready to settle.
James twists around a bit, extracting his arm from beneath Carlos's to look at the nightstand clock. Eight o'clock. At night. He's been asleep for nineteen hours. His lips stretch into a grin as he falls back to the pillow.
Shifting some more, the first thing he notices is Logan's absence, and while it doesn't worry him, really, it makes him too curious to consider going back to sleep.
He drags himself out of bed, finding someone's boxers and slipping them on. Carlos and Kendall have easily filled Logan's space, having squashed themselves together, Kendall's head pillowed on Carlos's chest, an arm slung across him, with Carlos's arm curled protectively around Kendall's shoulders as he snores softly. Kendall, dead to the world, doesn't seem to notice.
Making his way downstairs, James first thinks he sees a light in the kitchen, but it turns out it's just the sun, shooting its last bright rays into the large window by the little breakfast table. That's where he finds Logan, curled up a little gingerly on the cushioned seat in the nook of the window, a stack of photographs in his lap and surrrounding him on the seat.
"Do you always sit like there's a pine cone on your chair?"
Logan looks up, grinning lazily when he sees James. "No, only when I've been fucked into next week, I guess."
He gathers up the photos sprawled across the seat to make room for James, and James settles beside him. It's so easy to follow when Logan leans in for a kiss; long, sun-warmed fingers curling around James's chin, James's hand coming to rest at Logan's hip. Their knees bump and Logan's tongue curls into his and the sun spreads out across James's bare back and he's never felt more at peace in his life.
Their lips are still brushing, grinning into each other, when Logan finally says, "I have a daughter."
James chuckles sleepily. "I know."
Logan blinks.
"I... Beau accidentally let it slip. I mean, he figured you'd rather I hear it from you, but we were drunk. I was gonna mention it last night but, uh... we were kind of busy." He smiles shyly, and Logan beams. "Logan, I - fuck, I'm so happy. You're gonna be the most amazing father ever."
Logan reaches out across his photo-filled lap and touches James's hand. "So are you."
James blinks, and he feels something like pride swell in his chest, and something like tears swell in his eyes.
"I - " Logan backtracks quickly, realizing the stark candidness of his statement. "I mean, if you want - I mean - it's not like. I just."
James squeezes Logan's fingers gently, interlacing them with his own. "I do."
Logan looks suddenly terrified, like this was too easy and it's just going to blow up in his face, and James hates that that's still a natural pattern for him. "I - seriously?"
James grins, eyes sparkling. "More than anything."
Logan barks a small, scared laugh. "I just - James, I'm fucking scared. What if I suck? What if I..." He trails off, staring out the window.
"Logan. Look at me." James waits until he does. "You won't. You won't be your father. I promise."
"How do you know?"
"Because you care enough to be terrified that you will."
Logan's face relaxes a bit as he slips into a smile, fingers tracing absently over the edge of a photo.
"What are all these?" James asks, picking one up.
"Stuff over the years that Guitar Dude took."
James scans through a few, breaking into a chuckle when he uncovers one of the four of them in the back of the bus, three of them holding up Kendall, who's sprawled indecently across their arms in his tiara. Even Logan was tipsy enough to snake a hand down Kendall's chest to grope his nonexistent breast.
"I'm in love with the dumbest guys ever," James says fondly, and Logan beams, snuggling up to his side and pressing a kiss against his neck.
"Hey now, no shenanigans in the kitchen," Carlos's sleep-scratchy voice drawls through a smile.
"Fuck you, Garcia," Kendall counters, appearing behind him, butt-naked except for his glasses. "Kitchen sex is fabulous."
"You're fabulous. And by fabulous I mean gay."
"Says the dude who licked his best friend's come off my lips last night."
Carlos turns beet red, chooses to retaliate by ignoring him completely, and leans down to kiss Logan and James before digging around in the cupboards. Kendall waggles his eyebrows, mouths I win! to them both behind Carlos's back, and plops down on Logan's lap, kissing them both more thoroughly than any morning kiss should ever allow, and James loves it. Logan encircles his arms around Kendall tightly, dropping a sweet trail of kisses along his neck while Kendall purrs, leaning into it with closed eyes and an innocent, contented smile.
"Whatchya makin'?" James calls across the kitchen.
"Pancakes," Carlos says through a yawn. "Kendall and I have an arrangement."
"He makes pancakes, I eat them," Kendall explains.
"And does laundry for a week."
"Bitch ain't doin' my laundry," Logan announces, yawning. "Last time he washed my cardigans on delicate."
"They are delicate, you dick!"
"They're hand wash only!"
Kendall smirks. "Hand wash this," he counters, cupping his crotch; Logan blushes and huffs and pulls him closer, and that's the end of that.
"You lazy-asses gonna help, or what?" Carlos calls.
They pull themselves up reluctantly, and Logan makes himself useless by getting out paper plates because he's forgotten where his actual plates are. Kendall gets out the Pop-Tarts and a Coke, drinks half of it in one go, creeps up behind Carlos while he's stirring the batter and starts grinding against his ass.
Carlos yelps, batter goes flying while Logan snorts his amusement, and James settles for cackling from a safe distance.
Carlos lunges for Kendall with the spatula and Logan launches a stealth attack from behind with a paper plate. James tells him it's a cowardly move, sneaking up behind a man like that, and proceeds to throw bits of flour at Logan until Kendall makes fairy dust jokes and starts threatening the lot of them with his bottle of "E-Z-Squirt" syrup.
Outside the kitchen window, past Logan's inexplicably plum-colored drapes that only make sense now, set against the backdrop of the sky, the first splashes of orange and pink begin to sweep over blue, gearing up for the sun to rest.