NEGAN
He was riding high, heading higher, and very much aware of how much shit he was going to be in with three different people if he got to where he was going. He was under a microscope held by Alpha and he was walking around with a ticking time bomb that had Merle's name on it, but he had nine solid months to come up with a way to tell Milton that he'd had a necessary but regretful affair with Andrea and in all honesty, that was the encounter he feared the most. He and Milton were giving each other space, but Milton always forgave him; it was the one thing Negan knew Milton would come through for. No matter what Negan did, Milton couldn't hate him out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness, so after this argument between them had blown over, Milton would be on his side once again…until the baby came.
Negan started paying Heather to watch Finley as his commanding duties of the Deltas kept him busy and out of his apartment which coincidentally had been relocated to ten floors up. It took up the same square footage as four apartments on the lower floors and his meager belongings looked so out of place in the large area that he went to Alpha for permission to leave The Community for extended periods with a pickup truck and find furniture and knick-knacks for himself.
In addition to items for himself, he would bring back toys for Finley, Judith, and Oliver. He would find chew toys for his dogs and decorations that he thought Andrea might like though he had nothing to go on because despite knowing her inside and out, he didn't know the first thing about her taste in—anything. The large hauls he returned with mostly went up to his new living space, but he would sell some of the scavenged items and put the profit toward the Delta commune donation which was how the Deltas were able to afford entry-level items for up-and-comers. He let Andrea pick whatever she wanted and soon hers and Milton's apartment looked quite homey which seemed to make her happy enough. Some hauls were bountiful enough that he also would set aside a few select items that might earn him some brownie points with the others: Beth and Asher, Owen, Bob, Carol. Most of them were still sleeping on collections of blankets and sleeping bags, but Negan found a new housing development (or at least, it had been new when the end began) and he brought back several nearly pristine—if slightly dusty—mattresses which he distributed to those of the prison group who would take them. Elliot refused, as did Asher, though Beth had no problem accepting one on her boyfriend's behalf.
Soon, his apartment started to look like his old Savior quarters though without the dinginess and his luxury started to settle in with him again. He had lived at the top and bottom, in wealth and poverty, and he knew which he preferred. His son wouldn't want for anything and people started to treat him with the same respect they showed the Betas—except they weren't terrified of him. He didn't have to murder people daily with Lucille to earn that respect, though he wasn't above doing it if he needed to. Domestic disturbance was at an all-time low and he had even helped to catch a thief who had been breaking into the pharmacy every week for eight months and constant raids of houses by the Betas had yielded no evidence. The thief was apprehended by Negan doing a quick sweep of several bystanders who all waved to him—except one. In catching the man who was sentenced to eleven months behind bars as a start in addition to public flogging, Alpha rewarded Negan with a fully stocked artillery locker. It was definitely a perk since Deltas still weren't allowed to carry firearms inside the walls.
Then, when he had checked off November 29th on the calendar Alpha had given him, Andrea came to him as he was getting ready to leave for the stables to try his hand at horseback riding.
"I told Milton," she said, which made him drop Lucille with a loud clatter.
"You what?"
"I told him I was pregnant with his baby."
"Jesus, woman, you could've phrased it like that from the beginning."
"Oops."
"Are we in the clear for now?"
"Until the baby comes out looking like you, yes, you're safe," said Andrea grimly.
"Then let's hope it looks like you so we never have to have that conversation with Milton."
He would be lying if he didn't feel the slightest uncomfortable something in his gut at the thought of Milton and Andrea having intercourse, but he had to mentally slap himself for thinking that. They were a married couple and Andrea did not belong to him. They could have intercourse anytime they wanted and he was a fool for wishing he could still do the same with her. He had to watch himself if those kind of thoughts were already starting to creep up inside of him. No matter whose baby it was, it was still Milton's family and if Negan got in the way of that again, he'd be better off jumping off the high rises before they could get to him.
"How's that lava lamp workin' for the kids?" asked Negan to cover his uncomfortable pause.
"It's great, they love it," said Andrea tersely.
"Well, I should get going. Gotta teach Milton how to ride a horse."
Andrea looked surprised. "You ride?"
Negan couldn't help the twisted smile that came over his face at her choice of phrasing. "Do I ever, darlin'."
With a disgusted roll of her eyes, Andrea opened the door to leave, but he slipped out before her. "Anything I can get you while I'm out?"
"A better sense of humor."
He ran his finger under her chin. "You wouldn't like me with a different sense of humor." Taking off before she could reply, he had a slight spring to his step as he made for the staircase. Unlucky for him, he happened to meet one of the less accepting members of his people going down the stairs as she was coming up, and she looked pissed.
Reece dropped a bag of canned goods at his feet. "We'll get our own supplies. Keep your charity." Even as she said so, Negan got a look at her skinnier form, her sunken cheeks, and heard a gurgle from her stomach.
"It takes a very prideful person to turn down food when there's a shortage. Are you really gonna choose to go hungry over eatin' food I more or less earned for free in bringing in a wild pig?"
"That's right," said Reece stubbornly.
"I hope you realize that that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
"The less we owe you, the faster we can boot you out of our lives."
"And how does that logic work out? I run the police force up in here and we're not going anywhere anytime soon. You've been hangin' out with Asher too much."
"No, actually, I've been sewing leather jackets for the Deltas. Carol and I work as seamstresses, Owen works in supply stocking, and Axel, and Bob work the generators. We have one small apartment for the five of us and three dogs because Mercury and Anchorage were community dogs, but someone had to claim them or they'd be put down. And Alpha has me on weekly meetings with one of your Deltas, so thanks for asking."
Negan's insides went cold. Here he was, so consumed with how his actions affected Milton's family and Skylar's that he had hardly given a second thought to those people who had vouched for him (or at least tolerated him) and gotten him this far, who had taken him and his son in when they had no reason to. True, he had provided for them or at least attempted to, but they didn't want his help and wanted even less to do with him, so he had kept his distance and in doing so, he hadn't seen how bad their situations became. Reece, Carol, Bob, Axel, Owen, and by that extent, Beth, Asher, and Hershel—they did not have the easy paths to success that Negan had had. Becoming Delta so easily and so early had given him privileges but those who were doing hard labor and earning almost nothing for their efforts were not living the lives of luxury that Negan and Merle were. It was beginning to come full circle into Savior territory.
So what could he say to Reece, to a woman who found no attraction in men and yet was being raped by one every week? That he was sorry? She'd kill him.
"Has he hurt you? Tell me who he is and I—"
"Domino, that's his Delta name, and he's gay, so we both lucked out. Alpha just has to think that we're doing it and after two years when she sees no results, she'll piss off. But don't bother yourself with me, Negan. Don't start caring now either; it's not in your character."
"What if I told you I don't care, but that it's still wrong, so I'm gonna do something about it?"
"I've survived the past two months without having to talk to you and I'd like to continue doing that so stay the hell away from me and my people."
"They're our people now, sunspot."
"They can't be, ever. You don't get to have people that belong to you if you killed one of their own."
She was wrong. For Negan's sake and his son's, she had to be wrong.
"Everyone's entitled to their own wrong opinion, honey."
"Don't bring us anything else; it'll just go to waste," said Reece, and marched off back down to her floor. He picked up the bag of food and followed her, but instead of heading to her apartment, he went the other way to Asher and Beth's studio apartment that he had the key code for. As Delta commander, he had access to every apartment that belonged to someone lower in rank than him and after consulting the list provided to him by Harris, he punched in Asher's code and opened the door.
Inside, Asher was sitting at the tiny table the space provided and across from him, Elliot was deep in discussion with the younger man.
"Hey, shithead," called Negan, and Asher looked up from where he had been pouring over some papers.
"What?" asked the other man distractedly.
"Don't say 'what', you idiot," snapped Elliot. "What kind of response is that? He comes in here calling you a shithead and your first instinct is to say 'what'? The hell's the matter with you?"
"I just had a not so pleasant conversation with Reece and she's never been smart enough to make decisions for herself, which is how she got landed with the Saviors to begin with, so the stuff coming out of her mouth had you written all over it. I'm only gonna tell you this once, kid, stop puttin' ideas in your friends' heads. They can't afford to turn down food like you can. Merle's seen to it that you, your girl, and Hershel get shares of his earnings, but I'm the only person makin' enough to provide for the rest of 'em and they're turning their noses up at what I'm givin' 'em because of those cozy little sessions y'all been having. Cut it out before you get your pals killed."
"She made the decision to leave you, so she's smart enough in my book," Asher retorted.
"She's also starving because she's lettin' your dick do her thinking for her." Negan tossed the bag of canned food onto Asher's bed as he stood at the table, Lucille resting atop Asher's papers. "If she won't take 'em from me, let her take 'em from you but you stop turnin' these people against me when I'm trying to help."
"We're still these people to you, are we?"
Negan had saved one can for a response just like this and promptly threw it at Asher, pegging him in the cheek hard enough to give him an instant bruise. Elliot was already scrambling for cover when Negan flipped the table and knocked Asher out of his seat. "You're a useless puddle of human excrete, kid, and I'm gonna make sure they come for your head when they're lookin' for someone to string up." He left Asher where he had fallen and made his exit, welcoming a fight, but the young man had none to give.
He knew he had given several passerby dirtier looks than they warranted, but he was doing his best to calm himself before he got to the stables. Horses picked up on human emotions, much like dogs, and he didn't want his mount to be frightened of him. The stables had been built before the chompers were added to the town, but that didn't stop Alpha from setting up the canopy with metal walls that contained the chompers right next to the horses' turf. In retrospect, it was actually a brilliant idea, putting the horses in close proximity to death so that they wouldn't be spooked if they came across a chomper and throw their rider. It was also cruel, but effective, and Negan would have to start finding a way to either relocate the dead to another area of the town or move the stables since he figured that most of the horses knew the smell by now and hearing the chompers at all hours of the day was just causing them unnecessary stress.
He climbed the watchtower that looked down into the chomper pit and saw that they had been packed in like sardines so that there was no way to move about, but the canopy protected them against the elements to an extent. He was glad to see where Alpha's priorities were.
"What does she use them for?" asked Milton, arriving beside him with Merle and gazing upon the hundred-odd bodies.
"Scare tactics, probably. She could threaten to throw family members of the unwilling in there. Maybe she's hoarding them to use as a weapon to unleash on the city if they rise up against her, but that would open up a whole new can of worms."
"No, it wouldn't," said Merle. "Nobody 'cept Betas got firearms an' most people here ain't got a clue how t'handle biters, so they'd have t'run or fight back with gardenin' tools. She's hoardin' 'em as a contingency plan an' she's got plans t'make the corral bigger so that there's more biters than people. Then she'll tell 'em t'give up their kids or be eaten alive an' when they do, she'll take the kids an' leave the parents out in the cold. Crazy-ass bitch."
As horrifying as it sounded, Negan had to admit that where Alpha was concerned, it seemed plausible.
"If that sorta shit goes down, y'all get your asses to my apartment."
"Hell, no, I'm goin' over the wall an' I'm takin' everyone I can with me," said Merle.
"But what if it happens in the dead of winter, Merle? The children wouldn't make it and neither would the elderly," said Milton.
"Y'really wanna take your chances here if that woman lets these biters loose on everyone? That'll mean you too, y'know. She don't like you."
"That's a discussion for another day," said Negan, wishing he hadn't seen what he just had. It certainly was an awful thing to consider, but he wouldn't put it past Alpha, even if the chompers were being used solely to make suits for the Betas for the time being. And that was a whole other can of words that Negan didn't want Merle and Milton to dive into. "C'mon, let's see how you boys measure up as horseback riders."
"I thought only Betas were allowed horses," Milton pointed out as they went around to the stables where an attendant was walking the horses one by one around the pasture. There were around forty horses, so the stables were indeed large, but some had a brand mark with the Greek beta on it while others were not yet marked. Negan let the attendant know they were there for some practice and upon seeing their jackets, the attendant went to grab three horses for them that were not branded.
"Citizens who aren't Deltas or Betas can't ride horses, but the Betas prefer them—makes 'em taller or some bullcrap," said Negan as the attendant handed the reins of a stallion to Merle. "They're quieter than cars and make for better alarms against chompers. The only problem is earning one's trust. It's a good thing these guys are already tame, otherwise we'd have a whole different problem on our hands."
"Merle doesn't seem to be having a problem at all," Milton pointed out, which was true, for Merle had coaxed a horse to its knees to assist him in pulling himself up into the saddle. Once he sat comfortably in it, he urged the horse to stand and took it for a trot around the pasture. Milton looked after him enviously and Negan ruffled Milton's hair.
"You'll get the hang of it and look twice as good when you do."
Negan could see that Milton was still looking put out at how easily these things came to Merle despite his handicap. Even with two hands, Milton couldn't handle a motorcycle or a horse. It wasn't fair and Negan knew Milton would feel childish admitting it, but these necessary life skills favored Merle over Milton and he had to work twice as hard to earn them despite Merle being the handicapped one. And in addition to that, he had no charisma whereas Negan was able to charm his way in and out of situations that would leave Milton stuck in the mud, situations that Merle's survival skills could also assist him in. Milton had none of those things and not visibly excelling in them had to be demoralizing.
"Buck up, son, most people never learned to ride a horse, so consider this a rare opportunity and even if you're terrible, you'll still know how."
"That might just be the worst pep talk ever delivered," mumbled Milton, accepting the reins of a spotted mare from the attendant.
"Says this one here's Sally Girl," said Negan, readying the tag sewn into the horse's mane. "We'll try you out on her. Grasp the horn in your left hand and the rear of the saddle in your right, put your left foot in the stirrup, and hoist."
Milton approached the large, broad side of the horse and she turned her head slowly to blink at him. He followed Negan's instructions, but Sally Girl paced slightly and Milton's foot fell out of the stirrup. Trying to bring her to a halt long enough for him to mount, Milton followed her around, but she was clearly teasing him and Negan suspected that she could sense his inexperience. Merle made a few rounds in the pasture and each time Milton failed to even get his standing foot to leave the ground. More than once he fell in the mud, though Sally Girl never overstepped so that he was in danger of being trampled. She simply stopped when he fell and stood over him and with each failure, Negan found it harder and harder to keep his amusement off of his face as he took a seat on the railing.
Finally, when Milton's foot got caught in the stirrup and he lay in the mud, struggling to free himself, Negan called out to him. "Speaking statistically, you should have at least gotten halfway on by now," he said, which earned him a deep scowl from Milton.
"Then you get on the damned thing," said Milton, lowering his hands before he could attempt another mount. "I don't need to be doing this if I'm not going to be riding one."
"Who says you aren't? You can't ride a motorcycle out there all the time and you can't suck at riding a horse worse than riding a motorcycle."
"Your vote of confidence is overwhelming."
Merle finally took pity on him, rode up beside him, and grabbed the back of Milton's coat to help pull him up into the saddle. Sally Girl stilled as she felt Milton settled into her saddle and once Milton had the reins in his hands, he froze.
"Well?" prompted Negan.
"Now what?" asked Milton.
"Now you do somethin'. Tell 'er t'go," said Merle.
Milton made a click with his tongue and Sally Girl started off at an easy stride, but even that was enough to make Milton pitch forward and hug her sides with his legs, grasping the horn fearfully.
"That's a whole mile an hour you're doin', Milt-man, slow her down," chided Negan as he took the last horse, a dazzling black gelding from the attendant. "Butch, huh? You are one fine-lookin' specimen, my friend. Let's see how we do." He had ridden horses on his grandparents' farm as a kid and his last go-around had been when he was nineteen, but if his muscle memory was to be relied on, he wasn't going to be too rusty. His legs were longer than Milton's so he had no trouble swinging himself up into place and Butch gave a snort as he took Negan's weight.
"Alright, buddy, let's take it at a slow trot." Nudging Butch's sides with his heels ever so slightly, he urged the horse into a casual gait, bringing him up beside Milton who was having no success in getting Sally Girl to turn left. Meanwhile, Merle had turned his horse to face Sally Girl and was making it walk backwards to try and egg Milton's stubborn steed onward.
"I guess the animal charm doesn't extend to all animals," said Negan.
"They gave me a defective edition," said Milton with a fair level of snark.
"Does she have any special commands that she knows?" Negan asked the attendant.
"No, sir, she's normally the horse we use on new riders and I picked your friend out as the new rider of the three of you, no disrespect meant, sir. I don't know why she's being so difficult right now."
Heaving a sigh of exasperation, Milton leaned sideways to look the horse in one of her eyes. She seemed to take some sort of direction from him and turned left but as suddenly as she gave in to Milton's command, something spooked her and she reared, but Milton held on and then she took off, straight for the fence. Milton had the good sense to throw himself off but no sooner had he landed hard in the mud that Sally Girl came to a dead stop just short of the fence in a fake out, then walked back over to Milton and stood beside him, waiting for him to mount again, but Milton lay where he was, digging into his jacket pocket for an inhaler which he clamped his lips around and took two deep, greedy puffs of.
"Hot damn, son, when'd you get on that thing?" asked Negan.
"Soon as I could afford it," wheezed Milton. "Not used to the altitude. Harder to breathe for Ollie and me."
Great, thought Negan. That put Milton into even more of a precarious situation if he happened to dissolve into an asthma attack at a crucial moment.
Sally Girl scuffed the ground with her front hoof impatiently.
"No," said Milton, picking himself up and heading out. Sally Girl ran around to block him from leaving and every time he tried to get around her, she nudged him back with her hindquarters. "Well, then, what?" asked Milton, speaking to her as if she were a difficult human being. "This has to be an equal partnership and it's looking very one-sided to me."
"She's testin' you, boy," said Merle. "She wants t'see if you'll give up or if you're really committed t'doin' this."
"I grant that they're intelligent beasts, but they aren't capable of critical thinking on that level," said Milton doubtfully. "And I'm soaked through and sore already, so I'm done."
Sally Girl came around behind him and rested her chin on his shoulder, snorting into his hair.
"I think she likes you," said Negan, jumping down from Butch. He cupped his hands below Sally Girl's stirrup and waited. Milton hesitated, but then grasped Negan's shoulder, making sure to pinch in his grip as he hoisted himself into the saddle.
"Easy does it, kiddo. She can sense fear."
"There's nothing to be afraid about in riding a horse. And in any case, I'm not afraid of her, I'm annoyed with her."
Sally Girl kicked her hind legs and nearly unseated Milton and Negan laughed as he mounted Butch again. "She can also sense bullshit."
They kept at it for another two hours and if it was possible, Milton got worse as they went on, finally calling it quits when Sally Girl sat down so that he fell off and then went around to grab the back of his jacket in her teeth and start to drag him. Though slightly sore on his backside, Negan considered the session to be a success and as he was helping Butch to roll in the dirt to cool down, he sensed that he was being watched and saw Harris and two additional Betas standing on the other side of the railing.
"Not bad," he commented.
Negan had no desire to talk to the man, for he was still nursing the scabbed skin that Harris had torn off of him. He ignored the Head Beta for as long as he could, knowing some sort of conversation was coming and sure enough, when he tried to lead Butch from the pasture, Harris blocked him off.
"Alpha's been watching you and Dixon. She wants you two to accompany a Beta beyond the wall and see how you handle the horses on rough terrain. If all goes well, you'll get a horse all to yourself and be able to go on runs with it."
"And why do I need Beta supervision when I've been going on my own runs for weeks without one?"
"That's probably a question for Alpha, but since this is a demand from her, we'll deal with that first. You'll be heading out with Mulligan, I'm sure you remember him. Meet him at the tunnel at seven in the morning. Also, you'll have the company of one of your people: the kid who shovels shit in the stables."
"Why on God's dying earth is he coming?" Negan demanded.
"Because in addition to tending the stables, he's gotten pretty good at riding himself since he has to deal with horses all day and if he can prove himself on this run, he'll be promoted. Alpha's decision, so deal with it. We have to work with people we don't like, don't we?"
Otherwise I would've socked you in the face by now.
So now he had a fun day of riding with Merle and Asher to look forward to.
/ /
Asher, as it turned out, was an amazing rider and even with following three people he hated, he was happier than Negan had ever seen him, talking to his loaned horse and taking it for a trot whenever Mulligan brought them to a halt to check sets of tracks or raid a house. After searching for anything useful, Mulligan would spray a Beta letter on the door to let other Betas know that the house was devoid of supplies and now only housed secondary items like furniture.
They didn't stop for lunch, eating their pre-packed meals of apples and jerky on the go. Negan's rear end was starting to get extremely sore from being in the saddle all day, but he didn't complain because he knew he would get lip from one of these three assholes he was traveling with and an argument right now wasn't worth it if it wouldn't amount to anything.
Mulligan had finally announced that they could turn back when Negan measured about two hours left of sunlight overhead. He turned Butch around but then caught sight of movement in the valley a good quarter mile below them. It was difficult to make anything out for certain, but it looked like a crawling line of something on the move. Pointing it out silently to the others, he grew irritated that the trees blocked most of the view.
"Probably some of the dead clumped together. They all fall into the lowlands at some point and get stuck down there," said Mulligan without interest.
"It's moving faster than walkers, more deliberately," said Asher. "Unless they've developed the ability to run."
"I'll find out," said Merle, leading his horse, Tassel, to a nearby sturdy tree. He used it as a balance as he stood up in his saddle and then stuck one foot up onto the lowest hanging branch.
"And just where are you going?" asked Negan.
"Up the tree, probably," said Asher, watching Merle climb and looking mildly impressed.
"Well, that's a stupid idea. Get your ass back down here—"
"I want a better look."
"Am I the only rational one here? You've got one hand."
"Only need one," said Merle, and flipped him the bird.
"If you fall and break your neck, I'm gonna laugh," Negan warned, but Merle kept climbing, ignoring him as he went higher and was soon lost among the upper branches. Negan turned on the radio and called Merle on it.
An out of breath voice answered, "Gimme a sec…"
A few moments of silence and then—
"It's riders. Two hundred, maybe two fifty, all armed."
"That's great, now get down from there before—"
"Lemme see your hands!"
Negan let his radio fall, caught by the cord around his neck. He lifted his hands in the air, seeing Asher and Mulligan do the same as four riders came into view with automatics held on them. All four looked well groomed and well fed which led Negan to believe that they were a part of that larger force down in the valley. They were most assuredly plunderers who kept fit and clean in overtaking camps and stealing whatever supplies they had to offer.
"You steal those horses?" asked one of them.
"No," said Negan blandly.
"Of course they did. Where else are you gonna find well-fed, tame horses?" said another. "Shoot 'em off and take the horses. I want to get back to the others before sundown."
The exchange didn't last nearly as long as Negan thought it would. He expected to be able to barter with them, maybe talk his way out of it, but no such luck. Apparently, he wasn't worth their time.
The first one who had spoken fell from his horse as a bullet took him through the jaw. Negan and Mulligan fired at the same time as the riders tried to locate the source of the gunshot and unseated both of their targets. The last rider took off, leading his horse at a breakneck speed through the trees so that he was quickly out of range of Negan's pistol.
"Merle, tell me you've got eyes on him," said Negan into the radio.
There was radio silence and Negan swore. "Dammit, Mulligan take him out!"
Negan saw the man drop and heard the gunshot follow.
"Got 'im," said Merle.
"Get your ass down out of that tree now," said Negan brusquely. "Their party will have heard those shots."
Merle descended from his perch much quicker than he had scaled it and as he jumped from the lowest branch to the forest floor, he actually looked pleased with himself. He was just climbing into Tassel's saddle when there came a roar from down in the valley, hundreds of voices shouting in unison, and then a static-filled voice from one of the fallen rider's bodies asked, "All parties report in and confirm four gunshots."
As various voices began to deny that the shots came from their groups, Negan and Mulligan gathered up the supplies they could scavenge from the bodies. The horses had scampered, which didn't leave much, but if they were going to have a cavalry on their tails, they needed to at least be well-armed.
"One of you needs to take off ahead of the rest of us, just in case what's down in that valley catches up to us before we make it back," said Mulligan as he pocketed a knife and a pack of batteries.
"All of them can't make it up the mountain at the same time," said Asher. "They won't catch up to us and even if they did, they aren't getting through The Community's walls."
"A force like that could wipe us out, walls be damned," Negan reasoned.
"Not if they don't know where we are," said Mulligan.
"And you think they're not gonna notice the giant, functioning city sitting on top of a mountain? Merle, get going, warn Alpha and have everyone at the ready in case we come back with an army at our heels."
"Why him?" argued Asher. "I'm lighter and therefore, faster. I've also got someone waiting for me to come back and if we get captured, I'm the one with something to lose."
"I've got a kid, but you'll notice that I'm stayin' to draw them off in case they close in, idiot," said Negan. "Tell Alpha as soon as you get there and keep in radio contact as long as you can—"
"This is bullshit!" shouted Asher so that Negan finally pushed him out of his saddle and appealed one last time to Merle. "Start back, tell them we're coming up in the rear and let them know what's out here. After how quick those pricks were willing to get rid of us, we have to be ready for anything.
For once, Merle didn't argue with him, fitting himself with his pistol in his hand and giving Negan a curt nod before taking off across the jagged terrain. Negan watched him go for a few moments and then found himself thrown out of his saddle. He landed hard in the bushes and scrambled to his feet, only to find that Asher had stolen his shotgun from his saddle when he knocked Negan out of it. The sawed-off barrel was pointed at Negan who had his pistol on his hip, but wasn't prepared to go for it with Asher's itchy trigger finger as part of the equation.
"What're you doing, kid? Drop it."
"No, you're going to listen to me as I tell you exactly what I think of you and why you're to blame for everything that's happened to me and my people."
"Well, you know how I love a good put-down, but this is not the time for this, or did you not notice those four riders we just killed?"
"Shut up!" snapped Asher, arms shaking as he held onto the shotgun. "Just shut up for once. All you do is run your mouth and degrade people, even if you never touch them. You're a man of backhanded words, lies, and bullshit. You knew the sort of men that worked under you and what their perversions were, but you didn't do a damn thing until they actually tried to hurt someone. Milton almost died when that prick Keller tried to rape him and you'd known about Keller since Milton first got there, but what did you do? Now you've made yourself into the same type of leader you were except you've fooled Milton and Merle into siding with you this time around and while you're playing God, you're also fucking Milton's wife behind his back, aren't you?"
Negan's blood ran cold. Someone had told Asher, it was as simple as that. There was no way he could know otherwise because Negan and Andrea had covered their tracks well, determined that no one find out about them until after the baby was born. Negan gave no sign, careful to avoid getting too cozy around Andrea in the public eye and Asher avoided Negan as much as possible, so how the hell did he know? And what was Negan supposed to do now that he did?
"Are you on something, kid? Because that's some crazy shit spilling out of your mouth."
"You can't stand there and lie to my face. I know you. I worked under you for months and I could see you acting like a predator around her. And you've stopped because you don't want to seem obvious, but she stood up for you when you were bleeding all over her counter after Alpha gave you a good whipping. She defended you and threw me out of the house and it doesn't take a genius to figure out why. I don't know if it's Stockholm Syndrome or her just being stupid, but I know you've manipulated her because she wanted you dead as much as I did before you raped her. You're the same breed as all those men you killed or had killed for rape. You think you're a better man than they were? You're shit, just like them. And maybe I couldn't stop you from raping Andrea the first time, but I sure as hell am going to stop you from doing it again."
All that Negan could guess from the way Asher was talking was that he had finally snapped, mentally if not emotionally. He had only ever had the courage to mouth off before, never actually act on anything. Even when Negan first returned to the prison, Asher only had words, not actions, so to not be able to return to Beth and responding by drawing a gun on Negan showed that he was legitimately scared that he might not make it back and wanted Negan to pay for it.
"Think about what you're doing, boy. Alpha's gonna know it was you who killed me, and then she's gonna hang you like a Thanksgiving turkey and hurt Beth for it and you won't be there to help her."
"Don't you threaten my girlfriend!" The young man looked rabid now, but still so young. He had a fuller beard than Negan but his frame was still skinny, underfed, small. He was a boy trying to act the part of a man when he had no clue what he was doing and it only made sense to hurt the thing that had caused him so much grief. The only way to solve his confusion was to take out the one person he could hurt without repercussions.
"I'm trying to save you from doing the stupidest thing in your life, and that includes saving Beth from the consequences of you thinking out your ass, put the gun down."
"Fuck you!"
Mulligan's bullet passed through Asher's throat and Negan hollered out his horror as Asher scrabbled at his neck to staunch the flow of blood. He was dead before his knees hit the dirt and Negan turned away, feeling the walls close in on him as he would have to go back to Andrea and Milton and choose to come clean or lie about how another member of their family was now dead because of him.
"I had it, damn you!" Negan cursed at Mulligan, flinging a rock at him which hit his breastplate and fell harmlessly to the ground. "I was about to talk him down, you didn't have to do that!"
"Yeah, by the way his finger was about to press on the trigger, it looked like you were handling it just fine. You're welcome." Mulligan took the shotgun from Asher's hand and tucked it back into Butch's saddle holster. "Let's go."
"He was just a kid. His girlfriend's pregnant and now she's gotta raise this baby on her own."
"That's not my problem. If he'd have killed you, that would've been my problem because Alpha values you more than him. Of all the people that walked in with you, you are the one Alpha gave orders to protect because you have the most to offer. That kid was a scrawny-ass pussy and he was never gonna make it in The Community anyway."
"Screw you, jackhole."
"I said let's go, now move your feet or I'll move them for you."
Negan took his knife from its scabbard and dropped to his knees next to Asher's body. One quick stab at the base of the skull and he made sure that the body wouldn't reanimate, then he lugged it over his shoulder fireman style and stood back up, shivering at how light the kid was, how very childlike.
"The hell're you doing?"
"I'm taking the body back and you've got no right complainin' because you're not doing the heavy lifting, so shove it up your ass and leave me the hell alone. I know the way back."
"And I'm supposed to think you'll come back?"
"You know, it just occurred to me why Alpha values me and even shitstains like Merle Dixon: because we've actually got brains in our skulls instead've the steaming pile of dung that's ruminating between your ears, you useless fuckin' ballsack. Why would I insist on carrying the body and try to make a run for it? And why the hell would I leave in the first place when I've got nowhere else to go? I'm takin' this body back and if you've got a problem with that, suck my dick."
He walked to where Butch was standing loyally nearby and swung Asher's body up onto the horse's back. "Goddamn you, kid," he muttered.
/ /
He was on auto-pilot as they returned to The Community, leaving Asher's body in the tunnel to be processed and prepped for burial or cremation. Stable attendants took the horses so that a report could be made to Alpha and as Mulligan did the majority of the talking, confirming what Merle had apparently already explained about this new threat, Alpha didn't seem terribly concerned about the horsemen. She did, however, find interest in Asher's demise.
"No one was watching him? He went out unarmed—"
"We got separated. The kid went down before we could get to him," lied Mulligan, but Alpha was looking at Negan.
"Someone doesn't seem to agree with you."
"Well, that's his problem, but I'm telling it like it is."
"And what's your version, Negan?" Alpha prompted.
"My version doesn't change the fact that that kid is dead and now I have to go tell his pregnant girlfriend that she's gotta raise their baby on her own," said Negan, not trusting himself to remain in check for much longer. "Let them bury him or burn him however they want, wherever they want."
He knew by the look Alpha was giving him that she would breach the subject again at a later time, but for now she dismissed him and he took the stairs to buy himself as much time as possible to come up with something to say to Beth when he knocked on her door and told her—what? Mulligan's version or his? Which blow would fall heavier, thinking that strangers killed Asher or knowing that Mulligan murdered him to save Negan? Could he live with keeping the truth from her if he thought that it would make her load lighter to bear?
What he needed right now was backup, someone he could tell the truth to and not have repercussions. He needed Andrea.
The problem was that Beth was already in Milton and Andrea's apartment when Negan arrived, and Merle was there too, which told him that they all had been informed of the attack on their scouting party.
Beth stood up instantly and Negan could see the smallest of bumps in her midsection as she hurried over to him. "Merle said you were ambushed and we didn't know…"
Negan's practiced apology, his rehearsed lie, every prepared word got stuck on the way out of his mouth and he couldn't look at her. She'd never believe the truth, that Asher had the upper hand on Negan and was about to gun him down but that he'd died all the same—because of Negan. The Saviors hadn't managed to kill him; Asher survived that just to be shot from behind as he tried to make sense of Negan's constant presence in his life. The kid hated him from the get-go and even though Beth knew that, she would still take her dead boyfriend's side over Negan's.
His silence should have been all the confirmation she needed, but her large, round blue eyes were still asking and waiting…
"Is he talkin' to Alpha?"
Dammit, girl, you're smarter than this. You already know. You know.
"No, he's not," he said with as little emotion as he could. Even though he was sorry for her, she would take it as mockery.
"What?" she asked, and at this point he knew she was trying to deny it. Hershel gripped her shoulder from behind and Andrea had to hold onto the counter to steady herself.
"He didn't make it. You hearin' me?"
"You're lyin'," said Beth.
"Beth—"
Her small fist hit him in the chest, and though he hardly felt it, the emotional toll that small punch packed made him stagger. She flew at him, pounding against him with laughably weak strikes, screaming at him, calling him a liar, asking why he killed her lover and she had clearly arrived at that conclusion on her own. It didn't matter what Negan or anyone told her at this point; in her mind, Negan would always be the killer.
Negan didn't try to stop her tantrum of grief other than to protect his face, but as her cries grew louder, he knew she would bring some disgruntled Betas down on her in her time of sorrow so he looked to the others, none of whom had seen fit to come to his rescue against the distraught widow.
"You wanna have the Betas sort her out, or does somebody wanna give me a goddamn hand here?"
Merle lifted Beth as easily as Negan had been able to lift Asher and carried her to the children's room, followed in by Hershel who gave Negan a look that suggested that he leave before Beth got free and came at him again. Andrea made to follow, but Negan caught her by the wrist and pulled her into the master bedroom.
"I don't want to be in here alone with you," she said shortly.
"You're gonna hear versions of the truth and a whole lotta bullshit, but I want you to hear it from me, exactly as it happened and it's not much better than the lie that Mulligan't gonna spread."
He told her how he had sent Merle back first so that at least one of them would make it if they happened to all get caught, how Asher had blown up at Negan for not allowing him to go over Merle since Asher was the only with child on the way, how Mulligan had shot him down even though Negan had been trying to talk sense into the young man.
"I know he hated my guts and I wanna believe that he wouldn't have pulled the trigger, but he was gonna do it. I don't know if he would've been a fatal or a flesh wound, but he was ready and I can't ever explain that to Beth, so I need you to do that for me, when she's ready. I need you to believe me. You know I didn't like the kid, but you saw me trying with him and everyone else who voted for me to die on the road. You know that I'm telling the truth, so please, say it."
"He was scared," said Andrea, and her eyes were bloodshot. "Your people terrorized him, traumatized him, so he hated you. He held onto that hatred and let it burst out at a bad time, when you were unconscious on my kitchen counter and I threw him out of my house. The last thing I said to him was that I hoped his child would never know what a piece of shit its father was, then I told him to stay away from my family. I was his family. When we took him in five years ago, we made him our family and when he was most conflicted, we turned our backs on him because he was afraid of you."
"Say you blame me, then," said Negan in barely more than a whisper. "Tell me it's my fault, that you believe this is on me."
"How many more, Negan?"
"This isn't on me. You chose me over him, you all did. He wasn't scared of me; he was full of pride and wanted everyone to see how he wasn't intimidated by me, like Elliot, except Elliot grew up and Asher didn't. Dammit, Andrea, I had my gun on me and I could have shot him, but I was tryin' to help him. I was giving it everything I had—"
"I believe you," said Andrea shortly. "But you know he's dead because of you. Neither of you tried hard enough to make amends and in the end, he was the one who lost out."
Negan cast around for something to distract him so that he wouldn't blow up at her. He couldn't blame her for saying these things to him, but they still hurt and being accused of something that he couldn't prevent was almost as bad as being fully responsible for it.
"Where's Milton?"
"He's practicing his riding," said Andrea in a hollow voice. "He wanted to go out there with you, but Alpha didn't think he was good enough on horseback, so he's determined to get better. But I have to wonder…if he had gone out there with you, would you be bringing back his body instead of Asher's?"
Negan wanted to hit something in response to that unfair, blasphemous comment, and he let Andrea know it. "Oh, don't you fuckin' dare, Andrea. Don't do that to me when you know goddamn well what would have happened. If you really think that I would've…if you think that, then this is a sad day. Have a good night, sweetheart."
The tables had indeed turned if he was the one walking out in a high dudgeon this time instead of her.
"Hey—" she called.
He felt her grab his arm and pushed her up against the bathroom door so that their faces were less than half a foot apart. "This sucks, doesn't it? Sucks to not have the other person understand that this isn't their fault." He didn't have a hard hold on her, but his sudden movement had frightened her and she was gazing back at him in an icy blue stare. She could have easily broken free, but she didn't. If anything, she looked disappointed at his actions.
Milton wouldn't snap at her like this. Merle wouldn't. He couldn't have her the way he wanted to because he was an uncontrollably angry individual and the reason Asher was dead was because he wasn't trying as hard as he needed to be. His cockiness and seniority since coming to The Community had turned his people back against him just when he was starting to get through to some of them and with Asher's death, there was no way to fix that now. He had set himself back months, maybe years with most of them, and made damn sure that he would never be forgiven by a few of them. His progress was undone by his own hand.
Negan hung his head for a moment before lifting it up to brush his lips across Andrea's forehead. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm just…I'm sorry."
He left, hearing Beth's wailing follow him out.