Wanting Chapter 20: that four letter word, an inuyasha fanfic

A/N so i didn't go to school today, haha my alarm just plainly never rang... WTF

disclimer: I don't own him

chapter 20: that four letter word

"I HATE YOU!" I screamed at him. I scrambled back filled with hurt; I found a large hard silver back brush. I couldn't control my emotions. Without thinking I socked it towards him. Of course it didn't touch the perfect being across from me; instead it fell to the far left. I was horrible at aiming. "YOU…YOU… TRICKED ME; YOU DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT ME!" I shouted robotically. I tried to let the feeling of rage fall over me. What would I do if a man used me? If he made sure to give all his love then steal it away. I'd be furious, but I couldn't bring myself to be mad at the guy across from me. "I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU EVER AGAIN… LEAVE." I screamed trying to ease tears to my dry eyes.

I looked down at the sheet of paper before me, waiting. He didn't say anything. I waited a bit longer thinking he was serenading in the emotion. He still didn't speak up. I looked up to meet gold. He was remarkably gorgeous today. I had to make sure to direct my vision somewhere else. I didn't want to look over his perfect face; He seemed so bronze, so golden and full of life. I always knew him to be beautiful, but never so healthy and exuberant. It took me a while to realize it was because he had no drugs in his system. He was finally fully clean. He shook his head dropping his packet, "that sucked…"

"I'm trying as hard as I can…" I mumbled sweeping a black strand of hair away from my face. "It's hard playing her, she's just so whinny…" I said placing my lines down gently on my small kitchen counter. He lifted two eyebrows as if that wasn't enough. I was shocked by his total beauty. He didn't even understand how gorgeous he was. I didn't feel like going over lines, I wanted to just lie in his arms.

Well your trying sucks…" He said bluntly, I smiled the way he said it was so light hearted, as if he was just teasing. I knew not to take offense. He sighed dropping his packet on the floor. He suddenly strolled over to my couch sitting down. I watched him walk, my eyes on his broad shoulders. I couldn't believe that I knew how he looked without his shirt, without his jeans. It was remarkable to know he actually looked better with no clothes on. "I still can't get over the fact you don't have a TV…" He mumbled staring at the wall.

I had to admit it was a very unusual place. I had set up a TV stand, but didn't have anything on it, but pictures. I rolled my eyes I knew he'd just keep complaining about it. "I have a TV…" I said and he looked up his golden eyes filled with enthusiasm. I loved him so much at this point. I looked away trying to hide my smile. "It's in one of the closets…" I began he didn't move as if he didn't have the energy to get it. I looked around my dull apartment. The paparazzi were outside so I didn't pull any of the curtains to the side. My house was unusually dark. I began turning on lamps. He had at this point distracted himself with a magazine from my coffee table. I walked near him on the couch turning on the lamp beside him. I only looked down for a second my face turning bright red.

In his hands was a Pink magazine, and he was turned to a page I was on. He stared at my picture intensely as if it would get up and move at some point. I happened to like that picture; it was a bit exposed, seeing as I wore no bra. I only had my breast covered with my cross arms. I thought it was tasteful, but I could see how someone could take it as a bit offensive. I didn't know rather to pull the magazine away from him or to just ignore it all together. I decided to change the subject.

"So… how's Hollywood been?" I asked he didn't say anything; he then changed the page revealing another model. I took a deep breath letting it out slowly. I was so lucky that was over. I walked away from the couch, looking for anything else to light up the room. I glanced up at the fan on the ceiling. How dumb was I… I could have just lit the fan. I sighed glancing at it. I didn't think about it as I crossed over InuYasha's feet trying to make it to the other half of the room. He had his legs sprawled up resting on my coffee table.

I lifted my leg over his, and all of a sudden without warning I felt him grasp me. The magazine fell to the floor. I was lying on his lap completely. I couldn't help but to laugh at my current situation. My wavy hair covered my face, and I had to run a hand through my hair to see. I looked up seeing warm gold eyes. He was staring down at me, a grin on his gorgeous features. "Saw your spread…" he said referring to the magazine. I only blushed not knowing what to say. I felt my stomach turn, as his warm hand slipped under my tee shirt. I felt him touch my cool stomach, bringing a warm sensation between my legs. He drummed his fingers gently against my ribs, going faster and faster. I couldn't help but to crack up laughing.

"Are… You," I said between laughter. "Are you tickling me…?" I was too shock for action, and laughing too hard to criticize anything. I felt my body bounce against his lap my legs up in the air. I began getting that core pain from laughing too hard. "Stop It!" I begged between laughs not knowing what else to do. I was surprised that he actually heeded my request. His fingers slowly began to stop crunching against my skin gently, and I felt him soften his touch to a caress. His fingers rubbed up and down my naked flesh. I laid back, my head on his lap. I looked up at him he seemed very calm; his eyes on what he was slowly doing. His fingers slipped up my bra and I felt cool hands touch my warm mounds. I closed my eyes feeling his fingers trace circles around the sensitive skin. My stomach began to heat up, and I felt moisture between my legs. He released his hands and I felt him close the space between us. I opened my eyes seeing intense golden orbs. I knew he was going to kiss me, before his lips touched mine. I closed my eyes waiting pushing my lips out slightly for the impact of his kiss, it never came. I opened my eyes and he had a cute yet sarcastic grin on his perfect face.

"I love that face…" He murmured his hands going up and down my abdomen now. I didn't know what he was talking about. I laid my forearms on the couch lifting my head up. He surveyed my face looking for detail. "That look you get before I kiss you…" He trailed off and my heart stopped. What was he was talking about? I hoped he would explain. "You always pucker your lips, and close your eyes when I get close to you…" He said between an actual chuckle. I didn't know what to say. I hadn't known I did it, but now I was truly embarrassed.

"…I'm sorry…" I said looking away. I felt my heart begin to sink. Did I just embarrass myself again?

"Why are you sorry?" He asked his hand left my stomach to slightly lift my chin towards him. "I love it… its beautiful… it's you…" I didn't get what he meant by that, but without sudden warning his lips crashed on top of mine. The sweetest most unexpected thing I've ever felt. I felt my aspect of life change, what I was embarrassed to admit, became an accomplishment. The kiss was so genuine not like any he ever gave me, it felt so real and sweet, as if he was only looking for a kiss, no sex, not a lust filled movie, or a hot tub joke. Just a pure kiss, I pushed forward kissing him back. I could feel him smiling inwardly.

My hands gripped a handful of his shirt gently, and I had the sudden urge to never break it; to never break the bond. I never wanted to stop kissing him, but I was running out of air. I pushed back gasping a bit. He smiled, "let's try the lines again." He said, and I shook my head not wanting to leave his lap. I wanted to lay there forever. "Wow…" He mumbled looking down at me; his head shook as if he couldn't believe it. I didn't know what it was exactly, and I was about to ask. "You really love me…" he said faintly, and I didn't understand. Of course I did, more than anything in the whole world, more than anyone in the universe. Was that hard to believe? Didn't I tell this man that simple fact a million times before? "You can do so much better…" He whispered, and I didn't want to hear that anymore. Even if I could, even if I wanted to, I couldn't. He was an ass, a jerk, one of the meanest guys I know, but I couldn't shake him. I could never get him out of mind. He was there to stay.

I shook my head as if to say something, but I couldn't voice my thoughts. I tried, but it didn't want to come out. He waited so patiently. I was surprised to see him smile softly, as if he had all the time in the world. "I… I…can't I won't…" I stuttered disgusted with myself, why couldn't I find words to say. Was I as dumb as the eighteen year old me 2 years prior? I took a deep breath wanting to just say it. "I've never been… never felt like this about anyone else… I think about you all the time…" My words kept stumbling but I tried to voice them, as quickly and surely as I could. "I need you…. I love you," I whispered he glanced away from me his head down. I wanted to know what he was thinking. He looked like he was debating on what to say next.

"You're so different…" He said softly, and I wanted him to continue. To tell me how he felt about me, I wanted to know so badly. "I've never seen a girl like you, never…. I get around a lot, and there hasn't been any," He said his eyes were deluded as if he was thinking. "Your special…I don't know why…" He trailed off as if he didn't want to add to it anymore. I waited not wanting to disturb his thoughts. "You're what I look for in a girl, and much more… you make me feel like someone actually cares…"

"I do care…" I said, and I bit my lip. I felt rude talking over him. He smiled down at me, as if to say that much was obvious. I didn't know whether or not he loved me, and I didn't very much care at this point. I lifted myself from his lap. He was looking away from me thinking. His golden eyes filled with so much emotion. I sat near him laying my head on his chest, I felt him lay his hand down bracing my body.

"…Kagome…" He whispered softly, my heart began to beat unimaginably. I knew what he was going to say. The words I wanted to hear from him so badly. I didn't care if he ever admitted them, but if he did… I didn't know what I would do. "I think…" he began, and I waited silently. "You're an amazing actress…" he finished. I leaned away from him shocked. That was not the words I wanted to hear. He looked down noticing my confused face; he smiled kissing me on my forehead gently, "I'm only kidding… I think,..." he began nevously I might actually love you…" His words sat in my mind seeping down into my soul. I could feel them; I didn't know what to say. I held my breath feeling his steady strokes. I was thinking about first impressions… what he thought about me… how he acted, how could this be the same guy here. Inuyasha was so… so misunderstood.

"Let's play a game…" I whispered after a few minutes. I had an idea, but I didn't know if it would actually work. He didn't say anything so I took that as a 'go' sign. "I'm going to ask you a question and you have to answer it…" I said smiling.

"That's not really considered a game…" He sounded displeased with the whole idea. "I think that's just answering questions." I shrugged. I wish I could read his thoughts. I wanted to know everything he thought about me, every slip, my kisses… I had to know.

"What was the first thing running through your mind when you first saw me?" I asked, he didn't say anything, just thinking. I looked up at his perfect face. I could tell he realized where this little 'game' was going. I watched him slightly waiting.

"I don't know… uh… she looks nothing like Hig," I frowned that was so not what I meant. I didn't say anything, and neither did he. I felt bad for forcing him to tell his thoughts all of a sudden.

"Oh how great…" I said sarcastically. I already knew I looked nothing like my father… "That was your first…."

"Kagome…" He said interrupting me. I didn't know what to say, I slowly waited hoping he'd take it as an answer to my name being called. "I think you're beautiful and I always have. You're everything that would appeal to me, so we don't have to play this game anymore…" He said my heart began to beat over time. My blood ran cold. I was beyond shock, beyond words; I looked up at him searching his golden eyes. "Your face is breath taking…" he began, and he smiled as I blushed. Inuyasha Takashi could not think I was gorgeous… he dated supermodels. I sat there staring at him not knowing what to say. "You're perfect…" He added, and I felt the small warm secretion of tears roll down my face. I couldn't believe I was crying, I thought of the things he called me. All lies he had been lying… he actually didn't think I was inadequate.

I squinted at the man in front of me; his camera in my face. He was the worse out of the mob of people. "Kagome... Kagome…" He kept calling; I put a hand up hoping to block his shot of me. The fresh California wind blew my nicely straighten hair every which way. I absolutely hated this, it look like it might storm. It felt more like a hurricane, but I didn't say anything.

Kaede who was not speaking to me since I had the idea to leave Florida, laid a blanket over my head. She was pushing swarming people with cameras away from me. "Please… leave her alone…" She pleaded with the paparazzi. My stomach was in knots as she screamed. Not even four massive security guards could stop them from swarming. They wanted to know so much. Am I dating Inuyasha? Am I pregnant? What did we do in my apartment? Was I having an affair with Kouga? I was too shock for words. Some questions didn't even make sense.

I was all but pushed into the building, and led through doors. "They're everywhere…" Kaede said breathing hard; I stood straight pulling off the sheet. I looked around. I was in a studio. I knew I've never been here. It was very small, but my attention was on the spectators staring at me. The room was filled with girls about my age, guys, women, men…. They all stared at me. Some were pointing, others held their cell phones desperately trying to capture me. I only waved, I wish there was a way to be an actress without being famous. "Now Kagome…" Kaede said, finally talking to me... this was a surprise. "Don't you worry about these people, there auditioning too." She whispered

I nodded as she gripped me by my shoulder, pushing me through the crowd. They all stared pointing. If it weren't for the two security guards blocking me I would have been tackled by half of them. I watched their excited faces. What was with them? What was so special about me that they all wanted to touch me? I glanced at a crying girl a couple years younger than me; she was hysterical trying to get to me. My face became grave. I stopped walking causing Kaede to elegantly stumble.

I turned towards the teenage girl… "Why are you crying…?" I asked trying to push a security guard from my view. He wouldn't move. The girl tried getting around them. I wanted them to move so I could see her. "Please…" I whispered, and one of the humongous men moved, and I could make out the girl. She had short dark hair, midnight matching my exact cut, her face was rounded, but for the most part her makeup was done like mine. I backed up after seeing what she was wearing. I had an outfit almost exactly like that, she tried grabbing me Kaede pulled me back. I was too stunned to react to any of this.

"Don't talk to them…" Kaede hissed in my ear. I stared back looking at the jumping hysterical girl. I didn't get it… I didn't understand. I was led to a door, it looked like all these people wanted to go in. I thought we'd have to be patient get a ticket wait in line, but Kaede just knocked on the door getting in front of a line of girls. The door opened I couldn't make out who opened it. "She has a tryout for her dad's movie… we can't wait in the lobby…" She said I didn't think this was going to work, but it obviously did we propelled forward.

"For the lead….?" The man asked and I knew that voice. My blood ran cold. the security guards left my side as the door closed behind me. Connor stood in front of me, his hair longer and wavy. He watched me staring, looking me up and down. I smiled up, not knowing what to do at that exact moment. "Hello Mrs. Higurashi…" He said, I only bobbed my head up and down he smiled. "You're looking beautiful…"He whispered and I turned away looking around the room. He still gave me the creeps. He was horribly handsome, in a dark way.

The room was wide; it had a long table in the middle of it, the standard of all auditions. I had done my share of movies during the two years away from Hollywood to know. I turned to the left knowing where people who already got the part, or were being considered for it sat. My heart sunk when I didn't see him, instead I saw Rin, and Kikyo they stared towards me, and my eyes went wide at the sight of Rin. She smiled broadly waving at me. I didn't know what to say, rudely I left Connor and Kaede. I walked forward "What the hell are you doing here…?" I asked, she ran up hugging me. I laughed hugging back.

"I haven't seen you for evers…!" She screamed I smiled not knowing what to say. She lifted a lock of my hair. "You cut it!" She screamed, and I nodded not knowing what to say. She looked around my person. "You look hot…" She said laughing; I blushed shyly. I was brought to reality when I glanced at Kikyo. She had the worse look of distaste on her face. Rin smiled grabbing me by my arm. "Don't worry about her…" She whispered pulling me towards a back room. "She's just mad cause of the break up…"

"The break up…" I whispered as she led me through a door… I didn't really want to go in, but I followed her any way. She opened the door, and I smelled coffee, so I launched myself in. Inside were a couple talking people they stopped everything seeing me. I looked down not wanting to be stared at. Rin seemed to be use to this, but I wasn't yet.

I smiled as she talked animatedly… I didn't know what to say… she kept launching things at me. "NOW THIS IS MY FIRST MOVIE!" She ended smiling widely. I smiled hoping I'd actually get the part, so we could hang. "Are you trying out for the lead?" She asked. I nodded, and her eyes opened. "You have to beat Kikyo, she's being considered." Luckily I played in enough movies and shows to know what being considered meant… I had to bring my 'A' game.

I nodded smiling "I learned almost all of the lines…" I said, and Rin looked very impressed. When I saw Kaede come in… I dropped my thoughts. She was elegantly floating towards me.

"You're auditioning now…" She said grabbing me by my arm. I sighed deeply leaving a sadden Rin standing. She only stared after me for awhile, before following. "Kagome, Kikyo comes much recommended, but so do you… You cannot… I repeat cannot let her get this part." My stomach began to turn with nerves.

I nodded as we walked through the doors. My eyes flew around the room resting on the long booth. My heart began to ache when I noticed my own dad. He only glanced at me, and then rolled his eyes. My mom and Kaede weren't the only ones who were upset with me coming back to Hollywood. I was starting to doubt my chances of getting this part. Connor who swapped spit with Kikyo, my dad who didn't want me here… they were likely the director and producers. I had to count on the rest of the people sitting to consider me, so I could get the part, but I doubted that.

I bit the side of my lip all eyes were on me. Kaede left me in the middle of the room. Kikyo and Rin to one side my dad and Conner in chairs, just staring. I sighed deeply. "Why don't you just leave…?" I heard a very familiar voice ask. I turned towards it, my heart beating like crazy. He had a cunning smile on his lips. He stood far away and all I wanted to do was run and hug him. He was reciting his lines from yesterday, the exact same ones. My heart began to beat. I remembered being in my house lying in his arms.

I backed up knowing it was my turn to say my lines. I tried grabbing all of my emotions… my lips trembled. I glanced at my dad he watched me waiting… I smiled at him softly. He didn't register it. I took a deep breath launching forward… "I HATE YOU!" I screamed, "YOU… YOU… DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT ME," I felt tears brim my eyes, not because I was sad, more from happiness. Happy to see him, he stood his golden eyes only on me. It was as if he wanted to tell me something. I wanted to do this scene amazingly for him… no one else but him… "I DON'T WANT TO EVER SEE YOU AGAIN…. LEAVE!" I screamed, tears falling down my face. I heard a sigh of surprise come from Rin, but I tuned everyone out as he walked towards me.

"You want me to leave…?" He asked mocking surprise. I nodded, I didn't let anyone else see the smile that formed on my lips. It was only for him, and he knew it. He raised a playful eyebrow as he met me in the middle of the room. "I made you, this is my place…"

"You're a Killer…" I said pushing him away from me.

"You fell in love me…" He whispered, and he didn't know how true that was. He smiled slightly, and I struggled to remember my lines.

"Yeah.. but you fell for me," I countered, he grabbed my hands softly; looking into my eyes.

"Don't cry…"

I cocked my head back laughing sarcastically. My lines floated around my brain, as if they were actual thoughts. "Don't cry…" I whispered mockingly… "I can't be with you…" I said and he looked down at me, not his character. The real Inuyasha, he met my eyes, he didn't say his lines he just stared down.

"Umm… Inuyasha…" My dad said, I wanted to look over at him, but I couldn't break character. Why wasn't he saying his lines?

I decided to go over it, to say mine instead. "It doesn't matter anyway…." I mumbled, and as I tried to leave his hold. He pulled me back; this was so not in the script. He brought me back to him; he had a tantalizing smirk on his face. I felt his hands wrap around my waist his lips crashing into mine. My heart began beating out of control. I forgot the movie, about the script. I closed my eyes my arms rising over his shoulders I kissed him back. The room fell into applauds my dad, Connor, Kikyo, Rin, and Kaede sitting mouths open. They were the only one who knew we weren't acting…

uh, i'm going to the store to buy a new alarm clock so.... review please