Chapter 20

Jude whirled in horror to see Tommy standing there and then spun back to catch Chris's reaction.
"What are you doing here man?" Chris asked, Jude unable to tell if he sounded suspicious, the pounding in her ears so overpowering.

She still didn't know if she would ever have found her voice if her sister hadn't appeared in the hallway a seemingly endless moment later.
"Sadie," Chris said her name as if in dawning understanding. He let go of Jude and went over to give Sadie a familiar hug. "It's been a while. Hamish's graduation party?"
"That sounds right," she replied, giving him a dazzling smile, hiding her own discomfort with the situation.
As they caught up with superficial banter and talk of mutual acquaintances, Tommy and Jude remained silent, giving each other occasional glances, not sure if it was relief they saw on the other's face.
"So what are you doing here Tom?" Chris asked, as he brought his attention back to the unusually pair.
"Sadie wanted to meet Tommy," Judes' voice started off weak and scratchy but gained strength with every word, since this at least, was not a lie.
Chris sniggered and managed to compose himself. "Sorry Sadie. Jude told me you were a Boyz Attack fan. For sisters, you guys don't really have the same taste I guess."
The irony of his words was not lost on any of them. Of course it wasn't music preference that was on their minds.
"Jude can be pretty convincing," Tommy added, a slight edge in his mild tone. If Chris had been looking he would have seen a knowing gleam in the other man's eyes.
"Trust me, I know." Chris managed to smirk and still be affectionate as he glanced over at Jude. "So you going to the party this weekend?" he asked Tommy.
"I guess-wasn't really thinking about it." Tommy shrugged his shoulders in a noncommittal way.
Chris walked back over to Jude and rested his hand on her hip, placing his chin on the top of her head. "You should take Sadie to Darius's party," he suggested slyly, totally amused by the situation. He hadn't known that about Jude, that she had aspirations of playing matchmaker. It was a little odd that Tommy's attention didn't seem to be completely on the older Harrison sister. Sadie had always been a pretty sexy package, even though cheerleaders types had never been his thing. He had always liked his women with a little more edge, more complex.
Jude flinched in his embrace and turned her head up to stare at Chris. "What party?"
"I told you we were going out next weekend, right? Darius is winning some civic award and all the G-Major employees are being commanded to attend."
"Uh no you never mentioned it."
"Sorry babe. I figured we would be hanging out anyway," he delivered in that unconcerned way that usually had women ready to throttle their partners. "Anyway I'm sure Sadie wouldn't mind going."
"Uh…" Sadie's eyes swung wildly to her sister's for help. "Tommy must have a date by now."
"Do you?" Jude said a little too loudly, a sharp burning twisted her insides at the idea. The only way she had been able to be with him was to not let herself think about whether Tommy saw other women. She couldn't keep the concern from her eyes as she stared into Tommy's light ones.
"No, I didn't ask anybody."
Jude turned her head towards her sister. "Sades you should come," she half begged, half commanded.
"Jude," Sadie couldn't hide the shock in her voice and Jude winced, hoping Chris hadn't heard anything in it.
"It should be a decent time Sadie," Tommy added without asking outright. Even if he wouldn't admit it to himself, Jude was the only one he wanted to spend time with. Just that mere idea did not sit well with him. "Unless-you already have plans?"
Sadie turned her gaze back to Tommy. "Uh no," she shook her head slightly. "I mean I don't have plans." She swallowed hard and forced a tentative smile. "I'm sure it'll be amazing."

Tommy didn't stay long after that, saying he had somewhere to be and although Chris wanted to hang out, Jude felt bad about leaving Sadie alone since she had come home especially for her. It was strange how it felt like a weight had lifted the moment she saw the flash of the truck lights moving away from the curb. And that made her feel even guiltier, if that were even possible.

"Not that a record label sponsored party doesn't sound awesome-wait do you think there are going to be stars there?"
Jude turned to her sister from her position at the window, gave her an odd look and shrugged in incomprehension.
"Never mind, I'm sure there will. But what was that Jude?" Even if Sadie hadn't known what was going on between her sister and the two men, she would have noticed the charged air, even if, somehow Chris was able to ignore it.
"What?" Jude asked weakly.
"You just pimped me out to your other boyfriend."
"I didn't…He's not my-" Jude wasn't sure which part to protest first.
"Not the point, and BTW you do more with Tommy than your official boyfriend," Sadie said as she rolled her eyes. Sure she had friends that had played games, played guys off one another, but her little sister wasn't one of those girls.
"You love parties. And like you said, there'll probably be some celebrities there."
"That is true, and…" Sometimes it was like pulling teeth with Jude, but Sadie would get her answers.
"I don't want to see him with some strange woman okay?" Jude said through clenched teeth, hating that she had to say those words out loud. This thing with Tommy, it wasn't casual for her, had never been, but it wasn't a real relationship either, even if she always avoided thinking about it.
The way Jude sounded was confirmation enough, not a game, something much more serious. "Oh Jude, do you have any idea what you're doing?"
It was the sympathy in Sadie's voice that almost broke her. She gave a humorless laugh and leaned against the arm of the couch as if suddenly unable to support her own weight. "No clue. But-if you had him, could you give him up?" Jude sure didn't seem to know how.
Sadie knew who she meant without having to ask. "Then let Chris go. What you're doing now, you know it's not right." Sadie wanted to say more, but their relationship was still fragile, repaired, but there hadn't been time to strengthen their former bonds.
That thought hurt too. Jude had wished for so long that it was only that simple. "I can't." Her face grew tight as her thoughts automatically drew inward. Her opinion on her boyfriend had not changed. He was an amazing guy and he wanted her and he was always there for her. Chris made her feel good. So how could she do what she did to him? Jude's face darkened as guilt reminded her of the person she had become.
Sadie forced a light tone as she grinned at her sister, trying to dispel the dejection in her face. "Hey we have a swanky party to prepare for. Do you know what you're going to wear?"
"Sades, it's a week away," Jude said dismissively, making Sadie want to groan.
"Yeah, barely enough time. Of course you don't have anything resembling a dress right?"
"I don't think I need-"
Sadie dismissed Jude's words before she even finished the sentence. "It's a fancy event and you know famous people will be there. Do you want to go to the mall?"
"No!" Jude exclaimed in horror. The idea of the mall on a Friday night made her want to shudder. Half of her school hung out there on the weekends.

"Hmm…" Sadie looked Jude over, her eyes taking in the enviously thin frame. Jude could eat anything and not gain a pound, but even if she did she could use the extra weight. There was a dress she had ordered from the Victoria's Secret catalogue that might just be perfect. She only had to convince Jude to wear it.

Although she had been nervous, they fit in seamlessly among the glittering throng as the two blonde girls made their way to the entrance. It had been easier for them to meet their dates at the event, instead of having them show up at the Harrison's house since their father was home and neither of the two men was welcome in their home. Sadie had been highly amused when Jude had had to admit their parents catching her with Tommy on the couch.

Jude's short nails dug into her palms as she saw both of them talking to one another halfway across the room. Of course it was totally ridiculous for her to think it had anything to do with her, they weren't alone or anything and they worked together after all, but the thought didn't stop her heart from quickening. She completely forgot to feel self-conscious, or wonder if people were staring at her back.
"Nice," Sadie murmured appreciatively as her eyes locked on the same spot Jude was already staring at. Sadie took Jude's hand and pulled her reluctant body forward. "Come on, I'm sure your boys are looking for you." She still hadn't gotten sick of teasing her little sister for her predicament.

Tommy saw them first, and his eyes flared the barest fraction as they drew closer. "Wow, you both look-incredible." And although he addressed two of them, his eyes lingered on Jude. Her dress was a cream color, short, but not incredibly so and her high heeled sandals accentuated her long legs. Her borrowed dress was cowl necked, the folds draping to her waist, where it tightened to hug her thighs and hips. Although it was sexy, it did not actually show much skin, at least he hadn't thought so until they both stepped in and he glanced over at a flash of pale ivory to find her back, bare to the waist. The material clung to her ass, and thighs highlighting every soft curve.
"Thanks," Jude smiled, taking in how well his dark designer suit fit. She had never seen him dressed up, except in the occasional tabloid, and she hadn't expected her own reaction to the way he looked.
Tommy turned towards Sadie with a practiced smile, taking in her grey/blue clingy dress with a sweetheart neckline and straps that tied at her neck. Unlike Jude's loose curls, Sadie's hair was up in a messy chignon, wisps of golden hair framing her beautiful face. She was a beautiful girl, he noted with a detachment that came with years of having women throw themselves at him.
"What he said." Chris grinned at Jude and Sadie, not missing the appreciative glance Tommy threw the older Harrison sister.
"Hey," Jude said, for once not needing to get on tiptoe to meet his kiss.
"Why don't we go get some drinks?" Chris said into Jude's ear, lacing his fingers with hers. "Give 'em a little time alone."

"You're beautiful," Chris said unashamedly once they left the other couple behind. There were people all around them, but he only acknowledged her.
What could she do but smile at the warmth in his green eyes. "Thanks," she ducked her head, at the other emotion she could also see simmering in them. She felt an answering kick low in her belly, but she knew she couldn't go there.
"Are you cold? Need my jacket?"
She had to whip her head up at the strange non sequitur. "What?" When she felt him shift to stand partially behind her and there was a warm hand on her back she understood. "That bad?" she asked, suddenly unsure again whether or not she could pull off the sexy dress.
He leaned in a half step and whispered in his low deep voice his answer, "you look really hot."

She saw the open palm of his other hand, held out in front of her.
"Dance with me."
Her eyes met his. "What about the drinks?" There was something uncharacteristically solemn about him tonight, a focus of intensity that was unlike his mostly easygoing personality. It made her jumpy, anxious and a tiny bit afraid. What did he expect?
He simply smiled at her and she wrapped her fingers around his hand.

Jude felt a hand wrap around her wrist, tugging her to a stop when she had barely gotten inside the ballroom, never mind giving her a chance to look around for a familiar face.
Sadie let go and crossed her own arms over her chest. "Where have you been?! Chris has been looking for you," she hissed at her sister, as her eyes scanned their surroundings to make sure Chris wasn't nearby. After the initial relief at finding Jude had faded, Sadie took a closer look at her, from the flushed cheeks not hidden by foundation and the slightly mussed hair. "Jude, what were you…" She couldn't finish the question because she knew she didn't really want the answer that was staring her in the face. How much could one person trust another, the way Chris did Jude?
Jude heard disappointment in her sisters' voice, whether it was truly there or not. She had already been asking herself over and over how she could have done what she had.

Twenty minutes earlier

As she shut the door behind her, he looked up from drying his hands at the last fancy marble sink at the countertop. With an eyebrow quirked, he threw away the paper towel. "Um I think you took a wrong turn in Albuquerque," he said in wry amusement, turning to face her.
She did not respond to his humor, instead her bottom lip went between her teeth. "Do you like her-more than me?" She had watched from a distance, Tommy and Sadie flirting, for what seemed like hours tonight. Instead of mingling and talking business, Tommy had appeared to be the perfect attentive date. She wondered what they talked about, wondered if they mentioned her at all or if they even remembered the one who had introduced them in the first place.
His face immediately closed off as he took in the defiant tilt of her chin.
"You don't own me," he replied with a slight edge, "don't forget you have a boyfriend."
Jude tried to keep her face neutral, but she could not help but look away, unable to maintain eye contact. "I know…" She couldn't lie to herself and pretend that it had ever been easy, but now it seemed harder to not want more from him.
"Then what's the problem?" he asked testily, hating being backed into a corner.
"It's just," she looked up at him again. "She's my sister Tommy." Her big eyes pleaded for understanding. At that moment she looked like the relatively inexperienced seventeen year old, she was.
Softening, knowing he had made his point, he walked over to her spot beside the door. He took in the dress and the long bare legs, letting the back of his hand grace her soft cheek. "Right now-I only want you." Using his larger size he backed her easily against the counter. He leaned in and let his lips graze her parted mouth. Fingers that had itched to tangle in her golden locks, did so now, holding her head in place. His lips brushed against the corner of her mouth next, and trailed lower to press hotly against her neck.
When she felt the hand at her knee she didn't think much about it, except to enjoy the extra contact, at least until his fingers slid higher. At this point his lips had once again found hers. "What are you doing?" she pulled back breathlessly to ask.
She felt his knuckles now pressing against her satin panties. "Tommy we can't-not here." Her flesh felt overheated where she felt the contact, separated by only the flimsy material.
He was too busy brushing his lips against her bare shoulder to respond. The hand that he had in her hair, slid down across her bare back to stay at her waist.
She thought he had finally heard her when he stepped back, but he merely reached past her to the deadbolt on the door. She could only stare into his face, when she felt his hands at her hips, lifting her onto the countertop.
Protest died an inevitable death once he met her lips like he meant it. She got her hands underneath his suit jacket and he helped her push it off to land, unnoticed, on the floor.
Her dress hiked well above her thighs as he pressed his body between them. It was an exaggeration to say that all panties could be easily torn off without damage to the person wearing them, but Jude's were barely more than a few strings and a tiny triangle of fabric, so she barely felt the absence or noticed the scrap flutter to the floor. She did notice when his hands left her body for a minute, but the feeling of his mouth against hers, distracted her enough for her not to wonder. And then there it was, that hard insistent pressure, probing at her entrance. His hands had moved underneath her knees to tilt her back and hold her wide. And then he was gliding in, stretching her tight inner muscles.
She had to pull back her head to gasp at the sensation, at the sudden sharp thrust and he buried himself deep, hitting her g-spot in the process. Her fingers dug into his shoulders, trying to hang on, trying in vain to meet his next thrust as her ass slid on the cold marble. Her heels dug into the back of his thighs to gain purchase as Tommy pulled back only to plunge into her slick depths again.
Need already had her clenching him tightly inside her, and the sudden shock of how quickly it came upon her was overshadowed by the feeling of his body pressed to hers.
The noise of someone trying to open the door, only made them pause a beat, and the knock merely spurred them on. If anything the intensity was raised another notch as he bent his knees to drive higher, as deep as he could go.
It was that sudden spike of added adrenalin at the fear of discovery that sent Jude hurtling towards the edge. The rub of his skin against hers was just the smallest bit rough, the friction pushing her over. She barely realized how tightly she clenched him with her entire body and he did not protest the way her legs twined around his thighs as if she was a vine growing from where they joined. The strength of her gripping muscles drove a yell from his lips as his own release slammed into him unawares.
Their lips were a mere hairsbreadth apart, and the only sound that disturbed the room was the harshness of their synchronized breathing.

"Maybe you should get a cool drink," Sadie suggested, watching the growing flush on her sisters' cheeks with a strange kind of fascination. She didn't remember ever seeing her blush before, despite her fair coloring. She followed Jude's gaze, that had immediately zeroed in on the dark haired man who had finally reentered the ballroom.
"What?" Jude asked absentmindedly, her attention riveted on the man who was responsible for the aftershocks still racking her body.
"Jude," Sadie said a little more forcefully, finally getting her attention. "You look-guilty." She more than suspected what Jude had been up to and with whom, she wasn't stupid.
"I-"
"Hey you," his deep voice was followed by warm arms wrapping around her stomach from behind. "Did Sadie tell you I was looking for you?"
Jude's eyes shot to Sadie's, even as she wondered if her sister was right. Was it written all over her face?
"Uh yeah, I just…"
"She went outside to get some air," Sadie chimed in, even as she winced inwardly. As excuses went it wasn't very original, but it didn't look like Jude could come up with anything better, if she even had anything at all.
"I think the champagne kinda went to my head," Jude added. He knew she wasn't really used to drinking.
"You okay?" he asked immediately.
"Sure." Jude nodded, turning partway in his arms to smile up at him, praying she looked convincing.

Monday night

Jude closed the kitchen door as quietly as she could, not wanting to have to explain to her father where she was going. She didn't think he would buy that she had no destination in mind, that she just needed to get out, to drive and to get a hold of her scattered thoughts and all the feelings jumbled inside her. She was so disoriented she couldn't even write and that had never happened to her before, not even after the accident.
The events of Saturday were a constant repeating reel in her head. The thought of the bathroom still had the power to make her breathless. She wondered how both of them were, having not talked to either one of them since that night, not that she had done much talking with Tommy on Saturday either.
She had been screening her calls since then, unable to listen to Chris's voice and predictably Tommy hadn't called her even once.
She rolled down the windows and sped along the city streets, glad of the light traffic this late at night. Her hand went to the old school radio dial and she tuned to another station. The song was just ending, something by The Rolling Stones she couldn't place at that moment, and something she rarely heard on the radio came on. The opening guitar was pretty and slow, so different from the original, but when the lyrics started she had to pull over, the urge to close her eyes too strong to ignore. It was hard to believe this version by The Fray had been an incarnation of a Kanye West tune.

In the night, hear 'em talk
Coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road
Lost his soul, to a woman so heartless
How could you be so heartless

It was as if he was talking straight to her, as if this was some sign, that the universe didn't approve. But even now her thoughts wandered back…

"Your opinion on covers?"
"Copout," she answered instantly. They sat on his couch after eating takeout, listening to the radio.
"Johnny Cash did Hurt. You can't say he didn't pay his dues." Tommy mentioned the Nine Inch Nails song Johnny Cash had covered.
She nodded her head in concession. "Okay, maybe some people can do it legitimately. But Johnny already had like fifty albums."
Tommy shook his head and grinned at her. "You never give in, do you?"
She shrugged. "I haven't found a good reason to yet." And when she met his eyes she thought she saw something there she understood, she finally started to believe maybe he cared, more than a little.

It was a small moment, simple and casual, but why did she remember being so happy? Jude shook her head and the song intruded once again, shoving pins into her already hurting heart.

How could you be so cold
As the winter wind when it breezes yo

Of course this song wasn't written for her, it wasn't her situation, but she felt the hate, the scorn, felt the hurt he would feel if he found out the truth. He would hate her and she didn't know if she could deal with that. She knew Sadie had wanted to ask how she could cheat, but Jude still didn't have an answer.

In the night, hear 'em talk
Coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road
Lost his soul, to a woman so heartless
How could you be so heartless

This was the moment, the very instant, Jude Harrison broke for the second time in her young life. Her hands gripped the steering wheel until her knuckles were white, inner turmoil making her deaf and blind to any outside influence and she lowered her head, until her forehead touched the cold leather.