Tommy and Jen ran in the darkness over the P.J McArdle bridge, their feet hitting the pavement at the same time in a fast-paced staccato that broke the silence of the pre-dawn. Paddy was trailing behind them, keeping track of the miles as Jen assisted in the training.
"So this is how its going to be," he asked, his breathing coming in quick, heavy pants.
"What? You upset that I'm going to be with you all day, every day?"
He chuckled and shook his head, feeling the burning shift of his hips as the pressure of striking the pavement reverberated through his entire body. "I can't say that I am- but that doesn't mean I'm happy about you quitting your job Jen. That was our steady income," Tommy replied, his wife scoffing and feeling the muscles in her stomach all tighten when she did. "They gave me a nice severance package that will carry us until SPARTA and even past it; but it doesn't matter, not when my man's going to win," Jen smiled, her confidence in Tommy growing with each passing day.
They ran hard through the industrial downtown of Pittsburgh, the sky turning a hard gray to match the steel around them before they came to a finish.
"Time to hit the needle," Jen said in a sing-song voice, reaching into Paddy's car to get her purse. Tommy watched as she pulled out a small black carrying case and popped the guard off of a prepared needle, Jen leaning against the side of a footbridge. She pulled her shirt up, her fingers prodding for a vein, "Shit…" He crossed over to her and knelt down, his fingers replacing hers. "It's the abs. Gimme the needle," Tommy murmured, finding a long vein that was just a shade of blue dark enough against her skin to be seen in the morning. Jen handed him an alcohol swab before passing him the syringe next, Tommy looking at her for confirmation and injecting her in the hip when she nodded, feeling her tighten up. "Thanks." Jen kissed him when he stood and sighed, readjusting her knee brace.
They drove to the 33rd Street tire yard, Jen sitting in the car and watching carefully as Paddy started putting Tommy through the ringer.
"I want you to lift these tires and move them to the other end of the yard Tommy. Let's go."
Jen watched in quiet astonishment as Tommy somehow managed to lift and flip old long-haul rig tires which were roughly the size of hot tubs, her arms aching just at the sight of him.
Tommy was much stronger than a strong man, but with a heart so big it could kill one of those ordinary men. He was soft, but not many people saw that side of him- not when they couldn't see past all that tattooed skin and muscle and brawn. Tommy was a… gentle giant in a sense, with how intensely he loved and cared and protected. He held his back against a hundred storms to shelter Jen, even when he had already been beaten a thousand times. To Jen, he was still young and sweet, sometimes naïve- he saw more than people thought, but so much less than he should.
She sighed, folding her arms over her chest, "Oh, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy…"
Tommy's knee was shaking, bouncing against Jen's as they sat in the shrink's waiting room. It seemed like a sign of impatience, but in reality, Jen knew that was from his nerves- even if it annoyed the hell out of her.
It was going to make or break them: he couldn't see there being any hope beyond this to get them back on track, not with how they were fraying around the edges.
Jen's hand lashed out and grabbed Tommy's thigh, "Could you… not?"
His leg stilled, her fingers releasing him slowly as he sighed heavily.
All Tommy wanted to do was fix her and fix their marriage, desperate to make the façade he had tried so hard to believe in real again. He wanted to make Jen whole- true, she had told him some things but he knew that he had only scratched the surface with her and it scared him to think just how deep her fragile mental state had her. He promised himself today that he would try and make an effort for her; after all, he was the one who had fucked her up in the first place.
A door to their left opened and Bridgette stepped out, greeting them both with a smile.
"Please, come in," she said, gesturing to her office.
Jen walked in and took a seat in one of the leather chairs in front of Bridgette's desk, folding her hands in her lap. Her husband followed and sat in the other chair, their therapist taking her seat before picking up a pen and paper. Tommy looked about the office, trying to get his bearings and feel everything out. The room wasn't anything out of the ordinary, walls a dark olive color and the carpet a deep beige.
"Well, first things first, I'm Bridgette Morgan," she introduced herself, looking at Tommy more than Jen. "And you must be Mr. Conlon. Good morning to the both of you."
"Hello ma'am," Tommy replied rather awkwardly.
Bridgette looked at her notes- and they were plentiful, but it was only Jen's side of the story. She needed to hear Tommy's thoughts and put it all together to try and figure out what all was going wrong for them… and hopefully, help them fix it.
Jen spoke first, swallowing, "We're not going to make it Bridgette. We've both tried to ignore it, but our marriage is slipping- we can't make things right."
The woman looked over at Tommy, seeing his steely gaze.
"What's going on Tommy?"
"What do you want me to say," he asked, shrugging in an almost nonchalant manner. Jen wanted to reach over and smack him, but knew that it was all about his comfort right now- and smacking him would not help matters any. "I'm here to listen, not to judge. What would you like to say Tommy?"
He swallowed then and looked down at his shoes; well, hell, he would have liked to say a lot of things. There was a lot bothering him, but he didn't want to admit to anyone that they were having problems that went far beyond those of a normal marriage- they were stepping into crisis mode, slowly but surely. Tommy could accept a lot of things, but the fact that is marriage had crumbled down to this point weighed heavily on his heart simply because it was his fault: he was a failure.
And now it was time to put his pride aside and admit defeat.
Still, he didn't think this Bridgette woman would understand, certain that no one had been in such a volatile relationship like his and Jen's. And because of that, he kept his mouth shut and tried to bottle down some of the emotions welling up inside of him. Tommy was willing to share, but only so much.
Bridgette stared at him for a few moment's longer before finally speaking, "So she means a lot to you then."
"She was the only one who really got me," Tommy said, putting the emphasis on the past tense in his words. "But I walked off and the mere thought of me became too much of a burden for her. We can't… click like we used to."
His arms were folded over his chest, putting himself into a defensive position that Jen felt all too well. "I see; well, I think we can get down to the bottom of your problems, if you are willing. Tommy, Jen and I can both help get you open and talking- and Jen, I am going to teach Tommy how to better manage himself and you around your insecurities. But first, I need to know what you hope to accomplish in this session and over the course of your therapy." Jen thought for a moment, listening to the ticking of the clock in the room- it was making it hard for her to think straight. "Well, I hope to get him to speak, today at least. And in the end I just want to be happy once this is all over- I want us to be happy again," Jen said, stealing a glance at Tommy and the dark expression he wore. "Jen, you ask me anything and I tell you the truth. I don't lie to you-"
"Bullshit."
Bridgette sighed, putting her pen aside and giving the warring duo a pitying look- they were playing nice with her; she assumed that things were much more volatile outside of the office. "Look, this isn't going to be easy but the fact that you've come to me shows that you're both willing to admit that you're having trouble and that you have problems that want you to work through. These sessions are going to be very stressful at times, painful even, but it will all pay off in the end. The both of you must be honest with each other, now, because it is the only way to have a chance of fixing this marriage," Bridgette said, tucking her curls behind her ears. She took a moment before continuing, looking back down at the list of questions she had started writing, "So, you married young? Did you know each other long or was it a whirlwind romance?"
"Not sure about the romance part, put it was a whirlwind," Jen said, smirking as the fond memories came back to her. "The drugs and the parties and the sex. Hell, the first few months was all about the sex."
"Has sex been a way to keep each other close?"
Tommy pondered that question and nodded, "Its easier when we have sex- isn't everything? I feel like I can show her how much I really do… love her better than when I try and say it in words. Fuck words."
"So when did you stop talking and starting substituting sex for conversation," the therapist questioned, visibly disturbed by Tommy's answer. The couple wracked their brains before he finally turned to his wife for answers, Jen just as confused as he was. "I- I don't really know… it was long before he walked, though. I mean, I know that things change in life, probably more so at our age than at any other. I just didn't think that it would all change so… fast- obviously fast enough that I can't exactly pinpoint it. I just got blindsided because I thought that we were happy, that we were good at being married-"
"We are good at being married," Tommy said, swallowing as he looked at her.
Jen bit down on her bottom lip and shook her head, "Tom, you would have walked one day or another- that much I know in my heart. You were not ready to be a husband, a father then… and sometimes I don't feel like you are even now. Sure, you're here with us and everything, and yes, you love them- love us- unconditionally, but there is such a reluctance there… I don't even know."
"Because I never wanted us to be like this: bad. I know that no marriage is perfect; hell, I lived through an imperfect marriage my entire childhood- but I never wanted this kind of life with you Jenevieve. We're good for each other… but, we're bad for each other too."
"Why do you think that Tommy?" He ran his hand back over his head and sighed, shrugging. "I don't know. We seem not to be making each other happy anymore, because we're here. And I've brought so much bad into your life Jen- the drugs, fatherless kids, my bullshit family… depression? I mean really! And you bring the worst out of me sometimes with all the fighting and shit; you know my past and you know I have the potential to become my father- you've seen it. And still… still, you don't stop," Tommy said, the anger plantative in his voice. Jen just scowled and tapped her fingers on her thigh, averting her eyes from Bridgette and staring down at the floor. "Jen, why do you fight with your husband," the other woman asked quietly, trying to figure out what was going wrong her. Tommy's wife looked up with tears in her eyes, a pain inside of her just waiting to be released. "Because it's the only time I feel like I'm really seeing him."
Silence filled the room again as Bridgette looked back at Tommy, seeing the dark look in his eyes. He didn't know if he should have been satisfied that Jen had finally revealed the reason as to why she picked fights she knew would set him off- him and that rage that he sought not to inflict upon her, even despite what she wanted.
"You're fucked up," Tommy murmured, seeing Jen half-smile as she stared at the wall.
"Who are you telling?"