Truths and Roses

Chapter 20

"It means WHAT?"

"Calm down before you burst your appendix, Walt!"

"I was not talking about sex!"

Vic rolls her eyes. "Yes, you've made that abundantly clear."

"I wasn't using a euphemism."

"I get it already. You aren't hip to the slang the young are using today."

"That's not fair, Vic. I'm not ninety."

"I didn't say you were."

"I know enough to know the young don't use the word hip."

"You just used air quotes, Walt. I'm impressed."

"Do you think because I'm not a serial flirt like you that I don't have game." I pause to calm myself and allow Vic to compliment my inclusion of current slang.

Arms crossed over her chest, she makes gives me the 'no you didn't look' and asks, "You waiting for me to compliment you?"

"No, I was just thinking I could out match you on euphemisms for sex."

"Is that a threat or a challenge?"

Confidently or defiantly I'm not sure, I proceed. "Rutting, sexual congress..."

"Hold up Sheriff Defensive. First, rutting is an oddly frequently relevant term in Wyoming. Second, if that was a genuine bet, then we need to get some rules straight before we start." Almost under her breath I hear, "Sexual congress. Could you be more square?"

"Yep." Her eyes widen. I have her attention. "Hanky Panky."

"What?"

"Hanky Panky is more square than sexual congress."

Vic raises her arms and leaning her head back to look to the heavens, presumably, based on her heightened level of sarcasm. "I surrender."

"Not asking you to. Not asking you to argue either."

"You're mad."

"Thank you for your observation Deputy Obvious."

"Wow. Mad and sarcastic!"

Stepping towards me, she takes hold of my hand. "I'm sorry."

I'm amazed and more than a little relieved Vic stepped up to end this absurd quarrel. "I'm sorry, too. I'm just tired."

"You want to crash here or were you thinking you want to head home?"

"Not that I wouldn't like to stay, but I'm afraid I may be a too grouchy to be companionable."

Silently nodding her understanding, she walks me to the door. For a long moment we just stand there in the open doorway holding each other. The embrace feels secure and meaningful. It feels like we're two people who almost became lovers tonight, but once again realized it's not time yet. Of course, that's exactly what we are, but I'm leaving without anxiety or regret.

I rest my chin on the crown of her head as I speak. "Vic, I really am sorry about how our evening turned out. I know you…"

She pulls back to look up at me. "You must not know, because there is nothing to apologize for. I had and I hope you had a wonderful evening. And, if it's still an option, I really would enjoy riding ATVs through the Big Horn Mountains or forest or park or wherever it is. You're pretty good company."

"Good, then tomorrow we can discuss the details."

"Oh, we don't have time tomorrow." The corner of her mouth raises just enough to signal a playful taunt coming. "We'll be busy with our new addition."

"Uh?"

"Deputy Has a Name starts tomorrow, or don't you remember?"

"Oh, that."

"I'd be glad to come in early and do the whole dog and pony show for the new guy."

The very idea of my curvy blonde flirt-oholic deputy meeting the new guy makes me nervous. Just the idea of what nonsense she'd fill his head with for her own amusement is reason enough to turn down her offer.

Smiling, I lean down to kiss her one last time before donning my hat and walking out the door.

"No chance in hell. But, thanks. It's very charitable of you." I tilt my hat in salute, "Mam" before riding off into the night.

All I needed to know about my loaner was in the paperwork Deputy Chester Rollins brought from Cumberland County. First, he doesn't like to be called Chester. He goes by Tank. Second, that Chester/Tank has five years law enforcement experience, all of it under Sherriff Jim Wilkins, so I know the guy's more than competent.

I have Ferg orienting Tank today. Thankfully, Ruby reminded me I don't conduct new employee orientations anymore on account of I'm not so good at it. I'm not always sure if Ruby is reminding me of things I've said or taking advantage my hazy memory on matters related to, well all matters not directly involved in the business of solving cases. Ruby could remind I promised to meet with the Durant Ladies Auxiliary to discuss plans for their Spring Gala, and I'd be on my way out the door. I'd come to a full stop once I stepped outside. I wouldn't recall the location for the meeting. That would happen just before I did recall there isn't a Durant Ladies Auxiliary. That hypothetical situation would only happen once, last April Fools Day. I'm wise to Ruby now.

I've wasted enough time daydreaming today considering I have a new deputy to not train. Guess I could meet with Deputy Moretti to discuss our upcoming second date.

Once Vic returns from what she refers to as 'never any traffic' duty, I call her in and close my office door to discuss the off-roading that I had proposed.

"What do I wear?"

"I can see this is going to be a standard pre-date question."

"And, I can see teasing me is going to be your standard pre-date answer. You enjoy ticking me off, don't you?"

It's odd hearing Vic say that to me and not the other way around.

"If you weren't so much fun to irritate I'd probably stop." I love to watch her think. The head tilts as the mouth prepares to deliver a retort that won't come forward. Then Vic shifts her weight from one foot to another as if that will help to release her thoughts.

"Vic, I'm just teasing."

"I know. And if you weren't so quick to apologize anytime I stop speaking for more than four seconds, I'd probably stop pretending to be irritated." Her pearly whites now dominate the bottom half of her lovely face.

And so begins the pre-date events.

This week leading up to our second date, Vic dragged me through what felt like a Laurel and Hardy comedy routine. It started at the station when an unsuspecting Sheriff was approached by his devious deputy. Vic asked, "Are we public now? I caught myself about to brag how awesome you are at creating unique and romantic dates but thought I'd better run that by you first."

It turns out that the Walt Longmire Barometer for how much to disclose about a new relationship is greatly impacted by how much said devious deputy is able to inflate the poor man's ego.

"So, may I tell people about our date?" And then Vic throws in the proverbial whipped cream and cherry, to ensure she gets the response she wants. In this story, that would be, "I mean just Ruby, Ferg, and Tank, of course. I'm not saying we tell anyone else."

Having been fed the exact response she wants, I say, "Sure, if it's just the department."

And Vic's victory dance is her spinning on her heel, throwing open my office door before shouting, "We're going off-roading! Walt and I are off-roading on our second date, man's moving fast, right?"

And so the farce repeats on a daily basis. Next is the "Henry, it's just Henry." After that came, "Just Lucian, he'll say he's proud of you for having the gumption." Vic was right, only Lucian didn't use the word gumption; instead commenting on the size of my balls.

If I wasn't impressed yet by Vic's ability to rob me of my senses, the next time really did me in.

"Psst, Walt?"

"What's the matter Vic?"

"Look who's walking up the street."

I turned my head to see a man coming towards us with a determined swagger and lustful eye on my lady. Oh, it's Omar, of course it's Omar.

"Walt, it's okay if I tell Omar we're dating, right?"

"Why would you do that? He'll just take it as a challenge."

"Exactly, that's what I want to avoid. I've only got eyes for you cowboy and the sooner Omar knows it, the better."

"I don't know, Vic."

"Walt, Omar may be an arrogant jerk but he's not entirely stupid. Omar knows you're the big shit in this county. I've seen him back down to you like a young gorilla to the Silverback."

My gargantuan ego impulsively stated, "Tell him."

Once Omar was toe to toe with Vic, she skipped all other formalities of polite society and shot him between the eyes.

"Omar, Walt and I wanted you to know we're an item now. Walt's all the man I'll ever need and more man than you could ever be. Just so you know how serious we are, Walt suggested we do some off-roading and we've only had one official date."

Patting the top of Omar's bald head, Vic looped her other hand around my arm and pulled me across the avenue towards the station shouting, "That's right Walt Longmire and I are going off-roading!"

At that point I, Sheriff and Silverback gorilla take over. "I hope you enjoyed that because that was the final performance of the Vic Moretti Comedy Tour."

I would've felt guilty for scolding her if she hadn't been smiling from ear to ear.

Thanks for all of your great reviews! Special thanks to one particular reviewer/author whose knowledge helped shape this chapter. You see, I didn't adequately research some things I included in Chapter 19. I did not know that 'off-roading' can be used as a euphemism for sex. It just seemed like a decent tease for the next chapter. Much like our Walt, I innocently meant riding ATVs off road.

Do keep those reviews, comments, and suggestions coming! And stick around for Chapter 21, to learn how this much anticipated second date unfolds.