There were several moments during the first few days of holding Samuel that Santana thought she might actually be able to tolerate the child.

Then he would wake her in the middle of the night with his screaming and, worse yet, wake Brittany who would struggle to sit up so Santana could bring him over to feed.

For Santana it was a horrible thing to watch, since Brittany's pallor had not improved, it looked a lot like the child was sucking the life out of her. She would become so tired just from the small action of feeding him, even with Santana there to hold most of his weight.

During the day he was hardly any better; she had to take him outside the bedroom when Matthew came to visit since Brittany was too weak to speak over her son's cries, leaving her to bounce the squalling baby in her arms wishing he would lose his voice.

But of course she didn't truly wish that, only because it would have made his mother so sad.

When the prince was asleep she would place him in his bassinet and sit dutifully at Brittany's side. Matthew called her a guard hound, but she didn't care, she wasn't going to run from the queen again and she would learn to tolerate her son even though she did still feel a powerful wave of hatred every time he looked at the world with his father's eyes. And when she remembered he held such a high place in the heart of her lover.

Winter's bite became even fiercer as the days passed and soon incoming letters ceased as it was impossible for any man or beast to travel long distances. In fact, even short ones were a challenge.

This did mean that Matthew had less to try and talk with Brittany about, leaving Santana more time alone with her. Unfortunately Samuel was never far from them.

During one particularly clear, yet intensely cold morning, Matthew stood by the queen's bedside, reading off a list of nobles who claimed to be most in need of firewood to survive the winter.

The royal bed chamber was the only truly warm room in the castle as Santana had found out on the way to her morning meal and Matthew seemed to be intent on reading extraordinarily slowly in the hopes of staying longer. She didn't blame him, but at the same time she wondered if he knew that Brittany would surely let him stay if he asked.

As he droned on Santana fed Brittany her meal of porridge slowly and carefully, fully aware that all the liveliness she gained from the meal would be stolen shortly by her son.

Matthew looked briefly at the sleeping child and walked back over to them, "I have looked into finding a wet-nurse for the prince, but he seems to be the only infant we have in the castle at the moment. I believe that, given more time, I could send a messenger to request one be sent from one of our nearby castellans."

Brittany shrugged a little, "I will feed him."

"It's making you weak," Santana said.

Matthew seemed irritated at her interjecting herself in the conversation, but the informality of feeding the queen in her bedroom made Santana bold.

"I am already weak."

"True," Matthew added, "but that condition could be rectified much more quickly if you allowed others to care for him. Which brings me to the point that I strongly believe it is time to allow another servant to handle Prince Samuel," when Brittany looked like she was going to object he sped on. "Not at all times, but I cannot continue to watch him and tend to my castle duties during the times Santana cannot."

That was usually when she had to be bathed though now it was a far less intimate affair with several healers overseeing the venture for fear Brittany may be left in too long or that Santana wouldn't be able to lift her from the water on her own. There were more servants around to help with all tasks that required the queen to move since every step she took seemed to be leading to a collapse.

"If you insist," Brittany conceded, "but do not think I intend to pawn him off on someone else."

"Of course not. Also before our communications ended I received a letter from Lord Motta," Matthew went on waving the paper he spoke of as if to prove it was true, "In it he states that he is quite grateful for the crown's assistance and that he is tired of the hostilities. He says he is willing to pay to move any displaced families onto new lands so that the border lands may be converted into strongholds without worry, provided that we buy the bulk of our supplies from the displaced families to ensure their first year's harvest yields profit."

Brittany gently squeezed Santana's hand to keep her from offering another mouthful of food, "Do you think his offer is genuine?" she asked in a voice that was hardly more than a raspy whisper.

"I dare to hope. Lord Motta is more than wealthy enough to make good on his offer."

"As soon as possible tell him I approve," Brittany stopped for a moment and both servants knew she had more to say, but needed a moment to be able to say it. "Ask him if he can convince any of his friends in the West or North to agree to the same."

"Wait," Santana said, her brow furrowed, "wasn't that already the offer before?"

"No," Brittany started, but when she coughed it was Matthew who elaborated.

"The offer of the king sovereign was to buy the land from his subjects for substantially less than what it was worth. There was no offer of new land nor of profit security. I think it was something that could have been negotiated… had our king bothered to negotiate. However, with Lord Motta willing to compromise this could well be the bargain that could win most of the South to our side, if not all of it. At least enough to convince the surrounding lords that we are not as foolish as we seem at the moment."

"And you don't worry that the king will take issue with this?" Santana asked Brittany worriedly.

The blonde gave a weak chuckle, "Since the South offered these terms first I can safely claim that I did not believe this to be a show of weakness seeing as how that was what upset Artie the most. However, I suspect he will take issue with everything I have done since he left," she paused to breathe deeply, her lungs seemingly unable to handle the strain; it tore Santana apart to watch, but she did so unflinchingly. "The way I see it he will be upset regardless, so I may as well do what I think is right and earn his wrath rather than cower and do nothing with the same result."

Matthew looked down at the paper in his hand like there was something on it he hadn't read yet before bowing and excusing himself from the room.

Santana watched him go, wondering why he had left in such a hurry, but eventually decided it didn't matter and went back to feeding Brittany.

"Is Samuel awake?" she asked quietly.

"I don't hear the shriek of a dying cat, so I will assume no," Santana replied on reflex, and immediately regretted it. "Sorry, no he isn't, not yet."

Brittany clearly noticed the slip and seemed to consider saying something about it before she moved on, "He doesn't know what to say to me."

Santana frowned at her, "Who?"

"Matthew. Whenever we speak of how Artie treats me when he's angry Matthew doesn't know what to say."

"I can think of a few things," Santana growled.

"Hmmm, I bet you can," she laughed, "but his relationship with Artie is much different than mine, I think that's why he has such a hard time."

Santana watched Brittany stare at the door as if she were searching her memory for proof of her own words.

"What makes his relationship so different? You were all children together, and I can't imagine him treating Matthew with any more respect than he does now."

"He doesn't, but whatever else was between them they have always been close friends."

Santana still didn't see how that could ever be with a man that tried so hard to be kind and a king who was evil so easily, "I will have to take you at your word."

She gladly continued to feed Brittany in silence before the blonde lifted a hand to stop her. Confused, Santana waited for instruction, but none came, the queen merely looked at her for a long time, the silence enveloping the room.

Only when it had gone on so long it became worrisome did Santana attempt to talk, but thankfully Brittany spoke first.

"You don't like him any better," she said, not questioning but telling and assuming Santana understood whom she spoke of.

She did.

"How could I? He's an infant and I have only known him a short time, I'll do better," Santana said determinedly, deciding that if she couldn't find it in her to genuinely like Samuel she could at least pretend.

"I always wanted a child, ever since I was one, because I loved my parents so blindly, but they didn't much care for me. So I thought if I had one that was anything like me, we could be there for each other," Brittany's words were slow and, to Santana, cutting.

"And my love doesn't count."

She smiled, "Your love counts, in ways you don't even know, I just want you to understand my feelings on the matter before we met." Feeling less wounded Santana nodded, "I found it in me to feel that way because I knew I was going to have to produce an heir whether I wanted to or not, and I figured it best to make it something I wanted. But of course fate gave me what I asked for at the worst moment making me wish for the first time that I was as barren as Artie claimed, because I knew how it would hurt you."

Seeing her eyes water, Santana shook her head, "You don't need to explain yourself to me-"

"Yes, I do," she said evenly, "You still seem to think I have chosen to ignore your feelings for the chance to raise a king, but that is not true. As much as I wanted a child of my own I would have given up the chance easily if it meant you wouldn't look at me the way you do," and with that the creeping shame returned to the brunette. "However, after he was conceived I could not imagine getting rid of something I had prayed so hard for, especially since having him was what was best for us."

"How?" Santana snapped, far more indignantly than she had meant.

"Can you honestly not see it yourself?"

And when she thought, she could. Already she knew this to mean Archibald would have no reason to visit her chambers any longer, though she wasn't under the delusion he never would again, it wouldn't be like it had been.

"It does allow for him to leave you be."

She nodded, "And a lack of an heir was the main source of his anger towards me. Besides all of that it is my understanding that forcing a child from the womb can be as dangerous as actually giving birth and would have done nothing to stop Artie from trying again."

For the first time she started to see how this was bound to happen one way or the other, and if it hadn't the consequences would be so much more dire. Santana was starting to see that Brittany had not become a wise strategist with her ascension to the throne; she always had been. It was a must for a woman who only had herself to rely on for so many years.

"I see all that, but…"

"But it still upsets you, I know."

Brittany struggled to sit up straighter and managed to move slightly higher up before Santana set her food aside to help.

"Don't concern yourself with me, I will get over this."

Looking to the crib, the blonde gave a soft sigh, "I know you will or pretend, failing that," the smaller woman tried not to look surprised that Brittany knew her so well. "What I wish is for you to love him as I do, because he will need all he can get. I do not suspect Artie will see him and change his nature, he will teach his son to be like him, to be cruel and spiteful. I want to teach him to be thoughtful and kind, and not to ignore the pain of others."

"And what if those lessons don't take?"

"Then at least I will have tried."

Santana nodded and reached for the bowl again before lowering her hand and looking at Brittany again, at her still gray completion and sunken features to her weary eyes, now questioning the pause.

"Why didn't you tell me all that before?"

"I don't know, I suppose because I didn't want you to feel any worse about my life than I already do," she laughed slightly.

"You did it to protect me," Santana clarified, "and from here on I'd rather you didn't. I'm not smart enough to figure you out, so you'll have to just tell me what's on your mind. I know you want to protect me, but leaving me in the dark hurts just as much- no, more when I realize that all the things I thought of you were so very callous and wrong. I will stop trying to run from what scares me, to be here for you, and you have to stop hiding your thoughts from me."

Brittany gave her a shy smile, "I've never been accused of being smarter than someone."

"I'm serious," Santana said sternly and the blonde nodded quickly.

"I know, I will. I should have all along. Even though I have been ruling for so long, and been with you longer, I'm still not used to someone wanting to know my thoughts," she said softly.

Santana remembered the few times the queen had voiced her opinion in her husband's presence and immediately softened, leaning forward to give Brittany the first kiss they had shared since Samuel was born.

"You don't have to hold everything inside, you don't have to be a knight anymore, it's okay to let me share your troubles and I will do the same."

Brittany nodded, taking Santana's hand in her gentle grasp before the smaller returned to feeding her.

Content with the flow of the conversation, Santana was more than a little irked when Samuel woke crying leaving it to her to fetch the child and bring him to his mother. And as she watched Brittany feed him it wouldn't leave her mind how the boy seemed to be part leech. She helped the queen hold him until she was too weak to do so anymore, leaving Santana to do it alone.

Clearly exhausted from their talk, Brittany sank back into her bed and seemed to immediately fall back to sleep, leaving Santana to look at the infant as he whined and waved his arms uselessly in the air.

Resignedly she allowed him to grasp her finger, if for no other reason than to get him to hold slightly still. It worked; the contact seemed to calm him and his shaky whimpers ceased as his hand clutched her with all his might. Sadly, Santana noted that his strength was hardly less than his mother's at the moment. And then she remembered whose fault that was, making her look into his eyes and see the man she hated.

And suddenly she needed him to be far away from her.

Santana moved to return Samuel to his bassinet, but a gentle hand rested on her arm. To her surprise it was Brittany, one eye cracked open looking at the two of them, "I know you hold no love for him, but I think you may like him better if you do not blame him for his father's sins."

A scowl crossed her face at being read so easily once again, and in the interest of no longer keeping feelings hidden she said, "That might be less difficult if I didn't feel as if he were so likely to repeat those sins."

Brittany nodded softly as she closed her eyes again, "I fear that too, that's why we need to teach him better."

Determined to prove she could be near the infant for more than a short while, she sat there holding him, sitting next to the queen until she was sure the other woman was asleep. Only then did she stand and place him back in his soft bed, staying at his side to prevent him from crying out since he seemed to dislike being left alone. She allowed him to continue to hold her finger while she looked down at him and after little time had passed he began to show signs of fatigue when he gave a tiny yawn.

"Be better than him," Santana said softly, "Be better than your father, it's not hard. Sam was a kind boy despite what his family wanted, maybe his name and your mother's blood will give you the strength to be someone worth all this."

The baby gurgled, his eyes opening slightly at the sound of her voice and he squeezed her finger again.

Santana chose to take that as an acknowledgement.

Not long after the sun warmed the land just enough for letters to be sent again bringing biggest change in the castle since the prince's birth; Matthew had found a wet nurse. The woman hailed from a nearby village and had rather unfortunately lost her own child to the cold. When she arrived she looked as if someone had removed the life from her eyes. Santana worried that the woman's grief may lead to her doing something rash, but once she saw Samuel it seemed to soothe her slightly making Santana less worried when she left the woman with the infant. It would mark the first time the prince would be left to sleep in his own room which was a relief since his cries had meant neither she nor Brittany had slept through the night since he was born.

It would mean that finally the queen would have a chance to rest and regain her strength.

Santana was almost prancing by the time she reached the servant's dining hall, glad at being a step closer to having her love back the way she was. When she got there she found Puck and Matthew in their usual spots, and to her surprise Sunshine sat with them shoveling her food into her mouth as if she couldn't wait to return to the smithy.

Santana retrieved a bowl of stew and sat at the table across from Puck and the small girl, noting how she had taken up his habit of working without a coat. Her small arms were bare and now bulging with muscles, no doubt gained from long days of hard work. As if to prove it her fingers were covered in blisters and there were shiny scars along her forearms that Santana knew had come from mishandling the fire. However, the girl seemed nothing but happy.

"Morning," Matthew greeted as he continued to read a parchment next to his bowl, "How did Shelby fair?"

"You are saying things I don't understand again," Santana said, scooping a mouthful of the unusually colorful stew into her mouth. She was surprised that the taste was actually quite improved, not by a great deal, but enough to tell something had changed.

"Shelby, she is caring for Samuel, I am correct in assuming that was who you left the prince with?"

Santana felt bad that she hadn't asked the woman's name, "Yes, I did, I just… am I the only one who thinks the food is different?" she asked to divert attention from the fact.

"We ran outta that crap servant meat," Puck answered, "They gotta give us real meat 'til winter passes."

"Puck," Matthew said suddenly, looking at the paper quite intently, "May I speak with you a moment? In private?" he asked and stood to leave before the other man could answer.

Everyone gave each other questioning looks before Puck followed, leaving Sunshine and Santana alone. Remembering her long ago promise to be kind to her, she leaned forward to try to start a conversation, but Sunshine gulped down the last of her food and scampered off. It seemed to her that the girl didn't need anyone to be able to cope in this place, she made her own way and stayed out of trouble.

Santana envied her a great deal.

By the time she returned to Brittany Matthew was already there, standing by her bed and reading a letter that seemed to be falling on deaf ears since the queen appeared to be sleeping. However, when she got close she saw a blue eye open and find her in the room before a soft smile fell over Brittany's face.

"Don't you think you could let her rest just for today?" Santana asked as she came in to sit at Brittany's side when she saw her morning meal was waiting on the small table by the bed.

"Just a few notes and I'll be off," Matthew replied, "And you as well, Beiste isn't too pleased with her progress, so we will leave her in the care of her healers until she regains the strength to walk on her own." Brittany gave him a look that prompted him to add, "Of course your nights will still be spent here."

Santana nodded in understanding as she helped Brittany sit up to receive her food, and as she fed the blonde she spoke quietly to her.

"Samuel is in good hands, the woman who watches him lost a child of her own and seems eager to care for him. He will do well with her for the short time they are together."

Brittany was obviously relieved by Santana's approval and may have said as much, but Matthew cut across them.

"Ahem, in regards to Lord Hummel, he regretted being unable to assist in that matter since to help the prince would have meant to help his father and he must remain neutral."

"Tell him we think no less of him," Brittany said, her voice barely floating above a whisper.

"I will. Also the king writes that he would like for you to announce the prince's name as Archibald Samuel Abrams before the council."

The queen did not respond, merely taking in another mouthful of porridge, then another, before Matthew sighed.

"Shall I assume this one was lost on the way here?"

Brittany gave a half shrug, "These things happen."

"Right," he said, ripping the letter up, "That is all for today then."

With that Matthew left and Santana couldn't help but laugh, "Were you always so defiant?"

Brittany laughed as well, "Yes."

And when she thought back on it that was very true. Brittany had always been a woman who smiled broadly in the face of a man whose only pleasure seemed to be making her miserable.

She had always stood up to her greatest fears and pains and even took on new ones for those she cared about. Like Sunshine, Brittany was a much braver person than she.

And as she fed her brave love her breakfast she could feel the faint tingle of deep wounds that had only ever healed physically.

Maybe Elisa hadn't been wrong to keep her from Sam, it was possible she saw what a sniveling coward she would be towards the hardships of the world and tried to teach her a well deserved lesson.

Then she considered what that would mean for Brittany if that were true, and she resolved that if she did nothing else in her life, she would make sure that she proved Elisa wrong.

By midday Santana found herself in the odd position of having nothing to do.

With the healers tending to Brittany, there being no court, council, or meetings of any kind and the cold keeping her from even dreaming of setting a toe outside there was nowhere for her to be.

She sat in her old room for some time, it was empty except for her bed and the ratty shirt she still kept hidden under the mattress, she attempted to nap, but found it strangely difficult to fall asleep without Brittany. So she ventured out into the halls without anywhere to go, leaving her to end up in the only place she could go when everything outside was painfully cold; the smithy.

To her surprise she found Puck half asleep where the master armorer usually napped as Sunshine pounded the dents out of shields and helmets before tending the fire with a poker to keep it high.

Quietly she walked up to him and kicked his leg, startling him into full alertness, "What?!" he snapped, more out of surprise than anything.

"Is this what you do with your days now?"

"She does good work," he said, reclining once again now that he knew who had disturbed him, "N' she's eager t' learn, why take that from her?"

"You don't have to take it, you could share the work."

"I usually do, but…" he stopped and folded his arms across his chest as he watched Sunshine drag a breastplate over to her anvil.

"But?" Santana prompted as she sat next to him.

"I gotta lot on my mind," he said evasively.

"Okay."

They silently watched the small girl mold the iron back into the correct shape before he started to fidget.

"I don't wanna talk about it," he grumbled.

"I hadn't asked-"

"Quinn had a baby," he blurted.

Santana squinted at him, the name didn't ring familiar, "Who?"

"The woman I went t' see at Kurt's caravan."

"Oh!" she said with sudden understanding. "Oh," she repeated understanding more.

"When Matthew asked fer a wet nurse Kurt wrote that Quinn was a nursin' mother. She's gotta little girl, name's Bethany."

He seemed so far away when he said that Santana wondered if her words would reach him.

"So are you the child's-"

"Yeah," the words left him in a gruff grumble, "Least that's what Matthew says Kurt says she says."

"And I take it this doesn't make you happy."

He sat up suddenly, rubbing his head, "It ain't the baby part, love. It's the me bein' the pa part."

"That was what I meant."

"No, I mean I ain't there for her, like my pa wasn't there for me. She deserves better n' to be the bastard kid of a slave that ain't even around."

"But she has her mother, Quinn, right? And she's born free."

He nodded and cradled his head in his hands, "Yeah."

"So why are you so down?"

"I dunno."

"You want to be with them," said a disembodied voice.

Santana and Puck both jumped at the sound; to their astonishment Sunshine had stopped hammering and come to sit on the other side of Puck, unseen, until that moment. They both looked over at the abandoned anvil and back to the small girl as if neither could believe she wasn't still over there.

"What?" Puck asked as if her words were too foreign to understand.

"You want to be with them. Is why you are sad."

"I… guess," he said warily, "But if Quinn wanted me around she woulda wrote me herself. She ain't the settlin' type so I don't see us makin' a family. I'm worried Bethany'll always wonder if I even care 'bout her. And I do, more n' I though a person ever could fer someone they never met."

"My family sold me for food," she said, kicking her feet as they dangled off the bench since her legs were too short to touch the ground, "I think it better to think you are loved than know you are not."

With that she hopped off the bench and returned to the hammer and anvil before pummeling a particularly stubborn dent.

"It's as she said," Santana added with a shrug.

"I s'pose."

"You can always write her."

"Can't write," he replied.

"Don't act as though Matthew wouldn't help."

Puck nodded slightly and shook his head as if to rid himself of looming thoughts, "Yeah, he would. Anyway, how have you been fairin'?"

"Well enough," when he looked skeptical she rolled her eyes, "Some days are harder than others, but I have heeded your advice."

He smiled, "Good."

They sat and watched Sunshine a while longer before he turned to her again, but this time his voice was far quieter and, though she had never heard it in him before, shy.

"Santana?"

"Yes?"

"Don't take this wrong but… I mean you likin' girls aside… is the queen better at sex than me?"

Santana knew her face was totally red, because it was burning hotter than the furnace, "Wha- ho- why would you-"

"Calm yerself, it's jest a question."

She glared at him fighting between asking how he came to that question in his mind and wondering if she should even dignify it with an answer.

"Yes," she said finally.

He seemed surprised but nodded and leaned back for a moment. A short moment, because right after he asked, "How? I mean I heard o' women who c'n pleasure each other, but I mean I c'n do th' same things, right? It's about tongues n' fingers n'-"

"Puck, can we leave it?"

"Okay, but I want ya t' know that ya never saw me at m'best."

"I'm sure."

More silence before, "How much better?"

Santana stood to leave, bundling her coat around herself and heading for the door giving Sunshine a hasty goodbye. However, seeing Puck's disappointed face made her turn before exiting.

"If you must know, the difference between you is the difference between a puddle and the ocean. Even if it rained the puddle still wouldn't compare, but don't let that hurt your pride I'm sure others disagree."

"I won't believe others 'til they tried both," he pouted, and then his face lit up, "But I am th' best puddle ya ever splashed in!"

She laughed, "Sure, you may have that title from me."

In response Sunshine, clearly finding the discussion awkward, pounded her hammer down with far more force than Santana figured she would ever need.