Chapter 20 - Broken

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK

Broken - Lifehouse

The month of January had passed slowly for the group of sixth years. The Marauders were doing their best to keep up appearances, act normal but it was hard when one of them was too emotionally invested in the well being of another. Sirius wasn't his normal self, over the last few weeks since her return to school; he'd been Emily's shadow, and her protector of sorts, guarding her from the whispers and the stares of the other students who'd fallen prey to the belief Emily was in fact infected and would become a werewolf, despite knowing it wasn't likely to happen.

There were those, a large majority of whom were Gryffindor's that simply carried on like normal and didn't shun the girl. The way they had all seen it was she'd been through enough and it wasn't fair to put her through more. So being the true Gryffindor's they all where, most were hexing the ones who tried to spread the vicious rumours, stopping them in their tracks.

Lily would be the last to admit, she was feeling pushed out. Emily seemed to have slammed down all her walls after that first day, she refused to talk about anything that wasn't school, and was spending more time with Sirius. Lily felt like she should be happy if her friend was talking to someone else about her problems, (which she wasn't) but she couldn't help but feel upset that Emily felt more relaxed talking to a Marauder than her. Despite Emily's insistence to the contrary you see, Lily knew for a fact her friend was barely coping. Every night the other girl woke up sobbing, screaming, it had driven their other two roommates to their friend's dorm. Nightmares were to be expected, Lily knew that but she wondered if Emily pushing down everything she was feeling wasn't making them worse.

Another growing issue between the friends was Emily's insistence that Sirius never find out the identity of her attackers. At first, Lily had agreed, but now she was worried that they may simply be making things worse by not telling him. One way or another Sirius was going to find out; it was simply a matter of time. Lily wondered if it might not be easier for all involved if Emily simply told him. Emily though, not that she'd ever admit it, was scared that the revelation would take Sirius away from her, and she needed him in her life, he was slowly becoming one of her best friends. Thankfully Sirius hadn't mentioned the kiss; she just wasn't ready to think on that and what it meant just yet.

Sitting across from Emily on her bed, Lily watched her friend carefully, a frown etched into her pretty features. "I think you should go talk to Madame Pomfrey, I'm sure she'd give you some of that dreamless sleeping potion." She said finally biting the bullet. Emily's head snapped up, her eyes locking onto Lily.

Emily hadn't been aware Lily knew, shaking her head she reminded herself there was nothing to know and stood abruptly from her bed. "Lily would you stop, I'm fine I don't know how many times I have to tell you..."

"Well when you're finally telling the truth I'll believe you." Lily called after her as they both grabbed their bags, leaving the dorm. Emily tensed and shook her head as she walked down the stairs in front of Lily, "I do share a room with you...Emily would you please just think about it..." she pleaded as they stepped into the common room, her heart giving a painful lurch when Sirius moved forward to walk with Emily to class.

"Lily just drop it okay! I'm fine...!" Emily said her tone a little harsh as she turned to look right at her friend. Lily though crossed her arms, looking away from Emily and shaking her head, her frown deepening when Sirius stepped up to Emily and the both of them left without another word. For a moment she remained rooted to the spot, watching as they disappeared through the portrait hole feeling hurt.

James, Remus and Peter watched on, the silence echoing loudly in the room. They hadn't missed the small argument, and that right there was how they knew Lily was right, Emily was far from being as fine as she insisted. The two never argued, about anything, it was kind of strange but the Marauder's had come to expect that from the pair of them. In a strange way it was comforting being witness to their very easy friendship.

"Lily...?" James made to move forward, offer her some sort of comfort but stopped dead when Lily rounded on him.

"Shut up Potter...the last thing I want today is to have to deal with you." She all but growled, before turning on her heel and storming out of the common room. James sighed, his shoulders slumping forward just that little bit as he looked back to Remus and Peter.

"Come on, we should follow..." he said, reluctantly making his way outside with his friends by his side. The three of them falling into quiet march down to Transfiguration, all lost in their own thoughts. The reality of the war was only just hitting most of them, seeing the injuries or at least knowing what injuries Emily had, knowing what had happened to her over Christmas, her Father and a few of her neighbours, it was becoming something they couldn't hide away from any more.

Lily looked over from her spot in the supply closet, back to her desk where Emily was stood talking to Sirius. Every time she watched her friend cover her neck with her hair, Lily felt her chest give a painful lurch, it broke her heart to know what Emily had gone through and she knew it was going to take a long time to accept it and begin to move on. She figured that was why things were a little rocky between her and Emily; the other girl didn't want to accept that and kept pretending she was okay when she so clearly wasn't.

Dorcas and Marlene had subtly started staying in their other friend's dorms over the last couple weeks and Lily couldn't blame them. Her loyalty and worry for Emily kept her there, she'd promised Emily she'd stay and she stood by that promise. Emily hadn't even noticed the other girls had gone, she simply assumed she kept missing them and that was another thing Lily had noticed Emily's complete obliviousness to anything outside of her and Sirius. It's like she wasn't even here 9 times out of 10, her mind was somewhere else.

Sighing she gathered up her ingredients and carried them over to the table, "Time to get to work Sirius..." she told the dark haired boy dismissively. Emily frowned at Lily whilst Sirius shot her a disgruntled look and headed back to James who had already began their potion, not even acknowledging his friend when he returned. Lily felt Emily's eyes burning into the side of her head as she proceeded to prep their ingredients, "Emily come we need to get this done before the end of class..." she sighed softly.

"Don't you think that was a bit rude though...we were only talking..." Emily said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, frustration evident in her tone. Lily braced herself and shook her head, deciding it best not to answer. The fact that Sirius was being the rock Emily needed right now made Lily happy, she was seeing a side to him she hadn't believed existed, but then there was what she knew, the secret Emily had sworn to her to keep, it didn't seem fair. Emily as always though had read her mind, "I'm not telling him Lily..."

"It'll come out Emily...things like this are too big to keep to yourself...how crushed do you think he'll be when he finds out later down the line?" she asked, her voice a hushed whisper as she turned to Emily fixing her with a blazing look, urging her to see sense, Emily though shook her head and looked away from her friend, "Emily please..."

"Drop it Lily." Emily said firmly, her tone slightly rose so it caught the attention of a few tables around them. She looked at Lily for a moment, the silence between them echoed loudly as the tension rapidly grew. For a moment neither one did anything, when finally Emily shook her head and looked away, effectively ending the conversation there and then. From the back of the classroom both Sirius and James watched with equal frowns, wondering what on earth was going on between the two best friends.

James was determined to find out.

"Hey Lily...Emily...wait up..."

The girls, who'd been walking in silence back to their common room after leaving the Great Hall, stopped and turned to see Remus jogging up the stairs to catch up with them. It didn't escape Lily's notice how tense Emily's entire body went, she'd noticed it happen every other time Remus went near the other girl. "Hey Remus..." she greeted brightly, forcing a smile onto her face, out the corner of her eye seeing Emily grip the strap of her bag tightly her eyes following Remus cautiously,

"Hey I just wanted to hand this back to Emily, sorry it...Emily are you okay?" Remus asked, pausing in his move to hand Emily her book back, The Little Mermaid which he'd borrowed last year. Emily though had flinched back violently out of reach of his outstretched hand. Lily frowned deeply as she watched her friend, her eyes still locked onto Remus, terror shining brightly in them,

"Emily...?"

"I have to go." Emily said, almost tripping over herself as she tore up the rest of the stairs to the common room. Not once looking back at the two stunned, and one hurt figures she'd left standing together in the hallway. She quickly gave the Fat Lady the password and hurried into the common room, only relaxing a fraction as she slowed her steps and blew out a breath. Without looking to see who else was around she slowly made her way up the steps to her dorm, walking in and shutting the door tight before she went to settle on top of her bed.

Her actions had confused her greatly. Well her actions over the last month had confused her; Emily simply couldn't understand why suddenly she was put on edge around Remus. There was no way to truly explain it, "Don't look at me like that Lily please..." Emily sighed pushing herself up from the mattress to look at Lily who'd just walked in. Lily held her hands up and shook her head as she went to her part of the room, she was dying to say something Emily knew her friend that well to tell when she was holding back something, "Go on..." she sighed, kicking off her shoes.

"What the hell was that? For the last month all you've done is ignore him when he tries to talk to you, run away when he gets too close, you watch him like a hawk it's almost like..." Lily trailed off, she had her back to Emily and her whole body went cold when it dawned on her. She was leant over the bed her eyes wide, "Like you're scared of him," she finished quietly

"I don't understand why either Lily, something about Remus sets me on edge lately. My whole body goes cold, my nerves get frayed my scars...they seem to flare up..." she shook her head again and stood from her bed, grabbing her pyjamas. "I don't know." She said quietly, ignoring Lily as she walked into the bathroom, closing the tightly behind her.

Lily dropped onto the edge of her bed, positively stunned. Was it possible Emily could sense the werewolf in Remus? They had known that there'd be some contagion from Greyback's attack on Emily, but assumed it would simply be a craving for slightly rare meat. It made sense though, somehow Emily sensed it, the part of Remus he was working so hard to keep concealed. Glancing at the bathroom door Lily finally began piecing everything together; Emily was different, maybe not in the way Amelia was saying but...

Standing up again from her bed, Lily slipped her shoes back on and grabbed her robe; she was going to head back to the library to see what she could find out. Then she'd need to talk to the others, if what she suspected was right, she had to make the Marauders realise this was a secret they weren't going to be able to hide from Emily for much longer.

I haven't lost you guys have I? I'm really happy with how the next few chapters have turned out and I think you'll like them as much as I do x