CHAPTER 20: THE ADVENTURES OF CHINPOKO PART 1

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead! Time to go to work!" Nightmare yelled to the Watcher. Chinpoko groggily got up. Work?

"What work? I thought you were the one that was supposed to kill everybody."

"I can't. You see, my sword Soul Edge is weakened. I won't be able to kill to my full potential unless it's fully restored to its power. Therefore, as you are my Watcher, Chinpoko, I'm entrusting you to find me those pieces of Soul Edge so I can put them back together," Nightmare replied.

"Weakened? You were pretty much kicking ass the last few chapters!" Chinpoko yelled as he got off his perch.

"Well, that's when someone ELSE was writing the story!" Nightmare said. That's right. Ash sucks as a writer. I control your powers now, foo'!

"Yeah, don't do that. You're white," Nightmare said.

Or am I?

"No, I saw you, and I failed to see ANY form of pigment of any color of the light spectrum except white upon your skin. And they say when a white man acts gangsta, orphans die, so, don't do that."

So that's it…..

"What?"

Eminem is the source of all our problems……

"Yes, you just figured that out now?"

Anyways, Chinpoko was still against this whole idea. He spoke to Nightmare. "It's your own damn sword, why don't you do it?" he protested.

"I would, but………I can't. I've got, um……important business to…..um…..attend to."

"Then why do I see you, Cervantes, Astaroth, and Charade sitting at a poker table already playing Texas Hold 'Em?" Chinpoko persisted.

"You do not understand….I um…..gotta…finish….this….um, poker…..procedure," he said, turning away and resuming the game.

Chinpoko growled and flew away. He was to find one of the shards of Soul Edge and bring it back to you. Asshole. Get off your lazy butt and get it yourself! Anyways, Chinpoko flew until he came upon a strange land. This was where one of the shards was, so he flew in. The sign said "Welcome to Fa-land, the land of Fa."

"Apparently, this place is called Fa. Perhaps the best place to look for an expensive piece of evil metal is the king's palace. They usually keep that stuff as royal jewels or something." He flew up to the palace. One of the guards approached him.

"Why 'ello, little birdie," the man said with a thick accent. "Would you like to zee our Fa-king?"

"Excuse me, your what?" Chinpoko asked.

"Ze Fa-king. He eez ze king of all of Fa. Yet it eez our tradition among all of Fa to call 'im ze Fa-king. Fa-king Eediot, as Eediot eez 'is name."

Chinpoko looked puzzled a moment. He couldn't tell why that sounded so wrong. If you need help, say "Fa-king" pretty fast. Then you'll get it.

"Can I just call him the king of Fa?" Chinpoko asked.

"No! No! 'E eez ze Fa-king. Fa-king Eediot! We will take you to the Fa-king and 'iz mozzer. Ze Ker. Of course, we call 'er ze Fa-Ker, az she eez ze Ker of all of Fa. Mozzer Fa-Ker."

"Gulp Mother Fa-Ker?" Chinpoko asked, stifling back the laughter. Great. "Fa-king Eediot" and "Mother Fa-Ker". Just great. I'm not going to keep myself from laughing just by writing it, let alone say it when Nightmare's Happy Sunshine Story: The Movie comes out.

Anyways, as they led Chinpoko through the palace, he couldn't keep thinking of those horrible, nasty puns those names presented. Finally, they approached the Fa-king. Heh.

"Oh, great Fa-King Eediot, and Mozzer Fa-Ker. We are 'onored to preezent to you thiz ambazzador from, where do you zay?"

"Nightmare," Chinpoko said. Everyone gasped.

"Zuch insolenze to our Fa-king! Keel him! Keel him! Off wiz 'iz 'ead!" the guard yelled.

"What? All I said was 'Nightmare'," he said. Everyone gasped once more.

"Do you not realize what you zay, little birdie? You zay such a bad vord in vront of our Fa-king and our Fa-Ker!"

"Alright, that's it." Chinpoko took out a flaming crossbow. "You see that thing?" he pointed it over to the shard of Soul Edge, hanging on the wall. "I need that. Give."

"No! No! Eet iz ze symbol of our Fa-king! Do not touch it!"

"NOW, YOU STUPID F!" Chinpoko screamed.

"No, zat iz ze Fa-Ker," the guard said, pointing to the queen. Chinpoko shook his head in disgust. Armed guards surrounded him.

"This is going to get reeeeeeeealllllly ugly," he said.

Meanwhile, back at Ostreihnsburg Castle….

"So, uh, what was that bird's name of yours?" Cervantes asked.

"Um, I can't remember. Hear, I'll raise you fifty." Nightmare said.

"WORMS!" Astaroth yelled. Charade put down his cards, and everyone groaned.

"Goddamit, Charade, I swear you're cheating!" Nightmare yelled. Charade flipped him off, and took everyone's chips. He had been winning every game so far. Charade then looked out the window, and pointed.

"Chinpoko's back? I almost completely forgot about his existence until…." Nightmare was cut short when Chinpoko crashed through the window, beaten, scarred, and burned, a glowing metal shard in his bruised beak, straight into the poker table, spilling the chips everywhere. Charade dropped his cigar in surprise.

"Dammit, Nightmare, your stupid bird ruined our game!" Cervantes yelled. "WORMS!" Astaroth got up and got a couple beers for him and Charade.

"Yes, I know, I know, but he's just not mature enough to understand what we do here! Now, Chinpoko, if you'll give me that shard, I'll rock you to sleep and change your diaper!" he cooed.

"I can talk, idiot," Chinpoko growled through the shard.

Charade moved his arms like he was saying something. They moved like he was explaining something, then pointed to Chinpoko, then pointed to himself, then moved very energetically. Everyone stared at him wide eyed.

"Woah there, Charade. I didn't know….you were….into that sort of stuff. Settle down. It's a bird. You do not want to do that," Nightmare said. Charade pounded the table like he was Hitler. Chinpoko hopped slowly away from Charade, who was looking hungrily at him, and then flew away. Nightmare looked at the shard.

"Wait, what was this for? Oh well, I guess it's not important. Here, I'll add it to the ante! I'll deal next game!" Everybody raised their beers in agreement and lit their cigars. Ah, Poker night. What fun.

What will happen next? Will Nightmare succeed in his goal? Will anyone be able to defeat Charade in his terrible regime of Texas Hold 'Em? Will the people of Fa retaliate from losing their precious royal item? Will they realize the horrible puns in their royal titles? Find out in the next episode or possible several episode later of Nightmare's Happy Sunshine Story!