Night Terrors.
The nightmares still came but each time Danny seemed to wake me before it could get distressing. I wasn't sure how much sleep either of us got that night, but I did feel safer falling asleep in his arms. I woke to someone shouting my name. No, not someone- Steve. Yeah Steve's shouting for me. I was groggy as I eased my eyes open. Blinking I frowned, not realising where I was. "Where?" I whispered out to myself as I felt the bed shift by the side of me, the large arm over my stomach pulling me backwards against someone's chest.
"The guest bedroom, remember?" Danny's voice was thick with sleep but I couldn't help the smile that burst out onto my lips.
"Yeah... I remember." I sighed out happily as I hugged Danny's arm closer to me. I was so happy just laid in bed spooning with Danny. I could stay like this forever.
"NIK?! Nik where are you?!" Steve's yells broke me out of my perfect moment with Danny.
"I should answer him." I mumbled as the bed moved behind me again as Danny wiggled a little.
"Yeah before he breaks out the ninja moves and calls the cost guard or something." Danny grumbled before I felt his breath on my shoulder. I couldn't help the shiver that ran through my body and Danny noticed. "You ok?" He asked concerned, again breathing on my bare skin making me shiver.
"Yeah." I replied a little too quickly, trying my best to keep my voice even.
"You sure?" Danny asked as I felt him brush the hair off my neck making me shiver again. "Because," He added pausing to watch me shiver again. "You seem to be shivering a lot." He whispered lowering his face to my neck. I sucked in a deep breath as my heart started to race.
"Mm hum." I answered refusing to speak. My heart was racing and I could almost feel his lips on my skin. It had my head swimming.
"100% Babe?" Danny asked with a chuckle in his voice.
"Yep." I answered my voice higher than normal.
"Oh, ok." Danny replied as I felt his warm leave my neck and back. I couldn't help the frown on my face or the way my heart sunk at him moving away from me. I was about to ask Danny why he moved when I felt a hand on my shoulder pull me onto my back. I blinked, looking up to see Danny hovering over my face, that warm smile on his face.
"What are you doing?" I giggled shaking my head a little as Danny pushed some hair behind my ear.
"Making sure you're ok Babe." Danny offered with a wide smile as he lowered his face to mine. I licked my lips, looking lovingly into Danny's eyes as I waited for his lips to press against mine. Danny's hair was messy, his eyes still clouded with sleep but he looked gorgeous. These the moments I seemed to live for these days.
"Nik's miss- What?!" Steve yelled bursting into the room. Danny rolled back off me, grunting as I pulled the covered up a little. I couldn't help the blush that crept along my cheeks. "Seriously?" He asked throwing a hand over in Danny's direction.
"It's not what it looks like." Danny grumbled sitting up and scratching the back of his neck.
"Not what- You realise it looks like the pair of you are making out in my guest bedroom!" Steve cried out in shock.
"We aren't." Danny grumbled, shaking his head a little.
"Not yet anyway." I mumbled making both men look at me. "Hey I'm only human!" I cried out pouting a little.
"What- what's going on?" Steve asked folding his arms and pinching the bridge of his nose. "I went to check on you this morning and saw you're bed looked like it hadn't been slept in, alright. I tried searching for you, thinking the worst and now- this." Steve explained waving a hand out at us.
"I couldn't sleep." I explained chewing on my bottom lip nervously as I remembered exactly why I was sharing a bed with Danny. "I saw-"
"I asked her to share the bed Steven." Danny butted in before I said anything else. I glanced at Danny as he was just looking to Steve. I saw that protective streak in his eyes as he just nodded a little. "She's under the covers and I've been sleeping on top all night. Nik just seems to sleep better with someone next to her." Danny added with a shrug as Steve looked between us with a softening smile.
"Danny's telling the truth." I confirmed still chewing on my lip a little. "It helps with the nightmares."
"OK," Steve sighed relaxing a little. "So what did I just walk in on?" He asked confused, leaning against the door frame. Danny turned his head to look at me, his eyes studying me in all my morning glory, a smile creeping onto his lips. I couldn't help but smile back, blushing a little at how lovingly he was looking at me. Danny let out a small soft chuckle before looking back over to Steve as I scratched the back of my neck nervously. I darted my eyes over to Steve and saw how approvingly he was looking at us.
"Oh that, yeah I was totally going to make out with her." Danny confirmed with the smuggest smile I think I had ever seen. Steve shot up straight and I saw that famous aneurysm face Danny had told me about.
"What?!" Steve yelled as I couldn't help but giggle a little.
"Oh come on Steve!" I cried out sitting up next to Danny. "I'm a big girl, I can make out with who I want."
"You know what- I just- I'm done- I'm out!" Steve cried out waving a hand between us. "Try and remember Nik has an appointment with Dr Kawai later." Steve added walking out the room and closing the door behind him. Both me and Danny burst out into laughter as we could hear Steve muttering to himself walking away.
5-0~5-0~5-0~5-0~5-0
I got ready for my doctors appointment, changing into some jeans and a loose fitting light grey top. I gave up trying to fix my hair, just praying when Dr Kawai saw the stitches he'd let me take them out early. I was stood in front of the mirror, taking stock of myself. Well least the bruising on my cheek is all but faded. My lips healed, and my side is getting there. These stitches are starting to itch, so the cuts healing. All in all on the outside I am healing well... on the outside. I scrubbed my face letting out a heavy sigh. Internally... I know I'll get past this P.T.S.D, even being off the meds is helping. But damn it! Why does it have to come back? What have I ever done to deserve this? Just when I feel like I'm getting back on my feet life comes and knocks me back down again...Steve and Danny have to be sick of my crying burst or the way I just break down on them. Hell I don't know how either of them put up with me. Walking disaster. That's what I am. I was admiring how exhausted I looked in the mirror when my phone rang. "Logan." I answered softly, pushing the curls out of my face.
"Hey Doc." Bradley answered and I felt my stomach drop. Although we weren't exactly together, we had been spending a lot of time together and were becoming close. "Scuttle bug is that you ended up in hospital, that true?" He asked with a worried tone to his voice.
"Scuttle bug would be right." I sighed sitting on the window ledge. "I um... it was a home invasion. They got the drop on me. I'm fine." I rushed not wanting to drag Bradley into my world. I didn't want to put his life in danger.
"Damn, are you sure you're ok?" Bradley snapped sounding frustrated.
"I'm, I had a nasty concussion. Honestly I'm fine Bradley." I tried to soothed him, chewing on the inside of my cheek.
"5-0 find out who did it yet?" He asked sounding protective of me.
"Yes." I answered shaking my head a little. "So stand down." I teased softly.
"You know, maybe I should come over and teach you a little more hand to hand. Make sure no one gets the drop on you again." Bradley offered, his tone lightening. "And you know, work on your stance, grappling, get you to work on some floor work..."
"Bradley." I sighed out but couldn't help the small smirk on my lips.
"Hey, can't blame a guy for trying right?" He joked as I just rolled my eyes.
"You are very trying." I teased letting out a small sigh as I heard him laugh down the line.
"So I've been told Commander." Bradley laughed as I couldn't help but chuckle along. "But Nik, are you sure you're ok? Is there anything I can do to help? I mean you can crash with me a couple of days if you're finding it hard back home." Bradley offered sincerely and my stomach just dropped more. I felt horrible for stringing Bradley along like I had, and now me and Danny had decided to try and be a couple it just made me feel worse.
"Bradley," I sighed out, standing up and leaning against the window, looking out into Steve's garden. "I'm staying with Commander McGarrett right now."
"Good, you shouldn't be alone until you're better anyway." Bradley butted in.
"I know." I sighed chewing my bottom lip harder. "I um..."
"What's wrong Nik?" Bradley asked softly.
"I don't know how to say this... I know we aren't a thing but I think it's only fair to tell you. Me and Detective Williams are, well we're not together, yet, but me and him-" I started tripping over my words as I tried to explain myself.
"You and Williams?!" Bradley snapped stopping me mid-sentence.
"I, yeah, me and Williams." I answered softly as Bradley let out a snort of laughter.
"Ok, ok, McGarrett I could get upset about but Williams, really? Wow Williams... he's a, he's a luck guy Nik." Bradley blurted out as I just held my breath. "You...you are pretty damn special I won't lie, but hey, we knew this was just a bit of fun, right?"
"Right." I sighed out, feeling the dread slip away.
"And hey, there's nothing stopping us still being friends right? I mean with a wing woman like you- Hell I will be swimming in pu-"
"Bradley!" I cried out laughing a little as I heard Bradley laugh down the line.
"So I take that as a yes?" Bradley asked chuckling down the line.
"Yes Bradley." I answered with a warm smile feeling pretty good about how me and Bradley were going to be.
"Excellent. But the fighting training still stands. Of course a lot less handsy now, but yeah if you want to train let me know, I'll set it up." Bradley offered as I smirked rolling my eyes.
"Well you are my only sparing partner, so sure." I replied warmly.
"I gotta run, I'll call and check in later. Maybe we could grab a drink when you're feeling better. Run a few wing woman tactics. See ya." Bradley joked as I laughed.
"Soon, be safe." I laughed hanging up the phone. Tucking it into my pocket I nearly jumped out of my skin as I saw Danny stood in the doorway rocking on his heels as he just watched me. "Knock much?" I joked walking over to him.
"I didn't want to interrupt you two." Danny answered folding his arms over his chest and I saw that small glint of jealousy in his eyes.
"I just told Bradley about us." I answered stopping just in front of Danny. Danny paused, cocking an eyebrow as I nodded a little.
"How'd he take it?" Danny asked looking genuinely interested in Bradley's reaction.
"Well he isn't heartbroken if that's what you wanna hear." I sighed rolling my eyes. "He just... he got we were just having some fun. Now he just wants me as a wingman." I shrugged plainly feeling relieved that I hadn't lost him. Bradley was a good friend, and it was nice to know someone not linked to 5-0.
"Oh." Danny replied rocking on his heels again.
"Oh?" I asked tilting my head to one side confused by the lack of words offered by Danny 'Why use one word when twenty works' Williams.
"Yeah, I'm glad he still wants to be in your life." Danny offered with a quick smile before nodding behind him. "Steve, um, he's got the truck ready, wanted me to grab you." I took a deep breath as I suddenly felt wary of going to the hospital. Danny seemed to instantly pick up on my change in mood and held his hand out to me, wiggling his fingers.
"Well you've got me." I smirked grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. "As long as you want me."
5-0~5-0~5-0~5-0~5-0
I was sat in Dr Kawai's office in between Steve and Danny impatiently waiting to be seen. I had been for another C.T and we were waiting for the good doctor to come back with the results. We'd been sat in his office for the best part of an hour and it was just adding to this feeling in my gut of dread. There was this tiny voice in the back of my head, taunting me that I'd have to stay on the meds for longer, endure the horrific nightmares again. It was telling me that the C.T scan wasn't going to show any improvement and that they'd advise I stay in hospital away from Steve, away from Danny, away from everything that made my P.T.S.D easier to deal with. I knew I shouldn't rely on the guys to help me through my episodes, that it wasn't fair that I was puling them into my mess. I was getting under Steve's feet and stealing all of Danny's time. But I just couldn't face it alone, at least not while I took this medication. The tiny voice in my mind was whispering a million ways the appointment was going to go wrong, a million ways Dr Kawai was going to break the news that I was a hopeless case. Someone squeeze my hand and I nearly jumped out of my seat, turning and blinking as I came back to the room. "Hey, you with us?" Steve asked giving my hand another squeeze, I could see the worry in his eyes. I glanced over my shoulder and Danny just looked as worried. I scrubbed my face letting out a sigh nodding.
"Yeah, yeah I'm – I wasn't having a-" I looked down at my lap as I shook my head a little. "I just have a lot on my mind, I'm ok though. Honestly." I added looking back up between the pair.
"You know, whatever happens you've got us Babe." Danny pointed out giving my free hand a squeeze.
"Yeah, no matter what." Steve added as I gave the pair a small smile.
"I know..." I answered with a small nod looking away from both of them.
"You sure? It doesn't sound like you're convinced." Steve pushed a little trying to catch my eye.
"I just... I feel like you've already done enough for me. I don't want to become your problem." I admitted softly, shooting Steve a sad smile. He glanced over my head to Danny as I felt Danny wrap his arms over my shoulders, tugging me to him.
"We love you Babe, you're family. You will never be a problem to us." Danny whispered as he pressed a kiss into my hair.
"I promise." Steve added giving my hand another squeeze.
"Thanks guys. For everything." I hummed out, hugging back against Danny. Dr Kawai chose that moment to walk into the room with some notes in his hand. He saw how all three of us was sat and shot us a warm smile moving to his desk. I sat up straight out of Danny's arms as he collapsed into his chair letting out a heavy sigh. I noticed he looked tired, but then again he always looked tired to me.
"Good morning, just," Dr Kawai sighed, checking his watch and frowning a little. "I'm sorry I'm late, we had an emergency I had to attend to." Dr Kawai explained to us, before opening the file and flicking through it. "Now, you're a couple of days early for this check up, everything ok Commander?" He asked looking up from my notes back to me. I had to fight my automatic response of just saying that everything was fine. I felt the guys take a hand each and give me an encouraging squeeze.
"No, everything is not ok." I answered carefully as Dr Kawai just waited for me clarify. "I'd like to be taken off the medication for the swelling. They, um, they are making my P.T.S.D worse. More vivid, more horrific." I explained darting my eyes away from him as I fought to keep the flashback at bay. "They make me slip into the nightmares most nights too. I've woken a few times completely disoriented with where I am or what year it is." I finished explained, my eyes locked on his name plaque on his desk.
"Well, there is a small minority who do suffer these side effects. However it usually presents itself after a day or so." Dr Kawai frowned looking over to me a little confused. "Why are we only talking now?" He asked leaning back in his chair. I met his gaze and felt like a complete idiot. I opened my mouth to answer, to explain how I thought I could tough it out but no words came out. Nothing. I let out a small sigh returning my gaze to the name plaque.
"Commander Logan was being an idiot." Danny explained from the side of me as I darted my eyes to him, shocked. Clearly by the way Danny's eyes darted from mine, to Steve's we were both shooting him the same look. "What she was, you were!" Danny cried out waving a hand out to me. He shook his head as he turned back to Dr Kawai. "Nik, Commander Logan, thought she could just tough it out. She thought she could just push her way through the flashbacks and dreams." Danny paused, running a hand over his chin before continuing. "But she's getting worse, the dreams are getting worse. Doc, these tablets aren't worth the level of crap she's going through. She doesn't deserve it." He added softer as Dr Kawai just nodded in agreement.
"Is this right Commander?" Dr Kawai asked softly, his tone was nothing but caring. I nodded hesitantly letting out a shaky breath.
"Yeah," I answered finding my voice, my strength. "I thought I was strong enough to ride it out. I've done it before on similar meds. But I can't- the things I see when I close my eyes... They're real to me." I admitted darting my eyes away from everyone as I fought the lump in my throat. "They're too real to me." I whispered out.
"Commander Logan." Dr Kawai said firmly as I forced myself to meet his gaze. There was nothing but compassion in his expression as he continued. "Please, if this happens again, don't tough it out. There are other drugs we can try. You don't ever have to tough out P.T.S.D."
"We're trained to tough it out sir, we're programmed that the reward outweighs the pain." Steve pipped up letting out a small sigh as he glanced at me. It was true, the amount of times, me or Steve had continued in a mission with broken bones, deep cuts, just because the mission was more important than the pain we were in. I met Steve's gaze nodding a little as he shot me a warm smile. "But I promise if I see Nik struggling again, I will make her come to see you ASAP."
"Thank you Commander McGarrett." Dr Kawai smirked looking over to me. "I never thought I'd see the day where Commander McGarrett was the sensible one." He joked making Danny roar out with laughter, me chuckle a little and Steve pout. "Now, about your test results." Dr Kawai announced killing all the smiles in the room.
"Has the swelling gone?" I asked careful to not get my hopes up too high.
"From the newest C.T scan it appears that all the swelling is gone. Which is excellent news. I can take you off the medication effective immediately." Dr Kawai beamed at me as I felt like the weight lift off my shoulders. "However I don't need to remind you of the signs do I?"
"No, if I feel like anything is wrong I will come straight back to the hospital." I confirmed with a small nod, the smile plastered on my lips as a curl feel in front of my face again. "What about these stitches?" I asked tucking the damn curl behind my ear. Dr Kawai rounded his desk, nodding to the bed behind us.
"We'll take a look, but it's barely been two weeks Commander." Dr Kawai warned as I got up and sat on the edge of the bed. Dr Kawai slipped on some latex gloves and stood right in front of me. "Have you been keeping it clean and dry?" Dr Kawai asked tilting my head into the light.
"Have you seen my hair?" I joked feeling generally better about life knowing I wasn't going to be kept on the meds.
"Good point. Now, this may sting." Dr Kawai hummed out, carefully pealing back my bandage and putting it down on a near by table. I felt his hands on my temple, stretching skin and turning my head to get the best light. I let out a soft grunt as I felt a nipping pain. My eyes darted to the guys and I saw the pair of them wince a little. I guessed it still looked rather nasty. Dr Kawai cleaned it and redressed it before taking off his gloved. By his and the guys expressions I knew the stitches were a no go today.
"So, not great?" I guessed, already feeling the dull ache from the stitches being agitated.
"I'd say another week or so before we can take them out. You took quiet a blow, that gash is pretty deep Commander." Dr Kawai confirmed walking back to his desk. "You're lucky to be home right now. I wouldn't push the healing."
"I know and I am thankful for that Doctor, believe me." I answered sitting back down between the guys. "But I'm just itching to get back."
"Back?" Dr Kawai asked confused as he wrote something in my notes.
"Back to 5-0. I think Nik wants to know when she'll be back." Steve explained looking from me to the doctor, almost reading my mind.
"Well Commander McGarrett, this isn't a simple case." Dr Kawai sighed loudly sounding annoyed. "She went through quiet a physical trauma, one she is not healed from yet. Then we have to deal with the P.T.S.D, I am not happy putting her back on fully duty yet."
"Full duty." I repeated sitting forward. "So light duties?" I asked hopefully.
"You two are cut from the same cloth." Dr Kawai sighed waving a hand between me and Steve. Both of us couldn't help the smirks that burst out on our faces.
"Amen to that doc. I thought it was bad with just one, now I've got two of them nearly giving me heart attacks." Danny joked as I just rolled my eyes.
"I'm not built to sit around. I just... I'll go insane if you make me stay home. I'll just end up showing back up at work anyway." I admitted knowing from experience that I was a terrible patient, I just wanted to dive back into work. Working was my way of healing- at least that's what I had been telling myself for years now.
"There's working and then there's pushing all this aside. Locking it away where it just festers." Dr Kawai pointed out looking straight into my eyes. "I have no doubt you've just locked things away and managed to pass some second rate psych evaluation to get back to the mission. I am telling you, this isn't going to happen on my watch, understand?" He asked firmly only looking at me. I sat up straight nodding a little as I couldn't argue with him. That was exactly how I had been in the past and I knew deep down that's how I had ended up like I had now with this almost crippling P.T.S.D.
"Yes sir." I answered nodding a little as my heart raced at being caught out.
"Good. I'm going to book you with Dr Reed who is a military trained psychologist. He deals with a lot of serving P.T.S.D victims here in Hawaii. You will have sessions once a week for the foreseeable future Commander. On his approval only will I sign you back to full duties. For now, take the next week easy, let's get those stitches out and then you can go back to 5-0 under light duties." Dr Kawai explained jotting some things down on my notes.
"Thanks doc." Steve beamed as we all got to our feet.
"This is still the first baby steps to recovery, just please don't try and rush this." Dr Kawai begged getting to his feet too.
"I won't. I don't want to fall back into another P.T.S.D phase again." I admitted honestly.
"Well with Dr Reed's help I'm sure you'll be fine." Dr Kawai offer with a warm smile.
5-0~5-0~5-0~5-0~5-0
The next couple of days I stayed with Steve and Danny, just until the drugs had completely left my system. Once we were sure they had gone I decided I needed to go back home. Everyone, the guys, Chin, Kono and Lori helped me move back in. They wanted to make sure I knew I wasn't alone, and I honestly believed them. I had to practically force them out the door to leave. But it was my family, and I was so glad to have them. I wondered my house after they left, I found myself staring at where the fight had been. Someone had cleaned my home. I wasn't sure who or how but they had cleaned up everything from the attack. If it wasn't for my missing chopping board I wouldn't have known anything had happened in that house. I was thankful for that. I was in the kitchen pouring myself a cup of tea when I heard someone knock on my door. I walked over, opening it to find Steve and Joe stood there with warm smiles. "It's been four hours." I joked opening the door wider for them to come in.
"Well we just wanted to make sure you were settling back in kid." Joe offered as we walked back into the kitchen.
"I am. It's nice to finally be home." I sighed picking up my cup and hugging it closer to me. "How you feeling anyway?" I asked taking a small sip.
"Me? Kid you're the one that ended up in hospital." Joe called out sitting on one of the stools as Steve just lent against a counter folding his arms over his chest. There was a tension around him, but lately that how he was with Joe so I tried to ignore it.
"Yeah you. We all know what's happening with me." I smirked moving to sit on another of the breakfast stools next to Joe.
"I'm fine, healing thanks to a great doctor." Joe replied as I just rolled my eyes, shaking my head and scoffing at his response.
"So what brings you round four hours after I finally convinced you both to leave?" I asked smirking a little as the pair shared a look that was too serious. My stomach dropped as I realised why they had shown up alone.
"Wo Fat and Shelburne." Steve sighed pushing away from the counter top and walking over to the pair of us.
"Right, you didn't want to talk about in front of the others." I sighed hugging the cup closer to my chest. "Don't want to put them into the danger we've been in." I nodded to myself as my eyes darted to where the chopping board should have been.
"Nik, he came at us. He must have known we were soft targets for Steve." Joe explained glancing over as Steve tensed up.
"But why not come after Danny or the rest of the 5-0?" I asked carefully still hugging the cup close to my chest.
"They didn't know about Shelburne." Steve answered firmly as if he had already been thinking about it.
"True." Joe nodded looking between the pair of us.
"Ok, but how does he know me and Joe know about Shelburne?" I asked plainly shaking my head a little.
"What if he found out about me flying Kensi over? Maybe someone was watching us." Joe offered glancing between the pair of us.
"Ok so he got someone to watch us, alright? They saw the conversation with Kensi. Fallowed Joe because he seems to be the only investigating this Shelburne thing. Wo Fat pays him a visit, then keeps tabs to see who Joe calls..." Steve suggested looking over to me.
"I show, get my own personal visit. He finds my files, realises this is bigger than he first thought and starts cleaning house by going after Mokoto?" I added with a shrug, piecing it all together.
"Did any of your files name Mokoto directly?" Joe asked firmly running a hand over his chin.
"Yes. One file. The one that linked him to the locker key. That's it. No connection to Shelburne or anything but that airport." I answered feeling guilty for getting Mokoto killed. I looked down at the cup in my hands, hugging it a little closer to my chest.
"Nik, you couldn't have know he would come here. Or go through your files." Steve offered as I shook my head.
"Should have been more careful. For all we know, my files got a man killed." I muttered taking another sip of tea.
"Question is how far is Wo Fat going to go?" Joe asked making both of us turn to him. "This is one dangerous road we're going down. We've already seen what he's willing to do." Joe added darting his eyes to me for a beat before looking back at Steve. "Are we absolutely sure we want to keep going? Who knows who else could get hurt." My mind jumped to Danny and I felt my gut roll at the thought of him having Wo Fat paying him a visit.
"You want us to stop? Now?" Steve scoffed out shaking his head. "Joe we finally have something that rattles him, and you think we should just quit?!"
"I think we need to realise this isn't going to be easy son. Wo Fat is willing to kill people over Shelburne. He's willing to kill one of us to get answers." Joe snapped back, slamming his hand on the counter. "Are you willing to let us be killed for this Steve?!"
"He killed my father Joe! Or did you forget that?! We need to go after him!" Steve snapped back scoffing at Joe.
"I know son and I am just trying to protect anyone else from getting hurt!" Joe snapped back pointing at finger out towards me. "Nik got lucky! Who says the next person will?!"
"Are you saying I can't protect-" Steve yelled back loudly.
"ENOUGH!" I screamed over the pair of them, slamming my cup down on the counter. "Enough!" I snapped again as the pair turned to me. They both looked at me stunned. "I nearly died, here in this kitchen. He cracked open my head with a chopping board right where you're stood Steve. He wanted to kill me over Shelburne. He went to Joe's with every intention to kill him! He had a gun trained on Joe! All because Joe was looking into Shelburne! Wo Fat tortured and killed Mokoto because he was terrified of what Mokoto could have told us. See the pattern forming here? Shelburne." I explained looking between the pair.
"Exactly, this is why we need to stop." Joe agreed with me, nodding a little. As I just raised my good eyebrow as I was no where near finished.
"Nik-" Steve sighed hoping I could see his side.
"Did I say I was finished? No. So both of you shut up." I snapped at the pair of them before continuing. "I nearly died... Wo Fat has hurt us more than he realised. We've taken a real blow here. But you two are too busy arguing about if we should stop." I scoffed shaking my head.
"He's dangerous he needs-" Steve cut me off as I just raised my hand stopping him instantly.
"This shouldn't be a debate about if we should stop! We're in this now. Wo Fat knows all three of us know of Shelburne. He killed Mokoto to silence him. Wo Fat has no idea the level of intelligence we have on Shelburne. He doesn't realise that we know nothing. All he knows, is that we know and that is dangerous." I explained looking between the pair. "That is really dangerous. It doesn't matter if we stop now, because he wont. He doesn't care that we've decided to stop digging. He's going to come after us again." I said firmly feeling my guts rolls that maybe one of my Ohana would get hurt worse than me. "Next time, if we're not ready, he might even kill one of us. So let's stop this stupid argument and plan our next move, because he's already planning his!" I grunted shaking my head at the pair of them before picking up my cup and taking a long sip as the room fell into silence. Joe turned to Steve who just simply nodded in agreement with me.
"Nik is right Joe. We're in this now." Steve sighed as I could see Joe really wasn't happy that I was seeing things the same way as Steve.
5-0~5-0~5-0~5-0~5-0
That night I laid in bed and let out a heavy sigh. It was almost surreal to be back in my own house but I was glad to be back. I closed my eyes to try and sleep but it just wasn't happening. I wasn't seeing my nightmares when I closed my eyes, I just couldn't seem to switch off. The argument about Wo Fat filled my mind as I tried to work out how he knew who to come after. I must have tossed and turned the best part of an hour before calling it quits. Groaning I sat up stretching and checking the time. As I reached out for my phone it began to buzz on the night stand. Curiously I picked up, smirking when I saw the goofy face flash up on the screen. "Good evening Detective Williams." I smirked more, laying back down in bed.
"Good evening Commander Logan." Danny replied making me chuckle a little.
"So what do I owe this pleasure?" I asked wondering why he was calling so late.
"Ok, um, this is going to sound really stupid," Danny laughed nervously as I just imagined him stood in front of me talking. "But I couldn't sleep. I'm laid here in my crappy bed, and I just can't seem to doze off. So I thought, hey why not call Nik, make sure she's settled in ok." Danny ranted as my smile grew.
"So let me get this straight," I paused fighting the smile. "You called me because you couldn't sleep and was worried about me?" I asked letting the smile burst onto my lips.
"Well since you put it like that, I'll call super SEAL." Danny teased.
"No! No don't hang up." I cried out like a love sick teenager.
"Don't hang up? Babe, you want me to stay?" Danny asked and I could hear the smirk in his voice.
"Shut up," I muttered rolling my eyes. "I, um couldn't sleep either." I admitted softly.
"It's not because of the dreams is it?" Danny asked seriously, making my heart race a little over how much he really cared about me.
"No, no, I just... dunno, I just can't sleep." I explained with a small shrug not wanting to get him involved with Shelburne.
"It's because I'm not there." Danny teased but it struck a cord in me.
"What if it is?" I asked biting my lip nervously. The line went quiet for a beat as all I could hear was Danny breathing down the line.
"Nik?" Danny asked seriously.
"I just... we got used to sharing a bed. I didn't mean anything else." I rambled as I felt my cheeks burn.
"I gotta admit I did like waking up next to you." Danny offered as my heart fluttered.
"And it was fun making Steve freak out every time he nearly walked in on something." I added sighing softly.
"That is true Babe." Danny chuckled down the line making goosebumps spring up over my skin. "I miss you Nik." He admitted just above a whisper, I heard him mumble something under his breath that sounded like swearing and I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped my lips.
"I miss you too Danny." I replied making him pause mid rant.
"Yeah?" He asked hopefully.
"Yeah." I answered wiggling a little in bed. "I know, we're waiting till I'm not completely crazy, but it's nice knowing you're the goal I'm working to. So yes, I miss you and you're fuzzy arms." I joked making us both laugh.
"I hope you know the moment you're back on your feet 100%, I'm asking you out." Danny offered warming my heart a little more.
"Oh really?" I asked arching an eyebrow.
"Yes I am. I don't know... details. But I am." Danny replied and I heard the smile in his voice.
"Well I'm not exactly a classy bird, so just keep that in mind." I joked wondering what a date with Danny Williams was like.
"Classy bird? Oh-kay. Well I'll keep that in mind." Danny laughed as I just rolled my eyes again. "So since you can't sleep, why not tell me what you're wearing?" I haven't laughed so much as in that one conversation with Danny in the middle of the night. I don't think we talk about anything, yet we spent three hours on the phone. The whole time he had me laughing and it was just really amazing.
5-0~5-0~5-0~5-0~5-0
My first doctors appointment with Dr Reed came round faster than I was ready for. Dr Kawai had told me there was no way I was going to be able to just give the right answers and fly through these therapy sessions. A part of me was glad about that. It meant that I was finally going to deal with a life worth of issues and finally have closure. The other part of me was terrified. I did not want to talk about stuff I had buried for so long. Joe dropped me off at the hospital and told me to call when I needed picking up. The others had returned to work and Joe was the only one with any free time. Though now there seemed to be some tension between us, I knew it was because I took Steve's side in the argument but still it didn't make things easy for me. I took a deep breath as I found Dr Reed's office and walk up to his secretary. She looked up at me with a warm smile. "Can I help you?" She asked softly.
"Commander Logan, I have an appointment with Dr Reed." I explained, trying to contain how scared I felt about it all. She typed at her computer before nodding and turning to me.
"Oh yeah, here we go. Just go straight through Dr Reed is waiting for you." She explained pointing to the open door behind her. I nodded her thanks and started to walk towards the door. You can do this Nik. You can do this. This is nothing. You got this. I repeated my little pep talk walking into the room. There was a young man, about my age sat behind the desk, a couple of chairs and even a sofa chair. The room reminded me of every therapy room I had ever seen; pleasant enough, but there was something that just made you on edge.
"Commander Logan?" The man behind the desk asked getting to his feet. He was taller than me, nearly Steve's height with messy brown hair and round glasses on his face. He held his hand out for me to shake.
"Dr Reed?" I asked shaking the man's hand.
"Yeah that's me." He smirked nodding to the seats. "So what do I call you?" He asked relaxing into his seat as I sat on the edge of mine.
"Nik, Logan... Patch." I shrugged a little, feeling tense.
"Ok Nik, call me Sean." Dr Reed nodded with a warm smile "Nervous?" He asked observing how I was sat.
"Yes sir." I sighed biting bottom lip a little as my eyes darted around the room.
"You're first time in therapy?" Sean asked watching me, he didn't seem like he was judging me but I just wasn't the biggest fans of shrinks.
"No." I shook my head. "Mandatory sessions after ever combat situation." I explained plainly.
"Any treating your P.T.S.D?" He asked looking up from a file.
"A couple." I nodded thinking about the last psychologist I got to sign me off in a month.
"Ok, so you know the drill. We're going to talk about all your past combat situations. We're going to talk about what happened recently to you and anything else that pops up." Sean explained with a small nod and a kind smile. "I see a note from Dr Kawai, he says your return to active duty is in my hands."
"It is." I answered with a short nod.
"You want to get back as soon as possible?" Sean asked arching an eyebrow at me.
"Of course." I nodded firmly.
"Ok, well I have one simple rule then." Sean explained as I listened to him carefully. "Don't bullshit me." I couldn't help the laugh that came from mouth.
"Sorry." I smirked shaking my head.
"It's alright." Sean smirked as I relaxed a little. "But this isn't a quick fix Nik. This will take time. And if you stall me with bullshit you think I want to hear, it's going to take longer. I want you back out there. I want you with 5-0 helping people. But I'm only going to put you back out there when you're ready. Not a day earlier." Sean explained with a stern expression as I nodded.
"Ok, well I guess we need to get this started then." I sighed leaning back into my chair a little.
I hope you guys enjoyed these chapters. I won't be doing therapy sessions with Nik because honestly I don't want to portray them wrong for P.T.S.D suffers; and really they are very personal. (As someone who has been in therapy I just don't think I could write it, sorry.)