Never Believe Anything You See On TV

A/N: I know, I didn't update anything yesterday! But I do other stuff other than write...I'm a graphic designer. And as a treat I made a bunch of pictures! Since it is the 20th chapter and all. I worked REALLY hard on these, so I ask if you don't steal them. The ones that aren't credited at least. I plan to make more, but I was tired once these were done. Now since FF doesn't allow links, I'm going to break it down. Tell me if they don't work. I tried posting links in my profile, but every time i press the button it says access denied. Even on my , and don't forget to put the http code in the front of these.

SAM AND KAT
i978 . photobucket . com / albums / ae265 / kat_graphix / STORY%20BANNERS / samandkatcredit . jpg

KAT AND THE TRANSAM
i978 . photobucket . com / albums / ae265 / kat_graphix / STORY%20BANNERS / katherineandhercar . jpg

& HEKATE AND JAMES
i978 . photobucket . com / albums / ae265 / kat_graphix / STORY%20BANNERS / jamesandhekate1 . jpg

Eventually I'll make more. I just gotta find better pictures. I wanted to make one with Dean, Castiel, and Katherine, but I got tired after that.

The Million-and-something Year Old Virgin

The three took the Impala to St. Pete's. When they got in, Katherine was surprised at what she saw. She was expecting to see an indifferent man with "focus-like" exterior. Instead as they peered through the shades into Donnie's room, it was just a drained looking man that looked like someone pulled his brain right out of his head through his nose.

"I take it that's not Raphael anymore," Dean stated the obvious. "Just an empty vessel," Castiel stared at the drained man. So close in finding the Arch Angel that killed him. So close to the answers he sought out to get. "So is this what I'm looking at when Michael jumps my bones?" Dean asked, hoping the answer was no. "No not at all. Michael's much more powerful; it would be far worse for you."

Katherine patted Dean's shoulder and looked at him sympathetically, "I'm sure he will be gentle. It is after all your first time." Dean turned to Katherine's face slowly, his expression not at all amused. "Unless you like it rough." Dean side stepped around her and went for the exit, "Why you being such a sour puss, Jelly-Bean?" Katherine jogged to catch up with his long strides, Castiel not to far behind.

* * *

After they left the Mental Hospital, Castiel disappeared somewhere. Dean didn't say anything, the angel disappeared constantly, there was no use to ask where he was going all the time. Though it did leave Dean and Katherine alone for a while. But to Dean's surprise, Kat was being very quiet. They were driving somewhere outside the town to an abandoned house they decided to squat in. The Winchester turned to the girl that sat next to him, who had her head resting on the window.

"What's wrong?" Dean finally asked.

She shrugged, "Nothing. Just thinking."

"About your partner?" His response was just silence, so he took that as a yes. "I'm sure he's fine. He's a tough guy."

"It doesn't change the fact that I'm going to worry about him," She straightened up, resting her chin on the palm of her hand. "If something happens to him I will...I wouldn't know what to do."

Dean glanced at her and then back to the road. "I know what you mean," he licked his bottom lip and looked dead ahead. "I turned my back on Sammy once and that got him..." he sighed heavily. "Well it got him into deep shit. And I had to...do some things that I'm not proud of. Hell, we wouldn't be here if that happened."

Katherine turned to face him right then and opened her mouth before she could stop herself, "Yeah, but you did it to save you brother's life, the same thing your dad did for you-- uhh," she quickly covered her mouth and turned around back to the window wide eyed. Shit. Shit fuck. Shit fuck shit. She hoped to God that he assumed Sam told her or something.

"How did you know that?" Dean looked at her bewildered. He didn't get an answer, she just faced the side window with her hands clasped to her mouth and her eyes shut tightly as if this was all a dream. "Kat!"

She opened up one eye and looked at him in the reflection. Should she tell him? Hekate would surely do something if she did tell Dean. Think, Katherine think. "Uhhh. I... know that. Because... of," she scrunched up her face and forced herself to think of something.

"Kat..." Dean narrowed his eyes at her, "Did you read those bull shit books that Chuck wrote?"

"What? YES! Yes I did... I read them...Supernatural books, heh," Katherine mentally wiped the sweat off her brow. She decided next time she saw Chuck, that she should give him a basket of muffins.

Dean mumbled some curse words, "How long ago? Is that how you know us? From those damn books?"

"What? No, no!" Not the books anyway. She put up her hands defensively. "I read them when we separated. I heard Chuck wrote them, decided to see what all the hub-bub was all about." Katherine had to keep track of all the lies she has been making, she had a feeling that one day someone will catch her off guard with two contradicting things she had told them. Even if she was allowed to tell someone, she just couldn't. If Dean knew the truth, he would dump her ass so easily. How pathetic would it sound to tell someone that you're a huge fan to the point where you sold your soul to be with them? It wasn't nobel. It wasn't flattering. It was down-right stupid.

Needless to say, Dean was already pissed that Katherine went behind their backs and read their life from start to finish. But what could he do? The books were in public display and thousands of people already knew about the Winchester's family history. There was nothing else he could say or do to her, so he just sighed and continue to drive.

"And Dean?" Katherine looked over at him. She didn't get a word response, just a grunt. "You are Batman." Dean turned back at her and then broke into a smile. "Fine, you're forgiven, Batgirl," he outstretched his arm against the seat inviting her in a side embrace. Katherine smiled cheekily, sczootched over and laid her head on his shoulder in a friendly way. "Actually, you're more like the Joker's girlfriend," Dean added. "...You're a lot like her actually. Minus the Boston accent. And the hot ass. OW!"

* * *

Before they went to the house, they dropped off at some random fast food place and got something to eat. Castiel was still yet to show up. When they got to the house, it was nearly dark. The two hunters occupied each other with researching, playing cards, and arguing over characters that are gay. Or are in suspicious of.

Katherine was sitting by the window, legs crossed and looking bored. She had changed hours ago, from her pencil skirt suit, into some red jeans and baggy long black off-the-shoulder shirt, and changed into her combat boots. Her mind was on what Castiel said the other night. What if she doesn't survive this? That Arch Angel could really smote the crap out of her if he wanted...

Dean walked in, flipping through the pages of the Bible, then suddenly Castiel popped up in the hallway. "Where have you been?" Dean asked.

"Jerusalem," Castiel replied, looking around the shit-hole before walking into the room with the two.

"Oh, how was it?" Dean asked in a pleasantly sarcastic way.

Castiel casted him a look and then simply answered, "Arid." He put down a ancient looking vase on the table. "What is that?" Katherine asked, eyeing it suspiciously.

"It's oil. Very special. Very rare." Castiel with his two-word sentences. He sat down across from Katherine as Dean stayed standing up.

"Great, you're gonna trap Raphael with a nice vinaigrette?" Dean rolled his eyes, "So this ritual of yours, when's it gotta go down?"

"Sunrise," it was evident with how short Castiel's responses were that he was nervous about capturing the Arch Angel. After all, he will be up against the one who destroyed him in the first place.

Dean watched his angel friend closely, already knowing what was on his mind. "Tell me something. You keep saying that we're going to trap this guy...Isn't that like trapping a hurricane with a butterfly net?"

"No, it's harder."

Katherine ran fingers through her hair and then laid her elbows on the table in-front of her, "Well that's a pleasant thought."

"Do we have any chances of surviving this?"

Castiel looked up at Dean specifically, "You do."

Dean stared back before looking down at Katherine, who's face paled a few tones. He turned back to Castiel and asked, "What about her?"

Castiel glanced at the girl across from him for a split second but looked at away. It seemed as if he was trying to avoid eye contact with her, let alone stare at her for longer than a second and a half. "I don't know. If Raphael sees her as a threat, she might not survive."

Katherine looked down at her hands, heart beat racing. Damn. She should have gone with James. Demons sounded like a good idea; better than going up against an Arch Angel. Specifically the one that made Castiel into chunky soup. She felt Dean's hand on her shoulder in a protective kind of way. Dean was safe in the clearing, Kat was a maybe. But Castiel?

"So odds are you are a dead man tomorrow?"

"Yes," Cas deadpanned.

"Well," Dean walked around the table. "Last night on Earth. What are uh," he turned to Cas. "your plans?"

Castiel stared at him from the side, lifted his shoulders only slightly, "I just thought I'd sit here quietly..." Really? Katherine suspected not even JD Salinger would (RIP btw) 'sit here quietly' if he knew today might be his last day on Earth.

"Dude, c'mon, anything? Hm? Booze, women?" At the last word, Castiel glanced up at Dean before he looked away quite suddenly. The angel started to get uncomfortable at what Dean was implying.

The hunter could not believe where this was going, "You have been with a woman before, right? Or an Angel at least?" Castiel began to scratch the back of his head, look down at the floor, trying to hide from this conversation. Katherine's heart bled a little at this sight; it was possibly the cutest thing she has even seen Misha Collins do.

Dean bent down and leaned in next to Castiel, "You mean you were never up there doing a little cloud-seating?"

"Look, I never had an occasion, okay?" Castiel was staring at a wall on the other side of the room. The fact that a woman was sitting right before him did not help in this situation. All he wanted was Dean to drop the subject, so he could get back to sitting here quietly and staring off into the abyss.

It was obvious that Dean couldn't fathom this. He stood back up, sucked in his lips in thought and nodded, agreeing with his idea. "Alright," he walked over to Katherine's chair and pulled off his jacket that was behind her. "Let me tell you something: There are two things I know for certain. 1, Bert and Ernie are gay."

"Amen," Katherine lifted up her hand in agreement.

Dean put his arms through his jacket as he continued, "2, you are not gonna die a virgin. Not on my watch."

Both Katherine and Castiel were looking up at him curiously. Castiel had no idea where he was getting at, but Katherine had a hunch what Dean was thinking. The very idea of it made her want to kick the hunter in the head. It wasn't that she was jealous....Well, that was part of it. Okay, it was that she was jealous. If Castiel were to loose his virginity, why should it be with some random whore?

"Let's go," Dean announced as he walked out of the room.

* * *

Katherine could not believe Dean at this very moment. They were sitting in a booth, drinking beer, in a brothel. She could do nothing but give the oldest Winchester the evil eye the entire 10 minutes they have been sitting there. Poor Castiel was sitting at the corner, rigid straight with a petrified look on his face. He was clearly uncomfortable, and it was killing her inside. Dean though was on cloud nine.

"Hey," he tried to catch Cas's attention, "Relax."

"Dean, how could he relax?" Kat shot at him, "I was scared shitless in that bathroom. I think I got a Venereal Disease just looking at it."

"This is a den of iniquity, Dean," Castiel added. "I should not be here."

"Dude, you full-on rebelled against Heaven. Iniquity is one of the perks," Dean commented.

Just then it seemed that Castiel caught the attention of one of the women in the building. The woman in white lingerie sauntered over to the table, shaking her little hips and smiling with her porn-star lips. Immediately Katherine turned alert. Dean smirked, took a sip of beer and announced show time.

"Hi, what's your name?" Asked the hooker. Castiel glanced up at her once before looking at Dean, breathing quite heavily. Kat was just about to tell this woman off before Dean pulled her beside him and clasped a hand over her mouth. "His name is Cas," He smiled broadly. He had noticed with such delight that the angel was subtly checking out the woman's exposed body. The female hunter screamed against Dean's huge hand, which resulted in him shoving her face into his armpit. The strange about this was the escort did not find any of this odd. How dumb was she?

"What's your name?" Dean asked the woman.

"Chastity," she replied. Chastity. How fitting. Katherine groaned under Dean's arm, wanting air as badly as she wanted to shove her fist down his throat.

"Chastity? Wow." He looked across the table at Cas, who was downing his beer like it was water in the hot desert air. "Is that kismet or what, eh, buddy?" By now the angel had already finished his drink, and the empty glass was on the table. "Well, he likes you and you like him, so..."

The Courtesan took Castiel's hand and pulled him with her as she sauntered to the back door where the rooms must be. Dean pushed off Kat, who gasped for some long needed hair. Her hair was in different directions, and now static-y thanks to Dean's leather jacket. Dean grabbed Cas's shoulder and gave him money. "Listen. take this. If she asks for a credit card, no. Just stick to the basics, okay? Do not order off the menu," he smiled and patted him on the back. "Go get her, tiger." Castiel gave Katherine a helpless panicky look. "Dean, if he doesn't want to do this, he doesn't have to!" The hunter waved her off."You shut up," he turned back to Cas, "And you. Don't make me push you."

Castiel left reluctantly, following the woman into the back. Just at that moment another escort walked by clad in black lingerie, catching Dean's eye. Just before he was about to chase after her, something pulled him back, "You are not leaving me alone here."

"Here," Dean reached into his wallet again and pulled out 30 bucks, "There's a convenient store up the road. Why don't you go buy yourself some gum and Archie Comics, huh?" He shoved the money in her hand and left Kat sitting at the booth with fire in her eyes.

"Ooooh, it's on like Donkey Kong."

* * *

Katherine did leave the brothel, but she didn't go to the convenient sore. Instead, she went to the pharmacy across from it. She walked back into the building, spotted Dean at the bar with the same girl.

"Hey, bro," Katherine smiled when she got to him. Dean's attention snapped in her direction. "You forgot your Herpexia cream in the car," she pulled out the little tube of Genital Herpes cream. The Courtesan twisted her face in disgust, "Ew! And I was going to give it to you for free! Ech." She slid off the stool she was sitting at, and practically ran away from the two. "Oh, c'mon, Babe! It's not..." He sighed defeated. Then, he turned back to Kat, eyes narrowed down to slits and mouth in a vicious scowl. She, however, had a champion grin plastered on her face and then began to do a victory dance.

Just when Dean was going to chase the world's biggest cock block and sent her to Hell early, there was a shrill of a scream that came from the back room.

A/N: You were all waiting for this part to come, and there you have it! YAY FOR CAS. Lol. The phrase of the day was "It's on like Donkey Kong" by seakat. For those of you who were wondering when you're word or phrase will come up, just to inform you it's hard to find a good place to put the words and phrases, so i have to think about where would I put it, and how it would make sense in the context in which it's spoken. Happy Readings everyone xoxox.

ps. Check out I Am Allison by Chrisse11. It's another self-insert story inspired by my cross roads demon idea (: