"Miss Steele, Miss Steele" shouts Taylor but I don't really hear him. I jump in my car and roar off down the street. I don't know if he is following me but I don't care.
I screech to a halt outside the grocer's store and dash inside, returning to my car moments later. Taylor has caught up with me and is waiting a couple of cars behind mine. I speed off again and drive to my apartment. I nod to Taylor as I get out of the car as if to say I am ok and head towards the elevator. My breathing is rapid, I am perspiring and I feel sick. I fumble the keys to the apartment because I am trembling so much. I drop my purse, coat and keys on the kitchen side and run into the bathroom.
The three minute wait takes forever and I am getting more and more freaked out with every passing moment until I turn the stick over and my life starts to fall apart. How could this have happened? I have been on the pill since I was sixteen, the indicator says 5-6 weeks pregnant which means it happened after my accident. Oh my god, oh my god what am I going to do? Christian is going to go into total meltdown and in a fleeting moment I think I should pack up my life and disappear without telling anyone. I shake my head to try and clear my thoughts. Who should I talk to first? Kate? My mom? Christian? Christian's mom? Shit shit shit. I curse myself for being so trusting of a tablet; I can only guess because of the shock to my system with the accident, it wasn't working fully and now I am going to be a mother but how will I manage? How long before Kate gets home? I check the clock and its 3.30pm; I seem to have sat here for some time. Kate has a shorter day most Wednesdays and I hope she will be in shortly as I am beside myself with anguish and fear.
I don't hear the door open but her voice brings me back from my uncomfortable daydream.
"Hey Ana, you're home early today, too much good food and wine yesterday?" she jokes.
"Kate, I don't know what to do, it's all gone very very wrong, and this wasn't supposed to happen. Not like this, not now" I choke.
"What on earth has happened honey?" she sits next to me "ok what has he done?"
"No, well, oh Kate I'm pregnant" at that I burst into tears.
"Oh Ana" she throws her arms around me and allows me to sob and sob until nothing is left.
"I am sorry Kate, I didn't mean to dump this on you but I can't talk to anyone else like I can to you. Mom would just tell me I am silly to let it happen. I can't imagine how ballistic Christian is going to go" I whimper.
"Well honey, it takes two to tango and contraception is both parties responsibility, not just yours. You are on the pill though?" she enquires.
"Yes, I take it religiously but I can only assume the accident threw my body out of sync and it wasn't working properly" I tell her.
"Ok" Kate begins "before we do anything else, let's book a doctor's appointment and get it confirmed. I am sure you will need to do some pre-natal stuff. Then we will think about how to approach telling Christian"
I nod and get my phone book to get Dr Lewis's number and fortunately she has a cancellation at 5.30pm today. I ask Kate if she will come with me and she agrees thank goodness, I don't think I could do this alone.
"What about Taylor?" I suddenly remember he will follow us and then know where we are.
"Ok, let's park at the shopping centre, south car park and we can go into the cinema and go out the far exit. Tell Taylor we are going to see a movie and he will wait in the foyer for us to come out" Kate always has the right answers.
"I will go and freshen up as I am sure I look dreadful" I cringe.
"Beautiful Ana" bless Kate.
I take a few moments to wash my face, brush my teeth and hair, put on some casual clothes and text Christian to tell him I am going to the cinema with Kate. Make up applied and I feel a little more human. Christian text back telling us to have fun, if only he knew what we were really doing.
On our way to the car I tell Taylor we are going to see a movie, he doesn't seem to react so hopefully my 'calm and collected, no problem here' demeanour worked. We get in Kate's less conspicuous car and drive. I am a total bundle of nerves, I know you shouldn't drink or take certain medication when you are trying to get pregnant but I wasn't trying so I wasn't being careful. What if I have caused some damage already? I begin to feel sick again. Kate reaches over and squeezes my arm in support.
We park close to the cinema; I am not sure how I am going to get out of the car as my legs have turned to jelly. I can see Taylor has parked a few cars down, I must get out soon so I pull the mirror out and check my makeup, all while talking to myself, giving a pep talk about what is going to happen. I open the door and shakily get out, throw a casual wave to Taylor and we head through the entrance to the cinema and straight out the back exit towards the surgery.
I check in at reception and take a seat, pick up a magazine and vaguely scan some of the articles but I am not really interested in the latest antics of some spoilt pop star.
My name is called and I grab Kate's hand so she has to come with me.
"Hello Miss Steele, how can I help today?" Dr Lewis says.
"I'm pregnant" and I burst into tears.
"I take it that this is unplanned?" she continues, all I can do is nod my head.
"Ok, let's take this one step at a time. I assume you have done a home pregnancy test?" I nod again.
"I think we should do an ultrasound to confirm and date your pregnancy and then we will discuss where we go from there" she calmly states.
We move through into another room, I lay down on the table, lower my trousers and lift my top a little. She applies some gel to my abdomen and begins searching my lower abdoment for a blip. Her face remains impassive for a while and then an acknowledgement she has found something.
"I can confirm you are pregnant Miss Steele and by the measurements I would say 5-6 weeks" She hands me some tissue to wipe the gel away with. "Come back through to my office and we will talk"
Kate has a total look of awe on her face as she is looking at the scan picture the doctor printed.
"It's amazing Ana, that's a baby" she excitedly tells me, I try and smile but I can't quite bring myself to.
"Ok Miss Steele, I gather this is a shock to you but if you wish to continue with the pregnancy, there are some things you must start doing. Start taking pre natal vitamins that include folic acid, no smoking and minimal alcohol. We advise stopping any dangerous sports such as horse riding and physical contact sports but that is your decision. Eat plenty of fruit and vegetables but certain foods should be avoided. Here is a leaflet with all the dos and don'ts. I know it's a lot to take in right now so I will see you back in two weeks unless you need to discuss anything before then" she finishes.
"Thank you doctor" Kate says on my behalf and we walk out of the surgery, back towards the cinema. We were in the surgery for a little over an hour so if we wait another twenty minutes or so we can leave realistically.
A row of four seats against the wall to our right are empty and I need to sit down again.
"Ana honey, what is going through your mind right now?" oh boy that's a loaded question.
"So many things Kate, how am I going to manage? Our relationship is not exactly solid and bringing a child into the picture is not going to improve that necessarily. I had so many things I wanted to do, work, travel and see the world" Kate interrupts me
"You make it sound like your life is over, this is a new life growing inside of you, ok timing could be better but honey you can make so many excuses as to why you shouldn't go ahead. What do you really want?"
I sit and think for a while, the positives and negatives are spinning around, and then Kate puts the ultrasound picture in my hand. I can't see much really, just a little oval shaped structure in the middle of my lower abdomen but a life is in there already, growing, needing me to nurture it, feed it and keep it safe and warm. I can't and won't let it down. I look up and smile at Kate who throws her arms around me and tells me I will not regret it.
We have been sitting here talking for nearly forty five minutes so in fairness to Taylor we head for home. I have this huge grin on my face in the car, I feel like I have made the right decision although the thought of a conversation with Christian in the very near future is terrifying me. All the possible scenarios of what he might say or do keep trying to push uninvited into the front of my thoughts.
Back at the apartment, with Taylor safely out of earshot, Kate and I scan through the leaflets the doctor gave me. The main thing right now is the vitamin and folic acid supplement. Kate grabs her keys, says there is no time like the present and heads off to the store. I stand up and I sit down again, I feel sick, I should have asked Kate to get some ginger biscuits as the leaflet says they can help with symptoms of nausea. I feel excited and very very nervous. I must remember to make an appointment in two weeks' time to see Dr Lewis again.
Kate is back with a pot of pills for me and bless her; she got some ginger biscuits as well. She told me she had read that somewhere previously and a colleague at her work, who is pregnant, has been sharing snippets of life while pregnant.
I relax a little and take my first supplement with water; I sit back on the sofa and ask Kate how am I going to tell Christian?
"Well honey, there is no point in beating around the bush, there is no easy way to tell him but you have to tell him and soon. I will be here if you want me." That reassures me somewhat.
"I guess there is no time like the present, I will ask him to come over tonight" sounding much more confident than I am feeling "Kate will you be here but in your room, sorry that sounds horrible but I think it is better for us to be able to talk alone"
"Of course Ana, you only have to yell if you need me" I hug her so tightly.
I can't bring myself to phone Christian, I am too afraid I might sound different or say something inadvertently so I send him a text asking if he would like to come over for a few hours this evening. He text back almost immediately saying he will be right over.
I guess that means he will be here in approximately twenty minutes. Great twenty minutes to get myself tied in knots. Kate is doing her best to occupy me with conversation with everything and anything that comes into her mind.
Then the doorbell rings and I go into overdrive. Kate gives me a hug and tells me to be strong. I open the door and sigh, he looks so hot, sexy and very distracting. I invite him in and he hands me a bottle of chilled wine. Ok not such a great start.
"Thank you, that's lovely" I start to say when he pulls me into an embrace, kissing me with a sense of urgency. I pull back slightly.
"Christian, we need to talk about something" ok so far so good. His face drops and he releases me from his arms.
"You're breaking up with me?" he looks really worried now.
"No NO!" I almost shriek at him "Sit down Christian" I guide him toward the sofa.
"There is no easy way of saying this Christian so I am just going to come straight out with it, I'm pregnant" I sit waiting for a response.
"You're kidding me Ana, right?" I shake my head and offer the ultrasound picture to him.
"What the fuck! Is this real?" he shouts.
"Of course it is Christian" I feel a little defensive.
"How the fuck did this happen?" he stands up.
"I am sure I don't need to explain the birds and the bees to you do I?" we are now angrily facing each other.
"Don't be ridiculous Ana, I mean how could you let this happen? You are on the pill right?" his eyes are burning with anger and fear.
"Yes but I think the accident threw my body out of sync" I try and stay calm.
"Fuck Ana, this can't be happening" his fingers are running through his hair "I am not ready for this, I am too screwed up to be a parent"
"We will work it out Christian" I want to beg and plead him to take me in his arms, hold me and tell me everything will be fine but instead he paces besides the sofa.
"I need to think about this, I can't take this in" he says "I have to go" and with no further exchange between us, he is gone. I see him leave and I start to crumble opening the flood gates of tears...
A/N: Next updates will be at the regular schedule on Tuesday and Thursday. My muse is back and I currently have a buffer of about 10 chapters. If I continue to feel inspired to write, I may post a bonus over the weekend. Thank you for all your support and feedback.