*Trigger WARNING* This book deals with a soldier who has been to war and seen and done some shit. Although artistic license has been taken, most of this shit is real. In fact, all of it is, but it has been gleaned from different people and put into one. Please, if you have PTSD or deal with issues around war and gore, proceed carefully or maybe give this one a skip. *Extra Warning*: This one talks about war and violence over in Iraq. It deals with injuries, mentions of suicide, bourbon and Alan Alda again. Please please proceed with care. PS: thanks for the reviews and follows, I appreciate them. :)

Disclaimer: I own nothing, no one in the WWE, no real or stage names. I write this purely as a form of bizarre therapy from my own time over there. I do own my own character Alicia Price. This book contains swearing (lots) and eventual smut, but no slash. It's a slow burn guys, so bear with me. This book is not cannon, and takes place vaguely when the Shield boys were together in the Shield pre-break up. The book focuses on Jon Good/Jon Moxley/Dean Ambrose/OC, but there are cameos everywhere later. I use their real names in here because I think would like to know the real person if I ever met them. I realize Renee is real, and I love her and Jon, but, sorry, for this story she's just in the background. Anyway, enjoy! Feel free to ask questions, leave reviews and any other such awesomeness.

The idea of this book came from the song Broken by Lovelytheband

I like that you're broken
Broken like me
Maybe that makes me a fool
I like that you're lonely
Lonely like me
I could be lonely with you

There's something tragic, but almost pure
Think I could love you, but I'm not sure
There's something wholesome, there's something sweet
Tucked in your eyes that I'd love to meet

Chapter 21

"So, uh, you guys going to have dinner out tonight? Or are you getting right on the road? We planned on celebrating the win together, but with everything that has happened…" Colby asked, fading off at the end of his sentence. He seemed a little uncomfortable with the whole thing. Poor guy, he'd only known you for two days and he'd already seen you freak out twice.

You looked over at Jon, expecting him to have the answer for the night's activities, but he remained silent. Sighing, you walked over to the chair that you had vacated earlier. Jesus this day had certainly changed from being fun and flirty to being shot and shitty.

Jon walked over and put his hand on your shoulder. He crouched down in front of you like he had yesterday, "How 'bout it, cupcake, y' feel like goin' out with these two fools?" He asked you softly.

Looking up into his eyes, you gave a small smile. "Sure, sounds like fun. I lost my lunch after the meeting. I've got to stop wasting food." You chuckled mirthlessly.

He lifted one side of his mouth in a partial smile. You would take one dimple, at least that was better than a stressed-out scowl. "Fuck, y'r gonna jus' waste away at this rate. We gotta get y' to keep somethin' down." He stood and offered you his hand, "Ok, but y'r gonna come in the fucking locker room this time while we get changed. I don' wanna go in and change and fuckin' come out t' y' missin' again."

You shot him a pointed glare, "Fine, but don't do anything to ruin my tender sensibilities. I'm a proper lady, after all."

He guffawed at this and steered you into the room. Maybe you didn't ruin the whole fucking day after all.

After grabbing all the bags from the hotel, the boys chose a bar not too far from the arena to celebrate. It was not a busy club scene, more like a dive bar where most of the people knew each other. The regulars probably had their own stools. The four of you headed to a booth near the back while Joe signaled the hostess that you were going to need menus with your drinks. You shouldn't drink with your medication, but fuck it. After the past two and a half days, you could certainly use one.

A girl named Sheena came over to take the orders for the table. Joe, Colby and Jon all ordered beers but you needed something a little stronger.

"Bourbon, double please, on the rocks." You said when she got to you. The guys all looked at you with surprise. "What," you asked, "I'm over 21. I think I've earned a fucking drink after today."

Colby laughed at that and Joe said, "Not that you don't deserve it, just didn't seem the type to throw back straight bourbon, baby girl."

It was your turn to laugh, "You barely know me, except for the crazy woman you've seen the past two days. I enjoy a good drink occasionally, well, rarely now. I used to rely a little heavier on it than I should have, so I don't do it very often anymore."

"You're right," Colby interjected, "we barely know you at all, except for what Jon has told us." He was about to go on, but the beers and bourbon were delivered to the table. Everyone paused to order their meals and take a drink.

You arched a brow in Jon's direction at the admission that he had been talking about you. He put his beer down and raised his hands in defense. "I've said nothin' but how amazin' y' are, cupcake, I swear."

Rolling your eyes, you smacked him on the arm. "Yeah, amazing. Whatever. Well, I'm pretty much an open book lately, as Jon has obviously told you. You can ask me whatever. About my past, about what happened, even. It's getting easier to talk about, actually. I don't seem to mind talking now, honestly. It's just, sometimes it gets a bit heavy for some people. I've learned that keeping things to myself is easier."

"Oh, and she has a strict veto rule when she plays twenty questions," Jon interrupted, "if y' ask a question she don't wanna answer, she jus' says 'veto' an' y' have t' move on." He smiled at this, "I've used one 'n a half vetoes already, so I'm not wastin' my questions with you fuckers here."

You snickered and looked back to Joe and Colby who were watching the exchange with interest.

"So, you'll answer any question." Colby said slowly.

"Yup." You said, taking a sip of your drink, "I'll just veto it if I don't want to answer."

"Where were you deployed to over there?" Colby immediately asked.

"Um, which time? I had two deployments." You asked him.

"I don't know, both?" he replied.

You laughed, "Ok, both. The first one was to Iraq for eighteen months, and the second one was to" You paused for dramatic effect, "…Iraq for almost eighteen months. I'll have to veto specifics because we're still not allowed to talk about that."

Joe smirked at your answer. "Ok, here's one, how many times did you guys get stuff shot at you?" Colby asked then.

"Stuff? That's a pretty broad term there, Colby. Mortars that get sent into camps? Bullets that get shot at people, vehicles, and helicopters? IEDs that get blown up? Each one is a totally different number so you'll have to break it down for me." You replied, smiling. The bourbon had warmed your belly and effects from the lack of food were loosening your tongue. You felt safe here with these men, safe enough to talk about pretty much anything.

Joe broke in then, "Did you actually have each one of those things happen?"

"Oh yeah," you replied nonchalantly, with a wave of your hand, "but after the first couple of times it happens it gets a bit old shoe. No one really pays attention to a mortar attack warning alarm after the first dozen. If the convoy gets attacked, however, that's full on shitty. Those are way worse than just being randomly shot at in helicopters. Oy, and IEDs are fucking bullshit. I've lost way too many friends that way."

Jon had his hand on your shoulder and dropped it down to rub your lower back. His touch kept you comfortable and grounded while you were talking. It was like a lifeline to normal.

Joe reached over to pat your arm, "I'm sorry, baby girl, that had to be rough."

"Yeah, but those deaths are kind of expected, you know? It's the ones who decide that they want to just kill themselves, those were the worst." You didn't look up from your drink then. Suicide was the fucking worst. People just went crazy and couldn't deal anymore. You didn't blame them, in some ways you understood the inability to continue on. It was just a hard topic to handle.

Colby cleared his throat. Joe took a long pull from his beer. Jon pulled you closer to him and said, "Fuck cupcake, we don' have t' talk about this shit if y' don' wanna. We can talk about th' road or wrestlin' or anything."

You waived off his concern and took another drink, "Nah, it's not like it's the worst thing that even happened over there. Believe me, I'm still game to this twenty questions shit."

"Wow," Colby said, looking at you with a little more respect.

"Erm, yeah, so who's next?" You asked quickly, not wanting to wallow on that one topic too long. That was where things got uncomfortable and you would probably have to bring out the vetoes.

"I've got one," Joe said in his low rumbling voice, "what made you join the ARMY?"

Jon burst out laughing, "Fuckin' Alan Alda, that's what!"

You punched him in the arm and ducked your head in embarrassment. "Shut the fuck up, Jon." You looked over at Joe who had a confused look on his face.

"I went to college for culinary arts right after I got out of high school. I loved it, the rush of the kitchen and the bizarre stuff that always happened. Eventually I started to work in a bakery. I did weddings and decorated cakes for a couple of years. After a while that got really dull." You stirred your straw in your drink and stared at it as the water mixed into the amber liquid in small tendrils.

"I was burnt out on doing weddings; in fact, I fucking hate them now. I needed a little excitement in my life. I had always wanted to save people. I wanted to help people. 9-11 happened when I was in college and I felt like I could do something to help. I signed up as a medic with the option to be a nurse later on. Unfortunately, I never got to do the nurse part. Apparently, when you sign up for the military during a war, they train you quick and send you straight into the fucking war." You smiled ruefully.

"Y' can cook? Like good food 'n stuff?" Jon asked you, grinning.

"Seriously, dude, that was what you got from that whole conversation? That she can cook?" Joe shook his head while rolling his eyes.

Colby burst out in laughter. "Wow, so you're like a super-soldier-chef? Awesome!"

"What?" Jon asked, looking properly reprimanded for his questions. "I can't fuckin' cook t' save my life. 'S nice t' know someone who can do more than make cereal."

You smiled at their banter. You missed having battle buddies to chat with. Even if these guys were in a totally different world than you, camaraderie and bullshitting seemed to translate through worlds.

Sheena walked over to the table with a tray laden with food. She dropped the meals in front of each of you bidding you a good meal. The guys started eating with gusto and you joined in.

After a few minutes of eating Joe paused and looked at you, "You said that your friends dying wasn't the worst thing that happened to you, was your injury the worst?"

"Ah, yes and no, I guess." You answered, chewing on your lip. You took another sip of bourbon to give you the strength for this answer. Although a veto was always available, you felt so comfortable with these guys. You figured that you could just talk about the topic until you didn't want to anymore. It's not like they were really pushing you hard. And you knew that Jon would put a stop to anything if you got too uncomfortable.

Jon seemed to understand that this was going to be a tough one for you to answer. He stopped eating and rested his hand on your thigh. "Cupcake, we don' have t' play this stupid game if y' need t' quit. It's ok. We're big boys 'n y'r entitled t' any secrets y' wanna keep from us."

"Yeah, you can use a veto here no problem, baby girl. We've been up in your business so much already anyway." Joe said in agreement. Colby murmured his consensus as well.

"Nah, I'm cool guys. Maybe if I talk about it I won't freak out about it so much." You shrugged your shoulders. Taking another drink, you continued.

"I didn't even know I was hurt, really. I just went over to check on two of the guys from the Iraqi army that we were training. They were pulling guard during a blackout." You looked up to see the guys' three faces staring at you with rapt attention.

"There was a full blackout for the entire area. No lights, no sounds. We knew there was enemy in the area, but it had been a couple days since we had been attacked. There wasn't anything big going on. Like I told Jon the other day, we did a lot of the jobs, like, we didn't just do the one we signed up to do. I was on guard duty quite a bit and even helped with the training of their army."

"Uh," you stopped and sipped your drink again, needing the liquid courage, "we were sitting there in a bunker outside of the camp. It gets so dark there, you know? There's no city lights. Like you can't even see in front of your face kind of dark. The moon wasn't out that night, but the stars were. It looked like a million pin holes in the sky. So gorgeous, but in the shittiest of places." You paused again, taking a deep breath.

Jon rubbed your shoulder and Joe and Colby stayed quiet as you composed what you were going to say.

"Anyway, like I said, I had walked over to where the Iraqi army guys were on guard. We knew each other fairly well through an interpreter. I had my friend and battle Johnson with me. He was the coolest guy. Always smiling. He was always quick with a joke and a smoke for whoever needed cheering up." Jon's hand rubbed up and down your back, soothing you while you spoke.

"Well, not really thinking, we sat down with the guys and started chatting away. It was pretty one-sided since they didn't speak English, but it worked. We made it work. At some point in the conversation, we brought out our cigarettes and lit up. We didn't even think about the light from the lighter pointing anyone in our direction. We didn't think." You had tears in your eyes now, and one had escaped to fall down your cheek. You picked up your drink and drained the rest of it. "Well, obviously that was a bad decision. They saw us. We got hit. I survived, but I took some shrapnel in my side. Internal bleeding too, from the mortar… um ok, yeah. Veto now." You started crying and turned your head into Jon's shoulder, accepting the comfort that you knew he would give.