Kadaj really thought that life was actually pretty good.
He had his new bike, which was a beautiful and envy-provoking machine of genius physics, and he had two grown-up men who loved him to bits even if they did get a little impatient with him sometimes, especially when he followed them around the apartment or poked his cold nose against their pretty throats or any of the millions of other things he did to get attention. And school, too, was interesting.
He'd made fast friends with the four girls who'd talked to him on his first day, and they all were so interesting and fun that Kadaj couldn't ask for more. They called themselves the Fabulous Four and Kadaj had regally informed both Yazoo and Reno that his friends were important enough to merit their own title. Reno had told him he was looking pretty gangsta' and Yazoo had dissolved into giggles, leaving the boy rather bewildered but unwilling to ask. From what he could gather, Reno seemed to believe that the Fabulous Four were actually some type of gang, and that was just ridiculous.
So everything was going really well for him.
But it was bound to end sometime!
"I know who you are."
Kadaj closed his locker to find a rather large, brutish boy staring holes through him, a nasty look on his face. He had small, beady eyes and a dim look about him that caused Kadaj to think of an oversized pig all dressed up in clothes. It was a funny thought, and he laughed a little at the idea of it.
"What're you laughing about, you goddamned fairy?" the pig-boy demanded, scowling. "I said that I know who you are!"
"Well, that's nice," Kadaj told him, privately thinking that everyone should know who he was and if they didn't, they'd better ask somebody.
"You're that psycho shit who resurrected Sephiroth," the boy said, and his ugly growl attracted attention, not all of it positive.
"Reincarnated is a better word," Kadaj corrected, wishing he would leave. Kadaj did not associate with porcine people. Reno had told him once that lying down with dogs would give you fleas, and he was pretty sure that hanging out with pig-people would give you brucellosis like he'd read about in Science Class.
"Well?" he demanded. "What have you got to say for yourself?"
The angry and ugly young man was staring at him, nostrils flaring, sweat coursing rivulets over the volcanic eruptions on his cheeks and forehead. Kadaj wrinkled his nose at it, grossed out, and had this to say for himself, "I wash my face three times a day, which is why it isn't all icky like yours. You should try it."
Deciding he'd put himself at enough risk for catching pig-borne diseases, Kadaj gathered his books in his arms and moved to head down the hallway.
The boy slapped his books down, scattering them all over the floor, and loomed closer, dwarfing Kadaj. He was too shocked at the young man's violence to be scared, and wouldn't have been in any case. Kadaj had kicked too many asses in his day to be scared of a talking piece of pork.
"If Cloud Strife hadn't whipped the shit out of you, this whole planet would be dust," the boy shouted, veins bulging in his forehead.
Kadaj smirked and said, "Well, Reno says you can't win them all. And don't talk about my niisan."
"What the fuck did you say?" the boy asked, face reddening. Several of Kadaj's friends gathered, ready to step in if things got ugly—the Fabulous Four made a semi-circle at his back, scowls on their pretty faces. "Am I the only person who cares about this? You're a fucking psycho killer! You should be dead not going to school!"
Kadaj wrinkled his nose and covered it with his hand, suggesting, "You should be flossing, you know. Food gets stuck in your teeth and it makes your breath smell bad. I have some mints—"
The boy took a swing at him and Kadaj reacted more from instinct than ill intentions. He ducked it—it was clumsy and ill-executed, not hard to dodge at all—and laughed in surprise.
"What are you doing? You don't stand a chance with me!" he pointed out, and even without his beloved souba he felt secure in his ability to fight. "Just go away! No one wants to hear you yell…or smell your icky breath. You know, there's face wash just for acne. I'm not sure what it's called since I don't have to use it but you can check at the store. I'm sure the clerk knows—"
Snarling in rage, the boy came at him again, only managing to plant his fist in the metal lockers. One of the kids raced down the hallway screaming for a grown-up, and Kadaj just laughed again, thoroughly bewildered, saying, "Don't be so ungrateful, I'm just trying to help! You don't have to get all worked up—"
"You're a psycho goddamned faggot and I'm gonna kick your skinny ass!"
Kadaj scowled.
If there was one thing about him that people were absolutely not allowed to talk about in any bad sort of way, it was his bottom.
One did not mock perfection.
"How dare you!" he gasped, affronted, and reached back on him like a bitch (as Reno always called it) because he felt the dumb brute didn't deserve any better. "You take that back! My ass is not skinny!"
Astounded that he'd been slapped like a common street whore by a trumped up, insane catamite, the boy lunged at Kadaj, who moved lightly out of his way and smacked him in the back of his huge head, insisting, "You take that back!"
Growing angrier as the tussle progressed, the kid swung around to grab him and got another sharp slap.
"Yeah, you've got a skinny ass!" he snarled, trying for a mean grin. "And you're ugly to boot!"
"Well, I've had enough of this," Kadaj announced, and gathered his books up, more than a little annoyed. "You're a very rude person. Your dad should spank you. And shame on you for saying those ugly lies about me! You know good and well that my bottom is flawless! And I was just trying to help you not look so icky."
Sticking his nose in the air like Yazoo always did (it felt good to be snobbish, and he decided he would do it a lot more often), Kadaj turned to make a grand exit stage left.
Not about to let Kadaj out of his sites now, the boy came for him with a bullish roar.
The Fabulous Four didn't need to scream their warnings. For all of his indolence since returning, Kadaj still retained every reflex and instinct he'd had before. He turned to meet the charging boy, put the whole force of his slender body behind his raised fist and stiff arm, and let it fly.
Between the thrust of Kadaj's rather tightly strung muscles and his own forward momentum, the kid collapsed on the floor with his nose spraying blood, out cold.
"Honestly," Kadaj said, straightening and hefting his books more securely under one arm to examine the hand he'd punched with. He made a soft "tsk" when he uncurled his fingers, and gave the unconscious kid a severe glare. "Now look what you've done! I only just got a manicure last night, you awful creature! You made me break a nail!"
Furious at the loss, Kadaj aimed a swift, hard kick at the downed boy's middle and smirked at the low grunt it brought.
"Serves you right," he said, and flounced down the hallway with his entourage in tow, giggling.
A few hours later he found himself being sternly talked to by the ugly Principal Lady with the huge mole on her face. He wasn't entirely sure he followed her logic, somehow she'd managed to come to the conclusion that Kadaj had started the fight. When he insisted that he'd only finished it, she still didn't look all that pleased with him. Apparently, breaking a student's nose was against the rules, and when Kadaj asked about it she said that yes, it went for icky porcine people who were rude, too. All students.
That made Kadaj a little disgruntled. Apparently, one could be as irritating, obnoxious, and ugly as one liked and no one could do anything about it. He found the thought disturbing, and silently swore to himself that he didn't care what old Principal Lady said, the next person who insulted his backside was getting a punch to the bracket, same as Bacon Boy.
She made him go sit just outside her office, something Kadaj saw no point in since she left her door open and he could both see and hear inside. In fact, she kept up that steady, disapproving glare the entire time she thumbed through his file and only interrupted it to dial her telephone.
"Good afternoon, this is Mrs. Koch from the ShinRa Consolidated Edge Community High School—may I speak with the guardian of Kadaj Jenova?"
Kadaj rolled his eyes at his supposed "last name." Jenova had been Reno's idea—he refused to tell Kadaj his own last name and let him use it, and it drove the boy to distraction because Yazoo knew and wouldn't tell him and any time Reno was undressing Kadaj tried to get into his wallet and grab his ID but the man never let him get away with it. He couldn't even intercept any mail because Reno had it all sent to the ShinRa building and no one in the apartment complex seemed to know—he was a rock star, no last name. But then, lots of people didn't have last names, like Sephiroth himself—
"I suggest you think long and hard about what you've done, young man," the Principal Lady said as she hung up the phone, interrupting his thoughts. Kadaj, irritated to be so distracted, managed not to glare at her. He gave her the Big Eyes and a solemn nod to get her off of his back, and went back to thinking about last names, wondering which one would suit Reno. It didn't occur to him to worry about who would pick him up or come deal with the situation. The only contact number for his "guardian" was the Turks' office, and they never answered the phone with an announcement of who they were. Kadaj knew because he'd called a few times to ask Reno about stuff in the apartment. The first time someone had answered the phone with, "This is Julie, can I help you?" and the second time it had been Rude, who'd just said, "What?"
"And you can stop that giggling right now, you wretched child!" the Principal snapped, seeing him smile. "I can assure you that you are very nearly on the verge of being barred from this distinguished institution! A little introspection would serve you well!"
Institution? Those were for crazy people! Did they keep crazy people at school? Kadaj had never been down to the basement…maybe there were cells down there with "banana brains" in them! Maybe kids like Kadaj went crazy from dealing with people like The Principal and Pork Boy and got stuck down there…Then again, maybe he was watching too many horror movies with Reno. Introspection—that was a fun word! He dug in his backpack and wrote it out on his List of Words to Look Up, which Yazoo had amended in his graceful, flowing script with the subtitle: And Not Write On Yazoo's Grocery List.
It seemed like forever before anyone showed up, and Kadaj was getting rather bored of it all. He'd finished his math homework and had nothing to read except for his History book and if that wasn't boring he didn't know what was!
He'd no sooner started to work up a complaint than he heard a familiar, easy gait echoing down the hallway. Craning his neck, he grinned in delight to see Reno strolling along like he hadn't a care in the world, one hand shoved deep in his pocket and the other idly twirling his mag-rod. He pressed his slender finger to his lips when he saw Kadaj grin, and fixed an inscrutable, scary look on his face as he turned the corner into the short hallway where the boy was sitting.
He rapped the doorframe with his mag-rod and announced, "I'm here for Kadaj."
Without waiting for an invitation, he went to stand before her desk, and Kadaj was immediately interested in the way his whole demeanor changed—gone was the playful, ornery man who could sometimes be so cold. In his place was the TURK Reno, smoothly charming and rather frightening with a barely concealed violence lurking beneath the surface. Kadaj suppressed a shudder, not sure if he liked it or not, but certainly amazed by it.
"And you are?"
"Friend of the family," Reno replied, giving her a smile that Kadaj had personally seen melt women far colder. The man leaned against the desk on one hand, his body cocked just a little, forming a lithe, slender line of sleek black interrupted by the stark white of his half open dress shirt.
"ID, please," the crabby lady asked, though she did seem less irate. She held out her lined palm and Reno handed her his ID, not minding the brush of his fingers on her icky old skin. The woman looked at it and said with sudden warmth, "A TURK, sir? Well, I beg your pardon, I had no idea the boy here had such affiliations."
"He's a special project of the President's," Reno answered, taking his ID back and stuffing it in his pocket. He gave her another smooth smile, his dancing eyes wide and actually rather heated. The way Reno was leaning on the desk, it looked like he was going to kiss her or was at least thinking about it, and the crabby Principal woman was blushing like she was sixteen instead of sixty. "Think we can give it another go, ma'am?"
"Oh, I don't see why not," she said, tittering and fanning herself as Reno straightened, still looking at her like he was starving and she was some kind of buffet.
Kadaj was impressed. He always appreciated new and improved ways to get the things his little heart desired, and Reno's seemed to be pretty effective. Kadaj had never seen him use the full force of his charm on anyone before—he never really had to—but in less than five minutes he'd turned the icy, formidable Principal into a giggling, blushing mess and Kadaj was thoroughly dazzled.
"Alright, young man," the gross old woman said, smiling at him with renewed warmth, still fanning herself slightly when Reno came to stand next to her, his shoulder brushing hers. "You can come back, but no more misbehaving, do you understand?"
"Not to worry, I'll straighten him out when we get home," Reno said, giving Kadaj a look that made him shiver with dread. "Come on, kid—let's get outta here."
Kadaj shot to his feet and grabbed his backpack, chastened into silence but largely unrepentant. As they left the office, Reno waved back at the old lady before slinging his arm over Kadaj's shoulders and breathing into his ear, "The shit I do for that sweet ass of yours, baby."
Kadaj giggled a little, relieved that he wasn't really angry, and leaned into him as they headed for the car.