Dorian made his way through the newly cleared area of the battlements. Skyhold still needed a lot of work but it was coming along smoothly. Every week, they managed to clear up a new area and Dorian couldn't help but explore. Besides, the library was still a wreck and he needed something to occupy his time.
He came a door left slightly ajar to hear someone muttering incessantly to themselves. Dorian eased up to the door as quietly as he could and tried to listen to what the person was saying.
"I will not use you. I will not go back. They will not hold me! They no longer have a hold on me!" The words were repeated like some sort of mantra. Dorian frowned. He recognized the voice as Commander Cullen and he unfortunately also had an inkling as to what he was referring to.
Back in Minrathous there was a Laetan he struck up an unlikely friendship with. He had to keep the friendship a secret of course due to the shame he would have brought upon his family for consorting with someone of a lower class. That and at this point his father already had suspicions about Dorian's sexual proclivities and he did not want to add any more fuel to that fire. The boy, whose name was Evans, family were previously Soporati. Evans birth changed all that however as he happened to be born a mage. His birth allowed his family to move up to the social class of Laetans, one step away from Dorian's own class, the Altus. While the Imperium did acknowledge the Laetans and allowed them to have seats in the Magisterium, they weren't respected as much as the Altus due to their blood line having no previous magical ability before.
Evans was able to get an apprenticeship with a Magister who was an ally of Dorian's father, Halward. The Magister it seemed, was only interested in Evans as a glorified slave rather than teaching him anything of import. It was at a social gathering which Dorian's father forced him to attend where he met Evans. It was clear that Dorian was not the same as the other mages Evans had met in Tevinter thus far and he confided in him a great many things, one of which was his desire to become a better mage to show Tevinter that Laetan's deserved more respect. Dorian thought it a good idea to shake up the social standings of Tevinter's archaic system and agreed to help Evans in his endeavor. They would meet in secret and Dorian would impart as much knowledge as he could on the eager boy. It turned out to be a profitable arrangement for both of them as Evans had a brilliant mind and the two working together made great strides in their studies. Unfortunately for Evans and Dorian, this arrangement did not last long as Halward had found another Circle to take Dorian in and he was immediately shipped off. After getting kicked out Circle for a strange 'incident' involving a fireball and a magister's son, Dorian decided to look his friend up upon returning home. Unfortunately, Evans was not the same person Dorian remembered when he left and it was all because of a Magister by the name of Danarius.
Danarius was well known for this research and experimentation with lyrium but he had taken his experimentation to the next level. He managed to infuse lyrium beneath the skin of a slave giving him unnatural abilities. Danarius made a show of his achievements, having his 'little wolf' fight a duel in his stead. From the stories Dorian heard, this wolf reached inside of the man's chest and crushed his heart. Seeing the accomplishments of Danarius' experiment spurred his colleagues and enemies alike to try to replicate his success. Of course Danarius had no intention of telling anyone how he accomplished this task so many people were forced to do a lot of guess work. Evans' master was one of these people. He used Evans as a guinea pig succeeding in nothing more than getting the boy addicted to lyrium. Where a once brilliant and promising mind flourished now resided a lyrium addict, a husk of its former self. Seeing the boy to be nothing more than a burden and a failure, the Magister left Evans alone effectively cutting off his lyrium supply and leaving him to deal with his addiction alone. It hurt Dorian to see his brilliant friend reduced to such a state and he did everything he could to help him deal with the lyrium withdrawal.
For awhile, Dorian's efforts to help his friend paid off, but in his desperation to make Dorian into a respectable mage Halward shipped his wayward son off to the Circle in Minrathous. About three months into his stay there, Dorian received word in passing that Evans has committed suicide. Dorian knew that it was due to his inability to handle the pressure of the lyrium withdrawal on his own. Dorian fell into depression upon hearing the news and fled the Circle. He drunk himself into a stupor and wound up in an elven brothel where he was found by Magister Alexius. That was a truly dark time for Dorian and he shudders to think of the type of man he would have become without Magister Alexius' guidance. Magister Alexius, Dorian sighed at the thought of the man he once looked up to. How could he turn his back on everything they believed in and work for the Venatori? It didn't matter...Dorian heard that he was dead now. Such a waste.
So caught in his musings, Dorian didn't notice that his sigh was a bit louder than he intended. Cullen threw open the door to his office, startling the mage. Cullen stared at him, his eyes narrowed in anger and embarrassment at being caught in such a weakened moment.
"What do you want mage?" Cullen asked, his tone harsher than he intended. Dorian took it in stride, understanding the ex-templar's anger.
"My my commander, is that the way to greet a comrade?" Cullen was taken aback by this comment. Dorian was absolutely correct. They were allies in this war and it was unworthy of him to fall back into old prejudices. He sighed and ran a gloved hand across his face.
"You-you are right, Dorian. I apologize. I just..." He paused not wanting to reveal anything in case Dorian did not get a glimpse at his turmoil. "What do you need of me?"
"An apology? I hadn't expected that. Are all Templars in the south as pleasant as you commander?" Cullen sighed, not in the mood for banter, the topic of being a templar currently a sore spot for him, given that it was the catalyst for his current problem.
"I am no longer a templar Dorian and I cannot speak for the others. Now what do you need of me?"
"It's not what I need of you dear commander but what I can do for you." Dorian stated, pushing his way into Cullen's office.
"What are you talking about." Cullen asked a hint of annoyance in his voice as he allowed himself to be pushed out of the way by the cocky mage.
"Let's not pussy-foot around hmm? I heard you."
"You heard what?" Cullen replied, eying him warily. Dorian rolled his eyes. Cullen was truly going to make him spell it out?
"I heard you, chatting to yourself about being controlled. Since there is no one else in here but you and-" Dorian raised his hand towards Cullen, allowing his magic to swell within him then forced it out of the raised hand into burst that pushed Cullen back. There was no true force behind the attack, its purpose was to simply make any possible entity inside of Cullen think it was being attack and manifest itself. Dorian had to make sure what he thought he heard from the commander was truly the ramblings of a lyrium addict. It would have been rather embarrassing if it turned out to be possession instead. Cullen however saw the attack for what it was at face value and drew his sword, ready to attack Dorian if the answer he provided to his question wasn't a good one.
"What do you think you are doing, Dorian!?" Cullen was on edge, this unprovoked attacked coupled with his inner turmoil made for a bad combination.
"I had to be sure." Dorian said, folding his hands across his chest as if he explained everything in those five words.
"Sure of what?" Cullen asked through gritted teeth, trying his best to restrain himself from attacking Dorian before hearing a proper explanation.
"That you weren't possessed." Dorian replied, his tone indicating that it was the most obvious answer and the commander was foolish for even asking it.
"Andraste preserve me! Why would you think I was possessed?!"
"I didn't think you were, I just had to make sure."
"Dorian, I swear if you do not tell me what this is all about right now, I will run you through, throw you off the battlements and tell the Inquisitor you fell."
"Well that's not very nice..." Dorian said. The look on Cullen's face at that comment told Dorian that for self preservation's sake, he should probably just come clean.
"I heard you talking to yourself about, if my guess is right your struggle with Lyrium. You took it as a templar correct? I heard Southern Templars are required to take it. The Templars in Tevinter don't take lyrium. It would be rather silly to arm them with the means to stop all the scary Magisters hmm?" Cullen did not look amused but remained quiet, allowing Dorian to finish his explanation.
"I..." Dorian paused, feeling an almost overwhelming sadness as Evans came to his mind again. "I've seen what lyrium addiction can do to a person. I-I would rather not see it happen to you." Cullen lowered his sword with a frown. His fear had been realized, Dorian overheard everything. He should have double checked that the door was closed. Maker's breath, if this got out.
"It is my burden to carry alone. I would appreciate it if you kept this to yourself." Cullen said, sheathing his sword as he spoke.
"This is not something you can or should work through alone, Cullen." Dorian responded, his face losing the cheeky smirk he normally wore in favor of a more morose one.
"I appreciate your concern-"
"I am not going to take no for an answer, Cullen." Dorian responded, cutting him off. "I failed him and I refuse to fail someone else." Cullen was at a loss for words. He didn't understand why Dorian was so intent in helping him. They had barely spoken two words to each other before today. They didn't have a reason to, but now suddenly this man was offering to help him with one of his most intimate and embarrassing secrets? Why? Because an old friend of his suffered from the same affliction?
"Why?" Cullen blurted out, his curiosity getting the better of him.
"I told you. I saw what it can do to a man...a good man and I refuse to let it happen again in front of me. Not when I can do something about it."
"This friend of yours...what happened to him?" Dorian sighed and looked up to the ceiling remaining silent. Cullen remained quiet, seeing that this was a difficult thing for him talk about.
"My father sent me away to a Circle and my friend was left to fend for himself. The pressure became too much for him and...he killed himself. Better that than deal with the pain of the withdrawal I suppose." Cullen shuddered, he could certainly understand the logic in those words. Maker knows how many times he had considered ending his own life. If it hadn't been for the Inquisition giving him a purpose, he probably would have. No, not just the Inquisition. Recently a new reason had emerged. He didn't want to fail the Inquisitor, no, he didn't want to fail Kira. Even if she didn't know his feelings, even if she didn't return them, he wouldn't allow himself to die. Not while she still had use for him.
"I-I am sorry for your loss. I can see that it still troubles you." Dorian lowered his head to look back at Cullen.
"Thank you, but enough about me, this is about you. I WILL help you commander." His characteristic smirk returned. "I'm afraid I'm rather tenacious once I get my mind set on something. Part of my natural charm you see." Cullen refrained from rolling his eyes.
"Exactly how would you help me? I won't allow you to cast any spells on me. If I am to do this, it will be through my strength alone."
"Of course! No spells required. It's quite simple really. With my friend, his worst times were when he was stressed. The pressures of his family, his status, his career were bearing down on him. It made dealing with the addiction nearly impossible. We devised that the best way to deal with it was to distract him."
"Distract him how?" Cullen asked folding his arms across his chest.
"Well, as he was mage, we would lose ourselves in our studies of all things arcane. I have a feeling that won't work with you however so I suggest a game of chess."
"Chess?" Cullen asked, one brow raised.
"Yes, chess. It will keep your mind focused, relaxed. If you don't know how to play, I can teach you."
"I know how to play."
"Oh? Well aren't you full of surprises." Cullen sighed. At least he was feeling better. He didn't know Dorian well, but from what little he knew of the man, melancholy did not suit him.
"I can't very well stop everything to play chess Dorian. In case you forgot, we are a bit busy with an ancient Tevinter magister and a possible archdemon." Dorian waved a hand dismissively in Cullen's direction.
"Yes, yes. All very important, but so is your health. You cannot work every minute of every day. The stress would get to you, it would drag you down and make fighting the addiction that much harder. Also, I didn't say we needed to play every day. Perhaps twice a week? Just time to give your mind a chance to relax." Cullen sighed again, feeling that he was losing this argument.
"We don't have a board." He stated, knowing the argument was weak. Dorian smiled seeing that he had finally won the commander over.
"Oh don't you worry about that commander. I'm sure our trusty little hairy dwarf could help us out with that." Cullen dropped his hands, defeated.
"Fine. Just do me a favor and please keep the reason for the chess board between us only? It is bad enough that you know, I would rather this not get all over Skyhold. It would impede my ability to lead if the men can't trust that I am of sound mind."
"I wouldn't do that, Commander. Your secret is safe with me." Dorian turned to leave Cullen's office. "I'll let you know when Varric has gotten a chess set for us."
"Dorian." Cullen called out to the mage. Dorian looked over his shoulder, his hand on the door knob. "Thank you." Dorian flashed him a smile, a genuine smile before leaving the room.