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"Complications stemming from the pneumonia in his lungs might've caused the myocardial infarction, or in layman's terms, the heart attack..."
Riza tried to listen to what the doctor was saying but she had been so overcome with relief when he'd told them that her father's vitals were stabilized, and they were going to start treatment on him. Riza assumed that Ed and Al had generously pooled up all their resources and raised just enough to pay for a few operations for their sick father. She could barely recognize the tired looking man fast asleep in the plain hospital suite where the rest of them crowded.
Riza had done her best not to show her panic as the ambulance arrived at their home, just in time, earlier that night. It was Christmas Eve, and the family had been preparing for dinner. It was to be a night of frolicking and togetherness. Instead, an unexpected visitor had arrived and then her dad had experienced an attack. The incident had caught Ed off guard at first, but like his sister, he quickly gained control of himself. Al, always the soft one, hadn't coped well. Until now, his hands were clammy and his expression one of terrified relief.
None of their reactions matched their mother's. Trishia had exhausted herself with worry, but she did so quietly. She had let out soft sobs of despair while her husband was being wheeled into the sterilized environment of the nearest hospital. Now, she sat at his side, holding his hand in hers. The deep crease between her dainty eyebrows never disappeared. Ed took a seat beside her and whispered soothingly, trying to convince her to take a break.
"I already lost one husband. I don't think I'm ready to lose another," Trishia whispered brokenly to her son. "I'd like to spend as much time with him as possible, because I'm not sure how much we have left."
An intense silence pervaded the room as the doctor left them, opting to give the family some privacy. "He's scheduled to have the first operation tomorrow morning, mom. He'll be fine." Ed murmured to his mother, glancing, expressionless, at Roy. Roy smiled furtively, knowingly. It's the least I could do, his expression tried to convey. Riza didn't notice the exchange.
Roy felt like a complete outsider, looking around him. There was Berthold Hawkeye, looking impossibly frail and sickly. Trishia Elric-Hawkeye, unceasingly faithful by her husband's side. Edward Elric-Hawkeye, trying to be the strongest for his family. Alphonse Elric-Hawkeye sitting with an arm around Mei Chang, Riza's Xingese sister-in-law. Winry Rockbell, practically family to the Hawkeyes, breathed a sigh of relief and leaned back against the back of her chair. Then there was Riza, trembling so slightly it was almost imperceptible. Relief splashed across her features, but Roy saw that she was still scared. The treatment was temporary, at best. He could go at any moment. Everyone in the room knew that all too well.
No one minded when Roy had ridden with the family to the hospital. No one minded him when he had waited outside the emergency room. He'd been ignored for the most part, but at least the earlier animosity each showed him had disappeared. And he was glad that the only one who'd noticed where he had gone off to just a few minutes before the doctor came in was Edward. It seemed the young blond had mentioned it to his younger brother, but other than a relieved, thankful look from Al, no one else paid him heed. Even now, Riza didn't protest as Roy slowly approached her post near the window and placed a hand that was meant to be comforting on her shoulder.
Al watched him with amused interest and Mei had a small smile on her face. Meanwhile Winry's expression was encouraging, but Roy didn't notice anybody else in the room. He then hesitantly encircled his strong arms around Riza, pulling her rigid length against his chest and her head onto his shoulder, wishing to reassure her. Silently, she closed her eyes and allowed him to do so. Roy felt the tense muscles of her upper body gradually relax as the palm he had placed in between her shoulder blades moved in comforting circles. Then he leaned down to press his lips against her hair, moving down to her ear. "Don't worry, Riza. He'll be fine," he murmured.
At hearing this, she felt something inside her rise. Roughly shoving him away, she looked at him with undeniable annoyance. "How can you be so sure?" she snapped, sounding as annoyed as she mean to be, and then suddenly remembered the resting patient in their midst. She lowered her voice. "His health hadn't slowly deteriorated right in front of your eyed while you were helpless and unable to do anything," she hissed, her glare never softening.
She was angry, angry at herself for being useless, for being unemployed, a twenty six year old woman who still lived with her parents. She was angry, and she was taking it out on Roy. Not unfairly, Roy thought, having expected more resistance from her. Of course, he'd caught her at a really bad time, and maybe that worked to his advantage, however selfish it seemed when one looked at it that way. Still, if his assumptions about her present temperament were correct, he was about to pay. Gripping one of her wrists, he pulled her out of the hospital suite and into the quiet hallway, deserted except for the few nurses toiling away at their graveyard shift. Desiring privacy, Roy kept walking with unwarranted haste, his strides long and measured. Riza fought to keep up with him, all the while voicing out her protests. "Where are you taking me? Roy, I don't want..."
If she weren't so angry, she would've felt a bit nervous at the prospect of being alone with Roy. His was an expression filled with grim determination and Riza knew all too well how obstinate Roy could be when he set his mind to something. It was somewhat intimidating. There was also the fact that the man in front of her was Roy. Since she'd met him, she'd learned to disguise her expressions and keep her composure. But if anyone could get her to lose her resolve and forget about self-control, it was Roy. She was mad at how easily she'd surrendered to him when he walked into the kitchen earlier that night. Hadn't she said she would never forgive him? She had been caught off guard, not having seen either hide or hair of him for more than a month. She had tried in earnest to forget about him, but her efforts failed. She resented what he had done, but at the same time, she felt sadness. He hadn't trusted her enough to even listen to what she wanted to explain, but that had been her own fault.
If only she hadn't agreed to 'help' King Bradley, if only she hadn't gone to Flame Industries to apply; then she would never have met Roy, never have felt this vulnerable, this unbearably weak. She would've never felt such overwhelming emotions of anger, disappointment and loss. But at the same time, she would've never experienced how it felt to meet Roy, to be with him, admiring him, worrying about him, falling for him…and she definitely would never have encountered the exhilarating feeling of knowing that he reciprocated her feelings.
He had cared for her and loved her, no matter how brief those moments lasted. In that short while, Riza could say that she was truly happy. She developed an utterly overwhelming desire to never leave his side, to devote her self to the handsome, intriguing and capable man.
The man named Roy James Mustang, who was practically dragging her along the white hallways at the moment.
Finally he stopped, turning to face her, but refusing to let go of her left wrist. His right hand clamped tightly around it, as if he were scared she would run away. Riza realized that they were in the garden part of the hospital. It was close to midnight, and so the enclosed space was void of people.
Roy opened his mouth to speak, as he turned and-
BAM
…Was greeted by more evidence supporting a recently formed theory- that the Hawkeye family had really strong right hooks. Riza's came from nowhere, and was surely going to leave a bruise. His lip was already split from Ed's thrashing earlier. He brought a hand to his face but didn't say anything as Riza stared at him in something like exasperated contempt.
"What do you want from me?" she hissed, breathless from all the emotions swirling inside of her like a volcano. They were about ready to erupt, but the hell she was going to let that happen.
"Riza, I- can we…talk?" he asked quietly.
"It…depends." she breathed out.
"Depends on what?" he sound genuinely confused, dark eyes shining with bewilderment in the dim light. The shafts of moonlight highlighted his strong handsome features.
"If you'll listen to me when it's my turn to speak," she snapped again, angered at how distracted she got whenever she looked at him.
"I promise to, this time" Roy spoke somberly, knowing that she would not appreciate him asking for forgiveness right now. "I just want to remind you that you've done what you could for your father. You braved East city, and coming from a quiet place like here, that couldn't have been easy. For two months, you earned your salary through honest work," he continued. She tensed up at the word 'honest', and then she couldn't take it anymore.
"I couldn't earn enough to pay for the cost of the operations. Ed and Al are always sacrificing," she interrupted him as she started to tear up, a few tears streaming down her cheeks. "I was working for two different companies, and I couldn't even contribute today." Frustration filled her as she grasped his hands and looked down, unable to meet his eyes.
He chuckled softly, trying to make light of the situation, and lifted her chin to make her face him. "Okay, maybe not entirely honest, but you were honestly being blackmailed…however that makes sense."
She let out a small, albeit sad laugh at the oxymoron and swiped at her tears, annoyed that they were starting up in someone's presence, especially in the presence of someone like him.
He swatted her hands away gently, taking her face into his hands and rubbing the pads of his thumbs across her slightly wet cheeks. He stared into her shiny eyes, moist with tears of frustration. "It's alright to cry, Riza. You can let it all out, there's no one to judge you here." He murmured as he continued to caress her face.
She wrapped her hands around his wrists, trying to tug them away when to her dismay, her face scrunched up into a pitiful expression. She started to sob, and tears started to flow freely down her cheeks.
He embraced her and pressed her face into his shoulder, and she cried into his shirt. "I can't believe how useless I've been- Ed practically has three jobs, Al overworks himself, even Winry and Mei have been trying to contribute. Back there- Ed and Al have done it again, paying for his medical expenses without asking me to help. They know I'm unemployed, and that everything I've earned has gone to living expenses… But we need more funds to continue the operations and the treatment, so I really have to get a job. We can't bring him to a state-owned hospital, because father doesn't qualify for the state-subsidized operations. His papers are all messed up, and we have no choice but to bring him here, but we're a middle-class family, earning just enough-" The words tumbled out frantically, almost incoherently, interspersed between strangled sobs.
"Shh…" he soothed. "You've all done your best…I'm sure everything will be okay, so don't worry about the expenses. If your dad is meant to live a very long life, then he will. But if he isn't, Riza, then you'll have to accept…that, for what it is. We can't explain how or why certain things happen. Being human entails mysteries no one can explain. The world isn't perfect, but that's the beauty of the world."
He held her in his arms serenely, the only sounds in the night air crickets and her quiet sobbing. He kept completely silent and soon she regained her wits. As if just realizing who was in front of her, she pulled away in shock. "I- I'm sorry Roy. Thank you, but…please don't think anything about..." she trailed off, mortified at crying in front of him.
"Riza, I said I wouldn't judge you," he said softly. "So please, don't judge me before you hear the rest of what I have to say."
"You have no right," she protested. Once again, she was retreating from him. So he was using her moment of weakness to ask her to listen? The audacity he showed.
"Please hear me out." He begged in earnest, his eyes pleading. "I'm begging you to just listen… I know I'm such a hypocrite. I deserve more than that punch. You have the right to pummel me down to the ground, and half murder me…"
He didn't get to finish his sentence as Riza lunged at him, as unladylike as she could ever have been, and successfully pushed him to the ground using her momentum and the element of surprise.
Her fists collided with his rock solid chest, and he did nothing to stop her as tears yet again streamed down her face. Roy was half seated on the grass, taking the blows as if they were nothing. He just let Riza vent and scream out all her frustration at him and at herself.
Suddenly, she stopped, pausing to realize that she was in a strange position. There she was straddling Roy while trying to inflict him bodily harm. It was pretty over the top, not to mention crazy, and her cheeks burned red as she got off him. She stood and hesitantly offered him a hand. He took it, expressionlessly getting up onto his feet.
"I'm…sorry," she apologized again as he dusted off his hands.
"No, there's no need to apologize, Riza," he told her. "I just need you to hear me out."
She bit her lip, swallowing her retort. He looked so pitiful, split lip and all disheveled, trying to appeal to her compassion. "What is there for you to say? There's nothing to be said between us anymore."
"Yes, there is. I have to…apologize."
She didn't say anything, and he took it as a cue to continue.
"Riza, I'm so sorry." He sounded so sincere, but how many times had Riza been fooled? "I can't say how sorry I am to have...to have hurt you that way. I can't believe how stupid I was, how cruel..." He looked abashed. "I should have listened to you. I should have- Thank you. You were trying to turn things around, and I misunderstood your intentions. I'm sorry I wasn't there when Bradley was blackmailing you. You should have told me at once, instead of trying to solve it yourself..." His words rolled off his tongue in haste, his thoughts a thorough mess.
"I didn't think you'd have understood," she replied curtly. He wouldn't have understood, and they both knew it.
"You're right. I wouldn't have," he acquiesced. "I'm too insensitive and selfish."
"Yes, you are," she agreed, her tone soft.
"But I've learned since then that sometimes I've got to look deeper and understand…someone's intentions when they act. Before meeting you, I thought there were people who were just plain selfish, greedy and self-serving. You were honest and selfless, and you were dignified. You don't know how painful it felt to have my image of you shattered when I'd thought you'd betrayed me. I guessed I should've been used to being abandoned, but I didn't think for once that you were capable of it."
His mother, Riza thought. Her heart softened despite what she thought about him. He'd thought that he'd been abandoned for the same man. She'd thought her hate for King Bradley couldn't have increased anymore that it already was, but she suddenly felt an urge to see the man go down.
"But I realize that not everyone has an ulterior motive. Nor does anyone just do evil for evil's sake. We have our reasons, reasons that dictate our decisions. And sometimes we may think this decision is the best, but at the end, we realize it isn't. We've just got to try our best to make up for the mistakes…" he went on and on, knowing full well he was babbling.
"Is that why you're here? Because you're guilty?" she asked, her tone sharp and icy, containing a tinge of bitterness. The possibility had hit her earlier. He feels bad about not believing me, is that it? Is that all? Her mind had screamed.
"No," he told her firmly. "I did come here because I felt intensely guilty, but that isn't the only reason. I realized that I should take the effort to investigate, to give people the benefit of the doubt, and not to make judgments when I don't know the whole story. Yes, I feel guilty for not listening to you," he explained, and smiled weakly as he pulled her face towards him. "…but I also came because I realized I'm in love with you. I am insanely, obsessively, honestly, in love with you, Riza Hawkeye."
Riza's fists collided with Roy's solid chest, yet again.
"I don't know what to believe, Roy. Why can't you make up your mind?" she asked him as she banged her fists against the rock hard muscles. "I'm afraid of history repeating itself. We've broken up twice, so far. What makes you think this time will be any different? Why is your," THUD "love," THUD "something," THUD "you can," THUD "throw around so freaking easily?" THUD She punctuated her last words with harder thrusts.
Riza panted from the effort, but Roy just looked imperturbable, his expression serious.
"I don't plan on anymore indecisiveness. You have permission to shoot me if I do change my mind," he offered, and then his tone grew gentler. "I really do love you, Riza. You're the only woman I love, and will love for the rest of forever. You're the most captivating, well-meaning, honest person I've ever met, and I know that no one will ever compare to you."
She shook her head and turned away, feeling silly about tears that were threatening to fall once again. "You're too late, Roy. As I've said, I've…moved on." She lied through her teeth. No, no, no. They couldn't just kiss and make up. No. It would be an understatement to say that they desired each other physically, but that didn't make up a relationship. She didn't want to go through the unnecessary turmoil of accepting him back. She'd get together with a nice man who wasn't proud, who wasn't selfish, wasn't assuming and conclusive. If she couldn't find that man, then she didn't need anyone.
"You mean," the possibility that she loved another now had never crossed his mind until then, but it made sense. If she was heartbroken and sad, then she could've found comfort in the arms of any man she wanted, what with her undeniable beauty. Her subtle beauty was paired with a compelling personality. "…That there's another man, or that you don't care for me anymore?"
"Does it even matter? I just want to make it clear that I do not want to have any relationship with you anymore, and that there was no purpose to this conversation," she bit out harshly, coldly dismissing his heartfelt confession of his feelings. "The only word that should be exchanged between us is 'goodbye.'"
"I…" Roy suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of disappointment. This wasn't how it was supposed to end.
"I'd like you to leave, Roy." Her words were filled with a grim finality. "I don't want to worry about this, for I've far more important matter to prioritize." Such as getting a job, she thought as she deftly pulled her hands out of his grasp and turned to walk towards the building.
As he watched her slip away, out of his reach, he supposed that it was for the best. It was for her sake that he should comply, that he should leave. Roy stuck his hand in his pocket and felt the now familiar weight of the small velvet box in his palm. He would never be able to give it to her, would never be able to ask her to stay by his side. How selfish, he thought, she deserves better than me, especially after all I've done. I'm being selfish again.
He leaned his head back and stared at the moon, which was getting blurrier and blurrier by the second. To his surprise, a few tears escaped from his eyes and ran down the planes of his face, limning the sense of loss that had flooded into his being.
It was for the best, because he loved her too much to not give in to what she wanted. If she didn't want them, he would not force his feelings on her.
Because I didn't, even for one second, ever deserve her. The idea crushed him painfully.
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Shucks, why can't they just get together already? Writing this story had been inhibiting me from doing other productive stuff, like school work. Maybe it's because this is totally more enjoyable than that. :C Tell me what you think about the chapter? ;)
