Play the Part

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.

What was that noise? I groaned, trying to get away from it.

"Sorry," Sirius said and a moment later the buzzing was gone.

I groaned again, opening my eyes. It was still dark and I looked at Sirius confused.

"I have to get back to my own bed," he said.

I nodded my head, moving away from him, ready to go back to sleep. Sirius chuckled and then I was left alone.

I woke again later to the sound of James, Sirius and Peter talking. I still had James' cloak over me, so Peter didn't know I was here.

"Are you coming?" James asked.

"Yeah," Sirius said, "just gotta find my wand."

"You lost your wand?" Peter asked and I could just imagine Sirius glaring at him.

"I'll meet you in the great hall," Sirius said.

A few minutes passed before Sirius pulled the cloak off my head.

"Are you staying here all day?" he asked. "Do you want me to bring you some food?"

"No," I said, "I miss my classes."

"Of course you do," Sirius smiled, "so, are you going to get up?"

"Umm, yeah, I just…" I trailed off. "I can't get dressed, well, I can, but I have trouble with the buttons, and everything I own has buttons."

"All you have to do is ask," Sirius said, but I didn't feel comfortable doing that. I was used to doing everything on my own.

Sirius went over to my clothes regardless.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Helping you." Sirius shrugged. "What do you want to wear today?"

"Ah," I said, "clothes."

"Funny." Sirius smiled. "Fine, I'll pick. Get out of bed already."

I pulled James' cloak off and sat up, rubbing my face as Sirius spent entirely too long looking at my clothes.

"You should go to Madam Pomfrey," I said. "You know, for your hair."

"I thought you were going to fix it." Sirius' head was still in my cupboard.

"I was," I said, "it's just, I don't know how long my hand is going to be out of action and I don't feel comfortable using my wand. You don't have to tell her what happened, but she's nice and she'll help you."

"It's just hair," Sirius sighed, pulling my clothes out and sitting them on my bed, "I can wait for you."

Oh, my face fell.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I just… I just miss your long hair is all," I said, looking down, "the short hair's nice too, but it's not right."

Silence.

"I'll consider it," Sirius said. "Now, get out of bed."

I stood up on shaky legs and just waited. How were we going to do this? I'd been re-dressed so many times after my transformation, but this was new territory between us as friends.

Sirius grabbed my shirt first and helped me into in, buttoning it up.

"Pants," he said.

I tinted pink as I pulled my pajama pants down and Sirius got his first look at my scarred legs.

"I didn't think they'd be everywhere," Sirius said softly, pulling my pants up to cover the scars. "Do you know why you do it?"

"Umm, yeah," I said, "he doesn't like to be locked up, so he punishes me for it. He'd rather be out hunting, but I can't allow that."

Sirius nodded. "You said he wanted to kill you."

"Yeah, he, umm, didn't like being back at home. They, umm… He just didn't like it, so he decided to kill me, but he stopped himself, somehow, I don't really remember."

"Is it always like this?" Sirius asked, grabbing my tie and tying it expertly.

"I, umm… Every time is different," I said, "it depends how he's feeling. Usually I remember everything afterwards, so I can try and do things differently, but lately he's been hiding things from me. I don't remember why I hurt my shoulder and I don't know why he stopped himself from killing me."

"Do you think it was you?" Sirius asked.

I shook my head. "No, the wolf takes over completely, I lose myself, it was all him."

"Here." Sirius handed me the sweater vest and I pulled it on.

"Is that it?" I asked, sliding my shoes on.

"Yeah." Sirius grunted, bending down to tie my shoes. "You know, most people look like a prat wearing sweater vests, but not you."

I smiled at his compliment.

Sirius stood up and went over to his bed. "Wear my cloak," he threw it to me, "it'll hide your hand better."

I smiled wider, how did he know what I was worried about? I pulled it on and once I was dressed, Sirius grabbed my shirt collar and hitched it up higher, trying to hide the scar on my neck.

"What about my hair?" I asked. "Does it look terrible?"

"No, just…" Sirius ran his hands through my hair, "there you go."

He went back over to his bed.

"Sirius?" I said nervously.

"Hmm?" He grabbed his dragon hide jacket, slipping it on.

"Thank you," I told him.

"It's what friends do," he said, "well, at least I think it is. I honestly have no idea. …Remy?"

"Yeah?"

"We… Do you think what we're doing is wrong? Our friendship, I mean. I don't want to help James like this, dress him, or spend the night in his bed. I'm not sure why I do with you. Do you know why?"

"No," I said, remembering having these exact thoughts earlier on, "I think we've just got a different kind of friendship. Muggles have this thing called best friends, I think that's what we have."

"Hmm."

"We shouldn't worry about it," I said, "we're happy, right? And we're not hurting anybody."

"You're right," Sirius said, "let's go to breakfast. …Hang on, I forgot. You need to play the part," he told me. "Dumbledore, McGonagall, Pomfrey, they all know that my memory's been wiped. I started a new path to protect us, I didn't talk about you, I didn't visit you in the hospital wing, I've been putting distance between us. So, you have to play the part too. It's the only way. Just don't take anything that happens to heart," he said, "we know what we have, we just can't let them know. The risk is too great."

He was right. "Okay," I said, "I'll play the part." It seemed easy enough.

Breakfast was hard. I was hungry, but everything needed to be cut up and I couldn't do that with one hand, so I just sat there. Everyone was looking at me, Peter included, but I ignored them. I was glad no one could see my hand as Sirius' cloak hid it completely.

Sirius dug right in and I watched him with slight jealousy as he cut up his pancakes, sausages and eggs with no hassles. It looked so mouthwatering.

"Remus, it's good to have you back," James said and I looked away from Sirius' food.

"It's good to be back," I said, softly.

"Where were you?" Lily asked and I tensed up.

James looked at me with a big smile on his face and I knew that he wanted to be the one to tell Lily, so I nodded my head.

"Remus was in North America," he said and Lily was hanging on his every word, "he was attacked by a bear, a grizzly bear…"

A plate was slid in front of me and I looked down at it. It was Sirius' plate with all my favorite foods cut up. I glanced at him to say thanks, but he was busy loading up a new plate for himself. He was so thoughtful.

I grabbed a fork and dug in. It was so good and I loved that Sirius was kind enough to help me without being asked. He just seemed to get me and I'd never had that before.

As I ate, I looked towards Dumbledore several times, he was watching me intently, me and Sirius I bet. Maybe that was why Sirius was being so silent. I wondered if Dumbledore had seen him cut up my food. We were far enough away, so I doubted it, but what did I know? I needed to play the part.

Breakfast ended and I headed for the hospital wing before my first class. Poppy was waiting for me.

I drank the potion before she ran me through some hand exercises. It still hurt to move, but I was getting better at handling the pain.

"I want you to take this ball with you," she said, handing it to me. It was made out of foam, I think. "I want you to hold it in your hand throughout the day and squeeze it. Do it as many times as you can, there's no risk of overdoing it. The more you do it, the quicker your hand will heal, but be wise about it, Remus, if it hurts too much physically or mentally, give it a break. ...Squeeze it now."

I held the ball in my hand and squeezed it gently. I couldn't squeeze it much and it hurt to do so, but I tried again. I trusted Poppy.

"Pace yourself," she told me with a smile. "Okay, you're healing nicely," she said, "enjoy your classes, Remus, but don't use your hand for anything other than squeezing that ball."

I nodded and left. The ball was still in my hand and I was squeezing it intermittently.

Sirius approached me when I left and I looked around anxiously. We shouldn't be seen together.

"You need to see Dumbledore," Sirius said quietly as we walked to class. "I saw him looking at us. The only way for us to go undetected is for you to convince him that you're not going to tell anyone, for you to tell him that you've realized your mistake. Trust me. You were so passionate the other day, you told him that you would never give up trying to tell me, you need to let him know that it's all changed. Convince him. Play the part."

"O-okay," I said, "I'll ask McGonagall to set something up."