CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

House worked silently at the white board, writing down a list of symptoms, each with a pair of initials beside it.

"What's with the letters?" Kutner asked innocently.

"Shhh." House spat.

It was Taub who leaned over and clued his colleague in. "RH, CT and LK. Those sound familiar to you?" He waited. "They're our initials. He's guessing which one of us is going to base our diagnosis on which symptom."

"OH!" Kutner got it. "Clever."

House grinned, his back still turned so none of them could see him.

"Or he's trying to force us to focus on what he wants us to focus on." Hadley snotted, not willing to play House's little game.

"Or I'm just trying to get your reactions to my writing your initials on the board." House put down his pen. "Kutner, focused on the illnesses didn't recognize the game. Taub, always looking for an angle put two and two together, but didn't quite understand what he was seeing. 13 thinks she cracked the code but, in her zeal to prove she's smarter than me, only proved what an idiot she is. So Taub, go talk to the patient; figure out what his angle is. Kutner, get blood and urine samples and run tests."

"Which tests?"

"Whatever you think would be fun and give me something new to write on my board."

"And what am I supposed to do?" Hadley dared him to come up with a challenge.

"For a start, you can make more coffee. Kutner sucks at it." House hobbled over to the sink and emptied his cup. "Then I've got some paperwork that needs sorting."

"I'm not…" Hadley stood up, prepared to follow House as he retreated into his office, but he didn't retreat. He waited, knowing she was going to protest.

"Going to do your job? That's your choice. You can either do what I tell you to do, or you can quit. Hint, if you quit, I am not giving you a recommendation." She stormed off. "Anyone else not like their assignment?"

Both men were already on their way out the door. Kutner had to stop and turn around to grab his pen, but then scurried off after Taub who didn't look back.

"Good." Now House turned and headed to his office.

Kutner quickly caught up with his colleague. "Where do you think 13 went?"

"I don't know." Taub walked a little faster.

"Do you think she went to talk to Cuddy?" Kutner said it with a certain sense of awe.

"I don't know." Taub walked a little faster still.

"What if she doesn't come back?" Kutner sped to keep up.

"I don't care." Taub turned to face the annoying young questioner. "Really, I don't care. She can come in with a sawed off shot gun and take pot shots at House for all I care. Our job is to talk to the patient and run tests." A thought occurred to him. "Wanna trade?"

"We can't."

"House doesn't have to know."

Kutner shook his head. "No. I'm fine running the tests."

Taub shrugged. "Suit yourself." He pushed his way into Henry Rose's room.

"You my doctors?" A grumpy old voice came from the bed.

"We're two of them," Taub confirmed, pulling a chair up to sit down beside the bed. "I'm going to talk to you while he sticks you with needles." Kutner looked away guiltily.

"What do I need all these doctors for? I don't even feel sick."

"You're a very special patient Mr. Rose." Kutner was trying to make up for having to jab the old man with a needle.

"Don't try to snow me kid. I'm not senile yet." Henry shooed him away.

"Yeah, well, you might wish you were when House gets through with you," Taub muttered so only Kutner could hear him.

Kutner held back a laugh as he placed the small plastic cup on the bed stand. "I need you to fill this Mr. Rose."

Henry picked up the cup and looked at it. "Fill it? Do I look like a piss fountain to you?"

"No sir," Kutner said with a chuckle.

Taub was fiddling with Henry's chart when Henry returned from making his deposit.

"And what are you up to over there young man?" Henry had one eye on each of them. He was sure they were trying to trick him; one getting his attention so the other could attack. Well, he was ready for them. He wouldn't go down without a fight.

Taub looked over his shoulder. "Who me?" He hadn't been called young man in a while. "I'm going over your chart."

"I'm going to need to take some blood Mr. Rose." Kutner had prepared the needle while Rose was filling his cup.

"Urine, blood, you'll probably be asking for my semen next. Well you're not getting it."

"um, the blood or the semen?" Kutner was confused.

"You can have the blood, but that's it." Henry held out his arm. "Then I want you gone."

"Deal." Kutner jabbed him a little too fast but Henry didn't flinch.

"I have to ask you some questions first," Taub said, not looking forward to it.

"All I had was a knot in my shoulder. Now I'm getting grilled by the Gestapo and having my blood sucked out by a medical vampire. When will it end?"

"When we figure out what that knot is and if it's killing you. Now, do you have a history of cancer in your family?"

Kutner left quickly after getting his sample. Questioning the crotchety old man was Taub's job, and he was more than welcome to it.

Meanwhile, Hadley had returned to the diagnostics department, sat down at the table and began sorting through House's paperwork. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of not doing the job.

She could hear House standing behind her, watching. "If you're trying to punish me for something, could you at least tell me what it is?"

"You mean you don't know?" House walked around to her side and leaned his bottom against the table.

"I assume it is some arbitrary infraction you made up on the spot just to screw with me."

"It's interesting that you think I would do that." House opened the top folder then closed it again. "Don't forget to check for signatures. I'm always forgetting to sign things." He would have kept going but he was distracted by the shapely figure in the doorway.

"She wants to file a complaint against you," Cuddy explained to him when he came out to meet her in the hallway.

"You talked her out of it right?" he replied leaning in for a kiss. He stopped when he realized she was leaning away. "Oh, so I'm good enough for you to screw behind closed doors but not good enough to kiss in public?"

"It's not like that." She led him into his office to talk more privately.

"What's it like then?" He helped her close all the blinds.

"I don't think it's appropriate for us to be making out in the hallways like a pair of horny teenagers."

Hadley looked up as House's smiling face vanished behind the vertical blinds.

"But we can still make out behind closed doors, right? In broom closets; our offices; the morgue." House walked over to Cuddy like a lion stalking his prey, only this prey wanted to be caught.

"HOUSE!" She was protesting his choice of location not his actions.

"I'm just trying to figure out the rules to this game." He put his arms around her.

"It's not a game." She leaned in and pressed her lips against his. The stubble on his chin rubbed against her smooth skin. It was a feeling she'd come to like.

"Good." He let the word slip out of his mouth as it explored the familiar depths of hers.

Hadley pressed her ear more tightly against the glass. She had expected to hear fighting. She was hoping Cuddy had taken her request seriously and was now reaming House out for his treatment of her. So far all she'd heard were muffled voices and long silences. It was like there chat kept getting interrupted by something.

She stumbled back as the door swung open. "Would you like a transcript?" House asked, shutting the door behind him.

"If you were talking about me, I have a right to know."

"No you don't."

"I know what you were talking about." She was cock sure of herself.

"I bet you don't." House was even surer.

"She told you I filed a complaint against you."

"Wrong. She told me all the places in the hospital I'm allowed to tap her ass." He was told that honesty was the best policy, so he tried it.

Hadley sighed impatiently. "I'm going to check on Mr. Rose." She headed toward the door. House stopped her with his cane.

"No, you're going to finish this paperwork as I instructed."

Hadley was fed up with his childish games. "I didn't take this job to be your secretary. I am a highly trained doctor and I should be working on this patient."

"I'm your highly trained boss, so you should be doing what I tell you to do."

"Why are you pushing this? To see how much I'll take? To see at what point I defy you?"

House frowned at her. "No. I just don't want to have to do all this paperwork myself."

"You didn't hire me to do your paperwork. You hired me to be a doctor. Let me work on this case."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Didn't we already do this part? If you don't want to do the work I assigned you then go home. I have no other use for you."

"Are you firing me?"

"Not yet."

Hadley stared him down, waiting for him to smirk and admit he was kidding. She was preparing herself for his next little test. House stared back at her, waiting for her to leave or get back to work. He really didn't care which she did. She hadn't worked for him long enough for him to grow too attached, and she was dying so it wasn't like she'd be around forever anyway.

"Then I quit." She had to. He had backed her into a corner.

House turned and went back to his office.

"That went well." Cuddy was sitting on the edge of his desk, waiting for him to return.

"I thought so." House heard the door in the other room open and close. She had left. "Looks like I'm going to have to hire another Fellow."

"You're really letting her go?" Cuddy was surprised. She should know better, but she didn't.

"Yep. Do I have to hire another girl?" He wondered what Big Love was up to these days.

"Yes House. Or you can go apologize to Dr. Hadley."

"I didn't do anything wrong." He refused to apologize, ever. "I could start another competition. Oh, I can have a swimsuit round and…"

"House, you have two weeks. If you don't hire someone by then you'll be spending every Friday afternoon working in the Clinic until you do."

"Are you threatening me Boss?"

"I am."

"Well fine, but don't blame me if I hire some incompetent babe just to meet your deadline."

"You wouldn't dare." She knew he wouldn't since he'd have to live with the bad decision more than she would.

"Watch me."

House didn't like being told what he would and would not do so he began phase one of Plan Hire a Hottie. That meant enlisting the help of his hormonally driven friend.

"I'll even let you interview all the girls." House hadn't told Wilson that he had to hire a girl to meet a quota so all the male interviews were just BS.

"I want the pretty ones." Wilson hadn't even realized he'd just agreed to do all House's work for him.

"You can have them. I don't need that kind of temptation." House rather liked thinking of himself as unavailable.

"Fine, I'll help, but the final decision has to be yours. I'm not going to be your excuse when it doesn't work out."

"Agreed."

"Agreed."

They finished their lunch while discussing their ideal candidates like the dirty old men they are.