Chapter 21: You know if my Fanfiction was a person and it lived in the United States it would be allowed to DRINK LIKE A HOT SEXA PIECE OF TOAST ON A UNICORN PLATE OF HAPPINESS AND ORGIES!
This will be a shorter wait- so it shall be typed- SO IT SHALL BE POSTED!
READ ON MY FAIRWEATHER FELLOW READ ON TILL THE CHOCOLATE GAS TELLS YE NOT!
If You Were a Quail……?
Nancy stopped examining her barf (and stopped barfing/breathing for that matter) to realize that Samantha was now missing. She stood up stiffly, and looked around, she took two steps to the right and two steps to the left, three steps to the front, and one step to the back, and then she clapped her hands…. CHA CHA REAL SMOOTH NOW!
Something was very odd, in that sort of hmmmmm, that's odd! Sort of way, Samantha was really gone, and there was Nancy wafting in her own banana goodness stomach acid scent… she was alone. And it was late, and she was in a grad dress… someone just slap a "RAPE BAIT" sign on me, why don't cha? She thought bitterly to herself.
But the sad thing was that Nancy was absolutely right, she was rape bait and she happened to be standing on a bridge that was in fact sturdy and stylish looking. Only this bridge I did bother to give a name and its name is…..
CORNER STONE BRIDGE!
Uh-huh, that's right.
But The Corner Stone Bridge was also claimed by the notorious Beyblader Gang of Paris known as the INSERT BAD FRENCH WORD Gang, and belonged in their Territory.
The INSERT BAD FRENCH WORD Gang was also the only French Gangsta' Beyblade Gang EVER!
Now this night they decided to go for a little walk, you know, to march it out, cock out their beyblades, scare alley cats, feel badass and bust terrible French rap about French hoes and French bling. (Because you can totally RAP in FRENCH) So there they were strutin' around in there puffy coats, when they smelt something…It wasn't the usual fake floral scent of perfume toxins…no, it was like someone had left out a stomach, peanut butter and banana sandwich out for WAY to long. So they decided to check it out, one of them was really hungry.
"OH! Quoi?" Shouted a rather stout poof blader , who was in the front.
"OH! What?"
"Huh? Eh! Qui!" shouted another upon seeing Nancy on their "turf".
"Huh? Eh! Who!"
Nancy turned around rather sharply for a drunk, "What the fucking frenchies!" Nancy gasped in amusement. "Uh…Je m'appelle Nancy?" Nancy stuttered trying hard to remember her French classes.
"Pourquoi fait elle ici?" The one is the poofiest coat questioned.
"Why is she here?"
"Pfft! Je ne sais pas!" Another retorted.
"Pfft! I don't know!"
"QUOI LE ENFER!" Nancy yelled finally remembering one of the phrases she had
"WHAT THE HELL!"
learned…wait, the teacher didn't teach her that, Shannon did. Only Shannon spent most of her time at the back with the English to French Dictionaries looking up bad words.
"Uhhhhh….AI BON MECHANT ET JOLI SEXE AVEC UN CHEVRE!" Nancy
"Uhhhhh…HAVE GOOD KINKY AND HOT SEX WITH A DONKEY!"
announced triumphantly, "Wait… SHIAT! That was another Shannon sentence…crap."
And so it was, the boys were now either oogling at Nancy, licking there lips, stroking their beyblades, and the younger members were just looking horrified.
"WAIIIIITTTT!" An unseen voice called…Samantha had found the oh-so-convenient run down stair that lead to the other side of the bridge and was standing on one of the railings to give off that stalker of the night feel…rawr. "Stop your dirty thoughts and listen! Nancy is NOT A VIRGIN YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO RAPE SPOILED MEAT!" Sam called out.
The boys seemed to understand the just of it, and all stroking/touching/ and licking of themselves and other members stopped.
Nancy's reaction was a little different, "WHAT!"
"Come on Nancy lets just leave before they decide they don't care," Sam said calmly as she started to drag Nancy to the other side of the bridge and onto an empty city street.
"Bu-but… I AM A VIRGIN!" Nancy cried out hopelessly.
"Pft! I knew that, but they didn't," Sam said devilishly.
"Yeah…I know, but just for the record, I haven't slept around ALRIGHT!" Nancy confirmed.
Sam laughed, "Whatever, you have so been ridden like a cheap dog!"
"I am going to KkkkkRrrrrrrIiiiiiiiLlllllllllLllllllll you, SO BAD!" Nancy screamed as she went to go choke Sam.
"Oh shit," Said Sam as she ducked away from Nancy's claws of doom and saw that the INSERT NAUGHTY FRENCH WORD Gang was following them.
"Run?" Nancy inquired.
"Like bambi would," Sam said.
And with that they were running like a little frightened fawn away from around 20 Gansta' French Rappers and there beyblades!
Eve, Shannon, and Steffi's Story (WITH BOWFLEX!)
After walking around for awhile, they figured out that they could make music!
Why how? You might ask, well I will tell you, silly!
By unzipping and zipping their zippy zippers really fast and making a ERTCHY sound.
"And it goes a little something like this… ZIP ZIP ZIPPA ZIPPY ZIP ZIP! WHOA!"
"Hey, I don't mean to stop the music, but is that guy still behind us?" Steffi asked just out of plain curiosity.
Eve glanced behind them, "Yep, it look's like he is driving at like 2 miles at hour to stay behind us."
"What's say we make him have a little detour?" Shannon said devilishly.
"All in favor say, EH!" Steffi added.
"EH!" They all roared in unison.
"So it's settled, let's give this guy one nightmare to remember," Eve said with a smirk.
"Ready?" Shannon prompted, "YOUR'E IT!" yelled Shannon as she splat a tree.
And with that start they were off.
Sam and Nancy: Running like Bambi Fight Sequence
And so there they were, leaping over fences, frolicking in garbage bags they landed in, and tearing up the whole city. But one thing the girls were counting on was that the INSERT NAUGHTY FRENCH WORD Gang would not be able to run in their poofy coats and stylish whiter that white side winders, but unfortunately the INSERT NAUGHTY FRENCH WORD Gang stopped in at one of their "hangouts" and dropped off their poofy coats, and tied their shoes, as well as they all stopped in at Denny's to get 'Grand Slammed' French style.
Now at this point they were all friends, Samantha and Nancy were there too, eating the huge amount of food that would probably be enough to feed a small village.
How did they get to this point? Where did this turning point happen?
Well, read friggin' on mate, and you shall find out!
THE ULITMATE TURNING POINTDENNY'S HAS ESCARGOT!
"I think I'm all out of Bambi runnin' Sam," Nancy said in between heavy breathes.
"Come on Nanc', their not far behind we have to keep running," Sam said desperately.
"Why are they even following us anyways?" Nancy asked to no one really unparticular.
Sam shrugged, "I dunno- they're turned on by non-virgins?"
"Well, that's encouraging and you have just reminded me that when this is all over I have to kill you," Nancy said through clenched teeth.
"Save the meaningless threats for later, right now…we are so friggin' surrounded, it isn't even comical," Sam said, glancing around the park they were now resting in.
"Hey! What do you mean MEANINGLESS!" Nancy screeched she really was planning to kill Samantha; she had a little scheme to do it an' all.
"Shh…" Sam beckoned quietly, Nancy looked around…they were surrounded. People from the INSERT NAUGHTY FRENCH WOIRD Gang were scattered around the park, some were in trees, and others standing on benches, and some were just kinda hanging out.
Nancy's left eye twitched uncontrollably for a few moments, "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT WITH US!"
One man stepped forward, he was slightly more pimped out than the rest, "Oui, so you do speak anglaise?" he said in a kind of bad accent franglish.
Nancy looked like her head was going to implode, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN OF COURSE WE SPEAK FUCKING ENGLISH!"
The man laughed, "How h-were h-we supposed to know? H-we tought you h-were just a mental person trying to speak French."
"Okay then, what the hell do you want-you little French fried fuck from cock encrusted-"
"Nance! Whoa, easy on the long winded insults," Sam cautioned.
"Well, h-we h-were just trying to get chu' back to zee hospital, that was before h-we found out you h-were sane…sort ov," He said calmly.
Samantha turned to Nancy and slapped her, "never EVER try and speak French EVER AGAIN!"
Nancy seethed, "It wasn't my fault Shannon kept teaching us stupid French sentences-"
"Wait, are you telling me you actually said something Shannon taught you! Holy crap, no WONDER they were chasing us, at least they didn't try to shoot us!" Samantha mused.
"Wasn't my fault," Nancy grumbled.
"V-well, ladies, now that that iz all settled, would v-you like to go get somethang to eat?" One of the INSERT NAUGHTY FRENCH WORD Gang members asked.
Nancy felt her now growling stomach, "as long as it's hang over food!"
And so the now united friends ski-dateled over to Denny's where they feasted on Grand Slams and happiness in greased up large amounts of food.
"Ewww… Denny does escargot," Sam said as she poked the glob.
"Truth iz, not even us locals eat it," one of the INSERT NAUGHTY FRENCH WORD Gang members said, who was sitting next to Sam.
Sam shuddered at the blob, "I dare you to eat it," Nancy challenged from across the table.
"Not all of it," Sam bargained, "Just a bite."
"Deal," Nancy settled.
"Oh- and you have to eat it too," Sam said devilishly.
Nancy glared, "Fine…done," she said.
The boys hooted and cheered them on, soon a little crowd of late night goers were gathered around the table.
Nancy and Sam glared at each other.
"Ready?" one of the waiters prompted, "UN! DUEX! TROIS! GO!"
And it was on, both of them grabbed the slimy piece of meat and shoved it into their mouths, thee crowd cheered, as Nancy and Sam started chewing…they're faces were starting to turn a puce color.
Sam held onto the edge of the table, trying to keep from spewing it out. Nancy had her hands in front of her mouth, it looked like she was hiccupping…but some how she was still rabidly chewing.
About five minutes later Nancy was able to swallow the small morsel of "food" while Sam was able to partly swallow it, throw it up and then kind of die a little bit inside.
Everyone cheered while Sam and Nancy shook hands and then vomited in unison.
"Vat twas' awesome girls! You really are brave, eh?" One the INSERT NAUGHTY FRENCH WORD Gang Members commented.
Nancy wiped some barf off her chin, "Was nothing," she said.
Sam hiccupped, "cha' it was a piece of shit."
"You mean cake, h-right?" one of the I.N.F.W Gang Members asked.
"No, it tasted like poop," Sam corrected.
And they all laughed together in their little happy aroma of happiness rainbow field power of pony sparkle dust.
"I vink we should take these girls home before vey vomit everywhere," One of them suggested.
"I totally agree with you Mac," Nancy said.
Steffi, Shannon and Eve's NIGHTMARE FOR OLD CREEPY GUY SECQUENCE…OF DOOM
The old guy parked his Lexus, the girls had seemed to run into a dark alley way, he followed slowly. This was too perfect; they just waltzed in to a prefect place for him to CENSORED FOR GROSSNESS AND POTENTAL KILLING OF YOUNG INNOCENCE FOR READERS . He grinned to himself as he walked into the alley, but no one was there- but he was positive the girls had come this way, he looked around… just a dumpster and a few garbage cans…no possible way to escape.
A sound…shuffling? Definite movement, he whipped around, nothing was there.
And then he realized, the dumpster was moving, rocking back and forth, basically jumping off the ground.
And then it stopped moving…the dumpster lid slammed open…
Then the garbage rose, up and up, taking the form of a hideous monster blob, a moaning sound came from it's corroding… alright, it doesn't have a mouth, but I think the moaning came from a smashed in coke can.
Point: The guy ran and pissed himself on the way to his car, then he drove off in a huff of huffy evilness to NEVER BE SEEN AGAIN!
Littering, or doing any other kind of gross icky yucky thing that I can't go into detail about without having to change the rating of this story.
And then Shannon, Eve, and Steffi jumped out of the dumpster and shook off all that garbage and started to frolic home triumphantly…that is after throwing some left over garbage at the creepy guy's car as he drove away.
A/N: Updating so soon! This must be a sign….
THE APOCALYPSE IS COMING! WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE! GRAB YOUR LOVED ONES AND BEYBLADES AND RUN LIKE HELL IS ON YER HEELS!