21.
"What in Sith hells is going on in here?" Jolee stands in the entrance to the medical bay, eyes wild and mouth hanging partially open. "I just felt a huge surge of energy pass through the Force, something I haven't sensed since… Well, let's just say it's been a while."
Eyes still trained on Carth, Vann barely notices the older Force user's presence. The pilot only regained consciousness for a fraction of a second, just as the last of the healing energy flowed into his body and sealed the worst of his wounds. When the Force power dissipated, he slipped back into unconsciousness, though this sleep seems more serene than the deathly stillness that overtook him during the Ebon Hawk's chaotic takeoff.
"If you are here, who is flying the ship?" Juhani asks accusingly, head whipping around to stare at the figure in the doorway.
Taking a step into the bay, Jolee shrugs innocently. "Oh, just Mission."
"What!?" Growling in horror Zaalbar leaps towards the entryway, poised to run to the bridge and assist his friend.
"…With a good deal of help from the autopilot and Canderous. What kind of fool do you think I am?" Crossing his arms over his chest, Jolee shakes his head as the Wookiee skids to a sheepish halt in the middle of the room. "Now, can someone please tell me what's going on before I drop dead from old age?"
"I, uh, I think I just saved Carth's life." Briefly shifting his gaze away from his unconscious companion, Vann stares down at his hands. They don't appear any different from earlier, even as they tingle with the white-hot energy that was streaming through them only moments before. It's unlike the cold fizzle that Force lightning leaves behind, though it's no more pleasant.
Brusquely pushing past the rest of his crewmates, Jolee hurries over to where the pilot is lying. His eyes instantly notice to the burn mark marring the other man's shirt, and he quickly lifts the material and begins examining the wound with practiced efficiency. Occasionally he makes a soft humming sound, the noise equal parts fascinated and disbelieving. "Looks like he took quite a hit," he muses.
Vann nods weakly. "It was at least two lightsaber wounds… Really bad ones."
Completing his cursory examination, Jolee lets out a low whistle as he turns to look at the mercenary. "Well, he's going to be sore for a while, and this wound will take some time to heal completely. But if that surge of energy was from you sealing his organs back inside… We can both agree that Carth is one lucky man."
"Kriffing hells, I still can't believe that it actually worked." A sigh of relief passes through Vann, and his entire body sags as his worst fears are alleviated. At the same time, he begins to feel the aches and pains in his own body, combined with a bone-deep weariness that he's been fighting for what feels like days.
"How did you do that? How are you capable of that type of healing?" Juhani's brow furrows as she turns to stare at the mercenary, wonder etched across her features. "Even the most skilled healers in the Jedi Order would struggle to heal a wound of that magnitude."
Eyes acknowledging the younger man's exhausted expression, Jolee mutters, "Looks to me like he struggled quite a bit."
Drawing a ragged breath, Vann forces out, "I'm fine…"
"No, you're not," Jolee counters with a snort.
"I'll be fine after I get some sleep," Vann amends, though even that still feels like a lie. Struggling to keep the fatigue from his voice, he informs the Cathar, "And just so you know, I've healed someone before. I revived Bastila, back on Taris…" The rest of the words trail off, catching painfully in his throat as he's forced to remember exactly whose lightsaber almost killed Carth.
"Speaking of Bastila, what happened on the Leviathan?" Eyes narrowing, Jolee stares at the younger man for several moments, realization beginning to settle around him before he even receives an answer. "Where is she now?"
"While they were boarding, Vann said that Bastila turned on him and Carth," Juhani summarizes before quickly pressing her lips into a thin line.
"She betrayed all of us and tried to kill Carth," the mercenary spits out, anger suddenly flaring in his gut before fizzling out just as quickly. "Actually, is it even a betrayal if she was working against us the entire time? Either way, she made her choice and stayed on the Leviathan with her kriffing 'master.'"
"I still do not believe that Bastila would turn on you like that, Vann." Zaalbar shakes his shaggy head, eyes full of confusion as he looks at his friend. "She seemed genuinely dedicated to your cause."
"Hate to tell you this buddy, but she lied." The mercenary feels a slight pang of regret when he sees the look of hurt that passes over the Wookiee's face. His voice softens as he adds, "She lied to all of us."
With a desperate trill, Zaalbar pleads, "But she helped to free my people…"
"Liars like her and Malak are good at convincing everyone else that they're honest." Visions of Revan's innumerable deceptions flash through Vann's mind, and he can't help the shudder that runs down his spine. The feeling of guilt is magnified as he practically whispers, "I should know. I'm a damn talented liar myself."
Jolee's tone is remarkably flat as he asks, "So, does that mean you're planning to betray us next?"
Malak's words echo forebodingly within Vann's head. You fell, Revan. Long before I did. Accompanying this confession are the threads of memory that he's managed to regain, most of them illuminated by the flash of lightsabers and set to the dying screams of his multitude of victims. You fell to your arrogance and your anger. His increasingly frequent bouts of rage-fueled violence now flash before his eyes, and he suddenly begins to wonder just how close he's come to turning on his crew, just like Revan turned on the Republic. Just as you're so very close to falling now. The warning screams through his brain and he feels the blood drain from his face, his chest tightening with anxiety.
"Vann, what is wrong?" Juhani's voice is laced with concern as she steps towards him, reaching out to offer her forearm as support. "You look quite pale. Come, sit down."
"I'd say it looks like he saw a ghost while he was on the Leviathan." A grim, knowing smirk plays on Jolee's lips. He arches an accusatory brow at the mercenary. "Any truth to that suspicion?"
Scoffing at the older Force user's words, Juhani scolds, "Don't be cryptic, old man. If you have a question about what transpired, simply ask it!"
Waving off the Cathar's assistance, Vann swallows hard before wearily stammering, "I… I'm really tired, and I have a lot to think about. I'll explain everything, I promise." Looking up at his companions, he can feel the desperation in his gaze as he begs them, "I just… I need some rest."
Nodding swiftly, Juhani moves to usher the rest of the crew out of the medical bay as she offers the mercenary a tense smile. "Of course. We will…"
A groan cuts the Cathar off before she can begin shooing the others out of the room. "Ugh. What… What happened?" Carth's dark eyes blink blearily as he speaks, his voice weak and slightly hoarse.
"Carth! Shit, you're awake!" Eyes once again fixed on the pilot, Vann feels some of the exhaustion leave his body as his friend returns to consciousness. "I didn't expect… Hells, I'm not sure what I expected."
"From the way Vann here tells it, Bastila tried to find out if you're resistant to plasma." Jolee chuckles darkly at his own humor. "Turns out you're not."
"I remember that part. What I mean is… ow!" Attempting to shift into a sitting position, Carth yelps as he aggravates the deep red scar that now marks his side. "Er, I mean, how? How am I here? How am I…"
"Still alive?" Juhani finishes. Gesturing to the mercenary, her tone is awed as she explains, "Vann used the Force to heal you. It was one of the most incredible displays of Force mastery I have ever seen."
Turning to stare at his friend, Carth's gaze is still foggy as he breathes, "Vann, is it true…?"
"Yeah. I healed you." Forcing what he hopes is an easy shrug, the mercenary quickly adds, "I'm not even sure how I did it, but…"
"That's not… I mean, is it true, what Malak said…" Shaking his head, Carth's voice is thick with disbelief as he asks, "Are you really Revan?"
For a moment, all Vann can do is stare in abject horror. He feels his jaw go slack in surprise, throat clicking dryly as he attempts, and then fails, to formulate anything resembling an intelligent response. But shock renders him mute, and all he can think about is the fact that he's vaguely regretting saving his friend's life.
Apparently ignoring the lack of response, Carth continues, "It's just, if you are… We deserve to know."
Still blinking back his astonishment, Vann jerks his head up and braces himself for the onslaught of questions from the rest of the crew. But all three remain silent. "What?" he demands, "Aren't you are going to ask if he's hallucinating or something?"
Juhani swallows audibly, eyes instantly dropping to the floor as she balls her hands into fists at her sides. Her gaze briefly darts to Jolee, who is only doing a marginally better job at faking his own nonchalance. Exhaling loudly, the older man quickly shuffles towards the medical bay entryway while announcing, "Maybe I should go and check on Mission…"
Grasping the older Force user by the forearm, Juhani squeezes hard as she hauls him back towards the examining table. "Don't you dare!" she hisses. Turning to Vann, her expression vacillates between shame and sorrows as she stutters, "You see I… We knew…"
"You're joking, right?" Body growing slightly numb from the furious swirl of emotions that's currently coursing through his system, the mercenary reaches out his Force awareness to examine his companions' signatures. Their guilt is notably bright around them, though the chill of regret belongs to the Cathar alone. He can feel his outrage mounting as he shouts, "You both knew?"
"Of course I knew! I practically told you as much back on Kashyyyk." Jolee rolls his eyes, grumbling under his breath, "It's not my fault if nobody listens to an old man."
"So, it's true." Carth slowly closes his eyes, letting out a strained breath. "I didn't want to believe it…"
Narrowing his eyes, Vann jabs an accusing finger at the older Force user. "You said that you knew me better than I thought. You never said anything about Revan or my life before I lost my memories!"
Waggling his eyebrows, Jolee drawls, "Didn't I?"
Obviously sensing the mercenary's mounting frustrations, Juhani's voice raises an octave as she quickly states, "I personally did not know who you were until Manaan!" Her eyes dart between the other Force users as she explains, "While under the sway of Shasa's powers you were, well, you were answering to the name Revan."
"Wait, I did what?" Groaning, Vann scrubs both hands across his face. "So, you both knew? And you didn't tell me?"
"It wasn't our place to say, kid." Jolee offers the younger man a half-smile. "And, to be honest, I was hoping that you'd rediscover your identity on your own terms."
Growling low in her throat, Juhani snarls, "I would have told you if I had known it would spare you the pain of learning the truth from Malak."
Turning to study the mercenary, Carth's tone is surprisingly gentle as he says, "Vann, you… you need to tell everyone else. You know that, right?"
"Yeah." Exhaling heavily, the mercenary leans one hip against the medical bay table as he moves to rub the scar that bisects his abdomen. Arching a brow at the silent Wookiee, he asks, "What about you, Zaalbar? How do you feel about all of this? Or did you also know that I'm actually Revan?"
Shaking his head, the Wookiee growls thoughtfully. "I do not know anything about your past, Vann. Nor do I care." Inclining his head towards the smaller figure, he continues, "It does not matter to me what name you went by previously. I only judge you by the strength of your deeds."
Biting back another groan, the mercenary winces as a fresh stab of guilt sits heavy in his gut. "Yeah, well, you might want to hold off on that judgment…"
"So, you'll tell the rest of the crew?" Carth's gaze is surprisingly intense for someone who was recently on the brink of death.
"Yes!" Vann can hear the strain in his own voice, his legs shaking slightly from sheer exhaustion. "Just… just let me get a few hours of sleep first. Please?"
A faint smile plays on the pilot's lips as he leans his head back. "Sure. I guess you've earned that much."
"Go and get some sleep in the crew quarters," Juhani orders. "We'll make sure Carth is alright."
Nodding to the Cathar in gratitude, Vann stumbles exhaustedly towards the medical bay's entrance. When he reaches the doorway, he pauses, peering over his shoulder to catch the pilot's gaze. With a thin smirk, he quips, "Can you at least try not to get yourself killed while I'm asleep?"
Chuckling softly, Carth murmurs, "Sorry, I can't make any promises like that."
"So, what's with the big meeting, V-Man?" Mission is perched at the edge of the table in the main hold, legs kicking through the air.
"Is this about Bastila?" Canderous's expression is thunderous as he glares around the room. "Because nobody will give me a straight answer about why she's not on this ship."
"This is about… a lot of things." Drawing a deep breath, Vann glares at the empty mug of caf clutched in his hands. He supposedly slept for 12 straight hours, though he's convinced that the crew set all the clocks forward while he was asleep. Because it sure as hells feels like he laid down about ten minutes ago.
With a sympathetic sigh, Carth holds out his own mug of steaming liquid. He's currently slouched in one of the hold's seats, a blanket over his lap and his jacket slung unevenly across his shoulders. A series of bandages is wrapped around his torso, though whether they're necessary or precautionary has yet to be explained. "I'm still not sure why the droids need to be here," he mutters, casting a suspicious glance towards HK-47.
Snatching the mug up, Vann immediately discovers that it contains some form of tea that is significantly less caffeinated than his body requires. He gulps it down anyway. "They're here," he says between swallows, "Because they're also part of the crew."
"Mockery: Oh master, it delights me to be counted among the inadequate meatbags that compose the crew of this vessel." The droid sighs dramatically before adding, "If you should decide not to count me among their number, I would be most appreciative."
Beeping merrily, T3-M4 rolls to a stop a meter away, head tilting from side to side. A moment later Mission grins. "Well, at least Tee-Three is happy to be included in this. Whatever this is."
"Yeah," Canderous snaps irritably. "Cut the crap and tell us why we're here."
"You're here," Vann begins, setting both empty mugs on the table, "Because a few things happened on the Leviathan."
Expression grim, Carth glares at the Mandalorian as he gestures to his bandages. "For one thing, your best friend Bastila tried to kill me. Which would be the main reason she is not currently on the Hawk."
"Well, what did you do to deserve it?" Snorting derisively, Canderous glares down at the pilot as he crosses both arms over his broad chest.
Scoffing at the other man's anger, Carth's tone is defensive as he insists, "I didn't do anything!"
"Technically, you tried to prevent her from running in and pledging her undying allegiance to Malak," Vann comments dryly. "So, you did something."
"She was probably mind-tricked! You know how the Jedi work." Glancing angrily between the pilot and the mercenary, Canderous growls in frustration.
Shaking his head vehemently, Carth winces when the action pulls at his side. "She wasn't mind-tricked. But she did try to pull one of those on me. And when it didn't work…" He mimes a stabbing motion. "Bam! Straight in my gut."
"I fought side-by-side with Bastila in one of the messiest battles I've ever experienced. You get to know a person after a fight like that." Jerking his chin defiantly upwards, Canderous states, "She has honor. She wouldn't turn on her allies like that, not without a good reason."
"I said the same thing!" Zaalbar trills worriedly, even though the Mandalorian doesn't speak Shyriiwook. "I had trouble believing that she would turn on her companions. But Vann swears…"
"I swear that she had a good reason," the mercenary finishes with a sigh. "The reason is that she was loyal to Malak the entire time. Unquestioningly so." Watching the Mandalorian closely, he explains, "She was using you, Canderous. To get to the rest of your people. That story about defecting from the Republic? All a lie."
Narrowing his eyes at the mercenary, the Mandalorian glares accusingly at the other man. "I like you Vann, but that doesn't mean I trust you. I've seen you talk your way out of more than one situation, and I bet you've got the same Force tricks that Malak does." His nostrils flare challengingly. "Who's to say that you're not the one who's lying? After all, you're the only one who came back from that ship fully conscious. Maybe you just didn't like Bastila trying to keep you in line…"
Biting back the desire to scream incoherently, Vann draws a steady breath as he meets Canderous's gaze. "Bastila. Betrayed. Us," he grits out. "And that's the truth."
"He is not lying," Juhani states solemnly. "I can sense his emotions in the Force, and they do not indicate deception." Bowing her head, she places one palm over her heart. "From one warrior to another, you have my word that I speak the truth. I swear it upon my honor."
Sucking in a sharp breath at the Cathar's vow, Canderous takes a slow step back. His shoulders are tense as he eyes the rest of the crew, his arms dropping reflexively to his sides as though to reach for one of his many concealed knives. But he doesn't draw a weapon. "But why?" he finally demands, voice tense with rage. "Why would she be on that psychopath's side? Why would she lie to us all this time?"
"The dark side of the Force is pretty damn tempting. Why else would falling be such a risk?" Jolee offers. "And I'm sure Malak made a really good offer. Something that someone with Bastila's pride and arrogance wasn't able to refuse."
"The Jedi tried to change her, to force her into a mold." Vann rakes his fingers through his hair. "But Malak accepted her for what she was. He fed her darkness rather than fighting it."
"I get it! You think Malak made the better offer," Canderous growls. "That doesn't mean I have to like this. And honestly, I'm not even kriffing sure I believe all of this!" He clenches his jaw, exhaling heavily as anger swells and roils around him. "But you still haven't answered my damn questions! Why did she lie all this time? Why us?"
With a sardonic smile, Vann points at the Mandalorian. "Originally, she wanted to trick you. She claimed that if she earned your trust, you'd lead her to the remaining groups of Mandalorians. Her and Malak were planning to wipe out your people once and for all."
"Ha!" Barking out a humorless laugh, Canderous straightens. "Shows how little the Republic knows. No single Mandalorian has the locations of all the remaining loyalists. It's a tactical measure to ensure that my people will always survive."
Lips tugging into a thoughtful frown, Mission looks between the adults. "But it's not like we've been looking for Mandalorians! From what you've told me, we're trying to find some old map."
"Yeah, Vann," Carth taunts, his tone caught between threatening and playful. "Why don't you explain that part?"
Rubbing his palm over his eyes, the mercenary tries to ignore the ire in his friend's voice. "Let's just say that they discovered something more important than the Mandalorians."
"And that something would be…" Carth prompts impatiently.
"Me!" Vann snaps. "The found me, and decided that I was their new project, okay?"
"You?" Coughing out a harsh laugh, Canderous's brows knit in contemplation. "I knew the fact that you were a kriffing Jedi would come back to bite us in the ass!"
At least this time Vann manages to keep his jaw shut. However, he can't stop himself from blinking in disbelief as he peers at the Mandalorian, and then at the rest of the crew. Both Force users are observing the scene with feigned disinterest, while Carth continues to watch him with a sharp look of accusation. Mission, however, seems to be doing her best to seem interested in everything but the current proceedings. Throwing his hands up in sheer frustration, he asks, "How the hells does everyone know more about my past than I do?!"
Wincing at the mercenary's exasperated tone, the Twi'lek forces a faint smile. "I'm so sorry V-Man, but Juhani told me not to say anything! You see, I found this picture and, well…" Wrinkling her nose at the Cathar, she declares, "She's scary when she wants to be! So, I didn't tell you, even though I really wanted to."
"Some of that little escapade came out on Kashyyyk while you were still in the Shadowlands," Canderous describes. "And honestly, that's about all I know. You were a Jedi, and now you're not. Seems to describe half the people in this damn room."
"Oh, there's more to it," Carth assures the crew, his tone managing to be simultaneously dry and scathing. "Why don't you tell them which Jedi you were?"
"Wait, were you some big-name hero during the war or something?" Mission's eyes grow wide and she leans forward, hand resting on her knees. "Man, this is something from a holodrama! A war hero who loses his memory…"
Letting out a sigh that sounds more like a growl, Canderous eyes the mercenary suspiciously. "Were you at least a true disciple of Revan?" He levels his gaze, expression cool even as irritation simmers around him. "Or were you just another pawn of that damned Council?"
"I, well…" Vann stutters awkwardly.
"Tell them, Vann," Carth urges, words growing steadily more annoyed.
"It is not a truth to be ashamed of," Juhani reassures him, the attempt at comfort a bright point of warmth all around her.
Still harboring obvious suspicion, Canderous snarls, "Yeah, Vann. Tell us the truth already."
"V-Man, what's wrong?" Mission's gaze is imploring as she turns to watch the Human.
"The truth'll set you free, kid," Jolee mutters.
The voices of the crew meld into one overwhelming wave of emotion that washes over Vann, nearly drowning him with its sheer intensity. He can feel the anger and apprehension, the pride and the worry. But none of it compares to the cold, sharp fear that's settled over his own mind, surging like a frigid tempest beneath his skin. Images of his past flash across his vision, dark and foreboding. An ominous reminder that he fell, and a warning that it could happen again at any moment. He was a failed Jedi, and the ruin of the Republic. He was…
Slamming his palm against his chest, Vann blurts out, "I was… I am… I'm Revan, okay? I'm Revan!" The confession seems to break some type of dam, and he doesn't wait to witness the astonishment and anger of the rest of the crew before continuing, "I'm Revan. But I'm not the man that you thought I was. I'm… I… I've killed people, a lot of people. Some of them innocent. I've burned cities and sacked towns without regard to lives. I've destroyed families…" At this he turns to look at Carth, sorrow heavy in his voice. "I'm not a Republic hero or a courageous Knight. I… I fell, okay? It wasn't Malak who fell first, it was me. And I dragged him and Bastila down in my wake." The words are pouring out now, and with each syllable spoken a new load of guilt lands heavy upon his shoulders. He feels like he's going to fall over from the burden of it.
Pointing angrily towards the space beyond the ship's hull, Vann's voice wavers as he admits, "The Republic turning into complete bantha shit? That's all me. Malak built everything out there according to Revan… according to my vision. I'm responsible for the nightmare that the galaxy has become." He turns to look at his crew, voice cracking from emotion. "I'm the reason that your people were humiliated, Canderous. And Carth? I'm the reason that your home was destroyed. Yours too, Mission. Zaalbar? My dream for the Republic has enabled Czerka to flourish." He pauses as his eyes fall on Juhani, a new memory flashing through his mind. He sees a bloodied beach on a distant planet, waves lapping around his legs as he holds up a familiar metal mask and receives a vision of devastation. Hanging his head, he quietly admits, "I couldn't save the Cathar from being decimated. I was too late… Just like I'm too late to save the Republic.
"And do you know the funniest part?" As Vann looks back up he can feel the hysteria creeping into his words, manic laughter bubbling in his chest and threatening to spill forth as he speaks. "I don't remember most of it! I know I was a killer, and I know that I didn't feel a whole lot of remorse about it. But I don't remember setting the groundwork for Malak's fascist regime. Or laying out the plans for orbital bombardments. Or even stripping my defeated enemies of their last shreds of dignity." He jabs his thumb into his solar plexus. "But that sounds like something Revan… that I would do, right? You know me. You've seen what I'm capable of with a crew and a ship and a couple of lightsabers. Imagine how bad it would be if I had an entire kriffing navy at my disposal!"
"Revan humiliated us because he won." Canderous's tone is forceful as he interrupts the mercenary's self-deprecating tirade, brokering no room for argument. "Yeah, it hurt to watch our beskad, beskar'gam, and bes'uliik destroyed. But we understood. The Revanchists earned the right to burn our weapons and armor because they beat us. Revan was the better tactician and the better warrior. He earned his victory."
"He… I… didn't earn anything." Vann can feel himself staring back at the Mandalorian, even as his mind loops in circles of remorse and rage. "All I did, all I do is ruin everything in my path. I didn't fix anything during the war, and I sure as hells can't fix things now." His head drops. "I'm sorry, but I can't stop Malak." His fingers trace the scar again. "Apparently, I never could."
Carth's tone lacks its former irritation as he cautiously asks, "So, what's your plan?"
Shrugging, Vann sighs heavily. "Drop me at the nearest inhabited planet, I guess. I can get myself to where I need to go, and you can all go back to yo…"
The punch to the left side of his jaw is a complete surprise, and he has no opportunity to dodge out of the way. Forced to take the full might of the blow, his head jerks violently to the side as his entire skull rings from the impact. Stumbling backward, it's his survival instinct that makes him put his fists up, body ready for a fight that his mind has yet to register. The metallic taste of blood fills his mouth, salty and bitter, and he spits a stream of crimson onto the durasteel floor. The hand that claps him hard on his shoulder almost causes him to lash out in retaliation, but the firm, constant pressure temporarily unbalances him. He looks up, blood dribbling down his chin.
"Shut the hells up and listen for one kriffing minute, would you?" Canderous glares down at the shorter man, using his additional height to his advantage. "Revan was one of the greatest warriors the Mandalorians ever faced. And he gave us exactly what we were promised, a war that would go down in history and be talked about for ages to come."
"But you lost…" Vann mumbles.
Shaking his head, Canderous smiles grimly. "It's not about winning and losing. It's about fighting. You have to fight for what you believe in! Revan knew that, and I respected Revan with every bone in my body."
"So did Bastila," Vann remarks, voice dripping with irony.
"As she should." Juhani takes a step closer, head canting thoughtfully to the side. "Revan may not have been the perfect Jedi, but he was a good man. Perhaps he could not save my people from the sea, but he did rescue me from a fate worse than death." She bows deeply at the waist, her long ponytail falling in a curtain about her face. "You saved my life, Revan. More than once. For that, you have earned my gratitude, and my loyalty."
Slipping off the table, Mission takes a few tentative strides towards the mercenary. "You didn't destroy Taris," she whispers, her voice wobbling slightly. "That was all Malak. You tried to save us. I saw it!" A mixture of emotions bubbles up around her, and unshed tears shine in her eyes. "So what if you did some bad stuff during the war? That's what war does to people! It brings out the worst in everyone!" Sniffling loudly, she angrily swipes the top of her glove across her face. "V-Man, you've always done right by me. And in my book, that's what matters!"
"Mission speaks with a great deal of wisdom for one so young," Zaalbar declares. "Vann, you saved my people from slavery. And you helped us to fight back against our oppressors. Without you, Kashyyyk would still be overrun by slavers," he trills, tone earnest. "Even if you supported Czerka in the past, you fought them in the present. And in my eyes, that deed is far more important than anything you did previously. To me, you are a hero."
"If I were you, I'd listen to those four," Jolee warns with a smug grin. "They seem to know what they're talking about, and at least one of them packs one hells of a punch." He leans in a little closer, lowering his voice to a false conspiratorial whisper. "And take it from an old man who's seen too much. There's always two sides to every story. If you can find the rest of your scattered mind, you might realize that, too."
Juhani sucks in a sharp breath. "Do you know something else, then? Perhaps you should say it now, while we are all making our confessions."
"It's nothing that I'm sure of, and certainly nothing that I want to be putting into the kid's head!" He scowls deeply. "He's got enough nonsense floating around in there untethered." There's a secretive note to his voice when he adds, "But if he can get his memories back, he might just find something useful buried in there."
"Query: Master, are these meatbag sentiments really providing you with any comfort? Back when you first built me, killing threats to the Republic brought you a great deal of joy." HK-47's eyes glow just a bit brighter as he speaks. "Observation: Perhaps you will fully return to your former self if you utilize my original assassination protocols. You did design them, after all."
Reaching up to wipe the blood from his lips, Vann struggles to process the words of his crewmates. Each profession of loyalty seems more surreal than the last, though they provide him with a sense of warmth and acceptance that he hasn't experienced since crawling from the crash site over three years ago. For a fleeting moment, he believes that he's actually redeemable. At least, until the droid's words cut through the swell of positive emotions. "Wait… what did you say H-Kay?" Moving closer to the red metal figure, he furrows his brows. "Did you say that I built you?"
"Explanation: Indeed, Master. It seems that my backup memory was programmed to be restored upon receiving verbal clarification from my original builder that I am back in his possession. Namely, by using the words 'I am Revan,' spoken in his unique vocal pattern." HK-47 nods almost magnanimously to the mercenary. "Your neural patterns are also a match for my records, though with some understandable differences. Statement: You are the Jedi Knight Revan and my original creator."
"Wow, this really is like a holodrama!" Mission exclaims excitedly. "I mean, what are the chances of that happening?"
"It's the will of the Force," Jolee intones mysteriously.
Grunting, Canderous insists, "Oh come on! You can't tell me that's not a little creepy."
"Revan… you… built that thing?" Carth sputters, apparently regaining his voice after several minutes of silence. "Now I really know that you were dark."
"Yeah, but at least it explains why he likes the damn droid so much." With a chuckle, Canderous turns to study HK-47.
Staring right back with his unblinking gaze, the assassin droid asks, "Query: Master, would you like me to shoot these meatbags for mocking you? I know that killing always greatly improves my mood."
"Nobody's killing anybody!" Shaking off the pain in his jaw, Vann gives the droid a stern stare. He swears that the fixed mechanical features somehow manage to pout in response. "And, uh, Carth? I know that you probably feel like I've been lying to you this whole time. It's not like I did it on purpose, but…" With a frustrated growl, he rubs his palm across his forehead. "What I'm trying to say is that, if you want to leave, I understand."
Carth holds up a hand, instantly hushing his companion. "I'm not going anywhere." He pauses, gesturing to the bandages around his abdomen. "At least, not for a while."
"Right." Vann nods in acknowledgment, even as he swallows his own disappointment. He's still stunned that more of the crew don't want to flee as fast as the hyperdrive will carry them. "So, once you're healed…"
Shaking his head, Carth waves off the rest of the mercenary's words. "I just… I need time to think about all of this, okay? It's a lot to take in."
"Really?" Vann quips sarcastically. "I hadn't noticed."
"Just so you know, the sarcasm is not helping me to process all of this." Noting that the rest of the crew is listening to him curiously, Carth clarifies, "I always thought of Revan as a larger-than-life hero. The Jedi who convinced his entire Order to join the good fight. The soldier who won the war. The man who gave his life defending the Republic."
"And I'm exactly none of those things," Vann surmises with a disappointed snort. "I never have been, and I never will be." He tries to give the pilot an apologetic smile, but he can feel that the expression is more of a grimace. "You thought of Revan as a good person, and I'm… me."
Sighing heavily, Carth slowly shakes his head. "You're not a bad person, Vann. Some questionable tendencies? Sure. But… You're not a heartless monster. Not like Karath and Malak." His lips twist into a wistful frown. "You're fallible, just like the rest of us. You make mistakes, show some remarkably poor judgment, and have the ability to be incredibly annoying at times."
"What can I say, I do what I can for the greater good." Vann shrugs weakly, even as he tries to tamp down on the spark of hope fluttering in his chest. Casting an imploring glance at the pilot, he hesitantly asks, "So, are you sticking around?"
It's a long, tense moment before Carth finally responds. "I might as well. I get the feeling that we're both headed to the same place."
Bastila's voice echoes through Vann's mind. Her words reverberate off the raw, tattered remains of their bond, causing him to subconsciously wince as he mutters, "…Korriban."
"Yeah," Carth responds with an equal lack of enthusiasm. "Korriban."
"Why the hells would anybody want to go to that barren rock of a planet? Dreshdae is the only place worth visiting, and it's nothing but scoundrels and smugglers." Canderous shakes his head at the thought, though his expression is vaguely amused. "I'll have a good time there, but I don't know about the rest of you."
Juhani flinches with concern. "Quatra told me about Korriban once. It is… deeply connected to the dark side of the Force."
"That it is," Jolee agrees, tone neither pleased nor perturbed.
"Oh. Great." Carth rolls his eyes, sinking further back into his seat. "This is already going so much worse than I imagined."
"Carth's son is on Korriban, at Malak's personal academy," Vann quickly explains to the rest of the crew, his voice lowering as he cautiously adds, "It's also the location of the last piece of the Star Map."
Chuckling humorlessly Jolee concludes, "Somehow, I don't think that's a coincidence."
"Nothing is ever a kriffing coincidence with us!" Pinching the bridge of his nose, Vann closes his eyes as he groans, "And I'm betting that finding what we need is going to be a bigger pain in the ass than usual."
"We can keep posing as mercenaries and claim that we're looking for work. There're enough blasters for hire on Korriban that nobody'll give us a second look." Canderous's expression is pensive, and he nods slowly as he speaks. "I might even be able to shake down a few contacts for information while we're there."
"Yeah, but that won't help us with getting into the academy." Despite his obvious pain that laces his tone, there's a note of steel to Carth's words. "And that's the only place on Korriban that I want to be."
Juhani shakes her head, jaw clenching as she exhales heavily through her nose. "Trying to sneak into that academy is madness. From what we know, it is full of Force-sensitives who are loyal to Malak. You will only get yourself killed."
"Hey, I didn't say you have to come with me! But you also can't stop me from looking for Dustil." Carth glares defiantly at the Cathar.
"Carth, come on!" Scowling at the pilot, Mission gestures to the bandages around his abdomen. "You barely managed to survive one Force user. There's no way you can take on an entire school full of 'em!"
Staring at his crewmates in visible disbelief, Carth slowly shakes his head as he admonishes, "I can't believe all of you! This is my son we're talking about!"
Vann listens to the argument for a few more moments, feeling the words trickle and weave through the crew's myriad of emotions. His attention quickly drifts to Mission, and he watches as she fearlessly confronts the rest of her companions, gesturing emphatically with each point she makes. A few scattered ideas begin to form in the mercenary's mind, vague notions at first but quickly solidifying into the rough outlines of a plan. He chuckles to himself as one thought keeps circling around in his mind, ingenious in its absurdity.
"I uh, might have an idea," Vann calls out, momentarily silencing the debate raging around him "But it's pretty terrible." He's forced to swallow a laugh when he remembers that Revan is lauded as a master strategist.
"Ha!" Jolee coughs out. "Like we've had any other kind of idea recently?"
Heaving another sigh, Carth watches the mercenary curiously. "Alright. I'll bite. What's this plan of yours? But just so you know, I'm going into that academy with or without your help."
Shaking his head at the pilot's stubbornness, Vann chuckles to himself. "I'm going to help you, alright? It's just… You have to trust me." Casting an imploring gaze at the other man, he awaits a response.
With an aggravated grunt, Carth finally offers a curt nod of approval. "Just say what you're thinking. It can't be any worse than what happened on the Leviathan."
Confidence temporarily bolstered Vann turns to look at the Twi'lek, a faint smirk playing on his lips. "Hey Mission, how good are your acting skills?"
"A lightsaber is not like a vibroblade!" Juhani chides while nimbly stepping away from a strike aimed at her torso. "You do not have the weight of the blade to guide your hand. You must use the Force!"
"Which might be a problem, since the kid is about as Force-sensitive as a durasteel cube." Jolee chuckles a little as he looks on from the sidelines. "The real problem is that she's trying to let her arm do the work and not the burning hot plasma."
"Argh!" Angrily dropping both hands to her sides, Mission scowls at the Force users as she powers down the borrowed lightsaber she's clutching. "I'm never going to get this!"
"Not if you give up!" Lunging towards the younger woman, Juhani grasps the Twi'lek's wrist in her fist and tugs the lightsaber hilt back into an offensive position. "A true Jedi does not give up hope at the first sign of adversity."
Yanking her arm from the Cathar's grip, Mission powers the blade back up. "We've been at this for days, and I'm not getting any better." Awkwardly twirling her weapon, she adds, "And it's not like Vann wants me to pretend to be a Jedi. He wants me to be a, uh… Whatever the hells type of Force users Malak is training at his creepy academy!"
"A Sith," Jolee finishes, tone dark. At hearing a surprised gasp from the other Force user, he frowns as he explains, "Malak and his followers might not be calling themselves Sith, but they sure bear a lot of resemblance to Exar Kun and his lot."
Studying the Human curiously, Juhani asks, "You fought in that war?"
"Of course I did!" Squaring his shoulders, Jolee raises his head with a hint of pride. "At the time, we thought it was the war that would finally drive the Sith to extinction." He instantly deflates as a look of dejection passes over his features. "Shows how much we knew…"
Juhani seems poised to ask more questions, though the words die in her throat as she sees the defeat that sits heavy on the older Force user's shoulders. Instead, she merely says, "Quatra taught me some things about the Sith. Their ideals were different from her own, but she respected some of their beliefs."
Eyes narrowing, Jolee vehemently shakes his head. "There's nothing to respect about the Sith."
"Spoken like a true Jedi." A thin smile ghosts across Juhani's lips, and then quickly passes as she raises her lightsaber into a defensive stance. With a grim nod, she announces, "So, it is a Sith they want? Fine! A Sith I shall make you." Beckoning the Twi'lek closer using her free hand, she encourages, "Try the same exercise again but this time fight with passion, not logic."
"What, no worrying about defensive maneuvers and foot positioning?" Mission taunts back, even as she smirks in delight.
Juhani takes a step back, sending a small burst of energy through the Force. It's just enough to give the Twi'lek a mild shove to her left shoulder. The push isn't enough to unbalance her, but it's still an irritating gesture. "It was a mistake to listen to the old man and try to teach you Soresu. After all, that form encompasses the beliefs of the Jedi."
Scoffing defensively, Jolee grumbles, "It's a good form! It won't do the kid any disservice, anyway."
"But she is right. She is not pretending to be a Jedi." Juhani doesn't have time to say anything else before Mission is charging her, borrowed lightsaber flashing bright violet as she makes a powerful, two-handed swing at her opponent.
The attack is blocked easily enough, but the sheer ferocity obviously jars the Cathar's arms in the process. The next two slashes are parried with similar ease, the lightsabers humming and sizzling each time they make contact despite their low power settings. Mission's face twists into an expression of determination as she continues to hack away at the space around Juhani, grunting and growling each time she swings her borrowed blade.
Despite deflecting her opponent's attacks with relative ease, Juhani looks pleased. "Good work," she hisses as she diverts a stab driven towards her chest. "Use your emotions to fuel your attacks!" Parrying a slash to her face, she uses the momentum of the blow to push the Twi'lek back as she adopts a more offensive stance. "And when you block my attacks, use the force of my movements against me, as I just did. Turn your defense into offense. Drive me back!"
As Juhani dives forward with a series of simple, yet powerful strikes aimed at her opponent's midsection, Mission flinches and freezes for a moment. She barely manages to block the first slash, wincing as the blades clash only centimeters from her face. "I still don't think I get this," she admits, using both hands to hold her lightsaber as she diverts two more hits in quick succession. Adjusting her footing, she manages to catch another strike with the middle of her blade, grunting as she turns the simple maneuver into a true parry, managing to push the Cathar back for the first time in four days of training.
"I think you might be understanding more than you realize," Jolee states with a grin. "Listen to your instincts, kid. You already knew to keep your footwork defensive. Now just let her come to you. And let the blade do some of the work for you."
Brow furrowing in concentration, Mission carefully tracks the Cathar's continued assault, the crimson lightsaber whirling and hissing with increased speed. The smaller Twi'lek keeps standing her ground, feet planted and arms moving in smooth arcs as she blocks each blow aimed at her. It's only every third or fourth strike that she manages a true parry, but it's more progress than she's made in at least a day. One particularly brutal hit is driven back with such efficiency that Juhani stumbles a bit, surprise and delight evident on her face.
"Excellent!" Jolee calls excitedly. "Don't let up, kid! You have her on the ropes."
Eyes shining with resolve, Mission adjusts her footwork into a more aggressive stance, remaining in place as she begins to combine her blocking with secondary attacks. It's not the most graceful technique, but what she lacks in finesse she compensates for with her sheer ferocity. Having dueled Juhani in the past, Vann feels safe in assessing that the Cathar could wipe the floor with her students if she chose. But it's still a remarkably good showing for the Twi'lek, who's only had half a week of real training. He smirks a little from his hiding place in the corner of the workshop, the spacious room recently converted into an impromptu training ring. Well, he thinks to himself, Time to practice my part in this whole mess. Reaching into his pocket, he retrieves his commlink and glances over at where HK-47 is resting in low power mode.
"I think I'm finally getting it!" Mission shouts as she manages to parry two attacks in a row. Using her smaller stature to her advantage, she goes in low and delivers a quick slash towards Juhani's side. The unexpected strike isn't blocked in time, and the slight burn that the blade causes is enough to make the Cathar jump back with a start. On such a low power setting the lightsabers won't cause any permanent damage, but a hit definitely stings.
Seeing the Cathar's guard momentary drop, Vann presses a button on his communicator and sends a message directly to HK-47. The droid's eyes light up as he receives the communication and he lets out a word in Shyriiwook, the singular growl low enough to be mistaken for any number of creaks or groans. But it's sufficient for Mission's delicate lekku to detect, and she immediately extends her off-hand in a pantomime of a Force user pushing their opponent down with a blast of energy. An instant later a wave of Force power flows forth, knocking Juhani flat on her back as she gasps in shock.
Drawing his own arm back towards his body, Vann chuckles as he drops the Force camouflage that was wrapped around his form while simultaneously turning off his stealth field generator. As he fades back into view he announces, "I'd say that looked pretty realistic."
"Vann!" Juhani shouts as she leaps back to her feet, powering down her lightsaber as she regains her footing. "I did not know you were in here."
"That would be the point of this entire exercise," he comments dryly.
Nodding approvingly, Jolee steps towards the younger man. "Not bad, kid. Not bad at all." He points towards the nearest wall. "I have to admit, I did sense your presence a bit, but it was so faint that I assumed you were on the other side of the ship."
"And I did not sense you at all. Not until the end, at least." She smiles sheepishly, rubbing one hip as she clips her lightsaber back onto her belt.
"I don't know what the hells you're all talking about, but that was pretty kriffing awesome!" Mission beams as she looks down at her hand, as though marveling at the Force power that she didn't actually produce. Straightening, she quickly powers down her lightsaber before offering the hilt to the mercenary. "Uh, did you want this back?"
Shaking his head, Vann tells the Twi'lek, "Hold onto it for now. You'll need it on Korriban. And besides, I still have my, err…" He taps the scuffed hilt hanging at his hip. "My old 'saber," he finally finishes, refusing to acknowledge that the weapon was originally made by Revan.
Fumbling a bit as she attaches the borrowed lightsaber to her belt, Mission looks up at the assembled Force users. "So," she asks, "Do you think that was believable enough? Do you think those assholes on Korriban will believe that I have the Force?" She wiggles her fingers a little for emphasis.
"Not if you keep saying it like that…" Jolee rolls his eyes good-naturedly at the Twi'lek before humming softly in consideration. "But you know, I think this might just work. To nobody's surprise, Vann's pretty good at hiding himself in the Force."
"Any lingering traces of his Force signature will seem to be coming from Mission, or so we can hope." Looking thoughtful, Juhani studies the younger woman for a long moment. "Though, aside from when he uses his powers, his signature is quite faint."
"That's a good thing," Vann corrects. "We don't want her to seem too powerful. This all falls apart if someone sees her as a threat, or starts asking too many questions."
Putting her hands on her hips, Mission looks at the adults. "Lemme just see if I have this plan correct?" she asks them. "I go into this academy pretending to be a Jedi reject looking for more training. Like, I wasn't good enough to be a Jedi, but I'm hoping Malak'll accept me?"
"This is one of those situations where repeating the plan out loud is going to sound really awful, isn't it?" Vann winces as the Twi'lek begins to run through their current tactics.
Waving a dismissive hand, Mission grins with false bravado. "Don't worry V-Man, I've got this!" She glances at the other Force users as she confirms, "So, assuming they let me in along with H-Kay, who's posing as my personal droid, I look for Carth's son?"
"Yes, you are to look for Dustil," Juhani nods in affirmation. "Once you find him, you should assess his situation and see if there is a way to get him out of the academy relatively safely."
"Don't worry," Vann offers, giving the Twi'lek a weak smile. "I'll be with you the entire time. You just, uh, won't be able to see me."
"Hopefully nobody will be able to see you," Jolee corrects.
"Yep," Vann says with a sigh as he pats the stealth unit he's wearing. "That's also what I'm hoping." Glancing over at the droid still standing in uncharacteristic silence towards the back of the room, he continues, "Anything I need to tell you will be passed through H-Kay. He'll use Shyriiwook since there's a good chance nobody else will speak it."
"Confirmation: Yes, Master. I am positive that a superior combat-enabled assassin droid such as myself is best used as a walking translator and comm system." Red eyes dimming, HK-47 shakes his head. "Do you have any other menial tasks for me that do not utilize my primary functions?"
Sighing at the droid's words, Vann gives him a half-smile. "Cheer-up, H-Kay. Your other assignment is to protect Mission against anyone who tries to hurt her. So, that should be fun for you, right?"
Tone becoming more sinister, the droid agrees, "Assessment: Yes, Master. I do hope that there are multiple attempts made to harm this small meatbag, as I will greatly enjoy eliminating any threats to her."
"Uh, thanks, buddy?" Mission manages to squeak, looking equal parts pleased and disturbed. "Glad to have you at my back."
"Statement: I am not looking forward to protecting your life. I am merely anticipating the joy of killing many incompetent meatbags." HK-47 shrugs a little. "If it weren't for my programming, you would just be another target to me."
"Thank the Force for that programming," Jolee grumbles as he glares at the droid from the corner of his eye.
"Anyway," Vann says loudly, attempting to curtail any further comments about his droid, "Mission, if you need to 'demonstrate' any Force powers, I'll perform them for you. You just need to listen for a command from H-Kay, and then hold your arms out like we practiced earlier, okay?"
Nodding, Mission glances between the droid and the mercenary. "Yup. I got it, V-Man."
"Alright." Vann briefly studies the commlink still resting in his palm, eventually nodding to himself as he presses a button. An instant later, HK-47 growls out another word in Shyriiwook. In response, the Twi'lek moves both arms upwards, as though lifting an object through the Force. "Good," the mercenary approves. "Try this one." Inputting a different preprogrammed command, he listens for the telltale roar.
Mission's eyes go a little wide when she hears this word but she dutifully lifts up one hand, clenching her fingers in a choking motion as her expression turns more serious. "Is this okay?" she asks.
"You're going to make it look like she can choke people?" Jolee arches a concerned brow. "You sure that's a good idea?"
"It's Malak's academy," Vann explains. "They might not think she's worthy of training unless she has some connection to the dark side of the Force."
Rubbing her hands together excitedly, Mission grins. "So, what else can you make it look like I can do? Can you make me run really fast or something?"
Frowning amusedly, Vann shakes his head. "Nope, sorry. The only things I can make it seem like you're doing are the three I already taught you. Push, lift, and choke."
"Aw, no lightning?" Mission pouts.
Vann shrugs apologetically. "No lightning."
"That's probably a good thing," Jolee grumbles.
With a solemn nod, Juhani turns an assessing gaze onto the Twi'lek. "If she is only supposed to be a failed Initiate, those three techniques should be enough. After all, not every Jedi is as gifted in the Force as Rev… as Vann is."
Biting his tongue upon hearing the slip, the mercenary grits out, "Yeah, let's hope it's enough."
"So, just to make sure I've got this straight," Mission says, ticking off points on her fingers, "H-Kay and I go in, with me pretending to be a Jedi reject. Once I'm inside, I look for Carth's son." She looks around the room, only continuing after she notes some nods of confirmation. "If they ask me what I can do, Vann'll help me fake it. And if I have to fight someone off…"
"Statement: I am always glad to shoot an inferior specimen," HK-47 offers.
"Or I can use this." With a flourish, Mission draws the lightsaber from her belt, thumbing the blade on and brandishing the weapon with a twirl.
"Not without more practice," Juhani chides, calling her own lightsaber into her palm and igniting the blade with a mere flick of her finger. With both weapons humming in the air, she beckons the Twi'lek closer. "Now try again. But this time, hold you ground the entire fight."
Sighing heavily, Mission complies as she falls into a defensive stance. "Okay," she states, voice steady with determination. "Let's do this."
As the pair come together in their sparring session, Vann smirks to himself. A moment later he takes a step back, drawing the Force around his body as he slips into the shadows.
"I thought I'd find you sulking in here." Carth arches a brow as he pauses in the doorway of one of the Ebon Hawk's smaller cargo holds.
Vann looks up from where he's sitting on the floor of the hold, knees curled up to his chest. "What are you talking about? I don't sulk."
Chuckling softly, Carth slowly strides into the room. "You definitely sulk, especially when you're worried."
"I'm not worried!" Frowning at the pilot, Vann does his best not to sound petulant as he lists the current state of their plans. "Mission is as trained as we can hope for, Canderous is already contacting people in Dreshdae, and H-Kay is as compliant as I can convince him to be."
Sitting down beside the mercenary, Carth forces a thin smile. Playfully nudging the other man with his shoulder, his tone is strained as he admits, "It's okay to be worried. I'm worried."
"Why?" Vann snaps, only to wince apologetically. Swallowing, he tries to keep his voice light as he points out, "I mean, you should be pretty safe walking around the colony with Juhani and Zaalbar, trying to see what you can find out about the Star Map."
"And can I just mention, yet again, that I'm pissed none of you will let me anywhere near that academy?" Scowling, Carth presses his back against the wall of the hold, exhaling a deep sigh as he glares irritably at his companion.
"And can I say, yet again, that this is for your own damned good?" Vann stares pointedly at the pilot. As an afterthought, he adds, "And to keep Mission as safe as possible."
Sighing, Carth leans his head back as he scrubs one hand over his face. "I know this is for the best, okay? But that still doesn't mean I have to like it!" He falls silent for several long moments, eyes fixed on a nondescript point on the opposite wall. After a while, some of the tension seems to leach out of his shoulders. When he does speak again, his words are so soft they're barely audible. "I know I don't say this enough, but thank you."
Blinking in confusion, Vann cants his head towards the pilot. "Huh? For what?"
"For saving my life on more than one occasion." Expression solemn, Carth turns to meet his companion's gaze. However, a small grin tugs at one side of his mouth. "And for coming up with this ridiculous plan to go in and rescue my son."
"Oh. Well..." Shrugging one shoulder, Vann only holds the pilot's eyes for a moment before turning to stare at the floor. "I do the right thing every now and then."
"I, uh, I think you do the right thing more often than you give yourself credit for." Carth sighs sadly, head dropping a little. "And it's definitely more often than I give your credit for."
Unable to keep the scathing sarcasm from his voice, Vann turns to glare at the pilot. He can feel the anger and frustration simmering just beneath his skin, the emotions focused inward as he chastises his own actions. "Yeah, I did an excellent job fighting for a better world during the war." He makes a vague gesture towards the expanse beyond the ship's hull. "I think we all see how well my decision making went."
Carth shakes his head. "There's no way you could have predicted…"
"Apparently, I did!" Vann shouts back, eyes wide as he tracks his companion's reaction. "Everything that Malak built is based on my ideas for an ideal Republic."
"And you really think that Malak told you the whole truth?" Carth scoffs at the idea, brows furrowing as he demands, "Do you actually trust that psychopath?"
"I trust everyone in this entire kriffing galaxy more than I trust myself!" Vann admits before he can stop the confession from pouring forth. An instant later he snaps his mouth shut with an audible click, but it's too late.
Sucking in a sharp breath, Carth's expression grows deeply concerned as he tentatively asks, "Is this a new development? Or…?"
"I woke up after the crash with almost no memory. I didn't even know my own name." Vann stares at his hands as he recalls the incident, fingers slowly curling into fists. "I fumbled around trying to survive, and I made a life for myself… if you can call it that. But never really trusted my own thoughts or actions." He scoffs sardonically. "And it turns out that was the best decision I ever made."
Reaching out to place a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder, Carth's voice is gentle as he says, "Your instincts aren't all bad."
Shrugging off the gesture of support, Vann narrows his eyes. "My instincts are dark. I fell, Carth." Teeth clenched, he hisses out, "I fell, and I dragged two other Force users and the entire kriffing Republic down with me!"
"Yeah, and now you're trying to fix it!" Carth exclaims, throwing up his hands in frustration. "You didn't even know you had a hand in ruining the Republic when you volunteered to go on this inane mission for the Jedi."
"If I'd known…"
"Shut up for a second, would you?" Frowning at the other man, Carth waits until he sees his companion's lips press into a thin line. "You made some bad decisions, both as Revan and as Vann. We can all agree on that. But you're not all bad."
Casting an accusatory stare at his companion, Vann counters, "That's not what you were saying back on Tatooine. Or Kashyyyk."
Sighing heavily, Carth rubs the heel of his palm against one eye. "Maybe almost dying has given me a new perspective."
Vann snorts. "Ha! Now who sounds like a holodrama?"
"No, really!" Holding his hands up innocently, Carth explains, "Look, I don't pretend to know how the Force works. But from what I do understand, you can't even heal a scraped knee if you don't have some good in you. And from what Juhani told me, you practically brought me back from the dead."
Voice little more than a whisper, Vann murmurs, "I honestly wasn't sure it would even work."
Carth gestures to his side, pointing to the spot where the fresh scar lays beneath his clothing. "But it did work. Which means you did something good, right?"
Biting the inside of his cheek, Vann feels the answer to his companion's question catch in his throat. It's an admission that he's been repeatedly turning over in his mind and something that's embarrassing in its brutal honesty. Mainly because it says a few things that he's not entirely ready to give voice to. Letting out a sigh that's more of a growl, he begrudgingly explains, "All I did was, well… I thought about you."
Visibly puzzled, Carth lets out an eloquent, "Huh?"
"Yeah, that's right," Vann continues, jerking his chin upwards in a challenge. He can feel his heart hammering in his chest, though the embarrassment is beginning to burn away. "I thought about you, and your stupid coat, and your kriffing preachiness, and all of your complaining…"
With a sigh, Carth gestures for the other man to wrap-up this train of thought. "Please, flatter me some more."
"And I thought about your smile, and the way you laugh at the stupid jokes Mission makes even though you pretend not to. And the way that you try to look nonchalant when you're uncomfortable, just like you're doing right now." Noting the hint of pink creeping into the other man's cheeks Vann smirks, though his expression quickly sobers. "I thought about all of that. And then I thought about how I didn't want to lose you to Malak and Bastila. And then, well, you know the rest."
"Oh," Carth breathes out.
"Yeah, 'oh.' I healed you because you're, well, you." Vann gestures to the pilot's entire body, trying to remain casual even as doubt seeps into his tone. "I'm not sure I could do that again if I tried."
Lips twisting thoughtfully, Carth's words are a bit rushed as he recalls, "You healed Bastila back on Taris, and that was before you knew much about her."
"But there was a bond…" Vann begins, only to cut himself short a moment later. Realization rolls through him, cold and vicious, and he nearly yells, "Kriffing hells, the bond!"
"What?" Carth starts in alarm, watching the other man cautiously. "Is something the matter?"
Hurriedly shaking his head to dismiss the thought, Vann grumbles, "…No. It's nothing."
"How about telling the truth for once, Revan?" Carth says the last word with a fresh note of bitterness, casting an accusing glare at his companion.
Guilt sits heavy in Vann's gut as he grimaces at his former name. "Okay, fine!" he agrees, leaning in closer. The Padawan's words echo through his mind as he begins to speak, the silence of their mental connection still a yawning void within his head. "Back when we were fleeing the Leviathan, I thought I felt Bastila contact me through our Force bond."
"Shit. Well, what did she say?" Carth pauses here, looking both confused and worried. "If she can even say anything through… whatever it is that you have."
Vann draws a deep breath before stating, "She told me to go to Korriban."
"Bantha shit!" Carth actually recoils back a few centimeters, eyes growing wide with the implication. "Do you realize what this means? Going to Korriban is probably a trap! Knowing them, Bastila and Malak probably have some bigger plan…"
"Yeah," Vann drawls sarcastically. "That thought only crossed my mind a few dozen times."
"Why didn't you tell anyone else about this? We would have found a way for you to at least stay on the ship. I mean, they could be waiting to kill you!" Carth's voice rises in pitch as he yells over his friend, expression suddenly growing more concerned. "Or they could be planning something even worse."
"Like turning me completely to the dark side? Yeah, I thought of that too." Vann nods with exaggerated enthusiasm, rolling his eyes. "And then I realized that I still have to go to that kriffing planet, trap or no trap."
Shaking his head, Carth repeats, "Vann, you can't…"
"The Star Map may be the only way to stop Malak and the mess that I apparently created." Vann's jerks a thumb towards his own chest. "And I'm the only one who can sense the damn thing, so everyone needs me down there."
"This could be really bad…"
Expression deadpan, Vann asks, "Because everything has gone so well until now?"
"Alright, you may have a point." Carth arches a brow in amusement, though it quickly fades. "No matter what, you need someone to watch your back down there. Especially if Malak and Bastila are trying to lure you to their side."
"I'll have Mission and H-Kay with me," Vann points out, even as he feels eminently foolish for implying that a teenager and a homicidal droid are all the protection that he needs. He quickly clarifies, "Jolee, Juhani, and Zaalbar will all be on the surface too."
"And I'll be there." Carth nods grimly, meeting his companion's gaze once more. "Look, I'll do whatever I can to protect you. From Malak and from, well…" He trails off for a moment, swallowing hard before continuing, "From yourself. And whatever darkness caused you to fall the first time."
"I don't want to fall again, but it's not like you can single-handedly prevent it." Attempting to brush off the potential danger that he's placing himself in, Vann uses his elbow to give the pilot a playful nudge in the ribs. "Just watch your own ass, and try to keep from doing anything stupid while we save your son."
Visibly frustrated, Carth scowls at the mercenary. "I told you, I want to do more than wander around looking for the damn Star Map!"
"And I told you that we can't let your desperation to find Dustil cloud your judgment!" Vann struggles to keep his temper in check as he repeats this explanation for what feels like the millionth time. "If you go in there, guns blazing…"
"It's not just about Dustil, okay?" Carth interrupts, leaning towards his companion. Their breaths mingle, noses almost touching as he blurts out, "It's also about you. You're going to be surrounded by Force-sensitive enemies personally picked and trained by Malak. That's dangerous on a lot of fronts."
Vann snorts in exasperation before exclaiming, "Everything I do is dangerous!"
"I know!" Carth agrees, placing a hand on each of his companion's shoulders. "Which is why I kriffing worry about you so much!"
"You honestly worry about me?" Head jerking back in surprise, Vann blinks in disbelief even as a hint of delight spreads warm and soothing through his chest. "Me?"
"Yes, I honestly do!" For a moment, Carth seems confused by the other man's shock, though he recovers quickly. Genuine affection blooms around him, a bright spot within the Force. "I care about you, Vann…"
"You care about the whole crew," the mercenary points out, all while trying to tamp down the dangerous flare of hope within him. Despite being thrown together by chance, he and Carth have found a certain unity in working together throughout this entire adventure. He'd hoped that they'd achieved something beyond mere comradery, but after the pilot's disastrous reactions to his darker tendencies and true identity, that hope was dashed. Sure, he knows what he wants, but if he's gleaned anything from the Jedi's teachings it's that want is a dangerous emotion, especially for a Force user. So, he's settled for this tumultuous thing that passes for friendship.
But Carth is still looking into the mercenary's eyes, hands warm against the other man's shoulders as he softly states, "I care about you. You, and your flippancy, and your passion, and your bad kriffing habit of running into stupid situations like an academy full of dark Force use… ummph!"
Admittedly, Vann has never been very good at listening to Jedi teachings. It's an impulsive decision to close the last few centimeters between them, silencing the pilot with a firm press of his lips. He can feel the rough, chapped patches of the other man's skin, and the sharp inhale of breath that blows cool against his cheek. Carth's surprise flows like electricity across his body, and Vann can practically taste it through the Force. For a moment he wants more, greedily leaning closer to the pilot, at least until he realizes that the other man has fallen still beneath his touch. This sobers him and his impulsivity gives way to regret, the sensation piling atop the rest of his remorse. He pulls away like he's been burned, backing up as his eyes attempt to focus on anything but Carth, his gaze darting awkwardly around the cargo hold.
Gulping down a guilty breath, Vann mutters, "That was a really bad idea, wasn't it?"
There are several moments of tense silence as Carth's emotions flicker and change around him. The surprise gradually fades, replaced by something warmer and lighter that could almost be called amusement. Or maybe even happiness. It colors his words as he asks, "Do you mean because of the person, or because of the circumstance?"
"Both. Either. Yes." Vann closes his eyes against his own fumbling response, suddenly positive that he must be Revan. Only someone raised in amongst the Jedi's dissuasion of personal attachments could manage to be this blisteringly awkward. "Please," he finally begs, turning helplessly towards the pilot. "Tell me to shut up."
Smiling softly, Carth reaches over to place a hand on his companion's shoulder, the warmth and weight providing a note of comfort within this increasingly humiliating situation. He brings his other hand up to gently cup the mercenary's cheek. Touch light, he trails his thumb along the high line of the other man's cheekbone before carefully leaning close to press their foreheads together. "Shut up, Vann," he offers with a warm chuckle before pressing their lips together once more.
This time the kiss is longer and less tentative, their breaths mingling as Vann reaches up to wrap his arms around Carth's shoulders to pull him closer. The pilot is warm and solid beneath his touch, lips soft and slightly damp as they move against his own. And around them, the Force shimmers with a warmth and brightness that's almost enough to outshine the dread that's been seeping through his system since the moment that they made their narrow escape from the Leviathan. He wraps the tingling energy around himself like a cloak as he pulls away from Carth, momentarily left breathless.
Blinking up at the other man, Vann winces as he tightens his arms. The upcoming mission suddenly rushes to the forefront of his mind, an ominous shadow over his thoughts. "We have some kriffing terrible timing, don't we?"
Carth tilts his head to the side, raising his brows as he sarcastically asks, "You mean the fact that we land in Korriban in less than a day?"
"Yes. Shit!" Dropping his arms, Vann backpedals a bit as he sighs heavily, groaning, "I still have a lot to do. Mission needs to run through a few more drills, and H-Kay needs a final tune-up, and…"
With an understanding nod, Carth waves his companion away. "It's fine," he states, though there's a hint of disappointment in his voice. "Go, do what you need to."
Climbing to his feet, Vann pauses to study the pilot. "Are you sure?"
"Yes!" Carth forces out a laugh, though the sound is somewhat strained. "Just, before you go, can you answer something for me?" His tone becomes more pointed. "And answer it truthfully?"
Nodding, Vann's voice is hesitant as he agrees, "Yeah, of course."
Eyes narrowing, Carth watches his companion closely as he asks, "How long have you wanted to do that? To kiss me?"
Memories race through Vann's mind, from the moment that he met the pilot on a dusty little planet towards the edges of the Outer Rim, to the moment that he was sure the other man was going to die right in front of him. The various images and emotions all begin to blur into one, infused with less raw anger than most of his other recollections. But try as he might, he can't pinpoint a single moment when comradery became a deeper affection. "I'm not really sure," he admits candidly. "A while, maybe? Why? It's not like you were complaining…"
"I'm not!" Carth hurriedly assures the other man. "I was just… wondering." He blinks and then sighs wistfully, expression growing distracted. "We can talk more once you get Dustil back and we find that map."
Gradually moving towards the doorway, Vann arches a brow at his companion. "That's remarkably optimistic of you."
Carth shrugs a little, a half-smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "Up until now, my life's been about survival and vengeance. It kept me going, but it wasn't really living. But now I know my son is alive. And that you…" He trails off, waving the mercenary towards the doorway. "Well, I'm just glad that I can finally imagine having a future."
"Yeah. The future…" Unable to summon much positivity towards what tomorrow might bring, Vann forces a grin. "Well, at least your life won't be boring."
"I can honestly say that I haven't been bored since the moment I met you," Carth admits. "Now go help Mission."
"I'm going, I'm going!" Vann grumbles good-naturedly.
As the mercenary begins to slip through the doorway, Carth calls out, "I, uh, don't know if this is appropriate for me to say, but… May the Force be with you?"
"Oh, I'm strong with the Force," Vann shoots back over his shoulder as he exits the cargo hold. "It's everything else that's apparently out to get me."
Author's Notes:
Thank you readers! Comments and (constructive) criticism are always welcome. I like to know what I'm doing well, and what needs more work.
A few notes:
1. I'm not sure that Vann's plan to make Mission seem Force-sensitive while simultaneously hiding himself is 100% possible. But Luke was able to orchestrate a crazy escape plan from Jabba and Obi-Wan was able to hide from Vader for 19 years, so I'd argue this strategy isn't too far outside the realm of possibilities.
2. As an order of ascetic battle monks, I don't imagine Jedi (or former Jedi) are very suave in romantic situations. Anakin's fumbling flirtations with Padme and Obi-Wan's "I debate with you because I love you" interactions with Satine are the two canonical examples. Also, let's be honest, the canon KOTOR dialogue options aren't much better.
3. I REALLY debated how to handle the last conversation since it sets the mood for part of the Korriban arc. This was the result of writing out multiple dialogue options and then choosing the one that flowed the best. If it's not the option you would have chosen, feel free to read a different story.
4. Happy Pride Month! To those in the LGBTQIA community - Please remember that you are valid, you are worthy, and you are loved.
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