"Emma."
There's no time to hide the destruction evident on my face. Her stern eyes were drawn to the swollen lip like a moth to a flame. Her mouth pops open to reveal her protest about my living situation once again but no words ever leave her perfectly painted lips. Subconsciously my tongue sweeps across the raised area to confirm that the cut is still in fact there.
She takes a forceful step forward causing my hands to push the door closed in her face. I can't do this right now with her. I don't need her berating me and making me feel worse than I already feel, but she challenges my door slam with her body. She plants her foot firmly across the threshold while her hip pops out and presses into the door.
"Emma, please," it's a desperate whine, thick with unshed tears and my body reacts instantly slumping in defeat. Regina pushes her way inside and shuts the door behind her.
"Regina please, you have to go. He can't find you here. He will be so upset and so ashamed if he knows that you know."
I hang my head in shame and fold my arms protectively across my chest, shielding myself for the scolding that's about to come. Regina gently places her index finger below my chin and guides my head back so she can inspect my lip. My heart races from those enchanting brown eyes upon me but it's the good kind of racing heart. The one that makes me feel giddy inside and excited for what's to come, nothing like what I felt earlier.
"What happened Emma?"
She ignores my previous plea for her to leave before Jack comes home, but mostly I just don't want her to see me like this. This isn't me. I look so weak in this moment and I can't stand the thought of anyone pitying me, especially her.
"I'm fine. Seriously. It's not a big deal. It was an accident." I ramble off short phrases to protect myself from appearing so fragile.
"An accident." Regina releases my chin and crosses her arms over her chest, expressing she doesn't believe one damn word I am saying. Why should she? "Let me guess, you accidentally fell into the corner of your glass table again?" Her words are dripping with sarcasm and my body deflates in response. I just don't have the energy to lie to my only friend.
"Regina please, I need you to go home," I whine like a small child and flash her my most pathetic puppy dog eyes.
"Emma I'm not leaving."
Regina storms off toward my kitchen without another word spoken, leaving me behind. My eyes fall closed as I take a few steady breaths. Truthfully, all I want right now is a nap. I want to crawl beneath the covers and just escape to another land where none of this happened and I could live in peace for a few hours.
Reluctantly, my feet pad across the floor to meet Regina in the kitchen. The woman is shutting the freezer when I enter and begins wrapping an ice pack in a paper towel. The way Regina draws nearer is like she's trying to capture a wild animal. She's tentative as she take a few steps closer in fear that I might take off running.
"Let's me see."
"Regina, I said I'm-"
"Emma Swan, stop acting like a stubborn child. Let. Me. See," she annunciates and clicks her tongue for added affect. I exhale to express my disapproval but I still tilt my head back so she can see the horrific wound. She gently places the ice pack against my lip causing me to wince from the throbbing ache. "You need to keep this on, I swear it's already doubled in size since I stepped through that door," she sternly states as her eyes try to search for mine but I refuse to meet her gaze.
I'm too embarrassed to look her in the eyes. I promised this wouldn't happen again. I looked her in the eyes over two months ago and I swore up and down that Jack would never lose his temper again. Like an idiot, I believed him. I trusted him. Why do I believe that he will change? I just want to go back in time and erase this from ever happening.
My eyes soon fill with more tears but I refuse to cry again. The warm liquid stings my eyes as I hold back my heavy sobs. I just want her to go away so I can cry myself to sleep.
"Emma," I don't respond. I don't look at her. I just stand still as she holds the ice pack against my damaged lip. "You are allowed to cry." My eyes flick down toward the woman who is watching me carefully hoping she doesn't scare away the frantic abused animal. She's just a giant blur in front of me from the thick liquid clinging to my eyes. "He did something that no one should ever do. He didn't just hit you Emma, he's been slowly tearing down your confidence. Nobody should ever take away what makes you, you." Her red painted lips droop into a frown but her eyes never leave mine. "You deserve to cry. You have every right to be angry and upset but promise me, you won't blame yourself. He's a bastard Emma. He plays everyone around him like a fiddle. He's charming and handsome but he is sick inside, he needs help. And so do you," she whispers softly as her hand cautiously comes between us.
Red, ferocious eyes filled with hate pin my body into submission. I'm frozen, watching as his thick hand slices through the invisible barrier between us. He doesn't use his palm, no he uses the back of his hand to inflict more pain with his prominent knuckles.
I flinch on instinct causing the soft, dainty hand to still. "I won't hurt you Emma, not ever," she coos sweetly while her hand cups my jawline. Her warm palm lays comforting against my flesh as her thumb sweeps across my cheekbone. "I'm so sorry this happened to you Emma, you're so amazing and I just can't seem to comprehend how anyone could ever hurt you."
I remain silent as I squeeze my eyes shut, forcing the tears to spill over. So amazing, yeah right. I enrage my boyfriend so much he feels the need to backhand me. I was such a disappointment to my father, he didn't even have the decency to stick around.
I only allow a few tears to tumble down my face before I angrily wipe them away. I gently lay my hand on top of hers. She could never love me. I carefully remove her hand from my cheek. She doesn't know the real me that my father and boyfriend seem to know. I place my hand on the ice pack and step away from the brunette. I'm so tired of being weak.
I'm so tired.
"Emma please listen to me. You need to leave him. Come on, I'll drive you down to the police station right now so you can file a complaint."
I pull the ice pack away from my lip so she can understand me when I speak. "Regina, no. You need to leave. He will be back soon with Henry and I don't need you here to interfere."
"Interfere? Emma, I am your friend. I am trying to protect you. You don't deserve to be treated like this and now things have gotten a hell of a lot worse. This behavior is on its way into a downward spiral. You need to break it or he's going to continue walking all over you."
"You don't even know what happened!" I bellow a lot louder than I intended. I toss the ice pack down onto the counter, allowing my rage to take over because I'm just so exhausted.
"Then please enlighten me Emma. Tell me once again how Jack didn't mean for this to happen." Her arms are flailing about and now I can see her Sicilian spunk making itself known. I don't even want to see what happens when her Puerto Rican fire comes out.
"I-I flipped out on him. I was being irrational when I should have been happy about what he said."
"Go on," she drags out and firmly places her hands upon her hips. "...because so far Emma you aren't making any sense."
"He told Henry that he loves him and wants them to be father and son..." I stop right there because yet again my stomach turns from the thought of Jack replacing Killian, but Jack did make a good point. He has taken care of Henry for just as long as Killian and he does love him...
Gut wrenching pain.
"There's more and you're purposely leaving out the rest. Keep talking Emma," she coldly instructs and now I know why Evie is such a well behaved child.
"It's not that big of a deal." I shrug my shoulder and fiddle with the edge of the ice pack for a distraction. My words come out rushed and choppy as they spew from my mouth. "He wants Henry to call him dad. It took me by surprise. I over reacted. I should be happy a man has stepped up in his life and wants to take on that role. I am being...ungrateful."
I swallow thickly as my mouth waters in disgust, that word leaving a sour taste upon my tongue. Maybe I am ungrateful? I should appreciate that this man wants to be Henry's father and not abandon him like my father did to me. Besides, I don't want Henry to lose another father figure in his life. Maybe if I start appreciating Jack more, all of this will just go away and he will be that man I once loved.
Loved?
"Ungrateful? Emma what the hell are you talking about?" Regina's hands fall to her sides as she physically relaxes in front of me. She takes a step closer and sighs. "Is that what he told you? That you're ungrateful? He's ungrateful! He has a wonderful woman who takes care of him and supports him not only financially but emotionally as well when he's nothing but scum." She takes another step forward enclosing the gap but I back away.
"Stop saying I'm wonderful and amazing because I'm not Regina. You don't know me and you certainly don't know Jack."
Regina is directly in front of me before I have time to process. Her calming palms rest upon my shoulders as her big beautiful brown eyes land upon me. I avert my eyes, too ashamed of my erratic behavior.
"Emma look at me," she softly whispers sending a puff of her warm breath against my lips. I ignore her request and instead listen to the steady rhythm of my heart beating in my ears. "Please Emma," she whines, "look at me." One deep breath before my wet eyes meet hers. She smiles sweetly in return turning my insides to mush. "You're right, I don't know Jack, but you're wrong if you think I don't know you. You are kind hearted, always putting others before yourself. You're playful with an amazing sense of humor, always making me smile. You're considerate and always thinking about everyone you care about." I swallow as I feel a runaway tear trickle down my flushed cheek. "I know you Emma. I really know you."
There's nothing more I want than to surrender to her words. I want to believe in all the things she's saying but I know better because I've been told too many times before. I just need her to leave before she makes things worse.
"Regina, please," my voice breaks from the thick emotion bubbling in the back of my throat. "You have to go."
Another tear rolls slowly down the same beaten path. Regina frowns as her thumb reaches between us, but this time I don't flinch. I understand that this is Regina and I know she will never hurt me. She carefully wipes away my tear as her forehead falls to mine. We both sigh from the heavy weight of the world crushing our souls.
"Emma please come with me. I promise he will never hurt you again. You and Henry can be free and alone. Just you two."
Alone? Just the two of us?
I can't even remember a time without Jack around. The first half of Henry's life Killian was around and then came Jack. I have never been without someone by my side. Can I honestly cope on my own? Do I really want to be all alone again? After everything?
I jerk away from her touch abruptly and stumble backwards leaving the brunette in pure shock. "No Regina, I'm not leaving Jack after everything he has done for Henry and I. I should be honored he wants to be Henry's father. I should be grateful that I have a man that has stuck by my side during my worst moments. Now he's going through a rough patch and you want me to abandon him? Just give up like that?"
I shake my head violently as more tears spill from my eyes. I brush passed my friend and stomp my way toward the front door.
"Emma..."
"No stop! You don't understand Regina. Nobody will ever love Henry the way Jack does and nobody will ever love me."
Regina is quick to jump in front of me as I reach the door. She's effectively blocking the doorknob so I won't kick her out. Her hands fly up between us in surrender, just like she always does when I argue with her. She tries her hardest to always prove she will never hurt me.
More tears tumble down my face.
"Emma he has stripped you from your confidence. There are so many people out there. You will love again and I promise someone will love you. Cherish you. Worship the ground you walk on. I know it's hard to believe now but please Emma, allow yourself to be open to the idea."
My messy blonde locks sway side to side as I reject her admission. I've seen too much of this cruel world to ever believe in her words.
"No. Stop. It's time for you to go before he gets home. He's the only one who could ever love me." I gesture toward the door but she doesn't budge.
"That's not true Emma."
"You have to go," my mind is working on autopilot now. I feel dead inside, whether it's from the exhaustion or the pain pulsating in my lip.
"Emma please don't make me leave. I need to know you are okay."
"I'm fine," I deadpan as I nudge her toward the door. "You don't live here so how could you possible understand my life? I'll be just fine."
"This isn't love Emma! He doesn't love you!" The panic in her eyes is overwhelming as I reach behind her body to open the door.
"Yes he does! He's all that I have," I mutter as more tears stream down my face. I just want this pain to end.
"No Emma, you have me. Please listen to me," she cries out, clearly distraught from this back and forth banter that isn't getting us anywhere.
I'm slowly growing frustrated because I just want to hide away in my bed and pretend none of this ever happened. I'm starting to feel like this was all a bad dream, there is no way this can be my life.
"I don't have you Regina! It's different..." I trail off knowing I have to stop myself before too much is revealed.
"Yes you do Emma," her hands fumble nervously as though she's unsure where to place them. I shake my head vigorously and push her toward the open door. "No, no Emma. Listen." I want her to save me yet at the same time, I don't want to be saved. My mind is reeling and I'm unsure how to stop the madness of indecisiveness. My heart beats for her love but I'm not quite sure what that truly means. I just know I feel it. She's almost out the door when a low growl vibrates in her throat from her frustrations. "Dammit Emma, don't tell me that nobody could ever love you because I do. I love you Emma and I just want to protect you."
My heart shatters because it's not the type of love that I want from her. She simply loves me as a dear friend and nothing more. Of course she wants to protect her friend.
"It's not the same love," I whisper before I shut the door in her face and lock it.
My forehead falls to the cool wood as I allow my tears to finally run freely. I don't hold back as they stream down my face like a river running wild. I sob heavily from having to hold back so many emotions in front of Regina.
I trudge my way over to the counter and snatch the now warm ice pack. I toss it back into the freezer and stumble back to my bedroom. I crawl beneath the comforter and sheets and sob ever harder into my pillow until I finally pass out from the exhaustion.
"Emma?"
My eyes pop open the moment my brain registers his voice calling out to me. The room is pitch black and it takes me several moments to make out the shadows upon his face. He smiles and leans down to press a loving kiss to my cheek.
"Jack?"
"Yeah baby. You've been sleeping all day. I thought I should wake you and see if you are hungry. I can go out and grab you something," he offers kindly just as the pulse in my lip begins to throb again.
"No thank you," I shake my head and nuzzle into the comfort and safety of my pillow.
"Okay you can sleep. Henry and I already ate dinner. He did so well at the cages today, you would've been so proud," he gushes over my son which reminds me just how much he does love my son. I nod along but I don't verbally answer because of the excruciating pain in my mouth. "Here, I brought you some aspirin."
He offers me a glass of water along with two tiny pills. I wrestle with myself to lean on my elbow and take down the medication. Jack takes the water as I lay back down.
"Listen Emma we need to talk." I nod again and wait for him to continue. "I'm really sorry I...ugh." He wipes his face and shakes his head in despair. "I can't even say it. I totally fucked up and I totally understand if you want to leave me but I love you and Henry so much. I can't imagine my life without you two. I've been so depressed lately and I have been spiraling. I know this. I'm going to change. I promise. Just for you and Henry." He leans down and brushes my hair away from my face, but I'm numb. "I love you so much. You know me, you know this isn't me. I'm going to those classes twice a week and I think this new job will help my depression, you know? Get me out of my funk?" He smiles and kisses the tip of my nose. "Do you forgive me?"
I hear the loud gulp from the man above me just before a few tears hit my cheek. He's crying and soon my tears are mixing with his as we reconnect over this unfortunate circumstance.
He rests his head carefully against my chest as he cries out his apologizes. I hold him close and vow to stay by his side and help him through his darkness, once again.