Of Love and Punk Rock Chapter 21: Never Stop, a diary of a wimpy kid fanfic

Well... this is it: the final chapter. Honestly, it has been YEARS since I've completed a project of this length and depth. I know it's just fanfiction (about a children's book/movie series... ahem), but I'm still really happy with the way this turned out!

Usually, I don't do disclaimers in the beginning, but here's one: the song "Never Stop" actually belongs to Safetysuit, not Loded Diper. But hey, we can close our eyes and pretend, right?

Thank you to all who have read, reviewed, subscribed, favorited, etc. along the way! I so, so appreciate it and love you all!

xoxo, Michelle

Chapter Twenty-One: Never Stop

That night, Shea had promised herself she wouldn't drink too much—that she would be stone cold sober by the time she had to wake up. More than anything, she had hoped that she could fight the sleep in her eyes to stay awake long enough during the night to savor every last moment with her friends, who piled in the living room on top of couches and sleeping bags for a makeshift sleepover.

But she didn't have a chance. One rum lead to another, and just then, it was 9:57 in the morning, the room still with sleep and quiet. Shea rolled onto her stomach on her sleeping bag, careful not to nudge Rodrick or Priya on either side of her. She watched as her friends breathed in sync. She just wanted more time. These three minutes were not enough. Shea cursed herself for being so weak. She wished she could stay up for hours and watch how daintily Priya wrapped herself in her blankets, the way Ben's leg hung off the couch, the way Rodrick snored softly…

9:58. Time needed to slow down. But it wouldn't. She knew there would be moments in college where time moved like a slug, and other times where she blinked and the day would be over. She hoped for more of the latter so she could come home sooner to her soulmates.

9:59. An anxious hand clutched Shea's heart. She had so much to do this morning: shower, get home, finish packing, head to the airport… Thinking of it all was overwhelming her.

At 10 in the morning on the dot, her phone shrieked. Her friends simultaneously stirred, some sitting up more reluctantly than others. When they opened their sleepy eyes, all suddenly facing Shea, she was met with bittersweet smiles from around the room.

Rodrick croaked, rubbing his eyes, "Do you wanna shower?"

"I'll find breakfast," Ben offered, standing on his shaky legs.

"I'll make some coffee," Sam said, his voice groggy.

And just like that, as the rest of her friends came to life, slowly forming real sentences and movements while the clock kept on ticking.

Once Shea had showered, stinking of Ben's family's green spring soap, she met her friends upstairs for a defrosted waffle and a cup of coffee.

The group seemed to be walking on eggshells, unsure of what to say to one another. Shea hated the awkwardness—it only made her inevitable goodbyes that much harder.

"So," Ben started, sipping coffee. "When's your flight?"

"Two," she said, sticking a syrup-covered waffle piece in her mouth. "I'll land at three eastern time."

"Right, eastern time," Sam said, tapping his temple. "That'll be something to get used to."

"Only an hour," she said, shrugging. "Just don't call me in the morning."

"Same," Rodrick said, and the group chuckled.

The absence of conversation was replaced with sounds of ceramic mugs hitting the kitchen table and forks scraping plates. Shea watched as everyone ate, avoiding eye contact.

"Do we have to adult?" Sam sighed. With all eyes on him, he whined, "I'm not ready for this shit."

"Who says we're college material?" Chris agreed.

"Many reputable colleges," Priya said matter-of-factly.

"Let's just stay here and rock out," Ben said.

Priya snorted. "I'll go to school."

"We can ride on your coattails."

"Or she could study and be our manager," Rodrick suggested. The group nodded in agreement.

"Definitely. Priya, make us some money!" Chris said.

She rolled her eyes. "I haven't decided what I'm studying yet, but I can almost guarantee it won't be relevant to hawking a metal band."

"Plus we have what's-his-face," Shea said. "From Starland."

"He's much more qualified than me," Priya said with a grin.

"I'm just trying to think of a way that all of us can stay in touch the next four years," Ben said, exasperated. "I know people lose touch and shit… my brother doesn't talk to any of his high school friends anymore. But you assholes are different. We gotta make this last."

"Agreed one thousand percent," Shea said wholeheartedly. "We can do group Skype dates."

"And coordinate when we come home," Priya added.

"It'll be okay," Rodrick said calmly, using the same sort of tone that Susan does whenever she scolds Manny.

Shea glanced at her empty plate and then the time: nearly 10:45.

"We should get going," she said, but the monster in her chest roared with disagreement. "Dad wants to be at the airport by noon."

"Okay," Priya rested her fork on her empty plate. "I'll drive."

"Can you drop me off afterward?" Rodrick asked.

"Of course," she smiled.

When the room went silent again, everyone looked to Shea to lead. She stood, her stomach tight with nerves.

"I guess I'll see you guys soon," she said blankly.

"When?" Sam asked.

"I'll be home sometime in October."

"And then almost every month after that," Rodrick said with excitedly.

His eager tone felt like a direct punch to the chest. She forced a smile.

"Yup. I'll let you know definite dates soon."

"Sounds good, baby doll." Sam wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace. "I'll miss you. Have fun in school."

"You too," she said, her eyes suddenly burning with tears.

After she said a sad goodbye to Ben and Chris, Priya, Rodrick, and Shea piled into the SUV. Priya drove slowly down Plainview's suburban streets while Shea made herself try to commit every image to memory. She couldn't help melodramatically thinking, This is the last time I'll see these houses. Next time it'll be fall, and I'll be a college student, and everything will have changed…

Meanwhile, Priya and Rodrick made small talk about the wild night they'd had before, Shea occasionally chiming in to convince them her mind wasn't one thousand miles away already. When they got back to her apartment, her dad and Jennifer were already waiting, eager to get moving. They pushed her into her bedroom to double and triple check her packed bags while they spoke with Priya and Rodrick.

At 11:30, Shea emerged with two heavy suitcases.

"I'm ready," she said, although her brain begged to differ.

It had been over a year since the last time Shea had been to Chicago O'Hare—since the last time she needed to fly to Baltimore. In some ways, with her dad and Jennifer in tow, this trip felt a little like a vacation—like she would be back in a week or two. But when she saw Priya and Rodrick's tight smiles, her heart plummeted into her stomach, quickly reminding her that this wasn't.

Still, there was no time to dawdle, as her dad reminded her. She found the check-in for Southwest Airlines and waited in a line that felt like forever; Shea forgot how much waiting was involved in airports. Once she'd checked her bags and gotten her tickets, she met her friends and family near a café.

"All ready?" her dad asked brightly, sipping from a tall coffee.

"No," she said honestly, garnering a chuckle from the group.

"You'll do great," Jennifer insisted.

Priya, sensing Shea's anxiety at needing to say goodbye, said, "Let's walk with you over to security."

"We'll make it quick. It's already after twelve and…" her dad began. When he saw Shea's face fall, he said, "Let's go."

Rodrick took Shea's hand, intertwining their fingers, and together, the group walked slowly over to security. As they got closer, Shea's heart thumped harder. She knew she couldn't delay this any longer, but it all felt like it was still happening too quickly.

She blinked, and they reached the end of the (long) line for security. Her heart felt like it was going to stop. She turned, trying to memorize the faces of her loved ones, but every time she blinked, her vision was blurred by tears.

"Don't cry," Priya said, hugging Shea closely. "You'll make me cry."

She held onto her friend a little longer than normal, telling herself to think of Priya whenever she smelled vanilla.

"No promises," she said once they'd parted. As predicted, Priya wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Call me when you land," her dad said, moving in for a hug. His oaky scent filled her nostrils, and suddenly she was overcome with how much she'd miss hearing his heavy footsteps in the hall, or the way he listened to her vent after a long day at work or school.

"Of course," she forced a smile.

"Oh, sweetie," Jennifer pulled her in next. "You're going to have a blast. Don't forget about us back in Plainview, okay?"

"No way," she said.

Last but not least, there was Rodrick. She had been dreading this moment since she woke up, but now that it was here, it felt underwhelming. He hugged her with the same intensity and passion he'd done for almost a year now, but it felt different. Saying goodbye to Priya and her dad didn't feel like goodbye, but doing this with Rodrick was somehow different.

Because in Maryland, he wouldn't be there to hold her hand—figuratively or literally. He couldn't run his hands through her hair as she laid on his lap or rub her feet when she was lounging on the couch. He couldn't kiss her cheek or lips or her private skin. Yes, she could still hear his voice and watch his eyes light up when they talked, but it wasn't going to be the same.

"I love you," she said, muffled against his neck.

"I love you too."

When they parted, she wiped her eyes with her hand. Behind Rodrick, her dad and Priya smiled sadly.

"I, uh," Rodrick started, pulling an SD card from his pocket. "I got something for you."

"What is it?" she asked, examining the seemingly ordinary card.

Rodrick's lips spread into a thin line and his cheeks reddened—like the last thing he wanted to do was be romantic in front of Shea's dad.

"It's, um, it's a song," he stammered, pointing at the flash drive. "That I wrote. For you."

Her eyes lit up. "Really?" she melted, already dying to listen to it.

He bit his lip. "Don't make a big deal about it," he insisted. "But I, um, had the band record it and…"

Shea wrapped her arms around his neck. "Thank you," she said into his ear. "I'm sure it's rad."

When she pulled away, he shrugged, his face flushed. "I hope so."

They stood like that for a moment. Behind Shea, the security line slowly shuffled forward while an anonymous voice belted boarding calls.

"We should go," her dad urged. "You'll need to get through security and find a seat and…"

"Okay," Shea nodded, trying desperately to blink away tears. "Okay, yeah, sounds good."

"We'll see you soon, kitten," her dad waved.

"Have so much fun!" Priya said, her eyes red.

"Definitely!" Jennifer agreed.

When her eyes fell on Rodrick, he nodded towards the line. "Go ahead. Go rock Maryland. And call me tonight, Avril."

A smile flickered on her lips. "Okay, Gerard."

The group said goodbye once more and then disappeared into the crowds of people at O'Hare. Shea got into the back of the security and took a deep breath, hoping to push the sadness from her chest.

Just like that: she was all alone.

Shea's luck was beginning to turn: she got called to board the plane early, so she found a nice window seat towards the back away from everyone else. Her nerves, once thick with sadness, had evened out with her repeated reality: This was not goodbye forever. College is not the end; it's the beginning. You'll talk to Rodrick tonight. It'll be okay. You'll get through this.

Once she'd settled into her seat, firm in her decision to ignore the rest of the world, she removed the SD card from her pocket and finagled it into an empty slot in her phone. She unearthed and untangled her headphones from her purse and plugged them into the audio jack. Right away, her smart phone recognized the new media. She pressed play on the only clip on the card.

At first, she heard static. Then, Rodrick's voice filled her ears, "Hey. I, um, just wanted to take a minute to say how much I love you and care about you and other sappy shit like that." Shea smirked, feeling her eyes burn already.

"I never thought that I would find someone as perfect for me as you. I thought I'd grow old and die alone with the band. I know I'm a huge fucking loser… but you helped me see more than that. And I hope I helped you too. I think you're my soulmate, Shea. And even if you're a thousand miles away, I don't wanna be with anyone else.

"I know shit will be hard while you're at college, but we'll make it work. Because that's who we are: stubborn and in love. And I couldn't imagine being this way with anyone else.

"Anyway, um, I think this song will explain everything. I'm sorry for my shitty voice, but the killer drums will make up for it, right? Yeah… I'll talk to you soon, Shea. I love you."

Once he was done speaking, her ears filled with static again. In the background, she could hear Ben and Chris adjusting their instruments before being counted off by Rodrick. And his voice, clearly recorded separately, sang sweetly of their love.

This is my love song to you
Let every woman know I'm yours
So you can fall asleep each night, babe
And know I'm dreaming of you more

You're always hoping that we make it
You always want to keep my gaze
Well you're the only one I see
And that's the one thing that won't change

I'll never stop trying
I'll never stop watching as you leave
I'll never stop losing my breath
Every time I see you looking back at me
I'll never stop holding your hand
I'll never stop opening your door
I'll never stop choosing you babe
I'll never get used to you

And with this love song to you
It's not a momentary phase
You are my life, I don't deserve you
But you love me just the same
And as the mirror says we're older
I will not look the other way
You are my life, my love, my only
And that's the one thing that won't change

Still get my heart racing (you)
Still get my heart racing (for you)
Still get my heart racing (you)
Still get my heart racing (for you)

Shea was crying by the time the song faded and the clip ended; she was glad no one was sitting in her row. She furiously wiped her eyes, and with the last few seconds before takeoff, she turned on her phone and texted Rodrick, "You're amazing."

And he replied, "You're my everything."

She turned off her phone. As the plane ascended into the sky, she knew that their love would be alright.

The Of Love and Punk Rock Playlist

Ready to Fall, Rise Against

Make a Move, Icon for Hire

Teenagers, My Chemical Romance

Somebody Told Me, The Killers

The Feel Good Drag, Anberlin

Into the Night, Alkaline Trio

The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot, Brand New

Asthenia, Blink-182

Castle of Glass, Linkin Park

Liar (Takes One to Know One), Taking Back Sunday

All Over You, The Spill Canvas

My Demons, Starset

I Will Follow You into the Dark, Death Cab for Cutie

Of Confidence, The Dangerous Summer

First Day of My Life, Bright Eyes

Otherside, Red Hot Chili Peppers

I Just Wanna Run, Downtown Fiction

Rock Show, Halestorm

All About Us, He is We

Seether, Seether

Never Stop, Safetysuit