Hey guys. Bit of an angsty/sad one this time around, as requested by EtherealDemon (although not the killing of Leonard part. As much as I'm a Shenny Shipper, I would feel eternally guilty for killing him off). There is a bit of death in here and it deals with something that I personally hope to never go through. I only hope I've done it justice.

Based on the song: In the Arms of the Angels by Sarah McLaughlin.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the song or the characters.

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

She hadn't moved for hours. The moonlight seeping through the windows was the only light source in the room that was foreign to her. The dank motel room on the edge of the freeway hadn't been where she was headed, but it was better than being back home right now with everything that reminded her of him.

Her stomach growled loudly, but she didn't even blink.

Nothing mattered anymore.

Beside her, her phone buzzed on the table for the umpteenth time that day. Going against every screaming instinct from inside her to ignore it, she reached out and clumsily grabbed at it. Glancing at the display, she saw Leonard's name. Instead of filling her with a comfort, it merely infuriated her further. She knew that this wasn't his fault, but the need to blame someone was insatiable.

Throwing the phone across the room brought with it the satisfying smashing sound as it shattered into the separate pieces. Again, she was alone.

She closed her tired eyes as tears once again threatened to break free. Fighting back the burning in her throat that told her sobbing was imminent, she grasped at the pillow by her head that still smelt like him. It was a smell so similar to Sheldon's, except with the smell of infancy lingering.

In that moment, she wished she hadn't broken her phone. She needed to hear Sheldon's voice, to let him know she was ok, but that she needed this time alone to deal with everything. She was supposed to be the strong one.

But how could you be strong when inside you're dying?

In the arms of an Angel fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort

Back in Pasadena, Sheldon opened their son's bedroom door silently.

The room was exactly the same as it had been on the worst night of Sheldon's life. It was supposed to be a happy occasion. He had a son with the woman he had just proposed to, but a part of him always wondered if they hadn't left Isaac with Leonard that night...

As he slowly walked into the room, he found himself drawn to the cot. Resting his hands on the side, he glanced inside. The small Spiderman plushie their son Isaac had loved so much was covered with the blankets, which were still torn aside the way Sheldon had left them as he pulled his son out and called out for Penny.

Raising his eyes to the roof to fight the watering that were turning blue eyes grey, he cleared his throat. The logical part of his brain knew it wasn't Leonard's fault. The emotional side just wanted his son back.

Eidetic memory or not, he was sure he would never would be able to forget finding his son like that. The doctors had called it SIDS, but no conclusion or diagnosis would ever be able to bring him back, or help him heal Penny's broken heart.

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

It was the sunlight that awoke Penny the next morning. Unable to know neither how long she had been sleeping, nor what time it was since she had destroyed her phone, she merely lay on her back and stared at the ceiling.

Wiping away the last of the tears she hoped would be the last for a while; she sat up and grabbed her keys. It was time to head home. To Sheldon.

To everything that was awaiting for her.

Her first lie of the day was to the guy at the checkout counter. A simple question of "How are you today?" seemed so thoroughly impossible to answer, but she had smiled, thanked the man and said "fine". She wondered how many times ahead she would be asked such a question and sadness engulfed her as she realised it would be the first question of many for a long time to come.

The ride home was just as painful. The last few belongings of Isaac's she hadn't yet collected and boxed up littered the backseat. His baby seat sat empty, a pacifier just to its left. On the foot-well of the passenger's side, she could see a tiny foot of a baby-grow poking out. The last few corners before the apartment block came all too quickly and as she pulled into her car parking spot, she saw something that made her feel comforted for the first time in days.

Sheldon was sitting on the steps of the front door, his head in his hands. Between his feet was a baby monitor, a present from Raj and Howard when they found out they were expecting.

As Penny approached, his head shot up and his eyes fixed with hers. The blue were tinged with red and puffy. No doubt they looked just like her green ones.

She sat down without saying a word and just rested her head on his shoulder. He swallowed hard, but said nothing. Wrapping one arm around her waist and pulling her in, he rested his cheek on the top of her head. Her hand clasped at his spare one and squeezed it tight, her engagement ring cutting into her fingers.

He cleared his throat.

"I just keep expecting to hear him on this." He gestured at the monitor with their clasped hands. "And then I remember that I won't... He won't..." He cleared his throat again.

She pulled her head from his shoulder and kissed it.

"I know exactly what you mean".

With what seemed to be a deliberate motion, Sheldon slowly reached down for the monitor and turned it off. Looking at Penny, he pulled her in close to his chest and kissed her head.

Grasped against her husband's Spiderman shirt, Penny sobbed as his hands rubbed soothing circles onto her back.

In the arms of an Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

Six months later, Penny was looking at the pregnancy kit in the bathroom, crying softly to herself.

The small positive sign seemed to be mocking her with its boldness. She perched on the edge of the bath and tried to stem the flow of tears. Swallowing, she rose to the sink and gently flushed her face with water. The effect was instant. Drying her face, she headed to the door to tell Sheldon.

As she carried the offensive item to the lounge room where Sheldon was sat nervously twitching and twiddling his thumbs, her heart was pounding. She stood in the hall entry and cleared her throat.

"I'm pregnant." She smiled, nervously.

Sheldon appeared to pale instantly. His eyes widened. Then he smiled. A genuine, happy smile.

Rising in a fluid motion- that only Sheldon was capable of- he quickly crossed the room and pulled her in for a hug.

Under his arm, Penny spied the last, and only, family portrait they had with Isaac. It had been the first day he had smiled and as her eyes pricked and burned.

I love you and I'll never forget you. Ever.