Chapter 21: Crest of Waves
Edward
"Edward?"
I sat up from my lying position and faced the speaker. Bella opened her mouth to speak when her cellphone rang.
She sighed and brought it out of her bag and looked at it as if deciding on whether to answer or not.
Though I regretted it I said, "You should take it. It's probably Midnight…"
She pursed her lips then nodded before answering it.
"Yes?"
I looked the other way to give her some privacy even though we both knew that my sensitive ears could hear.
"Sparkling bell… I apologize… for bringing…the ire… prematurely… but I…have to pick you up…now…there are matters…we have to…attend to…"
The soft deep lulling voice could no other than be that of Midnight.
"No, it's okay. I understand. I'm guessing you know where I am right?" Bella asked.
"Of course…I'll be there…in a minute…take care."
"Okay. See you then." Bella replied before hanging up with a click. She sighed again then faced me, offering a half-smile.
"You probably know what I'm about to say so I'll just apologize…"
I shook my head and smiled. "It's okay. There's always tomorrow."
She chuckled. "But it's tomorrow already!"
I checked my watch. 1:24 am. I didn't realize that it was that late already. Time flies so fast and I haven't had enough.
"So, see you at school then?"
She smiled. "Of course."
I stood up and offered a hand to Bella. She took it and I helped pull herself up. We somehow miscalculated our strengths that the force was too much – enough for her to stumble onto my chest where I held her to keep her balance.
And just like that she was in my arms – and how I reveled at that feel once more. Taking this as an opportunity, I leaned in closer, closed my eyes and took a deep breath of her fragrant hair that was just below my chin. I opened my eyes and allowed a quick smile of satisfaction before returning into my cool façade so as not to embarrass her.
With her hands pressed on my chest, an inch between our bodies, she slowly raised her face to meet my gaze. I didn't move because I knew she was going to look away at once but it didn't happen.
She looked in my eyes and locked into them. Her eyes were wavering, wondering, searching… looking deep into my own – a hundred silent questions passing from her to me like a torrent. And suddenly, a wave of familiarity drifted into my being as I saw the same eyes of the Bella I knew before.
Her eyes bore the same restraint. As if in a dilemma – to move or not to move?
With my own eyes I wanted to answer each and every question if only she'll allow me. I wanted to tell her everything once more.
I dared open my mouth to speak but the moment I did so, she blinked and averted her gaze.
"I'm sorry – I have my clumsy moments," she said shyly looking at me awkwardly then looking down once more indicating that she wanted a shift in topic.
I sighed inwardly but figured a smile. "It happens."
She gave me a brief smile before detaching herself from me and at once I felt that same emptiness.
A pregnant silence filled the air as both of us struggled for words. I could sense a deep confusion in her.
She was staring down on the ground – her mouth a tight line while worry lines etched their way on her forehead.
"Can I ask you something Bella?"
She faced me at once softening her expression while her eyes held a tinge of emotion in them. "Anything…" she whispered with full sincerity in her voice that I was suddenly taken aback from her startling eyes still filled with questions.
"Why can't I take you home?"
"Oh." She sounded almost disappointed. I wondered what she wanted me to ask. I waited silently for her response none the less.
She gave a small shrug and answered, "Midnight put an enchantment on the place we are staying. There are other beings out there that are after him for his power. He doesn't want to risk people finding out."
A crease wrinkled on my forehead. "I'm sorry, please help me understand… it doesn't make sense if you're hiding to parade himself as a teacher and you a student…"
She nodded. "I know but… Midnight wanted me to experience what it felt like to live with the living…and he wanted me to meet…people I could relate to. So I guess that he knew about your family and he wanted me to have friends I guess…"
I inclined my head and thought carefully, "But then…can't he trust me?"
She thought for a while before answering. "I can't tell. But he might learn to."
I stepped closer to her, towering over her, making sure I met her gaze before saying, "But do you?"
Without blinking or looking away she answered, "Yes."
I smiled. "What makes you trust me?"
She smiled back after tilting her head to the side. "Would you believe me if I said I just know?"
I stepped closer. "Probably. But I'm curious, just how do you know?"
"Isn't it obvious? You trusted me enough to let me in on your own private sanctuary. How can I not trust you when you already let me in on a special secret? Besides…" she trailed off.
"Besides?"
She looked up at me and all traces of banter left her and were replaced with seriousness. I noticed that there was only an inch to separate our bodies once more. I would only just need to lean down a bit more to reach…
When suddenly she started leaning up to me that I instinctively started to lean down on her. Was what I thought would happen…? But just as her lips were merely a whisper over mine she turned her face to the side and whispered on my ear.
"Besides… I feel we're connected…connected by an indelible thread… spun by the Fates themselves."
She pulled away smiling softly at a stunned rock that was me.
And before I could speak, I felt a presence behind me.
"Ready…to go…Bella…?"
I watched Bella nod before walking over to the speaker, squeezing my arm as she passed me.
I turned around and saw the top-hatted Midnight again. But was surprised at how…weary he looked as if he hadn't had a hundred days' rest.
I watched Bella frown at my expression when she followed my gaze and gasped. Looking worriedly at Midnight, she took his hand and rubbed it.
"Where have you been? Have you been working too much again?" she asked.
Midnight's half-lidded eyes darted towards Bella and lingered on her before managing a quirk on his lips.
"I'm…fine… let us leave… for now…" then he looked at me and despite the heaviness of his lids, his blue eyes were still piercing. "Thank you…for…showing…Bella…a great…time…but…we must go…"
I nodded. "Can I visit her sometime?"
Midnight looked at me for a while before answering. "In…time…" then they both vanished into thin air. Leaving me in the solitude like three days before…
Just like that, the night sky darkened and stars faded into the clouds.
A confirmation.
A confirmation that without Bella, my existence would be nothing but pitch black.
But at least, even for this night, at some point, I wasn't alone and if this keeps up…I'll never be alone. Like I thought before, this few restrictions I can overcome. It could be worse.
It could be worse
I could be alone
I could be locked in here on my own
Bella
I opened my eyes with a jolt and took in my surroundings. I wasn't in Edward's meadow anymore. I was back in my bed – in my room.
But I was certain that I was there…and how everything felt new to me. I could remember the feel of the rain on my skin, the feel of the damp grass – everything! Including… I looked down on my open palm and closed my eyes, clutching it close to my chest.
I could even remember the feel of his cool skin, comfortable with my own icy exterior.
I remember how…how free I was. How it felt when I had no recollection of my decades of numbness…the pain of separation… the burden of the choice I would have to present to Edward…
It was…
…tempting.
I opened my eyes and took a slow careful sweep of the room. There were only two doors and one giant window.
There was one door painted black with a golden frame. Then there was the other one, painted deep crimson with the same golden frame. The latter door I could open as it leads to a lush marbled lavatory. The former, I thought disdainfully…
I tried to turn the golden knob then sighed.
The former… I couldn't open.
I turn my back to it and slid down onto the plush carpeted floor that didn't feel as inviting as the grass on the meadow…my bells tinkling with my movement. They were back on my calves.
I closed my eyes and buried my face in my arms.
How long have I been trapped here?
How long must I wait?
What's going on?
Was my time with Edward but a dream? Then am I awake now? Or am I still inside a dream? A dream inside a dream – this is madness!
I opened my eyes and took a deep breath out of frustration then my eyes fell onto the thin silver clinging to my ankle.
Why did Edward not tell me yet? In my dream I knew he was thinking of her – of me. I knew I would've believed him. Then why?
I really couldn't do anything about it unless he tried to explain.
I could see the pain in his eyes – the longing… the same feelings I'm reflecting right now… but in the latter part of the dream… I saw him considering…
And that brought me to think once more of the feeling of freedom.
Again I thought, it's so tempting. There was no pressure, no restraints – well, minimal restraints…but then… maybe… maybe it's not so bad.
Then I shook my head.
Even if that painted a beautiful picture for both of us – to just be – I can give Edward something more than that. I can give him his salvation.
But first… if I really am dreaming, I had to wake up.
I had to get out of this snow globe trap.
Like a stone that's certain that drops
And never stops
I could be lost
Or I Could be saved
I walked over to the window and drew back the curtain. It was raining hard. I wondered if it was really like this.
I could see a number of people pass by this place without a second thought and wonder if it's real.
Umbrellas over their heads, popping open like flowers in bloom… ordinarily, Spring should've arrived but I don't think it would. I watched as each individual raindrop pelted them - the sky an overcast gray.
I wondered if they could see me – a lone white figure at the top of a building looking out – looking down behind a glass-paneled window washed over with rain.
I wondered if they could see me calling out.
Calling out from beneath the waves
Beaten down by this ocean rain
Never again
Never again
Ohhh, Ohhh
Ohhh, Ohhh
Edward
Screaming out from the crests of the waves
It could be worse
Bittersweet
It could be snapped from the jaws of defeat
Back in my room I found myself staring out the glass window counting minutes as the rain poured down.
As I watched I jerked my head as I thought I felt a sudden yearning. I scanned the room and called out softly, "Bella?"
Then there it was again – and I felt it come from outside. I opened my window and let my head poke out. I looked sideways, over, under – everywhere.
"Bella, are you out there?"
Then I felt it again, even stronger this time – I heard her – like the sound of a heart breaking… calling out… yet being drowned by the sea of rain.
"Bella, love? Where are you?"
"Edward?"
I turned around and found Alice looking worried with Jasper rubbing his temples as he leant on the door post.
"Have you seen her? Have you seen Bella come out here?" I asked almost desperately.
Alice shook her head. "No. I saw you call out to Bella and am here to say that she's not here or isn't coming here. I've looked through your future and the nearest time that you see her is at school. We came here because Jazz felt what he describes as deep longing. And it's so strong he's having a head ache. Do you want to talk about it?"
I looked at her confused and scrutinized Jasper's thoughts as he relived the feeling then I faced Alice. "It's true that I felt a little sad but not to the point of what Jasper is feeling. Though I did feel Bella's presence… like she was calling out to me…"
"So you're saying that it was her who felt it?" Jasper asked.
Alice shrugged. "At this point, I'll believe anything."
"I know what you mean Alice. Bella really doesn't have any traces of memory concerning me and Midnight is feeding her with false-close-to-the truth memories."
Jasper's brow rose. "Then why don't you just tell her? Alice told me she saw you guys talking in the car. She might believe you."
I sighed. "I know…it's not like I didn't consider it… but then… if you saw how she looked in the meadow… how…how unbound… she was…"
Jasper and Alice exchanged looks.
"You do what you think and feel is right Edward," Alice finally said.
Jasper moved forward. "Wait, have you spoken to that Midnight character about this?"
I nodded. "He said it was just a complication of her change. Anyway, I've considered it and as much as I hate to say this but…I think I should just go along with Midnight's plan… and see how things go…" I trailed off.
"But what of the strange feeling a while ago?" Jasper asked.
I thought about it for a while then answered. "Maybe that was me… I don't know… I'm plenty confused."
"Okay. We'll leave you to it." Jasper said before walking out the door.
Alice looked unconvinced as her eyes lingered onto me.
I smiled at her. "I'll be fine Alice. Maybe this is for the best."
She blinked then nodded. "Be careful Edward. Sometimes, the prettiest pictures don't make the best outcomes."
I nodded. "I know. I will. Thanks Alice."
She smiled then went out leaving me with more things to consider but still firm as a rock. The only one who stands to get hurt the most is me. That's why everyone's so worried.
But I don't hurt right now. Not when I was able to make Bella smile.
Like a light lit upon a beach
Where your heart only sleep
Though of course even if I have decided on not telling Bella her truth which gave her an opportunity to start fresh with me… there's still that "what if" that looms in the midst.
Oh
You want to stop before you begin
You want to sit when you know you could swim
You want to stop before you begin
The more posing problem – why won't Midnight let me follow them home? I could always look into Bella's file and get the address but I knew that even if I went there I can't get in. I had a gnawing feeling that if I did – if I opposed Midnight that I might lose everything. I didn't know why I felt it, but I just did. Like in a dream where you feel everything and things just flow like rivers with only one course of direction that you just follow unhesitatingly… where you accept anything… this felt exactly like it.
And following that feeling, I had to go on as it is.
Never give in
Never give in
Ohhh, Ohhh
Ohhh, Ohhh
So I turn to look out the window, closing it and watched the water cascade down it. Nothing else matters but Bella's happiness. No matter how she gets it. Nothing else.
Screaming out from the crests of the waves
Nothing matters
Except life and the love you make
Nothing matters
Except life and the love you make
Nothing matters
Except life and the love you make
Except life and the love you make
Screaming out from the crests of the waves
Bella
Wait, am I imagining things or is what I'm seeing what I'm really seeing?
Through the water cascades down my glass window I could make out a blurred image of Edward looking out the window with a resolved look in his eyes.
I knew what he has resolved.
But wait.
I jerked back as a sudden thought struck me.
Oh.
OH.
My eyes grew wide in alarm as my hand flew to my sudden open mouth. I gasped as realization dawned on me.
How could I see Edward from my window if I was in the realm of dreaming? I remembered that Midnight told me that everything – everyone was connected in a way… and dreams provide a means for almost impossible connections…
I strained my eyes over the dull images the water slides have given me and tried to make out the time on Edward's watch.
It read, 3:34 am.
I glanced back at my own wall clock and gasped. 3:34 am.
Then it's true…
Even with the futility of it, I started tapping and pounding on the window – calling out to him all the while.
"Edward, Edward! Look here – I'm here! This isn't real – that wasn't real! Wake up! I don't know how you fell asleep or how you're dreaming but you are! Wake up!"
Edward
I felt a sudden call once more but interpreted it as my mind playing games with me. I knew that there was still a part of me that yearned for the Bella who knew me even before I knew of her and that it was acting up.
But I had already decided to let the present take its course as it is.
So I drew back the curtain, sank down on my sofa, turned on my stereo, and let my thoughts drown in music as I wait for day to break.
Bella
I stared open mouthed in disbelief, my palms pressed on the cool glass as Edward shook his head and pulled down the curtains shutting me out…dismissing me… as another water work… cascading down his window…
I know he didn't mean it that way. He just probably didn't see me.
He didn't see me calling out to him through the water pouring down the glass like waves lapsing over the only barrier that separates the two of us.
He didn't see me wanting to wake up.
But I saw him.
I saw him dreaming the same dream as I.
I pressed my forehead on the glass and closed my eyes while my shoulders hunched.
I saw him wanting to go on dreaming…
Screaming out from the crests of the waves
When your longing to be saved
Screaming out from the crests of the waves
When your longing to be saved
Screaming out from the crests of the waves
AN: Thank you very much for helping me average at least 20 reviews per chapter! Though I only reached 21 reviews on Friday so I wasn't able to update on that day. I really love all of your comments. Anyway, the faster I get 20 reviews, the faster I update. I already picked out the songs for all the succeeding chapters (which was also the reason why it took some time updating) so updating would be a breeze unless my sisters hog the laptop or pc. Plus, I only have until Thursday to complete my OJT so it's back to summer vacation mode for me. :D
I know some might be curious as to what Bella - the dreaming Bella must be thinking so this chapter is a peek into her mind. Both Bella and Edward seem to have resolved what to do. Only they both have different ideas. Edward accepted the dream for Bella while Bella wants to wake up for Edward. Ay, the rub! Whose plan will come true? Dun, dun, dun…
Change of plans: After the Herculean task of selecting the final songs for the succeeding chapters, I did the best I could to narrow it down but the best I could come up with is exceeding 3o chapters instead of the estimated 25 chapters. So you guys just have to stick with me a little longer. Don't worry, with more short chapters come faster updates provided you still like it. At the end of the story I'll add the list of songs that sadly didn't make the cut. There are just so many Coldplay songs that fit this story so it's really difficult to filter. (Believe me if I had my way I'd use all 100+ songs and make an epic story but I don't have either the strength and the time. Anyway, there are some chapters that could have as much as 4 Coldplay songs that would deliver the same message.)
Much love from a new fan of Haruki Murakami*,
Margaux
*Haruki Murakami's surrealist style is exactly how I picture this story being told. So glad I finally read After Dark. Beautiful. Captivating. Exactly the style of writing I want to achieve. Not for the straight-to-the point reader.
Next song: We Never Change