I'm so sorry for the long wait. I promise the next one will be posted faster.

This is in Jasper's POV.

CHAPTER 21

I let out a long, painful exhale out of my lungs. I felt my entire body turn into stone, my chest squeezing so hard that I didn't believe my heart was even beating anymore. I shut my eyes closed and thought of colors and shapes. I did not think of green eyes, red lips and flushed cheeks. I did not think of auburn hair and milky skin. I refused to think about him. I just had to leave him behind, forget about him, because I was gone now, far away from my Edward, far away from the only place where I belonged. I didn't think of how I had broken his heart and left him spent in that closet without a word. I didn't think of how I already regretted not staying with him and holding him tight after making love to him. I couldn't think about all that so I continued to focus on random shapes and colors instead. I wished I had my notebook with me. It was the only way to completely distract myself from these tormenting feelings gnawing at my insides.

Mama grabbed my arm as the plane started its descent. I wanted to recoil from her touch but I sustained. I didn't want to start a new fight. Instead, I turned away from her and looked out the window.

Texas.

I took another inhale in, trying to fight against the growing pain. My fists balled up tightly. How could my mom take me back to this nightmare. I felt all my old fears and torture and hatred flare inside like an eruption. It burnt like hell.

Everything was hazy as we got out of the plane and met up with Aunt Jane, who came to pick us up from the airport in dad's pick-up truck. Mama and Auntie exchanged a few hushed words before settling into the car. They continued to chat cheerfully in the front, letting me wallow in my misery in the back. They were ignoring me, which was more than fine by me. I didn't want to talk. And I really didn't care about what they'd have to say to me either.

Mama had already said all that was possible to me. Her words were unfortunately stuck in my brain: I was an embarrassment and the worst son anyone would want. I always screwed everything up. I was ungrateful and a disgusting fag. I would rote in hell for being queer even after knowing what god did to people like me.

I closed my eyes again, my head leaning against the side window, hoping in vain to sleep and forget.

Edward's face appeared behind my eyelids. A wrenching spasm tugged at my heart.

I couldn't think about him. Not now, when I was already crumbling to shreds. I was too weak and too broken to even try to remember him, to picture him all alone and crying on the floor of our closet. I had no courage or strength to deal with the amount of remorse I felt for what had happened between us. I hated myself for sleeping with him, knowing full well that it would hurt him more at the end. I had promised myself to give him a clean break, an easy way to move on, but I had screwed it up dramatically. I'd had to be selfish. I had to indulge in his tenderness and beauty one last time. I had to use him while he was vulnerable, taking advantage of his sadness for my own pleasure. And then I had broken his heart.

No, I couldn't think about him right now. It hurt too much. I despised myself too much.

I inhaled deeply, pushing all thoughts away. The car reeked like cigarettes, just the same as always.

This place brought back too many dreadful memories. The fight and physical pain that these bigots had inflicted on me that infamous day. The guilt and pure remorse of what had happened to Peter. The way my old friends and my family had rejected me after I came out. The hatred and blame from the whole damn town after the incident. The complete injustice of how authorities treated the case and the disregard for my own rights and safety.

Texas had ruthlessly abandoned me, and now I was back here, and I felt sick. My pulse was racing and my fingers dug painfully into my legs.

When we turned the corner by Mr. Hunter's store, I saw the house where I grew up in. I literally felt my guts flip upside down. The air was too thick and the sun was too hot. As soon as auntie Jane parked the truck, I jolted out of the car and ran inside. I made my way to the bathroom and swiftly locked the door before slumping down on the floor. I was heaving, feeling utterly nauseous and faint. I crawled to the toilet bowl and emptied my stomach, tears streaming down my cheeks.

Homecoming had been as horrible as I expected it to be. After the initial meltdown, I fled to my old room as soon as possible and avoided all outside contact.

The whole damn family kept on glaring at me with disgust and disappointment on their faces and, somehow, I kept on walking on hushed conversation and interrupted words. They always stopped talking when I entered a room and exchanged some weird secret glances at each other. Granny and auntie Jane spent hours in the kitchen with mama, but they never bothered to talk to me.

So I stayed in my old room and locked the door. I couldn't watch their judging glares and their superior smirks. I couldn't listen to everything that was wrong with me, and how atrocious my actions have been. I hid with the curtain drawn, concentrating only on writing and drawing in my notebook.

"Jaz" a piercing, familiar voice reached me through the door.

I shut my eyes closed and wished for her to leave me alone.

"Jazzy, I know you're in there. Open the damn door and let me in."

A rush of emotions poured out of me. Sadness and shame overwhelmed me. I couldn't face her. I was too weak and pathetic, and she had always been so strong and so stubborn. I didn't want to show her how low I had fallen.

"Leave me alone, Rosie."

"Open the door, Jaz." She ordered.

Instinctively, I obeyed and got up. I went to open the door and found myself face to face with my favorite cousin, her big blue eyes shone with happiness.

"You look like shit Jazzy," she stated.

I bursted out laughing. It felt good.

"I've missed you too, cuz," I replied with sarcasm.

She immediately took me in her arms and squeezed me tight. The warmth and unconditional love she gave me almost broke me. I had to stop breathing and swallowed hard to not let any tears escape.

She let go of me, a frown on her face. She was staring behind me at the nightstand. I followed her gaze and noticed the magazines.

"So, I guess Auntie was able to save your soul after all while in Washington," she said, looking at all the playboys spread on the table.

I chuckled and shook my head.

"Not a chance. But apparently, Alec thinks he can brainwash me into liking women by giving me all of his stash of porn." I replied with a scowl.

"This family is unbelievable," she fumed.

Then her face lit up again. "So, what do you wanna do tonight? I was thinking that we could hang out with Peter and Charlotte."

My heart leaped at the mention of his name.

I shook my head vehemently.

"Come on. It'll be fun to all be together again. Emmett is coming too," she said with a smile way too sweet for Rosalie.

"I have things to do," I lied.

"Bullshit. You've been locked up in this room since you got back. You need to get out and see your friends. We've been waiting for you to call us or show up at our door for more than a week. But you haven't even tried to reach out to us. We've missed you, ya know."

I knew she was talking only for herself. Nobody else cared for me in this town anymore.

"Why would Peter wanna see me?" I asked in a low voice.

She rolled her eyes and sighed loudly. "Because you're his best friend, dumbass."

I laughed dryly. "What a friend I've been. Getting him into a coma and paralyzed for life."

Saying these words out loud made it all so real. The tightness in my chest came back. I squeezed my eyes shut and dragged my tensed hand into my hair. It was a gesture I've gotten from Edward.

"Jasper, stop it." She came closer to me and grabbed my hand that was unconsciously trying to pull my hair off. "You need to get over your guilt trip, Jasper. Nobody blames you. Peter doesn't blame you."

I shook my head over and over. I didn't want to hear her lies. I couldn't listen to her trying to make me feel better when horrible things had happened because of me.

"We all know that Felix and Aro are the ones to blame, and they beat the crap out of you too. You were hurt too."

But not as bad as Peter, that's what I thought. How I had wished it would've been me in that hospital bed instead of him. Because it was me they hated, not Peter.

"Jaz," Rosalie called my name, trying to regain my attention.

"Rose, I just can't. I can't face him. He got beat up because of me, and then I left. I escaped to a different place while he got stuck in a hospital bed, probably never walking again in his life. And I just went to a different school, moved on, fell in love, while he… he still has the scars on him, for the rest of his life. He can't move on. And it's still all my fault, no matter what anybody says. It's my fault. It's all my fuckin fault."

By the end of my rant, my voice had reached high volume and my whole body was shaking.

Rosalie stared at me, her eyes a little wide and her mouth open. She seemed at a loss for words, which never happened to her. Her gaze looked sad and it made me feel guilty for trying to bring her down with me.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. It's just that being back here, it's…" I exhaled heavily, my heart still pounding too hard inside of me. I needed to shake away this bad energy pulsating through me.

Before I could find the words to finish my thoughts, there was a knock on the door. Emmett emerged.

"Hey dudes, what's up? I thought we were all meeting at Pete's." He exclaimed, walking towards us and placing one of his big arms around Rosalie's shoulders.

"Em, babe, could you please give us a minute?" Rose asked softly, her eyes still fixated on me.

He didn't respond to her. His happy smile disappeared as he watched me. His brow furrowed and then he looked from me to Rose and back at me.

"Hey, bro, are ya alright? You look a little agitated there." He said in a lower voice.

My hand flew to my hair once more. I attempted to smile.

"I'm fine, Em. I'm just tired or somethin'. But, it's good to see you again, man." I said, adding some energy to my voice to sound convincing.

He examined me a little longer, and I knew I didn't fool him. But after a few long seconds, he smiled and extended his fist towards me. I bumped it back and nodded at him.

"It's nice to have you back. We've missed you."

The door crept open and I glanced to see who else was coming in, and all of sudden, I felt the blood drain out of me. My eyes latched into his as I watched, frozen. There was tension, and a heavy silence, around us.

Peter slowly wobbled in, two crutched on either sides. His movements were slow and strenuous. He looked straight at me while approaching us. His face was just as always: calm and content. He smiled at me. There was no hate and no blame. Just happiness at seeing me. But I still couldn't move. I felt my whole body ooze into shock. This had been the moment I had dreaded the most. I wanted to run away. I wanted to hide. My heart flipped and my guts clenched. And I didn't know what to do or what to say.

"I didn't believe any of these fools when they said you were back," he chuckled, his dimples showing as his smile grew.

His voice was just as I remembered, light and playful. My brain was stuck and I couldn't comprehend what I saw and heard. The panic became sorrow as I noticed the beads of sweat on his forehead making his scar on the left side glisten a little, and the way his feet were not positioned well for him to stand up easily.

He said my name softly into the quiet of the room. I just continued to stare, utterly mute.

"Here you go," Rosalie broke the silence, pulling a chair near Peter for him.

"No thanks, Rosie." He said as he continued walking towards me.

My breath accelerated as I watched him getting closer. He stood right in front of me and I clutched my eyes shut. Seeing his face triggered too many memories.

I felt his arms envelop me and he squeezed hard. His hug felt as nice as I remembered too. I let myself melt into his arms. And then finally, I could move again. I wrapped my arms around him as well and held him tight.

"You're walking." I croaked. And I felt kind of stupid that my first words to Peter after a year and a half were to state the most obvious.

"And I climbed the stairs today, just to see your sorry ass." He said before laughing. "You can't hide from me," he added.

"Actually, I remember being pretty good at hide and seek back in the ol' days." I chuckled back, feeling strangely emotional all of a sudden.

"I'm fine, Jaz. Everything's okay now." He whispered.

I tightened my grip around him and felt tears escape. Peter let me cling on to him and patted my back soothingly.

What did you think of switching POVs? Jasper needed to deal with his past before he might think of the future... Please leave me a review!

By the way, we are approaching the end. *sigh* I believe there are 2 more chapters to go...

Happy Holidays!