Rifiuto: Non Miriena

A/N: Written: 2009. Found: 2018. - Licia

How, exactly, did she describe the sheer terror she'd felt at realizing she'd gotten pregnant? The fear that Liir wouldn't want to become a father? That she was terrified that having a baby would be the end of her career, when she was in the prime of her competing life? She glanced at Fiyero, who sat beside her, waiting, patiently. How did she describe the incredible well of emotions she'd felt as her pregnancy had progressed? Or the worry and doubt she'd felt when her labor had started? Or the overwhelming joy at holding him for the first time, after his birth?

She bit her lip. "You..." She sighed, reaching up and brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes before slipping her hand back between her knees. She turned her gaze to the stars above, tears filling her eyes, as she thought of Liir, and how thrilled he'd been. "I just knew." She finally whispered, turning her gaze back to his. He furrowed a brow. "The night we conceived you. I just knew. It was... different. Special."

She lowered her gaze, taking a deep breath. Next to Liir's death, Fiyero's birth had been the hardest thing for her to deal with, for some reason. Liir's death was easy- she'd lost the love of her life, her only love, and she would never recover from it. But the birth of her son-

"I think I knew."

"Knew wha-" She held up a hand, and he stopped.

"I think I knew, I always knew, that I would give you up. From the moment I realized I was pregnant, I think I knew."

"I don't understand." He whispered, and she sniffled, a shaky breath escaping her vocal chords.

"A woman knows, Yero. And when she's pregnant..." She sighed, lifting her head and turning her gaze back to the stars. "Old... Vinkun superstition says that when a woman is pregnant, with her senses heightened... she can sense things yet to happen. Silly superstition, but... now that I think of it..." She sniffled. "maybe the ancients were right. I... I had this... overwhelming sense of... foreboding. That I would lose both my child and the love of my life... I was right." She turned to him, tears glistening in her eyes.

"Cattery was... equal parts furious and overjoyed when Liir and I told her I was pregnant. She allowed me to keep skating until I about... five months along or so. And then my weight began to shift and the changes in my body became more evident, by then the entire skating world knew about my pregnancy, and I was forced to take it easy. I could skate, but I couldn't compete; I wasn't allowed to do any of the lifts or tricks or throws I was so used to doing, and there were days when I cursed Liir from here to the Great Gillikin Forest for getting me into that situation... I was more upset over my inability to continue skating and competing. Not you. Never you. I loved you, from the moment I got pregnant."

She reached out, but he didn't take her hand; she wasn't expecting him to. He watched her, for several minutes, before she withdrew her hand, returning it between her knees.

"So I cost you your career?"

She started, a look of shocked horror crossing her features at his words. "Oz, no! Yero-" She shifted to face him, and Fiyero saw how young she truly looked. In this moment, she appeared no older than he or Elphaba. "My career was there long before you and it was there long after you came into my life." She sighed, a tiny chuckle escaping her throat. "You were born the night of Nationals, actually." She met his gaze, a wiry smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Liir and I were here, visiting Rima and my parents, and we had the television on; we were watching the competition. Just because I couldn't skate didn't mean I wanted to be kept entirely out of the loop. And right as the competition started, my water broke. I wasn't even aware of what was happening. Sarima helped me up so I could get a glass of water, and suddenly I felt liquid start to slide down my legs. Liir realized what was happening before I did."

Fiyero scoffed gently; he had so many questions, but he knew better than to interrupt. So he let her continue. She studied him in silence, her voice taking on a softer tone.

"Ten hours. I went through ten hours of labor that night. All of the injuries I'd accrued in practice over the years, all of the bruises and broken bones and sprained ankles and pulled muscles and rink burns... they were nothing compared to the pain I went through that night. And when one contraction ended and I thought I could catch my breath and finally relax, another would show up, until it was this never-ending cycle of pain. I didn't understand how my mother could do this- I was only going through it once, and she had done it twice in one night." She chuckled. "And through it all, he was there. He never left my side, not once. Not even when I screamed at him to go away, to never touch me again, to... go castrate himself because I was never doing this ever again, as long as I lived..." She laughed at the memory. "Liir was there through it all. He was my support, my strength when I decided that I couldn't do this, that I couldn't become a mother and I wanted it all to stop. He let me talk and rant and rave, but he never let me give up. Not even when the doctor was telling me that all I needed was one last push, and I was insisting that I couldn't... he never let me quit. He was my strength when I needed him the most." She shrugged, tears slipping down her cheeks. "And then... suddenly it was all over, all the unimaginable pain was just... gone." She sniffled. "And the doctor lifted this... tiny squealing baby from between my legs and... laid him on my chest and... told me that I had a son..." She stopped, lips thinning into a line. Her gaze moved from his, towards the stone at their feet.

"I'll never forget the look on Liir's face, when he laid eyes on you... you were beautiful. The most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. And you were mine..." She swallowed thickly. "Suddenly, all the medals, and championships and competitions in the world didn't matter, they didn't compare. They were nothing but... pale illusions of what I thought I wanted. I had the most precious prize in the entire world, and... the only thing that mattered was that Liir and I were responsible for it." She met his gaze, quickly. "You were the best thing to ever happen to Liir and I."

His blue gaze narrowed. "Then why did you give me up?"