I swear I'm alive and have not given up on this story! I meant to have this up a while ago, but school got in the way and then there was a problem with the site letting me beta, meredithgrey23 (who's awesome by the way), send me the revised chapter. If you really want details about why it took me so long to update PM me and I'll tell you. Just know I don't plan on letting so much time go by without posting again. And I hope that there are still some people out there reading this...

Also this is the last of the flashback chapters, and please don't ask me to kill any characters at the end of this one. Just asking that now.

Disclaimers in chapter 1

Hannah called Rebecca to find out if she knew how bad Booth was. Of course, he had kept it hidden from his ex and now Booth had both women on him to not focus solely on finding Brennan. They both told him that if he was smart he would continue to look for her, but that she wouldn't want it to consume his whole life. And as much as he hated to admit it, he knew Bones would give him some spiel about how his actions were irrational and unhealthy, if she had been around, too. So, he did start to cut back on the number of hours he spent at the office and he was assigned new cases, though he noticed that they weren't cases the Jeffersonian needed to be associated with. He wasn't sure if he was grateful or angry.

Slowly, instead of spending six hours every day looking for Brennan, he was spending three, and the other four working on homicides. Every time he opened a new case report, before he saw the name or description, he had a fear he was going to look down and see Brennan. Afraid that Angela had been wrong and she didn't run from him, but instead had been taken. He knew it was unlikely, but it was still something that worried him.

His nights were very different. Instead of spending them tracking down clues for her, he usually ended up at a bar having a few shots of whatever was strongest. He usually stopped himself before he got too wasted, but every now and then, he didn't. And the next day always just seemed like a lower circle of hell. Until one day, he did something that seemed like the light at the end of the tunnel… Or maybe it was just the deepest pit of hell. He picked up a pool stick and laid down a twenty.

He knew it was idiotic, but if it could keep his mind off her for a few hours it wouldn't be so bad. Plus, he'd been through the program; he could quit when he wanted to.

But his nighttime activities rarely impacted his work, and no one seemed the wiser about his slip back into gambling. Booth had always assumed if he ever gambled, somehow everyone would know the next day, and that wasn't the case. So, it continued.

At least until he made the mistake of playing online poker one night after Parker went to bed. He figured his son would be out like a light in a few minutes, and it would help him to relax. He had been playing about fifteen minutes when Parker came out for a glass of water.

"Are you playing cards online?" he asked as he came to sit next to Booth. Booth about had a heart attack at his son's voice.

"Um, yeah."

"Poker?"

"Yeah, this is my last hand though."

Booth clicked the button to reveal the last card, and found he had a full house. And a moment later his cash pile went up some as he won. Parker noticed the number increase. "You won?"

"Yeah, bub, I did."

"Cool. Can I play?"

"No, but you can go to bed," Booth told him, leaving the game and tucking his son into bed before going and taking a shower before doing the same.

The following Sunday, Rebecca came and picked up Parker like always. She asked how he was doing this week, and like always he told her fine. She never believed him, but always let it go.

And it only got worse when she came storming into his office midmorning on Monday. To say seeing her there had been a shock to Booth would be an understatement. "Rebecca, what are you doing here?"

"Last night I asked Parker if anything exciting happened this weekend. He told me about you playing cards online."

Booth opened his mouth, but was cut short.

"I know you're having a rough time with Temperance's disappearance, but that doesn't mean you have to start gambling again. What type of role model are you setting for Parker? What do you plan on telling him when you go broke? You have a steady job but you give away your paycheck to anyone who can beat you in a game of chance? That you can't stop yourself? Are you really going to throw away the last seven years of self-control because Dr. Brennan left? Tell me, how am I supposed to let you near Parker when I know you can't control your problem again?"

"Rebecca, it's not that-"

"Don't you dare tell me it's not a big deal! It's a huge deal! And if you don't get back into a program, I swear to God I won't let you see Parker."

"Hey, I'm a great father!" Booth reminded her.

"I know. But I won't let my son see you dig yourself deeper into whatever whole you've made. He practically idolizes you; I'm not going to let you crush that when he's still just a kid."

Booth sighed. He knew, logically, she was right. But that didn't mean it didn't feel like she was manipulating him. In a way, she was; but it was only to help him.

"Did you tell anyone else about this?" he asked her.

"Hannah, because I called your old house again on accident. She could tell something was wrong, and I thought she should know. I was ready to call Jared or Camille and tell them what was going on."

"Don't," Booth told her. "I'll get it back under control."

"Good. But Seeley, you really need to talk to somebody."

"And who do you think will understand my gambling problem and pregnant girlfriend leaving me?"

"I know you've seen someone before. The double name guy."

"Gordon Wyatt is now a chef."

"Then what about the psychologist you work with? Dr. Sweets?"

Booth hesitated. Last time he had an actual appointment with him, it had ended with his Bones breaking his heart. "No."

"Do you know anyone else?" Rebecca asked, already knowing the answer.

"No, but-"

"Then call Dr. Sweets," she told him before walking out of the room.

To Booth's credit, he did start going to gambler anonymous meetings again, blocked all of the gambling websites he could find from his computer, and begin avoiding any bar with a pool table. Rebecca had kept Parker one weekend from him, just to show him she was serious, but quickly came to realize that he wasn't going to let anything jeopardize time with his son.

Hannah took a different approach. She began to ask Booth to accompany her to the last few of her doctor appointments, trying to keep him occupied with something besides Brennan's disappearance. He had agreed to tag along. Her doctor was great, but there was one problem. His name was Paul Lidner. Booth had about three hours after the appointment before Cam called asking when he and Hannah had gotten back together. Being in the middle of his daily two hour look for Brennan, he had brushed her off telling her it wasn't what she thought.

"What is it then?"

"She just wants a little support. And it's not like I can't help her out," he had replied as he studied the slow withdrawals from his missing partner's account. They were all going into separate bank accounts all over the country. She was trying to make him lose her money trail.

"You better know what you're getting yourself into, Booth."

"I do, Cam."

Truth was, he didn't. Hannah slowly began asking him for more and more help as Paul restricted her more and more. Before Booth knew it, he was going to every appointment and Lamaze class with her. He felt like he was betraying Bones again, but clearly she didn't want him anymore. She had run. Out of fear, out of annoyance, he didn't know. He was still searching for her every day, but trails were becoming weaker, and anyone who might know where she was had either disappeared too (Max) or refuse to speak to him (Angela). Booth wasn't giving up, but he knew of at least one little girl who was going to need a father.

So he told Hannah that he would help with Brooke. She told him that she didn't want for her daughter to be a replacement for the child he had lost, and he swore she wouldn't. Hannah knew he was lying (whether he realized it or not), so she agreed under one condition.

"You have to talk to Sweets. I don't want your issues coming up with Brooklyn."

"Sweets? That's the only way you'll let me help you with your kid? You were the one who asked me two and a half months ago."

"That was before I knew about you and Temperance. Or that she left and you starting to gamble again."

"I've been going to meetings again," he answered, looking at the ground like a guilty child.

"You still have to talk to him before I let you do anything but babysit."

Booth had weighed his options carefully. He knew where Hannah was coming from, but didn't think it was necessary. But he also knew that if he wanted to help her, he would have to talk to Sweets. At least he knew whatever he told Sweets would never leave the psychologist's office. So, he ended up agreeing to Hannah's terms.

The first meeting Booth set up with him was a little weird.

"So, you really want to talk to me as a professional psychologist?" Sweets checked for the third time.

"Yes, Sweets. Why is that so hard to believe? You were my shrink for three years."

"Yeah, but you spent all that time telling me that I was just a kid. But hey, if you want to talk I'm here to listen."

"And whatever I say won't ever leave this room, meaning you can't ever publish it in a book or anything."

"Not unless I ask you first." Booth gave him a look to let him know that was never happening.

"Fine. I need to talk to you about a relationship I was in."

Sweets' ears perked up. "How long were you seeing her? I'm assuming it was a woman."

"For God's sake, of course it was a woman! I'm straight!"

Sweets considered asking if he thought there was anything wrong with not being straight, but decided that Booth must seriously need to talk to him. Plus, he had a good feeling he knew what this was about. He might have only exchanged a few emails with Dr. Brennan, but he knew she was pregnant with someone's child and he'd bet it was Booth's. "Okay, well how long were you in a relationship?"

"About a month and a half when she left."

Definitely Dr. Brennan.

"And do you know why she left?"

"I kinda became distant. Aw, hell, I was barely talking to her! But it wasn't by choice! Never by choice!"

Booth's mood swings completely caught Sweets off guard, but he recovered. He understood Booth's need to clarify that he was forced to abstain from contact. "Then who's choice was it?"

"The damn FBI's. I wanted to tell her, but I was placed under direct orders not to!"

"And you chose to follow those orders," Sweets said.

Booth stood up and began to pace. "I wasn't going to, but they were watching my phone records to make sure I wouldn't talk to her about some stupid case! A case she would have been happy to help with, by the way! But someone high up thought she'd go and tell Max and he'd tell everybody else in his old gang! I could only talk to her when she called me, which was always with someone else on the task force was around. And I wasn't going to disobey a direct order with someone in the room who wouldn't get it. But if I had known she was going to leave, I would have. Damn it, I should have any way! I did this before, but now… Now, it's completely my fault…"

"So, you were prohibited from contact with Dr. Brennan and she ran because of that?"

Booth stopped and looked at Sweets. "She's not as logical as she used to be, Sweets. Especially now… And I think she got a little freaked out about my distance, but I swear I had no intention of leaving her or the baby, ever. I went to beg her for forgiveness, but she had already been gone for three days! Three days, and I hadn't noticed… How couldn't I have known something was wrong? I just thought she was beginning to worry. Why wouldn't she ask me over the phone what was wrong?"

Sweets knew why, but also knew that he couldn't tell Booth without Dr. Brennan killing him. But the agent had said something that caught his attention. "Baby?"

"Yeah. She's pregnant. She told me after Mike was born." Sweets shook his head. She had lied. Dr. Brennan never lied. But she had told everyone that Booth had no idea she was pregnant. And there was no other way to describe that except lying.

"And you're sure that you don't want anyone, not even people at the lab to know about this?" Sweets pushed. If Booth could give him permission to tell one person, everything would be okay.

"The task force is still technically confidential and as for the rest, they're probably already worried about her. Why would them knowing she was pregnant make anything better?"

"So you're telling me under no circumstances am I allowed to reveal this information to anyone?" Sweets checked, hoping Booth would say the magic Unless you know where Bones is phrase or some form of it.

"That's exactly what I'm telling you." Booth knew that Sweets was a good guy, but he really didn't need his love life to be in print again. Plus, Booth was sure that if Brennan emailed or called anybody, she would have them tell Booth she was okay. Right?

Okay, so I should have another chapter up this week, and if I can finish the one I'm on now maybe the one after that. You will get more though, and sooner than two weeks.