Chapter 21
Molly woke with the sun as she always did and after a very quick shower she dressed and went down to the dining room. As she entered the room she saw a thin tired looking figure sitting at the table staring into his cup of tea. Slowly she approached him. He didn't look up as he spoke.
"Good morning I hope I didn't wake you."
"No Harry I never can sleep much past daybreak any how. How are you?" Molly asked pouring herself some tea.
"I don't know. I am hanging in there but sometimes I don't know why."
"Harry it's ok to be confused. A lot of things has happened. I wish I knew how to help you."
"I know you do. I wish that I could wake up tomorrow and just feel ok."
They finished their tea in silence waiting for the rest to join them for breakfast. Slowly the room filled with sleepy people. After breakfast he led them up to the memory room again.
"Today I will be using my emotion pensieve. While using this you will feel a very small portion of what I've been feeling. I am using this so you can understand not only what we have went through but why I've been as weak as I have been. I realize that I am doing this after Madame Pomfrey said it was to dangerous but this is the only way for you to understand. She told me that this might kill me. As much as I would like to talk to you all individually I doubt time would allow me to say everything that I need to say. I want to Thank Ron and Hermione for being the best friends I could ever have. Thank you to the Weasely's for being my family when my own couldn't. Thank you to my Family the Dursley's for being there for me today. And to the rest of you Thank you for supporting me and fighting with me. I love you all." Harry said quickly hugging each person.
"I am going to start this just after the battle and leave it go until now. It should all be over by lunch." Harry said with a calmness that most found a bit disturbing. Hermione couldn't handle it anymore with out a word she ran out of the room sobbing. Ron quickly followed giving Harry a grim smile of support. Slowly after announcing that he would be back he followed his two best friends out of the room. Molly and Arthur also left the room quietly. They couldn't sit there and wait. As they approached the door they could hear Hermione starting to raise her shaky voice. Molly shivered at the tone of the girls voice.
"I don't understand. Why would you put your life in so much danger again?"
"Hermione it is the only way for you all to understand what has been happening to me."
"Harry what is happening to you to listen to you one would think that you hope it does kill you!' Hermione said angrily.
Harry felt a rage that he had never felt before. He felt exposed to the world by her statements. He stood up and walked slowly to stare out of the window. He tried to calm himself before he spoke. After a few minutes he managed to be able to respond.
"Maybe I do have a death wish. I'm tired Hermione. I've never been so tired. Of so many things at one time. I'm tired of the pain and the memories. I'm tired of fighting a battle that I'm not sure I'm ever going to win. I'm tired of losing everyone and everything I love the most. I've tried to move on but I'm stuck where I was two months ago. For every one step forward I take I take two leaps back. I can't take it any more. But if this can help me somehow for all of you to know what I've been dealing with in my own head what other choice do I have? Hermione this is my last chance. I know it and if you think about it you know it too." Harry said turning to look at her.
"I'm sorry Harry for reacting like that. It's just that I don't want to lose you." Hermione said.
"Hermione I just don't know what to do anymore. I know it hurts you to hear this but I would much prefer death to barely living like I am now. In the past ten months some how I've lost myself. I don't know who I am anymore." Harry said sadly.
"Well lets go find you Harry." Hermione said drumming what courage she had left.
Molly and Arthur quickly went back into the room with the others to wait for Harry and the others. A few minutes later Harry entered the room followed with a stoic Hermione and a nervous Ron. He was just about to tap the pensieve when Emboro popped into the room.
"Master Harry I apologize for interrupting but a Mr. Rushnack has arrived along with the Malfoys. They have demanded to see you at once."
Harry sighed heavily. "Please have Rushnack wait for me in the office. I shall be right down to speak with him. Also take the Malfoy's to the Library and offer them some refreshments and tell them I will be there shortly Thank you."
"As you wish Master Harry."
"I'm sorry but some business has came up that I really must see too. I'll try to finish up quickly." Harry turned to leave again frustrated. All of sudden he heard screaming coming from down the stairs and doors slamming open. As he approached the door it slammed open and he stood face to face with an irate Lucous Malfoy followed by his wife and son quietly behind him.
"POTTER, I DEMAND TO KNOW WHY WE CAN'T ENTER MALFOY MANNER. I WANT ANSWERS NOW." Lucious snarled angrily in Harry's face. Harry met his glare and surprised everyone by keeping his own temper.
"Mr. Malfoy I do believe that you have forgotten your place. You will do well in the future that when you are here. You are a guest in my home and as such you will treat me and anyone present with respect that is due them. Now I do believe that I have instructed you to wait for me in the Library. Emboro please take our guests to the Library." Harry said in a deadly quiet voice.
Without a word the small house elf led the three to the library and Harry angrily stalked out of the room. Everyone looked at each other in awe of what they had just witnessed. Several voiced their concern about Harry having a meeting with known death eaters. Andromeda listened while lost in thought. Slowly she pulled the memory out from where she had hid it.
"Oh my word. I know why he has that meeting."
Everyone turned to look at her expectantly.
"If Sirius made him his heir he is now the head of the Black family. In our family's marriage agreements it should state that in the event of the husbands disgrace or arrest that he would lose the headship of his house. That means Harry is now the head of the Malfoy family. Oh dear. Poor Harry."
"Are you sure?" Kingsley asked hoping that was it secretly. After all he would hate to think that Harry was turning dark after everything.
"Yes I'm positive. They must be here to get things settled on living arrangements. As they wouldn't be allowed into the Manor until given permission by Harry."
Harry had spent ten minutes with the Goblin before leading him into the Library where the Malfoys were angrily drinking their tea.
"I gather you all are here to figure out your housing situation. I have decided that for the time being you will be permitted to stay at Spinners End."
"What about the Manor? Why can't we just go home?" demanded Lucious.
"Mr. Malfoy if you were listening I said for the time being. Until we can clean your manor of all dark objects and ensure your safety there you will be staying at Spinners End. I would not be so cruel as to keep you from your home. But as the head of your family as such it is my responsibility to ensure your safety."
"Why would we be in danger?" the man asked calmer than before.
"If you have not forgotten that your wife did lie to the dark lord about my supposed death. I'm sure that did not please many of your friends or collegues. As the dark lord and his followers often gathered their they would know how to get in. As soon as it is safe you will be moved home. Now on to other matters. I want you to know that I do not want a dime of your money. Your vault will remain your vault. How ever you will have an overseer for a time to ensure that you do not purchase any dark objects. Any questions so far?" Harry asked in a very business like fashion.
The Malfoy's shook their heads a little shocked at Harry's behaviour. They thought that with this they would have lost everything.
"Next thing I would like to say is that I will be a witness for you Narcissa and Draco. I will do all that I can to keep you both out of Azkaban. Lucious I can only say that I will try to keep them from throwing the keys away for you. I believe that there is hope for all three of you to change your ways. Now if there is nothing more I do need to go back up to my guests."
After a few farewells Harry rushed back up the stairs. He reentered the room and smiled at the assembled room. "Well shall we get this over with." he said as everyone took their seats again. He tapped the pensieve and it began to play. He watched as pain and guilt swept over the crowd in the beginning then as it changed to depression to hopelessness. Then the scene of Ginny breaking up with him played and everyone changed again to guilt and pain and a sense of worthlessness filled them. Finally after several hours he tapped it again feeling exhausted. No one moved for a few minutes. A few stared at Harry in shock that he had survived this long. Ginny was angry. Deep down she felt as all of this was just another ploy to make her feel guilty and take him back. Suddenly she couldn't bare to be in the same room as him. She stood up pulled her hand free and ran out of the room leaving Harry staring at the floor. Ron and Hermione quickly followed her. They entered the parlor across the hall to find her clenching her fists and pacing.
"How could he do that to me? You know that was just a ploy to make me feel guilty and take him back. Well it won't work."
"Ginny he wouldn't do that. He was looking for help. He thought that if we all could feel a little of what he has been feeling maybe some one could help him. Honestly Ginny it had nothing to do with you." Hermione reasoned with her. It did nothing to abate Ginny's anger.
"You're his friend first of course you would defend him."
"Gin look yes we are defending him but why should we have to defend the man you love to you of all people?" Ron said slowly getting angry himself.
Harry had finally started to move. He felt as if the world had stopped turning and all the pressure was on his shoulders. Slowly he left the room of stunned people to search for Ginny. He didn't have to go far before he heard the three voices in the parlor. He opened the door but no one noticed as Ron asked the question to Ginny.
"I DON"T LOVE HIM. I HATE HIM NOW." she yelled even though she knew it was a lie.
Ron and Hermione whipped around at the gasp they heard only to see a whirl of black hair streak out of the room. Ron and Hermione ran after him and screamed his name causing the room across from them to burst open and people to flood out. Ron and Hermione sped up the stairs to the third floor following Harry.
Harry was standing on his balcony barely able to hold himself up when Ron and Hermione reached him. He seemed in shock no tears were falling his eyes had turned a deadened green shade. Harry slid to his trembling knees as Ron tried to catch him.
"Hermione go get Madame Pomfrey. I'm going to put him in his bed." Ron said lifting his best friend up and sweeping him into the room. He quickly put Harry in his bed and removed his trainers. "Come on Harry stay with me. Don't you dare leave me. You hear me. Mate we need you around here. She didn't mean it. She was just shocked by it all. Merlin knows we all were."
Hermione swept down the stairs searching for the healer. She was starting to panic when she heard the voices coming from the parlor they had just ran out of. Ginny was trying to answer the barrage of questions that her family and friends were asking. She knew what ever was happening was her fault she should have kept her temper. Ginny looked up to see a tearful Hermione scanning the room. Hermione was looking desperately afraid to use her voice. Finally she realized she had no choice.
"Madame Pomfrey where are you?" Hermione yelled near hysterics.
"Hermione what is wrong?" Molly asked rushing to the distraught girls side.
"I need Madame Pomfrey upstairs. Harry" Hermione could say no more as she dissolved into more tears. Madame Pomfrey rushed out of the room followed by Minerva. They went upstairs and as they entered the room listened to Ron talk to Harry.
"Harry please mate you have to stay with us." Ron said with tears falling from his eyes.
"Ron let me in I'll examine him." Poppy said kindly. Minerva took Ron gently by the shoulder and led him to the end of the bed where they watched the nurse run the spell. "I'm sorry Ron He has slipped into a magical coma. It looks like what I feared would happen has. I don't understand it though He was fine right after it."
"Ron did something happen after the pensieve?" Minerva asked gently.
"He over heard an argument Hermione and I was having with Ginny. She said she didn't love him and she hated him now. But I know she didn't mean it. She was just angry and scared and confused."
"I'm sure she didn't. Well we should go down and let the others know." Minerva said as she pulled Ron out the door with her. Slowly they made their way down to the parlor. Upon entering the room it fell silent as every eye turned to them.
"Harry has fallen into a magical coma. We don't know when or if he will ever come out of it. I guess everything was just to much for the young man." Minerva said sadly.
Hermione stood up and walked to the window. She stared at the flowers dancing in the breeze. Her heart ached as she thought of Harry.
"He was so tired. We've been losing him for some time now. Slowly he was leaving us. This was his last chance. He knew it was." Hermione said to no one in particular.
"He's not gone Hermione you have to believe that. He's still here. He's going to come back" Ron said gripping her by the shoulders. Everyone in the room except Ginny turned to watch the two distraught teens comfort each other. Ginny took the chance and escaped the room that was slowly closing in on her. She quickly ran up the stairs to Harry's room. Madame Pomfrey looked up as she entered the room. Ginny looked at the raven haired boy that despite her words before that she still loved more than anything. Slowly she walked over to his bedside and sat down on the edge.
"I did this to him. I was so selfish. It had nothing to do with me I was just so angry that it took him this long to tell us all of this. I'd give anything to be able to take those words back. I didn't mean them." She said her eyes never leaving Harry's face.
Molly noticed that her daughter had left and quietly slipped out behind her. As she neared his room she could hear Ginny talking to the healer that was still with him. She stayed in the doorway waiting for their conversation to end.
"He knows deep down dear that you didn't mean what you said. He just pushed way to hard on himself. He knew this could happen. I warned him two days ago that this could happen. I'm sure your words didn't help the situation but it isn't the sole reason he is laying here right now." the healer said putting her arm around the distraught girl.
"What can I do to help him?"
"Talk to him, hold his hand and most of all love him. This is a magical Coma. It's different than your injury induced coma. You see he put to much strain on his Magical core and it has shut down completely to heal. It may take days or months or in the worst case years to heal itself. We will have to help him do exercises to keep his limbs limber for when he does wake up."
"You mean you don't think this is permanent?"
"I don't want to give you false hope but I think with time and lots of love that yes there is a good possibility that he will wake up. He may not be like he was even before the war for a while because all of his depression. It isn't just going to go away."
Ginny sat and thought for quite a while without saying a word. Molly was just about to enter the room when Ginny spoke again.
"Could you show me what to do? I want to help him."
"Yes of course. Ginny I believe that if any of us can bring him back it's going to be you. I've watched Mr. Potter for years and one thing I know is true as sure as I'm standing here He loves you."
"I'll do everything I can to help him." Ginny said trying not to cry.
"We all will" Molly said as she entered the room. Ginny looked up to see her mother's loving face and ran throwing her arms around her and sobbed on her shoulder. Molly held her daughter tightly as she cried her own tears. Poppy slipped past the mother and daughter and made her way down the stairs. Soon Molly and Ginny broke apart and went to sit next to the bed.
"Mum he looks at peace finally. I'm sorry Mum I didn't mean what I said."
"I know you didn't sweet heart and I know that he will forgive you when he wakes up." Molly said as they slipped into a silent vigil for a while.
Poppy entered the parlor which was eerily quiet feeling more tired than she had since right after the battle was over. She found a seat and watched the faces around her. She could see the hopelessness and the pain in all of the faces. Sighing she finally decided to speak.
"If I could have all of your attention Please. I do believe we do need to discuss Harry." Poppy said loudly. Everyone turned to her with rapt attention. "Harry has fallen into a magical coma. Now for those of you that do not know what that is. He put to much strain on his Magical core and it has shut down completely to heal. It may take days or months or in the worst case years to heal itself. Now as I've explained to Miss Weasely and Molly we will have to help him do exercises to keep him limber for when he wakes up. I can not guarantee that he will wake but I do believe with all the love and support that he will do so. But we are going to have to work together."
Ron and Hermione looked at each other and took a collective deep breath. Everyone else waited for what ever else she had to say.
"Now I realize that most of you know that Ginny said some things that Harry over heard." several people nodded. "I want it made clear to you all that her words did not cause this. Harry knew two days ago that if he went through with this today that this could happen."
Bill cut her off "He knew that this could happen but he did it anyway?"
"Yes Bill he did." Poppy said sighing loudly
"But why?" Charlie asked.
"He was desperate. He couldn't deal with it and he didn't have the words to tell us what he was feeling. He was so tired. Have you ever heard the phrase tired of being sick and tired? Well he was at that point. He's tired of fighting his feelings that he can't control. Tired of fighting to live. He thought that if we could feel what he was feeling maybe we could finally help him get better. It was a risk but one he couldn't back away from. We were losing him a little more everyday. He knew it. I think we all knew it. I guess the final straw was when Ginny broke it off with him. She has always been his anchor to this world. She is what kept him going while we were gone. She gave him something to fight for. Something to live for. Without her I guess he gave up." Hermione said turning again to the window. Then turning back to the room she looked at the healer and asked the question they all wanted answered. "Ok What can we do to help?"
"Visit with him. Talk to him. Tell him about the day. Hold his hand and most of all love him. I don't think any of us will have any trouble with that. He has a way about him that makes everyone love him." Poppy said with a sad smile. "Don't get mad when he doesn't respond. He can't. You see he is there but He's not there. It's like he is in a world all his own that he isn't ready to leave. He hears you He just can't answer you."
Minerva looked at the clock noticing that it was near dinnertime. "well we should all get a bite to eat. We may not feel much like eating but if we plan on getting this young man back on his feet we are going to need our strength."
"I'll go get Molly and Ginny." Arthur said leaving the room quickly. His heart ached as he slowly ascended the stairs to the next floor. He entered the room and cleared his throat before putting his hand on his wife's shoulder. Ginny was sitting close to Harry with her hand in his rubbing his hand with her thumb. He smiled sadly at his wife and squeezed her shoulder as she put her hand on his. They stayed that way for a few moments.
"we are going to have dinner if you would like to join us." he said. Molly stood up and asked Ginny if she was coming.
"No thank you I think I will just stay here with Harry."
"Ok Dear I'll bring you up a sandwich and some thing to drink." Ginny nodded as her parents left the room. Ginny still held his hand and softly spoke to him. She would be strong for him. She would fix her mistake. She wasn't going to give up on him. And she sure wasn't going to let Harry give up anymore.