Monday, February 22nd 1999
"James and Lily are clear," Minerva said, entering Dumbledore's office a few days later.
He looked up and gave her a nod. "That's good to hear," he said as she walked up and sat down on the chair in front of his desk. "How was sitting in front of their house?"
"Cold," mumbled Minerva with a sigh. "It was quite nice watching them play with Harry. I felt... wrong, though. Like I shouldn't be there. I shouldn't be spying on them."
Dumbledore nodded again. "I know this is hard."
"Spying to find a spy," she muttered, leaning back in her chair. "So far I've just been invading the privacies of people I trust and who trust me."
"It has to be done, unfortunately."
"I know," she mumbled. There was silence for a moment where Minerva looked away and sighed. She shook her head and looked back. "Alright, who's next?"
"Amelia," Dumbledore replied. "She has a lot of trials and missions coming up so I want to be sure we can trust her."
"That's ridiculous, unnecessary and a waste of my time," Minerva said, furrowing her brow. "I've known Amelia for thirty seven years. She is not the spy. She's actually watching Lucy for me right now."
"It's just a pre-"
"She would never sell out her own brother," Minerva continued, voice increasing in volume. "They killed her grandparents, parents, brother, nieces and nephews! How could she be the spy? How could you think she would have had a hand in that?"
"Minerva, it's just to be -"
"She is the most loyal person I've ever met," Minerva spit. "She. Is. Not. The. Spy."
"Minerva, these are dark times that we are in - please let me finish," he said when she opened her mouth to speak again. "I know you two are great friends but we would be fools not to pursue any possibility."
Minerva glared at him. "How can I convince Lucy that it's okay to trust people while I don't trust one of my oldest friends?"
"These are dark times," he said again.
"That only get darker the less and less we trust each other," Minerva said. "I trust Amelia and after watching Dorcas and the others I don't want to do the same thing to her."
Dumbledore frowned. "What did you find?"
"Nothing," she said quickly. "I just felt horrible! I felt like I was trespassing and I don't want to do that to Amelia!"
"If she has nothing to hide you won't find anything," Dumbledore replied.
"This isn't you, Albus. When did you become this... this... dictator!"
"I am just trying to protect everyone on the Order and win this war," he said.
Minerva glared at him for a second before turning on her heel and leaving the room. She sighed as she walked through the dark Hogwarts halls towards her own bedroom. She knew Amelia could not be the spy. The idea was simply ridiculous. She should be focusing on the others. Even if she trusted them just as much, they seemed far more likely than the kind, loyal Amelia Bones.
Minerva walked through her office and in through the secret door to find Amelia sitting on her couch with her head stuck in the evening newspaper. Amelia looked up when she entered. "Welcome home," she said with a smile. "Kid's tucked away, a bit of food and tea on your bedside just in case and all those books you've just strone about your room have been cleaned up and organized into piles according to topic and year of release, just because I got bored and had nothing better to do."
Minerva smiled. "Wow, I should have you over more often," she said, walking over and flopping down on an armchair. She flicked her wand and the tray from her bedside table flew out of the room, setting itself on the coffee table in front of her. Minerva poured a cup of tea for the both of them and handed one to Amelia. "I have some marking that needs to be done if you would like to do that too."
Amelia smiled and took the cup form Minerva. "I don't think I'm qualified for that."
"Oh, I think you could manage," she replied. "So, how was Lucy?"
"Perfect as always," Amelia said with a smile. "She's happier than she was the last time I saw her."
"Yes, she was worried before but she feels safe at Hogwarts and Raj, Nina and Daniel send her letters almost every single day so she knows that they're safe too," Minerva said. "Also she gets to stay the night with her friends so often since I'm out all the time."
"Are you ever going to tell me where you go?" she asked.
"Sorry, I can't," Minerva said.
"Secret mission for Albus and all that, I know," Amelia muttered, leaning back on the couch. "Well, she may get to stay the night with her friends but she also misses her mother a great deal when she's gone. She worries, you know."
Minerva sighed. "I know. I wish I could stay with her. I'm just as unhappy about having to leave the safety of Hogwarts as she is but it has to be done, unfortunately."
Amelia nodded. She sighed and held out her paper for Minerva. "Have you seen this?"
Minerva took the paper from her and looked down at the article on the front page. Seven Death In Manchester. Death Eaters and Order members had gotten into a duel near Manchester city hall which had resulted in the death of six muggles and one Death Eater. They had managed to arrest three other Death Eaters. Minerva sighed and nodded. "Alastor told me a little while ago when I returned."
"The Death Eaters are starting to fight differently," Amelia said, sitting up straight again. "It is no longer as precise and calculated as it used to be. It's sporadic and chaotic. They're getting sloppy. It is a shame that those people had to die because of it but it shows that they're getting scared."
Minerva nodded. "Well, they have gotten a lot of our safe houses but recently the Order and Ministry raids have been very systematically arresting as many Death Eaters as possible. They still have great numbers but they're dwindling slowly."
"This is good for us, of course, but I would also predict that it could lead to more large scale attacks," Amelia said. "They may try bigger attacks or we may see You-Know-Who himself come out more and more because they are starting to lose."
"You're probably right," Minerva said quietly, setting her cup down on the tray and picking up a finger sandwich. She was starving and had not realized it until the tea hit her stomach. "God forbid we get a little bit of a break."
Amelia smiled a little. "Well, we may be getting closer to an end."
"I still don't see it."
"Eh, you're a cynic. You won't see it until it hits you upside the head," Amelia said with a smile. "And even then you'll be skeptical."
Minerva gave her a look and with a mouth full of sandwich said, "and you're an optimist. You make an end out of nothing at all."
"It's a happier way to live, I think."
"Is it? Because as a cynic, I'm never disappointed."
Amelia rolled her eyes. "Minerva, you have two beautiful children in safe places."
"I count three," Minerva replied.
Amelia smiled. "Sorry, three beautiful children, a wonderful family, a home, friends, so much good stuff. Wouldn't you rather focus on that than on all the horrible stuff?"
"Hmm," Minerva mumbled, picking up another tea sandwich. "These sandwiches are pretty good."
Amelia rolled her eyes again. "That's a start, I suppose."
Minerva smiled a little and looked back up at Amelia. "Thank you for watching Lucy for me, Amelia," she said. "I really appreciate it."
Amelia smiled as she leaned over to grab a tea sandwich for herself. "It's no problem at all," she said. "I love watching Lucy."
Wednesday, March 17th 1999
"Your desk is absolutely filthy," Nina said. She and Daniel were at Hogwarts visiting during their Spring Break. She was sitting behind Minerva's desk trying to find the article that Minerva had asked for without much luck. She pulled out a parchment and looked it over. "This is from five years ago!"
"My desk is a little messy," Minerva said with a frown. She was sitting in front of the desk trying to get some work done even though her seat had been hijacked by Nina. "I just don't have the time to clean it out."
"You're so anal about everything else how do you manage with a desk like this?" Daniel asked, looking up from the book he was reading. He was sitting in the chair beside her. Minerva gave him a look making him laugh. He put up his hands defensively. "What? I'm just saying."
"Maybe just don't speak."
He was about to retort when Nina gasped. "Oh my god!" she said, pulling something out of the desk. "Look at these! They're so cute!"
She pulled out a tiny pair of ballet slippers that were about the size of her palm. Minerva smiled. "Yes, those were Lucy's very first ballet slippers from when she was three. I'm not quite sure how they found their way into my desk."
"These are adorable and I'm keeping them," Nina replied decidedly.
Minerva smiled and reached out for the shoes. Nina handed them to her and she turned them over in her hand. "Her feet used to be so small."
"They're still small," Daniel said absentmindedly as he turned his attention back to his book.
"They are so small," Nina said with a smile. "We should keep them safe somewhere."
"You say that about everything," Daniel said with a laugh. "If you had your way we would never throw anything away."
Minerva smiled. "No, I agree," she said. "I would like to keep these. They're important. Her first ever ballet shoes."
Daniel rolled his eyes. "You two are way too sentimental."
"If you had your way we would never keep anything," Nina mumbled. He smiled and shook his head. "It's been over a year. We should ask Lucy if she wants to go back to ballet. I miss her little recitals and I know she really loved it. I don't know why she gave it up."
Daniel sighed, shut his book, and looked at the shoes in Minerva's hands. "The reason she gave it up was because she it was something that made her happy," he said, "and she didn't want to be happy."
"Why not?" Minerva said with a frown.
"Because she felt like she shouldn't be happy. Because she thought that with Dad gone if she was happy it would be like she didn't love him," Daniel mumbled.
"That's ridiculous," Nina exclaimed.
"It is," he replied with a nod, "but once you believe something it's hard to make yourself stop."
"She's gotten a lot better now," Minerva said. "Maybe she'll want to go back. We can ask her. It may give her the extra push she needs to go all the way back to normal Lucy. Where is she anyway?"
"Down with Tonks, Bill, and Charlie," Nina said.
"Where else?" Daniel said with a smile.
"She'll be back soon," Nina said.
Minerva nodded and turned the shoes over in her hands. She sighed. "I'm going to get some tea. Would you too like some?"
They both agreed and Minerva called a House Elf to bring them some.
Lucy came back upstairs a little while later and found everyone gathered around the desk, drinking tea. She said her hellos and walked over. Minerva conjured up a chair so that she could sit as well and had a House Elf bring up some hot chocolate for her. They sat and drank their drinks for a while. Lucy told them about what she did with Tonks, Bill, and Charlie today.
"So, Lucy," Minerva said when Lucy had finished her story. "We were thinking, it's been over a year since you gave up ballet."
Lucy looked up at her for a second before looking away and giving a small shrug.
"Lucy, do you still not want to do it?" Nina asked.
"I dunno," she mumbled.
Minerva sighed and thought about how to do this. "I used to love watching you dance," she said. "You looked so happy up there."
"Do you like dancing?" Daniel asked.
Lucy looked up at him and thought for a second. "Ah... yeah, I guess," she said quietly, "but it doesn't matter. I'm not allowed to dance anymore. I got kicked out remember."
"Oh, that doesn't matter," Nina said with a smile. "If you want to dance, we can find you a new studio."
"Yes," Minerva said with a nod. "That will not be a problem."
Lucy sighed. She didn't speak for a moment, trying to think up another excuse. "What... what about school?" she said. "It might get in the way. I mean, I'm pretty busy with school."
Daniel raised an eyebrow at her. "When have you worried about something affecting your school work? You literally barely do your homework."
"Hey, I'm doing it now," Lucy said, crossing her arms.
"Yes, you are," Minerva said with a smile. "So, I doubt you'll have a problem."
"Yeah, you have always been very good at balancing school and extracurriculars," Daniel said. "You've done it before. You can do it again."
"I've missed a year of practice," Lucy replied. "I'm probably no good anymore."
"They will teach anything you've forgotten," Nina said. "Though I don't think that will be a problem for you."
"But I can't even go to dance. I have to come straight back here after school," she said.
"I'm sure Remus and Dorcas won't mind taking you to dance a couple days a week," Minerva replied.
"But what about -"
"Okay, Lucy," Minerva interrupted, tired of hearing Lucy's excuses. "What is the real reason you don't want to dance anymore?"
Lucy shrugged. "I just don't want to, okay? You can't make me do something I don't want to do," she said quietly. She put down her mug and stood up. "I'm done. May I be excused?"
Minerva sighed and nodded. Lucy stood up and ran to the secret door. Nina stood up and pulled the torch to open it for her and she ran inside towards Minerva's bedroom where she was staying while Daniel and Nina were here.
Nina sighed and sat back down before shaking her head. "Well, that went wonderfully," she said sarcastically.
"Eh," Daniel said, "if she doesn't want to do it we can't force her."
Nina glared at him. She smacked his arm. "You're an idiot! Obviously she wants to do it. Something's just stopping her. Something she won't tell us."
"I think you're reading too far into things," Daniel said.
Nina glared at him and then turned back to Minerva. "Your children are exhausting."
"I know," Minerva said with a smile. "Daniel, Nina is right. Lucy does want to keep dancing."
"Alright, then go talk to her," he said with a shrug. "Try again."
"I will," Minerva said.
She used her wand to vanish the empty mugs before standing up and walking towards the door. Minerva walked back to her own bedroom and knocked on the door. Lucy didn't say anything. Minerva sighed and opened the door.
"Sweetheart?"
Lucy was sitting on the bed with the blanket over her head. Minerva smiled a little and walked over to the bed. She heard a soft delicate melody floating out from under the blanket. Minerva sat down on the edge of the bed and said, "Oh my, now where has my daughter gone?"
"I don't want to talk right now," Lucy mumbled.
"Okay," Minerva said. "You don't have to talk. How about you just listen?"
Lucy didn't respond and Minerva took this as a yes.
"I know why you don't want to do ballet anymore," she said. "Ballet was something you loved to share with your father. He brought you daisies every dance recital, didn't he? Well, he would want you to continue, Lucy. Even with him gone."
"I don't think I can," Lucy whispered. Minerva reached up and pulled the blanket off Lucy. She had tears running down her face and was holding a small mahogany jewellery box that had a small ballerina twirling inside it while the music played. Lucy wiped the tears away from her face and moved closer to Minerva. Minerva wrapped her arms around the little girl. "Mommy... I'm trying. I'm trying so hard to feel better but every time I do, I remember that he's gone and how horrible I am for being happy when he's gone. Daddy is dead, so many people are dead, and here I am laughing and singing and dancing. How horrible is that!"
"It's not horrible, my darling," Minerva said quietly, pulling Lucy into her lap. "I know you miss him. I miss him too but he would want you to smile, to laugh, to be happy without him."
"But the war. Shouldn't I wait till after the war is over to start ballet again?" Lucy asked.
Minerva shook her head. "No, love. You shouldn't put your life on hold for this war. The best way to fight this is to not give it the importance that it wants. You can't let it decide your life for you. You can't let it affect you like that. We cannot live our lives constantly thinking about the holes left behind by a loss. Some days are going to be hard. Some days you're going to feel cold and alone and stuck in a dark place but you are not alone. I am here, Daniel is here, Nina is here. We are all here for you and we want you to stand up, push through the darkness and find the light."
Lucy took a shaky breath and took one of Minerva's hands in hers. "How do you push through the darkness?"
"You let yourself be happy again," Minerva replied. She pushed some of Lucy's hair back and turned her chin up to look at her. She wiped the tears away from her face and gave her a little smile. "You embrace the things that make you happy." Minerva took the music box out of Lucy's hand and looked at the small ballerina doing twirls around inside it. "Does this make you happy, Lucy?"
Lucy looked down at the music box. She nodded and smiled a little bit. She got up out of the bed and took the music box away from Minerva. She walked over to the dresser and opened her box of important things. She put the music box inside and pulled out her ballet shoes. She then walked back to Minerva and handed her the shoes. "I'm going to need new ballet slippers. I think mine are too small now."
Minerva smiled and set the shoes down on the bed, taking Lucy's hands in hers instead. "We'll get you new shoes, darling," she said. "We'll get you everything you need."
Monday, March 22nd 1999
Late winter snow fell down around Minerva as she sat in her cat form staring at the telephone booth that she knew Amelia always used to exit the Ministry building in London. The snow settled in her hair and the cold wind made her hair stand on end. She already felt horrible sitting here and the cold only made it worse.
She turned to look at the time on a television in a shop window nearby. It was almost time. She looked back at where she had set the small Invenietor in the heel of a footprint. This plan was quite foolproof since no one but Amelia ever left through this door. It was old and got stuck quite often. They had debated closing it down on multiple occasions but each time no one actually got up and did anything about it. Bureaucracy, one of the many reasons Minerva had left the Ministry. Amelia, being a creature of habit, still used this door nonetheless. It was the entrance she used back in 1969 when she had first started working here and it would be the door she used until she finally retired. Though Minerva doubted that woman would ever retire.
Time passed and finally Minerva saw the inside of the phone booth disappear and another rise from below. Amelia opened the door and stepped out into the cold London streets, foot hitting its marker and Invenietor sticking to the bottom of her shoe.
Amelia began her walk towards a safe Apparition Zone that the Ministry had set up all around the Ministry building. Minerva followed a great deal behind her. She had to be more careful with Amelia than she had been with everyone else. She was more likely to realize that she was being tailed than Dorcas, Remus, James and Lily were. When they made it to the safe zone, Amelia pulled out her wand and disappeared. Minerva waited a few seconds before transforming back into a human and following her.
She expected Amelia just to Apparate back to her home at the edge of Camberley but when she reappeared she found herself on the edge of a cliff. She was in a cave behind a raging waterfall. Minerva frowned. She listened to the water crash below and felt the mist coming off from the falling stream inches away from her.
"What is this? Some sort of tracker."
So much for being careful. Minerva turned on her heel and looked into the cave behind her. Amelia stood with her back against the wall of the cave and the small piece of glass in between her thumb and index finger, glaring at her. Her brown hair that had once been tied back in a neat bun was now falling slightly. She looked tired and angry. She threw the glass onto the ground in front of Minerva.
"Invenietor. One of Albus's creations," Minerva replied, using her wand to find and retrieve it. She stuffed it into her pocket and then looked back at the waterfall behind her. "Plodda Falls. Cute."
"Summer of '69, we sat at the edge of this cave and you told me about your recent engagement to Dougal McGregor," Amelia mumbled, pushing herself off the wall and walking slowly towards her. She stopped a couple of steps away. "Told me it was different from your parents. Told me that you wouldn't have to lock your wand away under your bed. Told me he would understand."
"You said are you sure," Minerva said quietly, voice almost drowned out by the waves outside. "'You haven't known him that long,' you said. 'How can you know for sure?'"
"Told you that it didn't matter what I thought. That at the end of the day it was up to you to decide what you wanted. You loved Castletown but were you alright with living and dying there. Giving up your dreams for his. Giving up your world for his. You decided no."
"And I don't regret it."
"Since then we've come back here every time we had something important to tell each other," Amelia continued. "This is where I told you about my judgeship and then my promotion to the Council of Magical Law. You told me that you were leaving for Hogwarts. Your engagement to Elph. When Karen got pregnant for the first time. After Elph's dead. When you met Jay. Oh, when you met Jay. 'He is the sweetest man I've ever met and he has a son who is the politest little gentleman. You should meet them, Amelia.'"
Minerva sighed. "'I never thought I would ever feel this way ever again.'"
"Then when you got pregnant with Lucy," Amelia said. "We have shared so many of the biggest moments in each other lives. We've told each other all our secrets... and yet... yet you still don't trust me."
"Amelia, no, this is not -"
"You think I believe the bullshit he preaches? You think I would sell out my own brother and his family? You think I would help the people who killed my parents and grandparents? You think I would ever do anything to harm Lucy or Daniel? I love those children as if they were my own," Amelia said, tears welling up in her eyes but voice staying calm. It was worse than if she had just straight up yelled. Minerva would have liked that better than this level, disappointed tone. "I loved you like my own sister and you never trusted me."
"No! I do trust you! Why would I let you around Lucy and Daniel if I didn't trust you?" Minerva said, tears filling her eyes too.
"I've lost so much, Minerva. I've had my heart broken so many times during these long years of war," she said, tears falling down her cheeks. "But I never... ever thought that you would be the one to break it even further."
"Amelia -"
She was gone. She had Apparated away. Minerva stared at the space that she had once occupied for a long time. Was this it? Was their friendship going to up in flames? Thirty seven years of mutual love and respect all ruined in five minutes. Minerva felt the tears running down her face. This is exactly what she didn't want to happen. She knew that Amelia could never have been the spy. She should never have tried to follow her.
Minerva wiped the tears off her cheeks and Apparated back to Hogwarts. She walked through the gates and the guards did not bother her too much, seeing that she was in a foul mood. She walked through the corridors and up to her office. She walked in to find Dorcas sitting at her desk with Lucy as the girl did her homework. Lucy looked up and smiled.
"Mum!"
"Hey, Minerva," Dorcas said with a smile.
"I thought you weren't coming back till tomorrow morning!" Lucy said excitedly, getting up and walking around the desk. She held a few pages up towards her. "I got my essay on Peggy Carter back! I got a hundred percent, look!"
"That's nice, Lucy," Minerva said very dismissively and a little coldly, though she had not intended to do so. She made no move to look at the papers in Lucy's hands, instead walking around her and heading towards the door to her private quarters. "I'll look at it later."
Without waiting for a reply, Minerva walked through the trapdoor and into her bedroom. Lucy watched her go, smiling fading. She looked over at Dorcas and asked, "did - did I do something wrong?"
"No, love," Dorcas said with a small smile. "I'm sure she's just tired. It'll be okay." She motioned for Lucy to come back and sit down beside her. "Let's finish this up. Tell me more about the math you're doing."
"Okay," Lucy said though all her enthusiasm was gone now.
...
"Mum?" Lucy called through her mother's locked bedroom door. "Mum, it's time for dinner!"
There was no answer. Lucy frowned and knocked even louder. "Mum!"
"Lucy, please go down with Dorcas," Minerva's voice came through the door. "I will not be coming down today. I'm not feeling well."
"Dorcas left already," Lucy said, starting to get worried now. "She said that since you were back you would probably want to go down together. Mum, are you okay?"
There was silence for a long time before the door clicked and opened on its own. Lucy walked inside the dark room and saw her mother laying in her bed. She walked over a little nervously and climbed up. "Mum?"
Minerva turned over and looked at her. "I'm just not feeling well right now, darling," Minerva said softly. "I'm okay. Just a little sick."
"You scared me," Lucy said, reaching over and turning on a lamp on the bedside table. The lamp illuminated the room, adding a little bit of warmth back to the once cold darkness. She moved closer to her mother's side and put a hand on her forehead like Nina did when she was sick. "You don't feel warm," she said, in the best professional voice she could muster making Minerva smile a little bit before pushing her hand away. Lucy then got an idea. "Oh! I'll be right back."
Minerva watched her go with a frown. She sighed and sat up a little, leaning her back against the headboard. Lucy came running back into the room, carrying a small brown bag with a red cross on the front. She climbed back up on the bed and opened it up. Lucy pulled out a plastic headmirror and put it around her head. Then she pulled out a toy stethoscope and put it in her ears.
"My name's Dr. Collins," she said in a business like voice. "I'll be your doctor today."
Minerva smiled a little and decided to play along. "Oh, Doctor, I'm glad you're here. I've been feeling a bit under the weather lately."
"Hmm, let's take a look," Dr. Collins said. She leaned over and put the stethoscope down on Minerva's chest. "Hmm, interesting." She then felt her mother hands. "Yes, very interesting." She took the stethoscope out of her ears and let it fall around her neck. She pulled out a little rubber hammer and hit Minerva's knees gently. She didn't hit them in the right place however so there was no reflex response. She shook her head a little. "Oh no."
"What is it, Dr. Collins?" Minerva asked.
"Well, I'm sorry to tell you this, Ma'am, but I'm afraid you might be a... vampire!" Dr. Collins exclaimed. "You don't have a heartbeat, your hands are cold and your legs don't move when I do this." Lucy hit her on the knee again, this time a little harder, and still got no response.
"A vampire? No, it can't be!" Minerva said dramatically.
"Do you have a thirst for human blood?" she asked, putting her hammer, stethoscope, and headmirror away in her bag.
"Hmm, well," Minerva said. "Now that you mention it..."
Minerva grabbed Lucy by the arm and pulled her towards her, tickling and pretending to bite her. Lucy laughed and squirmed trying to get away. "No! Don't make me a vampire too! I like Italian food too much!"
Minerva laughed. "You don't want to be a vampire because you like Italian food too much?"
Lucy looked up at her and smiled. "They use a lot of garlic," she said, moving a little so she was sitting beside her mother now instead of on top of her.
"Oh, I see," Minerva said with a smile, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.
"So are you feeling better?" Lucy asked. "You look better."
"I do feel a little better. Thank you, Dr. Collins," Minerva said. "But I don't think I'm up for going to the Great Hall for dinner tonight. Why don't we just eat here?"
"Okay," Lucy said, leaning into her mother's chest.
"And maybe you could show me your essay that I didn't get to see earlier," Minerva said, trying to make up for how rude she had been before. "I'm very proud of you for getting a hundred percent, my love, and I would love to read it."
Lucy smiled. "Okay! I think you'll like it because you like Peggy Carter too right?"
"Yes, I do," Minerva said with a smile.
Author's Note:
Introducing new character Dr. Collins. I do question her methods but I can't deny that she gets the job done! Anyways, it seems the war is getting pretty intense and it's sad to see its affects on even the strongest relationships.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please don't forget to review! It makes me happy to see that real people are out there enjoying my story!