Someone to Love You – Chapter 21
Rachel's jaw dropped as she absorbed the full meaning of what Santana had just unwittingly revealed. Before she could react, Jesse's lips were on hers, effectively silencing the cutting remark he was certain she'd been about to aim in the cheerleader's direction. With his arms clasped tightly around Rachel's slender body, he felt her tremble. Bringing his mouth close to her ear, he quietly offered words of caution.
"Stay calm. The last thing you want is a public fight."
Her response was the softest of whispers.
"I won't do anything stupid. But I need to get out of here."
Reaching for another napkin, Jesse scrawled a quick note and discreetly summoned the waiter once again. At the man's nod, Jesse tossed a couple of bills on the table – their server deserved a tip for his trouble, even if they hadn't had the chance to order anything – before slipping his jacket over Rachel's shoulders. Once she'd pulled its hood over her head in an attempt to conceal herself, they eased themselves from the booth and, following the waiter's lead, headed for the back exit. As they disappeared around a corner, Brittany caught a glimpse of Jesse's retreating figure. Her brow furrowed as she tried to place the somewhat familiar dark curls.
"Hey, San, isn't that Mr. Schue's son?"
Santana whipped her head in the direction Brittany pointed to, but she was a second too late. Turning to the blonde in front of her, she quizzed her for more information.
"Mr. Schue doesn't have a son, Brit. Who are you talking about?"
"You know. That guy who came over from Vocal Adrenaline. He looked just like Mr. Schue."
"Jesse St. James? You thought you saw him here?"
"Well, I only saw the back of his head. He had curly hair."
"Lots of guys have curly hair, Brit, and since St. Jerk was a senior last year, I'm pretty sure he high-tailed it out of Ohio at the first opportunity. I can't imagine why he'd be back in Lima. His only tie to this town is Man Hands, and there's no way she'd even give him the time of day after he used her, dumped her, then egged her before Regionals."
"You're right. It probably wasn't him. So, let's get back to you and Finn…"
As soon as they emerged from the restaurant into the back alley, Rachel broke into a run, needing to dispel some of the rage that was welling up inside her. Jesse followed her effortlessly, keeping pace even when she sprinted the final block to the Range Rover. Once they came to a stop, he observed her carefully, attempting to gauge her reaction to what she'd just overheard. He was relieved to see that, although her eyes flashed, they remained dry. Unable to stand still, she began to pace, cursing Finn as she did so.
"That rotten, good for nothing jerk! How could he do this to me?"
"Sleep with Santana?"
Jesse found himself unconsciously holding his breath as he awaited her answer, dreading the significance of an affirmative response. If she was annoyed with Finn for having sex with another girl, it would be a clear indication that she harboured unresolved feelings for the douche.
"Yes."
She caught the flicker of pain that crossed his face, before he quickly masked it. Raising a hand to his cheek, she caressed it softly as she sought to reassure him.
"I don't mean that the way it sounds. I don't really care that he slept with someone else..."
He raised a sceptical eyebrow, but otherwise made no comment. She rushed to explain herself.
"What upsets me is that, of all the people he could have chosen, he had to pick Santana. She's, like, the McKinley mattress queen. He doesn't love her. I don't know if he even really likes her. But he let her be his first."
"And this bothers you because…"
"I told you before that sex is a big deal for a girl. For some reason, I thought it was the same for Finn. I thought he was different, and it's disappointing to find out that he's just like every other guy."
His voice was quiet as he spoke.
"You mean he's just like me."
"No, I…"
Her words trailed off, and she sighed deeply.
"Okay. Yes. It bothers me that you've been with other girls."
"None since we met."
Her eyes widened at his admission.
"I… didn't know. Not once? Not even when you were in San Diego with… your team?"
"Especially not then. I was hurt, and I needed some space, but that's when I fully realized that you'd become way more to me than just another acting exercise."
He paused a moment to collect his thoughts, running a hand through his hair as he did so. She smiled at the gesture, already so endearing to her.
"Your little triple-casting stunt drove me absolutely crazy. When I headed out West for the week, I had vowed to myself that I would put you behind me, and prepare myself for my return to Vocal Adrenaline. I swore I'd do whatever it took to accomplish that."
"Meaning?"
"I had every intention of drinking myself into a stupor and having sex with any girl who offered."
"But you didn't?"
"Oh, I managed one out of two. I downed enough alcohol to seriously cloud my judgment, but there was a line I couldn't bring myself to cross. You were always there, in my head, unshakeable. Every time I even considered taking one of my teammates to bed, it felt like a betrayal. I think that's when they started to put the pieces together, figuring out how important you were to me. It's what made them so determined to make you the focus of our funkification."
"Thank you for explaining all of that."
"You're welcome."
He took both her hands in his own before continuing.
"I can't change the past, Rach. Clearly, I'm no virgin. But I can promise you this – whenever we decide to sleep together, it will not be meaningless, and it will definitely not be a one-time thing. Because, up until now, that's all I've ever known. It'll be different with you."
She couldn't help but cock an eyebrow at him.
"That sure of yourself, are you?"
His response bore no hint of humour.
"I'm sure of us."
At his words, she wrapped her arms around his waist and drew him close, leaning her head on his chest and quietly listening to his slow and steady heartbeat. Although she was still mad at Finn, her talk with Jesse had served to diffuse some of that anger. As if hoping to read her mind, he titled her face up to his and gazed steadily into her deep brown eyes.
"Feeling better?"
"Yes, thanks. But I am still furious at Finn. He lied to me. Repeatedly."
Her voice had risen as the depth of her wrath overwhelmed her once more.
"He told me he loved me. How could he say that and then be dishonest with me, for months on end? He had plenty of opportunity to come clean, but he never did. He was probably making fun of me behind my back, laughing at how gullible I was for believing everything he said."
"He's not the only one who wasn't honest, Rach."
"What are you talking about?"
"You lied to him, too."
"I did not! I confessed that I didn't actually sleep with you. I told the truth."
He cast a disbelieving glance her way.
"Always?"
"Yes. I never…"
The denial stuck in her throat, and embarrassment coloured her face.
"I understand that you're mad. Finn's been lying to you, for a long time now, so your anger is fully justified. But you're hardly entitled to occupy the moral high ground here. Did you ever mention to him that we'd started texting? Did you tell him all about our late night phone calls? Does he know you ditched his mom's wedding to meet me?"
At each of his questions, she shook her head, silently acknowledging the cold, hard reality that he'd forced her to examine. Slowly, the rage that she'd been feeling began to subside, and the accompanying rush of adrenaline ebbed, leaving her dejected and shivering. Jesse unlocked the SUV, and they clambered into its relative warmth. Rachel managed a tremulous smile as she sagged into his comforting embrace.
"I'm not just mad at Finn," she admitted softly.
He gently stroked her back, in a gesture of wordless encouragement.
"I'm mad at myself, too. For some reason that I can't quite explain, I put Finn on a pedestal. He didn't deserve it, but I idealized him in my mind. So, even though he didn't share my passions, ignored me half the time, was more than willing to criticize me and rarely stood up for me when others attacked me physically or emotionally, I built him up as this dream boyfriend. It was crazy and stupid, and driven by self-doubt, but more importantly, it was unfair to you."
"To me?"
"Yes. To you. From the moment I met you, Jesse, I was smitten. Totally and absolutely. You were everything I'd ever wanted – smart, funny, talented, handsome… And yet, I couldn't let go of the fantasy. Loser becomes popular by dating the football quarterback. It was like a bad cliché, but I was living it. I cut Finn so much slack because of it, but I didn't do the same for you."
"Is he still on the pedestal?"
"Not even close! He's been pretty shaky for a while, now. What I learned tonight, well, that knocked him right off."
"Can't say I'm sorry to hear that."
"It's left me with one big problem, though."
"Which is?"
"I don't want to wait until after Sectionals anymore. I can't stand the thought of continuing to pretend to be Finn's adoring girlfriend. I feel like slugging him, not singing with him."
He chuckled at the image of the petite brunette aiming a punch at the freakishly tall football player.
"I think I'd pay to see that," he teased.
She gave him a playful shove in response.
"Be serious. I need your advice."
"You realize I've got a slight conflict of interest here. My heart wanted you to break up with him weeks ago. My head suggests sticking to your original plan. I know how important the competition is to you."
"But there's no way I can wait that long to confront him, and once I do, there'll be no going back. He and I will be utterly finished."
"If you do this, will you still be able to duet with him, if that's the way Schue ultimately decides to go?"
"I'll have no problem. I'm a professional. It will be good practice for the day when I'm sharing a stage with some lout who insists on eating garlic sandwiches before a love scene. I can't vouch for Finn's abilities in the matter, however."
"Then I say take a chance and do it."
"Okay."
Reaching for her purse, she opened it and began rummaging through its contents.
"What are you doing?"
"Getting my phone to call Finn."
"Now?"
"Why wait? No time like the present."
He considered reminding her that they were due at his aunt and uncle's, then thought better of it. The sooner she cut Hudson loose, the sooner they could be together openly. Besides, with having had to sneak out of the restaurant without eating, he hazarded a guess that it was still fairly early. He watched as she hit one of her speed dial buttons, smirking as he noted it was number seven. He was fairly certain that he was higher on the list.
She slipped her hand into his as she waited impatiently for Finn to pick up. After several rings, her call went to voicemail. She scowled as she listened to the greeting, then disconnected without leaving a message. Jesse eyed her quizzically.
"What's up?"
"I'd forgotten. Finn's gone out of town with his mom, Kurt, and Kurt's dad. He made a point of saying that he's not planning on checking his phone much while they're away. Besides, this is something I want to do in person."
"Any idea when he'll be back?"
"Day after tomorrow, according to what I just heard."
"So, nothing more can be accomplished tonight, right?"
"Yeah."
"Let's head over to Drew's, then. He and Cat are expecting us, and I'm starving."
Her lips curved into a mischievous smile.
"Looks like you'll still owe me a dinner out, St. James."
"I'll make good on that, I promise."
"Jesse?"
Having heard the door leading to the garage open, Drew called out his nephew's name uncertainly.
"Yeah, Uncle Drew, it's me."
The older man's voice got louder as he approached the mud room.
"We weren't expecting you home so early. Is everything okay? Or did you manage to screw things up with Rachel already?"
Drew came to a sudden halt at the sight of the teens in question. Rachel's hands were firmly tucked in the back pockets of Jesse's khakis, while his fingers were tangled in her hair. Caught up in a passionate kiss, they remained oblivious to anyone but each other.
"Guess not," Drew observed dryly, before clearing his throat to announce his presence.
Jesse reluctantly pulled his lips from Rachel's. Turning only slightly towards his uncle, he maintained his hold on the girl at his side, draping his arm casually across her shoulders.
"Hate to disappoint you, Uncle Drew, but I seem to be screw-up free so far," Jesse wisecracked, a self-assured smirk tugging at his lips.
"The night is young," Drew shot back.
"You see what I have to put up with?" Jesse complained to Rachel.
She merely laughed at the mock annoyance in his tone as she moved towards Drew, who engulfed her in a welcoming hug.
"Seriously, why are you two back so soon? Didn't the restaurant live up to the effusive praise Cat and I showered upon it?"
"It seemed great. Loved the ambiance, and the smells were mouth-watering. We just never got a chance to place our order," Jesse admitted.
"Why not?"
"Some people I know showed up," Rachel confessed.
"And you didn't want them to see you together?"
"That's only part of it. If we'd been really careful, we probably could have escaped detection, but they were in the booth right behind us, and…"
Rachel's explanation trailed off, as her earlier angry feelings resurfaced. Jesse stepped in smoothly to continue the account of their aborted date.
"We overheard some rather shocking news about Finn, and Rachel felt the need to get some air. Once we'd left, it seemed best just to come home."
None of them had noticed Cat's arrival, until she appeared at Rachel's side and wordlessly opened her arms. Rachel accepted the hug gratefully.
"Does this mean you haven't eaten?" Cat inquired solicitously.
"Not a bite," Jesse confirmed.
Cat immediately took charge of the situation.
"Drew, why don't you get a fire going? Rachel, honey, you go with him. You look chilled. Jesse, help me rustle up some food for the two of you."
They all knew better than to argue with Catherine St. James when she was in drill sergeant mode. Rachel obediently followed Drew to the family room, while Jesse joined his aunt in the kitchen. As she began pulling together the ingredients for a vegan pizza, her true intentions in having co-opted her nephew became apparent.
"Is she really okay?"
"She's mad, and she's hurt – even though she's doing her best to hide that particular emotion from me."
"Why would she do that?"
"She's trying to spare my feelings. She found out tonight that Finn slept with one of the cheerleaders, and that he's been lying to her about it for months. She's furious – and rightly so – but I know that a betrayal like that will have cut her to the quick. She doesn't want me to think she still cares for the jerk, but I'd understand her being sad and depressed. And I could handle it, because she and I are solid."
"Poor Rachel. She certainly hasn't had much luck with boys lately."
"Ouch!"
"If the shoe fits, Jesse. You may be solid, as you say, but it's only because you had the incredible good fortune to fall for a very forgiving girl. Personally, I would have sweet-talked some guy into giving you a good ass-whipping, then walked away with a smile as you lay on the ground, bruised and bleeding."
"I never figured you for the vengeful type."
"Normally, I'm not. But I watched the two of you before. She was the best thing to ever happen to you, and you made the biggest mistake of your life when you let your team dictate your behaviour in relation to her."
"Why are you telling me this now?"
"Because I can't stand the thought of it happening again. You have changed since you've been away. I've noticed a greater maturity about you, and that bodes well for your future with Rachel. Hopefully, you appreciate the magnitude of the gift she's given you by agreeing to take you back."
Jesse nodded. Satisfied, Cat continued.
"But you broke her heart once. If you ever do it again, you won't need to worry about her reaction, because my new goal in life will be to make you regret the day you were born."
"Duly noted."
"Okay, lecture's over. Now, let's see you work some of the famous St. James charm. Find a way to get Rachel in here, but be subtle about it."
"Am I ever anything but?"
Cat rolled her eyes.
"Oh, please. Make yourself scarce, and take that oversized ego with you."
Shooting his aunt a cocky grin, Jesse headed for the family room. He halted at the entrance as he observed Rachel and Drew deep in conversation. He was about to back away discreetly when he caught the mention of his name. Curious in spite of himself, he stood silently, scarcely daring to breathe as he awaited their next words.
"Jesse might not want me to tell you this, but he was a total mess back in June. Honestly, I'd never seen him so miserable. He'd come to stay with us for a while, and for the first couple of weeks after you guys broke up, he barely left his room. As for the music I'd hear coming from there at all hours… well, let's just say if I was going to create a playlist with that stuff, I'd probably call it Music to slit your wrists by. He's never been a happy-go-lucky kind of kid – way too serious and driven for that – but he was downright melancholy. Eventually, he started spending more time with us again, but he pretty much avoided his friends for the rest of the summer, and he seemed to have lost all of his excitement about heading to UCLA. Oh, and he refused to let Cat buy eggs. Said the very sight of them turned his stomach."
Rachel surprised both Drew and Jesse by laughing softly at this revelation.
"I was the opposite. Even though my daddy and I don't eat them, I insisted on having some in the house. A form of aversion therapy, I suppose."
"Did it work?"
"Yeah. I don't flinch when I see someone holding one anymore."
"Glad to hear it. I'm also glad – thrilled, really – that you're back in Jesse's life. He comes alive when he talks about you. You're good for him."
"And he's good for me. It feels right to be with him again. I missed him. I missed you and Cat, too."
For the second time that evening, Rachel found herself wrapped in Drew's strong arms. Jesse chose that particular moment to stroll casually into the room.
"Hey, you two. Am I interrupting?"
"Not at all. You're just in time to go grab some more firewood from the garage."
"Okay. By the way, Rach, Cat was hoping you'd give her a hand. Apparently, my domestic skills aren't up to snuff tonight."
Drew's eyebrows rose. He seemed about to make some comment, but a glance from Jesse kept him quiet. Once Rachel had left for the kitchen, Jesse answered his uncle's unspoken question.
"Cat wants to talk to her. Told me to be subtle."
"I'm amazed she bought that, considering how often you cooked for her."
"I'm pretty sure she knew what I was up to. But she enjoys hanging out with Cat, so it's not as if I had to try very hard to convince her."
Drew grinned.
"Separate interrogations, huh? How did yours go?"
"Cat basically threatened to make my life a living hell if I hurt Rachel again."
"She'd have to get in line."
"I wonder if Rachel fully realizes how firmly in her corner you both are."
"If she didn't before, she will after tonight. Now, go get that wood."
As Rachel padded into the bright and airy St. James kitchen, she was only mildly surprised to find the pizza already in the oven, and Cat seated at the table with two steaming mugs of tea set before her.
"You didn't really need my help."
"Nope. Just wanted to chat."
"You didn't need to send Jesse with some lame excuse about his cooking abilities. We both know he's better at it than I am."
"I'm thinking he needs to work on subtle," Cat chuckled.
Rachel's answering smile was warm as she dropped into the chair opposite Cat. Raising the mug to her lips, she sipped the hot beverage appreciatively.
"How did you know I needed this?"
"I'm psychic," Cat quipped. "Runs in the family."
"Thanks."
"You're welcome."
An easy silence fell between them. Cat was the first to speak.
"Rachel, you know how much we – Drew and I – like you, right?"
"Yes."
"I'm not sure if you ever realized… well… when you and Jesse were dating back in the spring, we came to see you as one of ours… almost like the daughter we never had."
Rachel's eyes grew moist at Cat's confession.
"Anyway… I know you have two great dads, and I'm not trying to take their place… but I simply wanted to let you know that, if there's ever anything you'd like to talk about… something you feel could use a woman's input… I'm a good listener, and I give decent advice – or so I've been told."
"You really must be psychic," Rachel whispered, an awestruck look on her face.
"Something on your mind?"
"Yeah. I love my dads, I really do, but I've been so embarrassed the last couple of days…"
"Why?" Cat's prompt was gentle.
"They've started talking to me about sex… and birth control…"
"Have they?"
"I mean, not that they hadn't before. I got the facts of life speech years ago. But now, it's not abstract anymore. It's about me, and Jesse… and they made an appointment for me to see our family doctor about starting on the pill."
The last part spilled out in a rush, so eager was Rachel to finally discuss the situation with someone who could offer a feminine perspective.
"That sounds very practical of them. Have they always been this rational?"
Resting her head on her hands for a moment as she pondered Cat's question, Rachel was struck by a sudden flash of insight.
"It's totally different this time!"
"What is? The way they're reacting to you being with Jesse?"
"No, that hasn't really changed. Now that I think about it, they were always okay with him being around. My Dad would have wanted us to exercise more restraint, but he never blew up at us. I'm pretty sure my Daddy kept him in check."
"So, then, the difference you're talking about…"
"Has to do with Finn. My dads never urged me to be careful or to take precautions when I was with him."
Her brow furrowed as she tried to reconcile their seemingly contradictory approaches to the two boys in question. Unable to reach a satisfactory conclusion, she shrugged her shoulders in defeat. Cat smiled knowingly in response.
"They're not blind, Rachel, and neither are we. We see the way you and Jesse look at each other. The way you are around each other. Even when you're not touching, it's so obvious that you want to be. There's this undercurrent between the two of you. It's powerful, and impossible to ignore."
"What you're saying is that my dads would have noticed this with Jesse, but not with Finn?"
"I don't know much about Finn – only the bits that Jesse's told me – but that's my guess. I also suspect that, if they're anything like Drew and myself, your dads caught you making out at least once."
Rachel cast her eyes downwards, refusing to meet Cat's gaze, but the faint pink blush that tinged her cheeks was all the confirmation the older woman needed.
"Look, Rachel, I don't want to overstep. You know that I love Jesse like a son, and you're very precious to me, too. You, especially, are so young. But, in many ways, you're more mature than a lot of girls your age, and I'm well aware that the time will soon come when you'll decide you're ready to sleep with my nephew. So, while I'm not condoning it, I wouldn't be foolish enough to forbid it, either. Just like your dads, though, I want to make sure that you're both prepared. If you have any questions, anything at all you're not sure of, now or after you see your doctor, please don't hesitate to ask. Okay?"
Rachel gave a small nod, before offering Cat a grateful smile.
"I might just take you up on that."
"I'd be more than happy if you did."
Rising from her chair, Cat walked around the table and gave Rachel's shoulder a supportive squeeze, before lifting her nose to sniff the air.
"I do believe that pizza is finally ready."
Having decreed that they should take advantage of the warm fire Jesse and Drew had built, Cat and Rachel had loaded two trays with food and drink and headed for the family room. As soon as they made their entrance, Jesse moved over slightly and patted the space beside him, beckoning Rachel to come sit at his side. Settling herself comfortably, she passed him a slice of pizza before biting into one of her own. For several minutes, neither of them spoke, as they filled their empty stomachs and slaked their thirst with the sparkling water that Drew had poured for them.
Once supper had ended, Drew brought out one of the family's favourite board games. After several hilarious rounds of Apples to Apples, Drew and Cat made a discreet exit, leaving Rachel and Jesse alone. Leaning against the end of the couch, she stretched out her legs, resting her feet in his lap. Taking one foot in his hands, he began to skilfully massage it, causing her to moan with pleasure. He chuckled at the sound.
"Careful. Drew and Cat might think we're doing something we shouldn't be."
"Great. They and my dads are already convinced that it's all we ever think about."
He leered at her, his lips curved in a seductive grin, as his fingertips found their way further up her leg.
"Well, it's maybe not all I ever think about… but I have to admit that you are generally pretty distracting."
Sitting up, she brought her lips to his ear, and her murmured words sent shivers of anticipation down his spine.
"Just wait, St. James. You ain't seen nothing yet."
"Is that a threat?"
She ran her tongue slowly across her bottom lip, and his heart began to pound.
"No. It's a promise."
A short while later, Jesse pulled into Rachel's driveway. The dashboard clock read 11:51.
"I got you home on time. Do you think that will score points?"
"Definitely… as long as I actually make it into the house before curfew."
He directed an innocent expression her way.
"I can't possibly think of any reason you wouldn't."
"I can," she whispered, before winding her fingers through his hair and pulling him close.
"Are you trying to get me into trouble?" he mused aloud, his voice husky as her lips hovered just above his.
In answer, she closed the gap between them, pressing her body to his as their mouths melded together. Not for the first time, he marvelled at how easy it was to lose himself to her… in the way she tasted and smelled and felt… He'd already begun to nip his way down her sensitive neck when he pulled away abruptly.
"I've just started to earn some good will with them. As tempting as you are… as this is… I can't afford to blow it."
"I know. And I should go in."
"You should."
Reluctantly, he disentangled himself from her embrace and walked quickly around to open her door. Once her feet were on the ground, she rested her head against his chest, breathing in the smell of his cologne and the scent that was uniquely Jesse. As he walked her up the pathway for the second time in as many nights, he came to a halt just before they ascended the porch steps.
"Would you like me to come with you tomorrow?"
"To the doctor's office?"
"Yeah. If you think it would help to have me there."
Her expression grew serious as she contemplated his offer. It didn't take long for her to decide.
"I'd like that. It'll ease my nerves. And, besides, I'm hardly going to turn down an opportunity to spend time with you."
"Pick you up at 10:30?"
"Sounds like a plan."
His lips brushed her forehead, and she hugged him tightly in response, before mouthing a single word.
"Thanks."
"For offering to go to your appointment?"
"For knowing just what I needed tonight. For taking my mind off Finn. For distracting me in the best possible way."
"Anytime. Pleased to be of service," he drawled, before placing a chaste kiss on the side of her mouth.
As she slipped inside, they both jumped slightly as Leroy's voice boomed from within the house.
"Congratulations, St. James. You passed the first test. Now step away from the door and go home. You'll see her tomorrow."
With a grin and a wink, Jesse climbed into the Range Rover and steered it out to the street. Rachel waved until his taillights disappeared, before mounting the stairs to get ready for bed. She'd be spending the next day with the boy she loved, and she needed her beauty sleep.