My arm hurt abominably. It was as if every charlatan my mother had ever used on me attacked at the same time, with bleeding tools and salt; but I could not care in the least. I was not to be bothered by annoyances. I had saved someone's life! Me! Anne de Bourgh! Pale sickly creature, ignored by most, who rarely left Rosings, was widely considered not strong enough to bear a child, or even survive another dozen years! I had just saved Georgianna Darcy's life, and the rest of my days may or may not actually happen, but I would know that at one point in my life, when less than a second was available to make a decision, I had both done the right thing, and done it well; and somebody would live who would have died, all because of me. For the first time in my life, I truly considered myself worthy, and I was insufferably proud of myself. Not a person alive could fault my actions in the parsonage that night, from the moment I started dressing until the moment I shoved my cousin out of the path of destruction.
As you can see, the pain filled me with great joy, great pride, and a certain amount of ineffable strength and dignity. It also filled me with an abundant supply of words to the point where I was worse than my cousin the colonel. I do not imagine even a fully recovered, fully healthy person could actually read this journal without falling asleep from the tedium. I think what I wrote above would be entirely appropriate for the dullest sermon ever delivered by the worst parson, but perhaps it is just the laudanum. Yes that is it… the laudanum. I will write much more clearly when I wake up after a nice little nap.
Much better! Perhaps you are curious what happened in the few seconds after I had my little altercation with Mr. Collins fire iron. It would be quite some time before I ever learned the supreme irony of his choice of weapons, but at the time all I knew was pure terror.
After I shoved Georgianna out of the way right on top of poor Mary, I felt a Dragon tear my arm from limb to limb, crunch my bones, and swallow them not quite whole because then they would have just been gone… But more like a small piece at a time so he could enjoy my agony. It was the most painful experience of my life, and this from a person who has been exposed to English physicians! Need I say more!
I landed on the floor and was bleeding profusely, but my head was still clear, and I had a suspicion that I would have to worry about the wound becoming septic, but other than that it seemed like something recoverable. There would be a long collection of stitches used to tie up the wound, it would have to be cleaned using techniques best not mentioned involving a lot of laudanum and gin, and it would take months to clear, if I even survived, which was far from certain. I also thought that I could simply abandon any idea of short sleeves at any time during the rest of my life. A short sleeve dress would be enough for me to clear out Hyde Park in a moment, at least the children without gruesome personalities. Please ignore my rambling, and we shall blame it all on the laudanum.
The second I heard my head hit the floor, I also heard two carafes shattering, which meant Darcy had already dropped what he was carrying… good man. He was unfortunately on the wrong side of the table to do any of us any good anytime soon, as it would take many precious seconds for him to work his way around… I thought.
The very next sound I heard was boots on the table, then I saw the terrible... awful… magnificent bout of violence right in front of my eyes. Mr. Collins must either be as tough as a stone gargoyle or just so simple with nothing in his brain that could be damaged, because I was absolutely certain Fitzwilliam would kill him. I am still not certain he will restrain himself when he gets around to it, but that one punch should really have done the job, but Collins was still rolling around on the ground reaching for the lost poker after he went down.
Fitzwilliam looked at me, and having been injured before, I believed I was perfectly well for at least a few minutes. I gave him a stern nod towards his real duty, pretending for a moment I was Elizabeth, and much to my relief, he obeyed me with the same alacrity he applied to her. What a besotted fool he was, but at that moment, for the first time, I believed I might love him as a cousin.
I had no need of his assistance. Richard and Mother would take care of me, and I was most worried about Elizabeth. My eyes are locked on her prostrate form, fearing the worst, and I was happy it did not take very much convincing to drop Darcy to the ground, whereupon he started caring for her with a look of tenderness and sadness that could not be mistaken by anybody for anything but love. I imagine he might have worried about Georgianna, but absent her having actually taken the fire iron in the head; I could not imagine anything that would dissuade him from tending to Elizabeth once he had seen to my safety.
The next voice I heard was most surprising. I would have imagined it to be either my cousin the Colonel; since he received extensive training and was likely to be soon promoted to General, or possibly Sergeant McDonald when he got really really angry, and now seemed a good time for that. In reality, it was Miss Jane Bennet, but she carried the voice of authority that was not to be gainsaid, and was thunderous in its intensity.
"Lydia put that iron down this instant!"
I looked over and took as much amusement as I possibly could from the fact that my cousin the Colonel was holding Miss Lydia around a foot off the ground with his arm around her waist, while he attempted to retrieve the fire iron from her hands, to prevent her from killing Mr. Collins. I assumed having her kill Mr. Collins might be inconvenient, so I wished him luck, but he was certainly having trouble before Miss Bennett the eldest put her foot down. Looking somewhat contrite, the youngest Miss Bennett put down the iron, asked the Colonel to put her down on the floor, and then walked away from the man with only two or three kicks to the side. Her sister was quite something to be able to engender that level of restraint.
I relate this is if it took a leisurely half hour, but Miss Bennet… Jane, as I now know her, had merely taken one breath and the interval was a very short moment.
"Lydia! Go downstairs to the kitchen and bring back all of the clean towels. The ones on the upper right corner of the pantry shelf are the cleanest, so bring them first. Bring all of the tea water that is made, and put more on to boil, and bring a little bit of water to cool it off in case it is too hot. Bring half to Lizzy's room and half to mine. When you have that, go upstairs to my room and bring all the clean linen you can. Tear up my shifts we had cleaned last week."
The two sisters ran for the stairway at a run.
"Kitty, you will you help Miss Darcy take care of Miss de Bourgh. That wound will need to be cleaned, dressed, and taken care of. She needs a bed but should not be in the same room with Lizzy. The colonel can take her up to my room, with your permission Lady Catherine!"
She was not actually asking permission, she was just being polite. Nobody in this room was going to argue with Jane Bennet.
Mother said, "Of course."
"Mr. Darcy, I need you to get Lizzy into her room and into bed. I will be with you shortly that I might undress her and examine her wounds."
That one seemed pointless since Darcy had already carried Miss Elizabeth halfway across the room, and was going slow and steady because he was clearly worried about injuring her more. I had watched him as he picked her up careful as a newborn babe, and noticed he placed her bleeding head very carefully against his waistcoat using it as a bandage, and he had ripped his cravat off like a madman and wrapped it around her arm before he picked her up. I had to admire it, and that made me think about what was happening in my own wounds, which were certainly bleeding all over the floor as I indulged my distractions… or really, anything to keep me from the pain.
I looked down and was quite surprised to see my arm was no longer bleeding profusely, primarily because it was entirely covered in yellow! Covered in yellow! For that matter I was not lying directly on the floor anymore, and seemed to be in a more comfortable position, even though I was certain it had been far less than a minute since the whole thing began.
It was easy enough to follow what other people were doing, but harder with my own position. I eventually figured out that I was sitting with my head on Georgianna's lap, and she had apparently yanked off her petticoat and wrapped it around my arm, followed by her skirt when the blood seeped through. She could not get up at the moment because I was lying in her lap, and she was still wearing the dress wrapped around my arm.
I would have laughed in amusement if I was capable of it, because it was quite the silliest thing I had ever seen. I admired her ingenuity, and her industry, as she had obviously already taking care of me well before Miss Bennett started shouting orders.
Speaking of Miss Bennett, she was not finished.
"Colonel Fitzwilliam! Either subdue that man or kill him! You choose! Then I will need you to carry your cousin upstairs. Miss Darcy has done an admirable job of a quick bandage, so take the scissors from that secretary over there and cut her dress off. She will survive the embarrassment."
I was getting a little bit fuzzy by that time, and had no idea how long I would remain conscious, but I heard Fitzwilliam pause by the door and say the oddest thing. "Richard, I cannot explain why just now, but we need that cretin alive for some time. I demand a heavy burden I know! Not only must you restrain yourself from killing him, but you cannot even willingly let him die."
Sergeant McDonald stepped up and said, "Will you trust him to me Mr. Darcy? I have failed Elizabeth once, but I shall not do so again!"
The sentiment was extremely odd… What had the sergeant done to fail her?
Fitzwilliam, apparently felt this conversation was so important he would need to delay his treatment of Elizabeth, who was still well settled in his arms, and replied, "You did no such thing Sargent. Neither you nor anyone else could have predicted this, and if that is not the case, we all failed the ladies. I failed quite as much as you, but I suspect it would be more productive to reflect on what we can do in the future rather than the past. If you will take responsibility for him I would be happy. You may have whatever funds are required, but he is never to step foot within 100 yards of Elizabeth or any other woman again."
"I have the perfect place. Leave him in my hands."
And with that, the Sergeant did in fact drag the man away, and nobody knew or cared where he was going to.
Miss Bennett was not by any means finished."
"Mary! Go out into the lane, find Lady Catherine's coachman, go with him to the village and come back with the best physician you can find. Either get the name of the best from Lady Catherine, or take Mrs. Hewes with you, but do not come back without at least an apothecary. My apologies Lady Catherine, I did not ask permission. May we?"
Mother seemed very subdued. She was now sitting beside me along with Georgianna, but she rallied and started issuing her own instructions.
"That is a sensible plan. I must attend Anne so may I depend on you, Miss Mary, to relay instructions? Tell Murphy to take two horses out of the traces, before he leaves with you. I ask you to go so you can explain in detail what the doctor is to face. Go straight to Wilson, right next to the haberdashery shop. Tell the two footmen to take the remaining horses back to Rosings. They are to be back here within the half hour, with the two best express riders they have and my four best horses. They will be going to town for Darcy's physician. The Colonel will give them detailed instructions."
She paused to organize her thoughts for only a moment, and I had to admit I wasn't the only de Bourgh that could claim some pride in a clear head. Mother then continued, "I also need them to bring all of the linen bandages in the house, all of the laudanum, my housekeeper, and at least 5 bottles of gin. They shall also bring three or four footman and three maids so that we may do what needs to be done. Miss Bennett, are you quite capable of your assigned task?"
I was so proud of my mother. Here in the midst of all this, she and Jane Bennett were planning a campaign to save myself and Mrs. Collins, and doing so beautifully.
Miss Mary had been hiking her skirts and nodding vigorously at each point, and when mother was finished she took off for the door like a shot, only to be slowed by Mrs. Hewes to don her pelisse which I doubt very much she would have remembered on her own, then she was out the front door at a run again; presumably. I could not see that far.
Mrs. Hewes was now attending me, as I had expected all along. She had somehow managed to obtain a little bit of laudanum from somewhere, so that was the end of what I heard, but I am quite certain there was pandemonium all around. My cousin the Colonel followed his instructions and carried me upstairs while telling me he had seen worse and I would be fine. What a fine liar he's was, but I did not hold any anger towards him.
It would be some days before I would really know what happened next.