"W-what?" asked Phoebe. Ellen frowned in disbelief and stared at him. They were sitting outside the school at 6.30 AM on Friday morning. The cold air of late October wiped up his tangled hair and froze his willowy pale body hidden beneath the old school uniform. Phoebe had cut her hair herself last night with the kitchen scissors, and now, shoulder length it flowed out behind her like a silky blanket.
Ellen kept re-adjusting her glasses as they slipped down her face, the raging winds almost sending her bag flying off. But she sat there with her face firm. Phil was in the middle of them, somewhat protecting him from the stormy winds. Yesterday he had fled from them in a moment of panic and the voice inside of his head screaming at him and hurting him with invisible teeth and sharpened claws cutting his skin.
"I w-wouldn't lie to you" he said, trying to keep his stutter under control. He needed to sound serious. Ellen gave him a look, their eyes together, not shifting. A test of strength. She ended up dropping her gaze first, something Phil could be proud of. "I never said you would" she said, fidgeting uncomfortably.
Phil hardened his ice blue gaze. "You?" he asked coldly. Phoebe bit her lip and took a deep breath. Her deep blue eyes were misty, maybe because of the cold wind. Or maybe not. "Elaborate" she sighed. She knew that wasn't the answer he was looking for. He blinked at her, waiting for her to get the message.
"Yes" she whispered. "You'd have no reason to lie about this" she admitted clearly, removing a loose strand of hair from in front of her eyes. Phil looked at the ground and took a deep breath. "I-I don't k-know w-why they wan-t to kill me" his voice was wrenched.
He felt tears in his eyes. "Why i-is it m-me" he sobbed silently. He felt the anger fall apart and now just filled with sorrow. "W-why" he wept without tears. He hid his face and didn't flinch when Phoebe rested her head on his. Ellen looked at them mournfully, and placed her hand on Phoebe's head.
"Come on guys, people are gonna start coming soon" she warned them, snapping him out of his moment of sadness and self-loathing. He didn't want people to see him. That would be the worst thing. His eyes felt heavy. "We can talk later, ok" she said gently.
Phoebe nodded. "Yeah…" she agreed shortly, taking Phils hand and pulling him up. They walked close to each other. He kind of felt like kissing her again. He wasn't sure of his feelings for her. He loved her but how? Like, gf kind of way or friend. Did he have to chose. Was he gay or bi or straight or what?
He shook his head as they walked towards the school gates, the wind messing up his hair, again. He was in no rush to stick a label on himself. He was just fine being blank. Being silent and invisible. That was fine. That was Phil.
At lunch time he stayed away from the canteen. Away from the loud voices and rough people and the sickening smell of food. He sat away from the crowds. Not quite feeling like going up to Phoebe and Ellen he sat alone by himself. He sat on the ground near an empty bench and wrote a song.
He hummed it quietly to himself. Part of him wanted to sing it loud and clear, to flaunt his voice as it didn't stutter when in song.
"The world is too heavy
Too big for my shoulders
Come take this weight off me now
1000's of answers
To one simple question
Come take this weight off me now
Oh I'm like a kid who just won't let it go
Twisting and turning the colours in rows
I'm so intent to find out what it is
This is my Rubik's cube
I know I will figure it out
Lost in the playground
Late night nostalgia
Open the sky for me now
Friends round the fire
Outside in October
Open the sky for me now
Oh I'm like a kid who just won't let it go
Twisting and turning the colours in rows
I'm so intent to find out what it is
This is my Rubik's cube
I know I will figure it out
Credits roll over the edge of horizons
That I haven't discovered yet
Oh I'm like a kid who just won't let it go
Twisting and turning the colours in rows
I'm so intent to find out what it is
This is my Rubik's cube
I know I will figure it out
Oh I'm like a kid who just won't let it go
Twisting and turning the colours in rows
I'm so intent to find out what it is
This is my Rubik's cube
I know I will figure it out"
He hummed it softly, allowing it to fill his mind and drown out his thoughts. He looked around. He couldn't see anyone. So he sang it quietly to himself, drawing images of snow flakes and the soft glow of the fire behind burning wood.
He heard footsteps and held his breath quickly as his eyes widened. He anxiously looked around. He saw a faded shadow in front of his crossed legs and his heart rate quickened as he looked up. He wasn't sure if he was relieved or scared.
Alex looked over him, his golden aura seemingly glowing. His dark intense eyes sweeping over him. He walked over and helped him up. His hands were on his face, so gentle and so soft. "You have a beautiful voice" he murmured with the gentleness of a summer dusk. He smiled and lowered his head slightly to be aline with Phil's.
"Say if you want to stop" he warned him, and kissed him carefully. The sun cast a golden glow around his head as they continued to kiss. And he didn't pull back or cry out. He welcomed it and liked it. A lot. It felt so much better to feel Alex's lips. What he'd be dreaming of.
They slowly side stepped into a corner and were all over each other. Hands in each other's hair and on each other's torso's, legs entwined. He felt so good as they showed each other love to the near strangers that they were. They found they were panting in the quick gaps when they paused.
Eventually after what seemed like a lifetime they pulled away from each other. Alex tried to find some kind of explanation. Phil just smile weakly, finding his breath and blinking hard just to make sure it had really happened. Alex sat down, leaning against the wall. Phil blushed and sat down next to him, resting his head on his shoulder.
"Thank you" he whispered to the older boy. Alex smiled his golden smile. "That's ok" he answered, looking Phil warmly in the eye before looking over the gate at the golden sun that fought to send it golden rays of warmth past the thick grey cold and ice wind.
He wanted to ask Alex why he did that but he was too scared. His gaze returned to the large green fence that trapped them inside this hell. He walked up and began to climb it, quickly looking right and left to make sure nobody was watching. Alex shot up. "Phil?" he asked gently.
Phil smiled. "I'm getting o- out of here, I'm done" he grinned loudly, sliding his legs over and landing swiftly on the other side, ankle deep in grass. Alex smirked. "Cool, I'll follow you then" he took a few steps back and then deftly jumped over it without a faulter. Phil looked at him with wide eyes. "Wow" he said quietly.
They walked side by side. Phil spent about three minutes to pluck up the courage, and then slipped his hand into Alex's. They talked for a little while, but mainly walked in silence. They were more comfortable that way. Until Alex said, "Sing to me will you?"
Phil blinked in surprise. "O-ok" he agreed. He thought for a few seconds of a beat and then opened his mouth.
"When Rome's in ruins
We are the lions
Free of the coliseum
In poisoned places
We are anti-venom
We're the beginning of the end
Tonight
The foxes hunt the hounds
He felt the energy flow over him as he sang with all the force and strength the thrill of singing provided for him. He loved to come up with the perfect lyrics and loved to see Alex smile and laugh with him as he sang, his voice filling with thoughts and all focus.
"It's all over now
Before it has begun
And we've already won
We are wild
We are like young volcanoes
We are wild
Americana exotica
Do you wanna feel a little beautiful baby? Yeah
Come on make it easy
Say I never mattered
Run it up the flagpole
We will teach you
How to make
Boys next door
Out of assholes
Tonight
The foxes hunt the hounds
It's all over now
Before it has begun
And we've already won
We are wild
We are like young volcanoes
We are wild
Americana exotica
Do you wanna feel a little beautiful baby? Yeah
We are wild
We are like young volcanoes
We are wild
Americana exotica
Do you wanna feel a little beautiful baby? Yeah"
They started to run, powered by the energy. Alex sang the last few lines with him and they ended up falling into each other's arms as the chased each other singing the lyrics at the top of their lungs.