A/N: This chapter is 2,286 words, and I'm not as happy with it as I could be, but it was time. I've been planning and writing all week, and for better or for worse, this is the end result. I think mostly I have trouble writing scenes where people talk a lot, which is most of this chapter. I hope you enjoy it anyway, as usual I'll be posting again next Saturday.

Disclaimer: Have you seen what I've done to these characters? Does it look like I own them? Honestly, read the chapter, they don't even sound like themselves!

Chapter 17: Alone For Ten Years

"Edward?" Roy whispered brokenly, staring at this grown man who looked so like the young alchemist he had once known. He could hardly believe what he was seeing, but at the same time he wanted to believe it more than anything. That was when he realized: both the hands resting casually on his shoulders were made of flesh. "No..." He murmured in shock, willing it not to be true. "You're not...why are you doing this to me? How could you make me think that my Edward was back, even for a moment? I can't...."

The man...no, the impostor, gripped his shoulders a little more firmly. "Roy, it's me, really."

"I don't believe you. My Edward has an automail arm. My Edward is shorter than me, and fits perfectly in my arms." Roy whispered, looking at this creature, whoever he was, that was causing him so much pain.

"Roy, it's been ten years. You can't honestly believe that I'm the same as I was then. When I went through the gate I left the automail behind, remember? Al told me. I was given my limbs back, a blessing I was sure boded badly for my brother, and without the extra weight to hold me down I grew. You can't honestly believe that I'm not real, not your Edward." Ed whispered to him, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Prove to me that you are who you say you are. Please...." Roy pleaded, clutching the front of the man's shirt desperately.

Ed's eyes filled with despair. "Roy, what has happened to you? I...is it my fault? I wish I hadn't had to leave, Roy, but it was the only way. You know that better than anyone. Not a day went by that I didn't regret leaving you, that I didn't wish that I could be in your arms. But you have to believe me, I never stopped looking for ways to come back to you. I love you, more than my own life." Tears were gathering in Ed's eyes, and his voice had become too choked with emotion to speak.

Roy looked him gently in the eyes—which were now level with his own—and told him, "If you're really my Edward, then you'll know the answer to this question: How many?" To most this question would have seemed unanswerable. He had not specified how many of what, and yet Ed's eyes alighted with understanding.

Tears—for himself, but also for the pain that Roy had suffered through for many years—poured down Edward's cheeks as he answered. "Three thousand two hundred and eighty-nine." His words were the faintest whisper against Roy's cheek, meant for him alone. His breath played against the older man's ear and his teary eyelashes brushed pale flesh as he blinked rapidly, willing the tears away while at the same time, feeling that they needed to stay, for all they had been through. This was their secret.

The number that Ed had spoken so sadly was, perhaps, one of the biggest secrets they shared, though there was not a huge reason for it to be secret besides the fact that Roy did not like talking about it, but Ed was the only one he had shared it with, and probably would always be. It had been a show of trust and unconditional love unspoken for both of them when Roy had shared his broken story. Now, years after that tear-filled night, the number was all that they needed to share, and both were instantly brought back to the past.

xXxWhatHaveIDone?xXx

Ed woke to clicking noises. It was well past midnight, and his sleep-fogged mind took a while to register what it was he was hearing. Turning to his lover (Who had been spooned around him when they fell asleep) Ed saw the way pain and grief contorted the older man's face. Roy was snapping, over and over again as tears ran down his face. "Why?" He murmured brokenly, "Why?"

Edward stilled those formidable hands, though he had nothing to fear as long as the older man was not wearing his gloves. He wrapped his small arms—one flesh, one metal—around his lover and kissed away the tears. Roy's eyes fluttered slowly open, and he relaxed as he saw that he was with Edward, that it had only been another nightmare.

"Roy," Ed whispered gently, "What was it this time?" In the past, Roy had had dreams about a number of things, the most common being his murdering the Rockbells. This was one Edward had not witnessed before, and he longed to take the burden from Roy's shoulders as he had done with all the others, and as Roy had done for him countless times.

Roy only shook his head. "This one is mine to bear." He answered finally. "You would...you would not be able to handle it, and...."

Ed stroked his lover's back encouragingly, nodding for him to continue. Normally he would comment on what Roy thought he could handle, but there were more important things to be said at the moment.

A deep breath, and Roy managed to continue. "And you would leave me if you knew. If you could comprehend the things I've done. I'm not as good a man as you imagine me to be, Edward."

Edward shook his head, kissing his lover softly. "I agreed to this relationship knowing that we both entered it with baggage, things we can't take back. You're not the only one who has done unforgivable things, Roy. Don't think that I'll leave you for something like that."

More tears ran down Roy's face at this sentiment. He longed to share this with Edward, more than he had longed for anything in the world, and before he knew it words were spilling out of his mouth. "Three thousand two hundred and eighty-nine." He wept, "Women and children, the elderly, everyone. I killed them all."

Edward did not understand, but he knew that he would soon enough. When Roy got in this state, Ed could do nothing except listen intently until he was finished.

"I was sent to raze an entire Ishballan city. I was given a red stone to enhance my power, and at the time I was just an obedient soldier, so I went." He reached up and ran a hand through his hair, something he did when he was upset. "I heard each individual scream. I felt as each person died, consumed by fire with no escape. That assignment was what started me on the path to becoming Fuhrer. I have to make it, because I can't let anyone feel what I felt, ever again. No one should have to suffer through that, whether they're on our side or someone else's."

Ed waited a while, holding Roy close as they both wept for the lives lost on that day so many years before, and for the pain and suffering that Roy had been through since because of it. Finally, when it seemed that no more words were forthcoming, he whispered to his lover in a voice thick with sorrow. "I don't love you any less for this, Roy. You did it under orders and at that point you hadn't yet learned to defy orders the way you sometimes do now. I don't blame you for it, and you shouldn't blame yourself, though that can't take the pain away."

They fell asleep in each other's arms, and stayed entwined until the alarm went off the next morning.

xXxWhatHaveIDone?xXx

Ed's arms wrapped around his shoulders as his own wrapped around the younger man's waist. The kiss they shared was deep and passionate, filled with the love that they shared and the loneliness they had felt being apart for ten years. After everything that had happened there was no way that their relationship could remain the same as it had been, but they had both changed and matured, and though they might have to work through some issues...eventually things between them would be far better than they had ever been before.

As they ended the kiss and pulled apart a little, Ed chuckled. "You're so predictable. All these years and you still go to the same bakery every day after work?"

Roy smiled at him. "They have the best baked goods in town, why would I go anywhere else?"

"You're right," He conceded, "They do have the best bread in town. Besides, my dramatic entrance wouldn't have been nearly as amazing if I hadn't gotten to jump off the building."

Roy squeezed his lover gently. "It's good to have you back. Everyone thought you were gone for good."

Edward smirked at him. "What about you?"

Roy shook his head sadly. "I always hoped, but lately I'd been starting to wonder. Ten years is a long time to be alone, Edward."

Ed sighed. "I know, and I'm sorry. I'm glad that you at least kept hoping for me. It's more than I can say for Al. It's really creepy to go visit your own grave, you know?"

"I'm afraid I don't. My grave hasn't been dug yet." Roy replied, finally releasing Edward and instead taking his hand as they started to walk toward his house.

Ed laughed. Though it was different in his matured voice, if anything Roy found it more lovely and endearing than it had been when Ed was seventeen. "When I got back it was pretty shocking to find out that my brother had given up on me so easily, but he still loves me, and I guess that's the important part. He's married now, and he has a son. Did you know they named the kid after me?"

Roy smiled. "Yes, I did. I've been corresponding with Alphonse and Winry, making sure they're doing alright. It sounds like Eddie has some considerable alchemic ability, and he looks just like you at that age."

"Yeah, and that's what I'm afraid of. What if he ends up like me?" Edward pondered, shaking his head sadly.

"He has a father and mother who are both healthy and love him very much. They wouldn't leave him for anything, especially not after what happened to you and Al." Roy said, squeezing his lover's hand gently. It felt good to be with him again, and he hoped that it would never stop.

"You're right. I'm worrying too much, aren't I? I guess all that's happened to me has made me kind of paranoid." Ed squeezed back, weaving his fingers together with Roy's.

Roy smiled at the action and answered, "Right now you don't have to worry about anything. If there's a problem, that's what my bodyguards are for."

Ed's eyes narrowed as he remembered Roy's silent shadows. "Why do you have bodyguards, anyway? You're the most formidable alchemist in Amestris."

"When I'm in a crowd composed mostly of innocents it's difficult to attack only those who mean me harm. Besides, Hawkeye has this notion that the Fuhrer needs bodyguards. I decided not to argue." Roy told him, frowning at the fact that he couldn't protect himself properly.

Ed's frown mirrored Roy's but for different reasons. "What does the Fuhrer have to do with..." He trailed off, suddenly finding himself very stupid, and understanding everything all at once. "You made it? That's great, Roy! When?"

"Around a month after you disappeared." Roy answered, looking very depressed. "We took over Central by force, and the rest of Amestris was quick to follow when I shared the truth about their fuhrer. I killed Bradley, and then I helped out at Hawkeye's base—a hospital—for hours. I was alternately injuring people and then healing them. So many burn victims...." He stopped, looking regretful. "Sorry, I don't like to talk about the war. Too many bad memories, you know?"

Ed nodded in understanding. "I know. Death just sort of follows us around, doesn't it?" He asked, giving a weak smile.

Roy sighed. "Unfortunately." He looked up as they approached his house and walked through the front gate. "People think it's ridiculous that their Fuhrer lives in such a tiny house, but at the same time it seems to help them relate to me."

"Then it's a good thing. Besides, I would hate you if you had gotten rid of this house, Bastard Fuhrer." He smiled playfully at Roy as the older man unlocked the door.

Roy's replying smile was genuine. "I love you too, Edward."

As they entered the house, wondrous scents assaulted their noses. "Roy, did you get a chef?" Ed asked in wonder, inhaling the smells of cooking food.

A knowing smirk flitted across Roy's face. "After a fashion." He replied. "Hey Selim, I'm home!" He called, taking off his shoes and uniform jacket.

A dark head poked out of the kitchen, a smile on perfect lips. "Welcome home. Who's this?" The man—boy—that was speaking turned to Edward.

Roy smiled lovingly at the teen. "This is Edward. Ed, meet Selim."

It turned out that the head was connected to a body, which emerged from the kitchen wearing a dark blue apron and wiping its hands on a dish towel. Selim threw the towel over his shoulder and held out a hand for Ed to shake, saying, "It's nice to meet you. Welcome to our humble abode."

Edward didn't take the hand offered him. His fists were clenched and shaking at his sides, and he turned to Roy with pain and fury in his eyes. "Alone for ten years my ass! You replaced me?"

How messed up was that? Sounds like there's going to be a pretty big fight between our newly-reunited lovers in the next chapter! I am having way too much fun with this, really I am. If you review I'll give you virtual bread from the amazing bakery and some of Selim's cooking. Isn't your mouth just watering? Review!