Chapter 18: His Side of the Story
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(KYOUYA'S PoV)
My life is a mess. But in other people's perspective, that is unlikely the case. After all, I am part of the Ootori Family. But then again, I am the third son of four children. Even if I worked so hard, even if I tried to prove to them what I'm capable of—in the end, I am still just the third son. In the end, I can't inherit our family business. This inferiority complex towards my brothers were lessen when I met Tamaki. I realized I should take this as a challenge and work harder to overcome the great wall that is my family.
However, I was faced with another inferiority complex when I met Higurashi Kagome. At first, I thought, she's just some girl who dresses up as a boy for unknown reason. Some girl who's really proficient at archery—so skillful she basically shattered the clubroom's bulletproof windowpane. Some girl who's popular with girls like Haruhi. Some girl who's trying so hard on her studies.
But no, I was wrong.
She's not just 'some girl'.
She's my kohai. We get along pretty well—although just on the other side of the phone.
She dresses femininely on her casual clothes even though she dressed up as a boy in school.
She lives in a shrine—which has the most amazing sakura tree I've ever seen in my life.
She's a priestess—and has powers. She fought yokais using her bow and arrow.
She's the girl I like.
Yeah, it's quite hard to believe that I've only realized it just now—given that everyone considered me as an intelligent guy. Perhaps I was just trying to cover up my feelings by acting indifferent. After all, this is the first time I've felt like this. After all, I miscalculated (by liking her)—and miscalculation is what I hated the most. Every problem has a solution—that is what I believe all my life. And I love solving problems because I know I will come to a solution logically and methodologically. But I can't find a solution to a problem called Higurashi Kagome. It's not a simple 'find the value of x' which mostly have hints like height, weight and length. No. It's not as simple as that, because she's not giving any hints that I have a chance with her—because she is keeping everything within herself despite the fact that I opened up with her about myself. Especially when there's an unnecessary hint to the problem called Lord Sesshomaru. The person (or yokai) who is currently the source of my inferiority complex. How in the world can I defeat someone like that? Most of all, does he even considered me as his rival? Probably not. After all, he knows everything about her whereas I only know the things I've seen and heard from her. After all, he is immortal while I'm just a not-so-ordinary human being.
These things about liking a person whom you are certain you cannot have is giving me a headache (and maybe a heartache)—more so from figuring out how to overcome my brothers.
At that time when we first met, if I had known that a flying bag crashing my face will be the start of everything, I should have stayed in my car. Or if I had known that a single arrow will smashed through the clubroom's windowpane, I should have reconstructed the windows into plain metal.
If I can only turn back time, I wish we hadn't met.
Because it's harder for me to have this feelings.
Because in this lifetime, I can't have her.
Because of her, I miscalculated.
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Woah! Don't worry! This is not the end! Or not? Ahahaha~
Well, I was actually thinking of ending this here and making a sequel (though I'm not really sure when I will start it).
I am very happy about your reviews, follows and favorites because it made me want to continue writing in spite of having writer's block.—yeah, I think I'm trying real hard to finish this. But a friend of mine who's an ffn enthusiast told me that even though my story is quite good and most of the comments are positive (I'm not trying to brag, hehe) this story doesn't seem to be popular to the readers. I was struck by a lightning! Or shall I say, I became depressed? She said maybe one the reasons is because I don't update regularly. That's why I'm really sorry for that. As I've written on my previous author's notes, I was mostly busy from school-works (It's the truth! I promise!) and just recently I shared with you that I had/have a writer's block (most of the time). But I am trying to overcome that.
The other reason she thought of was maybe because I don't reply to the comments of my readers. I asked her if it's a bad thing but she just said that most of the popular authors here reply to every reviews of their readers. O.O
But I'm shy! /_/
Yeah, I'm a shy type in the real world, which is why I expresses myself through stories and blogs. But I can't seem to properly converse with a person. There must be something wrong with me! TT^TT
So I'm saying this now, I'm so thankful for your reviews! I may not be replying to your every comment but please remember that you my readers are the ones who are giving me the strength to continue writing.
I apologized if this sharing made you irritated or annoyed.
And again, thank you for all your support.
Sore ja~!
Matte ne~!
Sincerely yours,
Natsuki