History Repeats
Sometimes I wish that Eric could read my mind.
Sometimes I wish this, because I'm convinced that it would keep me from thinking the thoughts I am thinking now, of Alexander. Other times, I think that it would help Eric understand just how deep my guilt lies because of my involvement with his maker, Antoinne and even more so now with Blake and his other siblings. I understand he made a choice in choosing me, but simultaneously, he knew it would lead to his estrangement from his siblings, something I can see missing from his smile as we walk up the stairs.
"Lydia," he says as he drops my hand and steps towards her, preventing her from following Joshua into the room next to his. "I wondered if Blake still kept his old number."
"Eric…" she sighs, walking towards him and clutching his arm. "I wouldn't. He won't pick up."
"That's not what I asked you Lydia," he exclaims. "Does he still keep his old number? Yes or no," he repeats.
"Yes, Eric," she mutters. She glances behind him to me and smiles apologetically, before whispering a sad "I'll see you in the morning" and walking into her room where Joshua awaits.
As the door closes behind her, Eric turns back round to me with a disillusioned face, a helpless boy in need of reassurance. The guilt that exists within me translates into words.
"You always apologise to me. You say that you have brought me into a dangerous life, that I am always in danger, on the brink of death because of you..."
"Ronnie," he interrupts me and murmurs, moving towards me and grasping my head in between his hands. He looks deeply into my eyes before continuing. "You are my Healer, and we will be stronger than ever, but we will also be in more danger than ever. We already are. I am a burden on your life," he whispers, dropping his hands and turning away from me.
"No Eric," I murmur, walking around him, forcing him to look at me. "I am just beginning to see what a burden I am to you," I mirror his words. I try to hold his stare but he fails to take me seriously, laughing at what I say. "Eric, it's true. First it was Antoinne that I took from you, now it's your siblings. These are people that were in your life for hundreds of years, and it's all come to an end because of me."
Sometimes I wish that I could read Eric's mind. This is one of the times when I can. As my words come to an end, his sad eyes speak his thoughts, and despite his attempts to reassure me by whispering "No, no, it's not true," his own words come to an end too. He can't lie to himself. It is because of me that he no longer has a father or a close relationship with his siblings, or even people like Isaac. He only has me.
"Let's go inside Ronnie," he states and I know that's the end of the conversation. My guilt thickens. I thought that talking about this would help, but he says nothing. He has given up so much for me.
As I walk in behind him, he walks directly towards his table where he had left his phone. As he begins to dial a number, he doesn't realise that I'm still stood by the door. He stops midway dialling and looks up at me.
"Ronnie, what are you doing by the door? Come," he says, signalling with his hand.
"Wouldn't you rather have this conversation without me here? I can stay with Roxanne," I whisper, almost expecting him to agree. I turn towards the door, but he's suddenly behind me, taking my hands from the door handle and twirling me around to him.
"I don't want you to leave," he says, bringing me in. He starts to move, as if we were dancing. "I chose this, I chose you. I just want to talk to Blake, but I still want you to be here. Alexander didn't allow me enough time with you tonight," he says, breaking of our dance and resuming the dialling.
He paces up and down the room but no one picks up. He dials again, again, again and again. I start to lose hope, and I know he has as his face falls. My guilt returns, and I find myself holding onto him in an attempt to prevent him from breaking. He smiles weakly down at me, as he dials the number one last time. He presses the loudspeaker button, and we sit on the bed waiting for a reply.
"Eric," I hear an unknown voice say. This time he's picked up.
"Blake?" Eric says with relief.
"Yes, Eric. You don't give up do you?" He mutters.
"You know that more than anyone," Eric jokes.
"I don't think I do anymore Eric. You gave up on revenging our father's death," I hear him say. Eric interrupts him immediately, but my ears can't make out anything he says. I only detect Blake's voice in the room, and his words echo through my mind as he continues. "You're with her now. I can hear her heartbeat. She can hear me. It's speeding up. She's afraid. That's what I want her to be. Be afraid of me Veronica. Be afraid. I'll be the last person you see, before I end your life, JUST AS YOU ENDED HIS."
He screams those last words, and although Eric rushes to hang up, he doesn't in time. I hear everything. Anger rushes over him and he screams, grabbing the phone and throwing it across the room. It breaks against the wall and its pieces fall to the floor.
"Ronnie," he exclaims, breathing out and falling onto his knees in front of me. He grabs my hands and passes them through his hair. He tries to make words but the conversation is still running clearly through his mind, through his eyes.
"You don't need to explain yourself. Let's sleep," I murmur; my voice fragile.
He attempts to look up at me and attempts to nod but he fails to get up. He continues to kneel on the floor until I attempt to pick him up, giving him a motive to help himself up. He undresses quickly, and walks into bed whilst I try to take my dress off as quickly as possible. I mirror him and get into bed. He lies on his back, staring at the ceiling and I lie on my side, staring at him. I try to comprehend his facial expressions, but he's empty. No emotions, no words.
"Please hold me," I mutter. My words startle him, and he blinks before turning on his side. But just as my words startle him, his look startles me. He looks at me as I was someone to be disgusted by, before he pulls me towards him and for the first time since I had opened the door to the basement in Kyle's house, I don't feel comfortable in his embrace.
"Ronnie." Alexander's voice calls me in the night.
"Ronnie." He continues to call until I wake.
Eric and I have drifted in the night and so it's easy for me to get up from bed. It's late in the afternoon. It's impossible that Alexander could be up now, but the soothing tone of his voice draws me in. I walk up to the door and lean against it, and the voice finds me again.
"Ronnie." Alexander whispers.
I'm weak, trapped on this side of the door. I can't open it and if I could, I'd fear waking Eric up. But the whispers continue and continue, they grow louder and louder and as if his voice was a detonator, the door creaks open. I gasp, first peeking outside the door and then turning back to see if Eric is awake. No-one is outside and nothing has startled Eric. I must be dreaming.
I step outside the room, trying to follow Alexander's voice. I walk down the stairs, across the hall and every time I feel that I am closer. The voice gets clearer, rounder and he begins to say more.
"Come to me Ronnie."
"I've been waiting for you."
"Alexander…" I whisper and the voice comes to a stop. I stand in the middle of a great white room, alone. I smile and shake my head. "What am I doing?" I ask myself, turning back towards the door. I should be sleeping, in bed, with Eric.
"Ronnie," Alexander whispers behind me. I can feel his fingertips on my wrist as they trace a path upwards towards my shoulder. "Ronnie," he whispers again, this time with his breath on my neck.
"Is this a dream?" I ask him, leaning into him and closing my eyes.
"No. This is very real Ronnie," he whispers.
It is real. Although I can feel him, I turn around to make sure that it really is him, and his eyes meet me with a warm look. He takes my hands in his and pulls me along to a long dining room table in the corner of the room, where he signals towards the first chair. He himself sits at the head of the table, and pulls my chair closer to his.
"Why am I here Alexander?" I mutter the obvious.
"Your conversation with Achiel tonight was most interesting," he responds, avoiding my question.
"I don't understand what that has to do with anything," I try to return the conversation to my question.
"He's very fond of you," he mentions.
"I'm fond of him, but I see he's still hurting. It helps me understand what Eric and I have."
"It's what Antoinne and Alexia had, what Achiel and Alexia had," he continues.
"What?" I ask, trying to understand his words.
"Ronnie," he begins and I realise that I've heard enough. This is wrong.
I get up from the chair and try to walk past him but his hands and voice stop me.
"You believe it," he exclaims.
My heart stops. I want to pretend. I want to be innocent, I want to not know what he is referring to but deep down I cannot lie to him or to myself. Eric and I both dread the truth, but that's the only thing that it is. It's truth. A Healer can belong to more than one vampire. I do believe it.
"Eric does," I whisper, still not able to face him.
"No, that's not the reason why Ronnie," he says, standing up and forcing me round to look at him. "You believe it because you feel this too," he whispers, his lips too close to mine. "You feel this."
His fingertips had felt my wrists before, and now they feel my cheeks and trace my lips. I do feel this.
"Ronnie, you need to know."
"Please, don't." I mutter.
"Ronnie, I think you're mine. You need to let me feed on you. It's the only way," he says, his three sentences echoing in my mind. I'm his? He'll feed on me? The only way? I'm his? He'll feed on me? The only way?
"But Eric…"
"Eric does not decide for you!" He exclaims.
"And what if I'm not your Healer?" I demand. "What then?"
"Well then I'd tell you I have feelings for you," he breathes, leaning in.
Our lips meet and lock, every thought I've ever had leaving me as this stranger holds me. It's me and Alexander, Alexander and me. His lips move and mine respond and I find myself smiling at the taste of his lips on mine. I had imagined this moment, he had tempted me over and over again and all this time he had been trying to tell me of his feelings, feelings that he could not show because of…
ERIC.
"She is mine," Eric had said when I had met him. I was his but now… now I was letting somebody take me from him.
"Alexander," I force from my mouth. "Alexander, stop!" I continue but his hands are loose around my body. His lips too begin a search for my neck and I quickly catch on to what he will attempt.
"Eric!" I find myself yelling.
Alexander grasps me and lays me on the table, before locking the two doors to this room. I continue to yell for Eric, but I begin to fear that these rooms will be as sound proof as the rooms upstairs. It all translates to panic and fear as I realise that I am alone.
Before I can blink, Alexander is on top of me, restraining my hands above me and straddling my legs.
"I've wanted this ever since the day I saw you," he whispers at me as he parts my hair from my neck. With his hand he clasps my neck and his teeth sink into me.
That's all it takes. My blood meets his lips and he pulls away, looking down at me with bright golden eyes. Golden.
"No…" I whisper as he releases my hands. I bring them up to his face and circle my fingers around his eyes. His face relaxes and he smiles, displaying a bloody set of fangs and teeth. He laughs with eyes full of joy.
"RONNIE!" Eric startles us from outside. He bangs on the door repeatedly and continues to scream my name.
In shock, I fail to respond to his call. I turn my face from looking at the door, to looking at Alexander once again and he is still looking down at me, his eyes now pleading for more blood. I nod at him slowly, wanting nothing more than to see him glow golden.
He takes the blood I supply, whilst Eric's voice loses hope from the outside. His pain rings in my ears, but I can't help. It's happened. Just as I am his, I am now Antoinne's.
"Just as I am his, I am now yours Alexander," I whisper.
"No," Eric exclaims, bursting through the door.
Eric falls to the floor, his legs collapsing beneath him.
His hand tries to reach for me, but his eyes stop him as they fall upon Alexander's golden eyes and register defeat. He is defeated. The moment is over; time has gone, time that not even him, an immortal being can possess.
"Eric," Alexander begins, stepping forwards from my side.
"Don't you speak!" He replies. "You manipulated her, you lured her here," he continues, his voice stabilizing and deepening. He regains control of his legs and stands up, a dark glare in his once warm eyes.
"MONSTER! You took advantage of her to feed!" Eric shouts, running towards him and knocking Alexander down. I try to stop them, I try to yell but my mind freezes, not knowing which words to use or to whom they should be aimed.
At their speed, the punches become a blur but it is only a matter of time before I see Eric's body being launched across the room. Alexander is older, stronger… and has now recently used my blood as fuel, my mind reminds me. Eric's body hits the wall, leaving an indent but he gets back up without a scratch, without a bone in his body aching. I can see it in his eyes that he's about to try again with Alexander, but Alexander's voice stops him.
"Stop this Eric. I fed from her, yes, but now it's done. Now we know that she is mine too."
"She will never be yours!" Eric exclaims, the rage not emptying from his eyes. He walks over to Antoinne, whispering. "You took her from me."
He repeats it. "You took her from me!" This time he pushes Alexander back.
"Why?" He continues to push him.
"Are you punishing my disloyalty to Antoinne? Are you?" He pushes him harder.
"Tell me why!" I see his arms preparing to push Alexander harder this time, but Alexander grabs them before they contact with his body.
"Because I love her!" Alexander exclaims. "For the first time in my entire existence, I have purpose. I can see a future. I see her," he says, his voice returning to normal. He looks at me with a warm smile on his lips.
Alexander's eyes continue fixated on me, and for what seems like hours nobody speaks. Nobody, until Eric murmurs a word.
"Choose," he says as he turns towards me.
"Eric," I manage.
"Ronnie," he runs to my side in an attempt at pleading with me. He grabs my hands in his, before whispering the word again. "Choose."
He looks deep into my eyes and I feel the quiet of the room becoming louder, bothering him. He starts fidgeting with our hands until he can't take it anymore.
"Alexia loved Achiel more," he whispers. "Who do you want?"
His question could not have been asked more boldly, but in the end, that's what this really came to. Humans have but one heart and although mine is very split at the moment, Eric is right. I'd have to pick one of them for my heart to fully love. It just wasn't a decision I could make now. Eric had messed with my feelings; my emotions seemed to always fluctuate around him, but he had filled my life with adventure, danger and passion, and had most importantly changed my perspective on life since the day I'd met him. Alexander I barely knew, but he could offer me protection, success, happiness… I barely knew him, but I wanted to know him more. Had Alexia even known Achiel for that long before she'd known he was the one?
"It's not as simple as that!" I exclaim, trying to make him understand. He looks away from me and I fear the worst.
"Is it not?" He yells, turning back to me. He is angry.
"History is repeating itself Ronnie and I will not become my father."
"Eric!" I say as I try to stop him, but it's over. I haven't given him the reply he wanted; in fact, I haven't given him any reply and he's gone.