Waking up to a bouncing bed was not something I ever really wanted to experience, but it happened. To me. I opened my eyes as I tried to keep from falling off of the bed and looked for the culprit. I glared at Raven, but she just continued, smiling impishly at me.

"Come on, Clarke," she said a little too happily, "It's time to get up. Take a run with me, please?"

"Jesus Christ, Rae," I growled as I got up and shoved her. "What did you do, drink like ten cups of coffee?"

She cackled as she straightened, "No, only two. But, come on. The morning's beautiful. We should be outside, running, and enjoying the magnificence that this day is bringing us."

I sighed, "Rae, I love you, but this is seriously the worst way to wake up."

"Dude, just imagine when you have kids," she said, giving me a look. "They're gonna be like this. Hyper as fuck in the morning and just as hyper when it's time to go to bed."

"Who said anything about kids," I said, staring at her like she'd just grown a second head. "That is way, way down the road or even not at all. What the hell's gotten into you?"

She sighed dramatically and flopped on the bed, "It's this place, Clarke. It's beautiful. It's this house. It's my room. And oh, my, god, it's my bed. I have never, ever slept so well before in my entire life. I mean how can you not be happy and enjoy it."

"Rae, I am happy and I do enjoy this place," I said looking at her softly. "This is supposed to be a new beginning for me. For us. It's just that my past won't let me go."

She sat up abruptly and turned to look at me, "Clarke, I know that. I am your best friend and that is why I'm doing this. You need to get out more. Nate's been telling me that you hardly ever leave the house. That you've run maybe a couple of times. You gotta let that wolf out more than you have been. You're denying a part of yourself by staying in here."

"Rae…" I started to say, but she cut me off.

"No," she said, emphatically shaking her head, "you are not going to start that. I'm not letting you. Yeah, you got a fucked up shoulder, but you shouldn't let it hold you back. It's not healthy."

I gave her a hard look as I thought about what she said and I couldn't find a valid enough argument to dissuade her from pursuing this course of action. She was going to get me to go on a run, come hell or high water.

"Fine," I groaned. "Can I at least wash up and get some coffee in me first?"

"Of course," she said, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. "Coffee is the fuel that feeds the soul."

"It's also the fuel that feeds my brain," I grumbled as I got up and stumbled into the bathroom.

Last night had been another bad night, so I was still grumbling as I made my way downstairs. I saw all of them gathered around the bar and I sighed as I realized that this wasn't going to be just me and Raven.

"So, y'all are coming with, too," I said as I made my way to the coffee machine.

"We haven't run together in a long while, Clarke," Bellamy replied. "This'll be good for us."

"And you've taken into consideration that they're watching us," I told him, arching my brow.

"Yeah," he said, "I'm mean there's only five of us. It's not like we're a pack."

I looked at them as I drank my coffee, studying them. I could tell that they really wanted this. Needed this, in fact. As much as I didn't want to, I couldn't deny them this.

"North or south," I asked.

"South," Bellamy and Nate replied at the same time, making me smile.

"Very well," I said and sat my cup in the sink. "South it is. We'll walk a ways to make sure there's no chance of the workers spotting us going or coming back."

"Sounds like a plan," Raven said, gleefully and clapped her hands. "Let's do this."

I shook my head, chuckling, as we made our way past the garage and into the forest. When I couldn't feel the house behind me, we stopped and quickly stripped and shifted. We took off at an easy run with me in the lead. They were letting me set the pace. Sometimes, Nate or Bellamy would dash off ahead and we'd follow them as they showed us interesting places. They had even found a small cave and I paused by it to smell around the place. I could only smell small animals and left to continue on.

When I could no longer lope or run, we walked a bit further. When I couldn't even do that, we stopped at a small clearing. I immediately shifted and began working out my shoulder, rubbing it. Everyone else shifted and found places to lounge. I walked over to the opposite side of the clearing and stared out at the rest of the forest. I felt Raven come up behind me and she moved my hand away and started massaging my shoulder. I let out a hiss of pain when she found a particularly nasty spot, but let her continue.

"We made a pretty good distance," she said, quietly. "We're roughly fifteen miles from the house."

"We should be three times as far," I growled. "I'm just slowing you down."

"Hey," she said, as she wrapped her arms around my middle, "This is fine, Clarke. We're not going to hold it against you. I promise we're not."

I took a deep shuddering breath, feeling her against me and I had to step away from her to fight the feelings that she always brought out.

"I know you guys won't," I replied, not looking at her. "I'm crippled and that makes me angry."

"You're not a cripple, Clarke," she said sternly and turned me to face her.

I looked at her angrily then and said, "I am a cripple, Raven. Because of this fucking shoulder I can't do most of the shit I used to be able to! I can't run except in sprints. I can't lift nearly the same weight as I could. I can't raise my arm to get something off of a high shelf. There's fucking nerve damage! I am nothing, but a cripple! I can't sleep without a fucking nightmare that wakes me up screaming at the top of my lungs. I can't fucking sketch because my fucking mind is trying to make me remember what the fuck happened. God, I can't even have sex without freaking the fuck out! Nothing is the same. It'll never be the same!"

She reached for me, but I shoved past her and shifted, running away from them even though my shoulder begged me not to. I ran even when I couldn't use it anymore. I just ran until my body refused to go any further. I collapsed on the ground and let out the most pitiful howl that I could make and then I shifted and I was sobbing and curled around myself, cradling my arm.

I sobbed until I couldn't any more, because the wells of my tears had dried up and there was nothing left. I sat up slowly, using my good arm to push me up. When I was sitting, I wiped away the last remnants of my tears and snot away and looked around. I didn't know where I was, but I knew that I was more westward than I wanted to be. I walked back towards where I had left my clothes in a dark mood.

It took me hours to walk back and when I arrived, my clothes were the only ones still there. I got dressed slowly and my arm was completely useless now. My shoulder was nothing but a ball of excruciating pain and I held onto that pain. That pain fueled my dark thoughts and then I was walking again. I walked past the house, heading north this time. I walked for a long time until I came to the ledge that overlooked the beautiful valley. Standing there, looking over it, I wanted to paint it so bad that a different pain built in my chest. The pain of thinking that I would never be able to do that again. That if I could, it meant that I might find happiness and joy and maybe love. I was starting to think that it was a foolish dream, getting better and moving past my lost memories.

I stepped closer to the edge and watched the valley slowly slip into shadows as the sun slid behind the mountains. That was me. I was slowly slipping into the shadows, but I wasn't so sure that the sun would return for me. I sighed, and ran my fingers through my hair as I tried to turn myself away from the darkness. To find some light, something that I could hold onto, a lifeline. My thoughts flitted briefly over my friends, the fan, and Janice. I wondered briefly if Janice would still like me if she knew that I was broken, maybe beyond repair. I wondered if my fan would still write to me if they knew exactly why I had stopped painting. I wondered if I would eventually run my friends off.

I sat gingerly near the edge, still cradling my arm and continued to watch as the sun set. I knew that I would have to head back soon, but I couldn't bring myself to leave, so I sat. It wasn't until the moon had risen and the stars were shining brightly over me that I stirred. As soon as I stood up, a sound drew my attention to the ridge that was above and to the east of me. I looked up and growled when I saw the Polis Sheriff looking down at me. He said nothing at me, but continued to stare. I didn't move a muscle and with great effort, I lowered my left arm until it lay against my side. I lifted my chin and met him stare for stare, growling at him the entire time.

"You need to leave," he said after a while. "You need to leave while you still have time."

"I'm not leaving," I growled up at him. "This is my home now. My friends and I aren't going anywhere. I suggest you and your Alpha get used to it."

He leapt down from the ridge and strode toward me. I held my ground and watched him move closer. Rage was burning in me and I really wanted him to start something. When he came closer, maybe two, three feet away, he stopped.

"You need to leave," he hissed at me again.

"I will not," I seethed. "We're not leaving."

Quicker than I could catch, he grabbed my left shoulder and gripped it tightly. I screamed and dropped to my knees. He smiled evilly down at me. Breathing through gritted teeth, I grabbed him by his balls and swung him over me and he landed on his back. Before he had a chance to get up, I had my boot pushing down on his neck. He tried to dislodge it, but I applied more weight to it and he started gasping for air.

I looked down at him and my voice rang with steel, "I should kill you now, old man. Send your Alpha a message, but I'm not going to kill you. No, that would be to easy for you. I've known men like you for my entire life. Men who have tried to break me, but they never succeeded. You are like those men and you will not break me."

His movements were getting weaker and I kept pressing down until I was sure that he was unconscious. I stepped on his shoulder and grabbing his wrist, I pulled it out of it's socket and using my foot for leverage broke ever bone in his arm. I did the same thing to his other arm and his legs. I stomped on his hips and broke his pelvic bone. I would've done more, but a sound caught my ear. I looked quickly around, but seeing no one, I left and headed back home.

The rage left and with it some of the darkness was pulled back.