Chapter twenty one – Heartbroken, deluded idiots

Alfred and Arthur were returning from their little shopping trip, arms full of random foods. Alfred had got bored half way through and demanded that they were to go and see a movie. Still a little hyped up at how awesome the film they'd seen was, Alfred was jumping around and coming very close to dropping a bag of vegetables Arthur had trusted him with.

"Hey Artie, look over there…" Alfred pointed over to the docks as they were making their way back to the bus stop.

"Alfred, I'm not falling for that again! Last time you distracted me like that you tried to pull my trousers down!" Arthur pouted, not having fond memories of Alfred's apparently hilarious gag.

"Hah! That was so funny – but seriously – look!" Alfred insisted, pointing again, jabbing his finger out into the air almost violently.

Arthur decided that he'd have to look sooner or later, plus the curiosity was killing him. So, he looked in the direction of Alfred's finger, and found it was pointing at none other than Gilbert, staring into the water, but with no Matthew nearby.

The two rushed over, quite worried at how civil and un-disruptive the German was being, calling his name. Gilbert looked up, nodding and smiling slightly, "Ev'nin'."

"'Evening'? Gilbert, even Arthur doesn't greet people like that! What's wrong?" Alfred sounded genuinely worried, Arthur glaring at him.

"Are you trying to imply something!" The Brit's tone was hardly tolerant of Alfred's insult, but he decided that Gilbert was more of a worry right now, "But yes, Alfred's right – what on earth is the matter, Gilbert?"

The boy shrugged, looking distant again, "Just need some thinking time, y'know?"

Alfred tried his very best to keep his snorts in, he really did. But the idea of Gilbert needing 'thinking time' just seemed so odd and alien to him, he couldn't help but giggle like an idiot, gaining a glare and a shove from Arthur.

"Ehh… what're you thinking about, then?" Arthur said diplomatically.

Gilbert sighed deeply, "I got rejected." He said simply, and Alfred understood completely.

"Aw, man, I feel for ya. Who was it, Mattie?" Alfred slapped a hand on the German's back, "Too bad… I could punch Francis for ya?"

Gilbert narrowed his eyes, "Shut the fuck up, American, I'm older and stronger than you! I could hit Francis if I wanted or needed to, but he's my best friend, although he's a dick at times. Plus, if Mattie likes him, then it'd probably offend the poor kid if I did hit Francis."

Arthur was staying silent, not entirely sure about what was going on. He knew it must suck to be rejected – but all the girls in the books he'd read had just gone home, called their friends over for a huge sleepover and cried themselves to sleep watching sad love films, eating sugary stuff and wasting tissues. Most of the time they'd begun insulting the guy who'd rejected the protagonist, telling their friend that 'she was too good for him', or 'there are plenty more fish in the see', and there was a re-occurring theme of 'chicks before dicks'.

But Gilbert seemed to be blaming himself, and there wasn't a tear or tissue anywhere in sight, and unless Gilbert had something sweet in his back, it was lacking in that element too. Unless the gender had something to do with it… the books had always made the guys seem like the evil ones, and the general moral at the end of them was 'don't fall for guys for their looks – your friends are more important!' Arthur agreed with this up to a point, but sometimes they took it too far, in his opinion.

"Artie? You okay there? Try not to fall into the sea." Alfred chuckled, clicking his fingers in front of Arthur's eyes, pulling his off his train of thought.

"Ah! Sorry, yes. Gilbert. So Matthew rejected you?" He asked rather bluntly, then realised it was a tender subject at the look Gilbert gave him, "Oh! I apologise! I mean, you didn't get too lucky then?" His tone was a lot nicer this time.

Gilbert smiled dryly, "Don't worry about it, Eyebrows. You'll experience this pain someday soon! When you do, come over to my place and we can eat some cookies and watch a movie and cry our eyes out like girls."

Arthur blinked in shock at how accurate Gilbert had been to his previous thoughts. The German must've mistook the look of mixed shock and horror on Arthur's face as he chucked sympathetically, "Wow, no need to get scared – I was kidding, man, kidding!"

"N-no, I didn't mean…!" Arthur decided it would be rather pointless explaining himself, "Okay."

"Wow, you're flat, Artie! Don't tell me there's someone you're planning to confess to?" Alfred grinned goofily, "Hah! Artie's in love! L – O – V – E! Artie and …. Someone… sitting in a tree…"

"… K – I – S – S – I – N – G~" Both Alfred and Gilbert finished the childish rhyme, grinning like idiots.

Blushing haughtily, Arthur turned up his nose, "And how old are you two turning this year? And no, Alfred, there is not anyone I'm planning to confess to, thank you very much. Gilbert, you know the last bus is coming in five minutes, you're probably best coming back with us now. Unless you want a detention for coming in after hours."

The German blinked a few times, "It's that late already!" He checked his phone for the time, "Shit! I've been sitting here for three fucking hours!"

"Mattie got you that down, eh?" Alfred nodded, "I know the feelin', man."

"Who'd you get rejected by, Alfie?" Gilbert grinned, a laugh about to break out.

"Countless chicks back in America… they all collapsed into giggles and said that either I was 'too cute to take seriously' or that 'they thought of me as a little brother'. It kinda burst my bubble…" Alfred sighed heavily at the memories, but then slung an arm around Gilbert and Arthur, "But hey! Bros before hoes, right? You guys love me, don't ya?"

"Alfred, you look like you're wasted." Arthur began wrestling the American's strong arm off his shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah, we love you Alfred, now get off you idiot!" Gilbert grinned, and then shoved his hands in his pockets almost bashfully, "But thanks you two."

Alfred and Arthur exchanged glances, and then craned their necks to look at Gilbert, giving them an identical questioning stare, "What?"

"Y'know, for cheering me up!" Gilbert grinned roughly, wrestling them both down, giving them affectionate noogies, "You guys are my bros, sure enough! Well, unless you count Antonio and Francis, but they're both off flirting with other guys!"

The pointless banter continued between the boys all the way back to their dorms, Gilbert constantly poking at Arthur, calling his a princess, or telling Alfred he ate too many hamburgers. Alfred and Arthur weren't short on comebacks, though, and immediately shot something mean back at the albino, which usually concerned Matthew, and often the added extra of Francis.

"You guys are terrible! Horrible, terrible people!" Gilbert pouted jokingly as they climbed off the bus, complaining about a particularly witty retort Arthur had spat back to Gilbert's accusation that Arthur would end up marrying one of his fairies, though for some reason he'd be the one in the wedding dress.

"Whatever. Try not to trip and fall on your way to your dorm; I've noticed you're very clumsy, Gilbert." Arthur sniffed, already heading down in the opposite direction to reach his and Alfred's rooms.

"See ya, Gil!" Alfred waved enthusiastically, "I'm rooting for ya with Mattie! Good luck~!"

Gilbert called a thank you in return, and then began jogging back to his own room; Alfred chuckled, and began following Arthur.

"Artie, slow down, man!" Alfred finally caught up with the speed-walking Brit, and then remembered that he was carrying an awful lot of food, and he wasn't even that strong, bless him! "Gimme some of those bags! Your arms must be killing you!"

Arthur shook his head, but gladly handed over two of the countless plastic bags he was holding, "I'm alright, you know, but thank you." The truth was in fact Arthur's arms had gone numb many hours ago, but his stupidly-strong pride had ignored his muscles' cries of pain, and he'd continued on like a soldier.

"Remember, I'm your hero, okay?" Alfred grinned, pulling Arthur into a casual hug as they entered their dorm, "Here to help you when you're in trouble!"

"Thanks, Alfie," Arthur smiled, using the American's nickname as a rare show of affection.

Alfred dumped the shopping down on the table, taking Arthur's bags off him and began sorting through them, "You bought them, so I'll put 'em away, kay?"

"I like your logic." Arthur smiled, flicking the kettle on.

There was only the sound of the plastic bags rustling and a few 'eughs' of disapproval when Alfred came across a vegetable he particularly disliked.

"Alfred…" Arthur began hesitantly, "I'm writing this thing… this story if you like. It's an extra assignment for English – you know I like to get as much work done as possible."

"Hmm?" Alfred said, very tempted to throw away Arthur's loaf of wholemeal bread. Wholemeal.

Arthur twiddled his fingers, not sure how to phrase his sentence, "W-well… it's a romance, you see, but I'm not sure what to write…"

Alfred looked up from the bread, reluctantly placing it in the breadbin, "So what've you written so far?"

"Okay… so the main male, let's call him John – he falls in love with someone, but it's the first person he's ever fallen in love with. The guy he falls in love with is his best friend."

"Oh? He's gay? I'm not sure how the head will react to that one!" Alfred grinned playfully.

Slapping a hand over his mouth, Arthur groaned – he hadn't meant to let that slip. Of course, Arthur was not doing extra English work – he was doing the 'I have this friend' thing, and getting advice, but it would have been all too obvious if Arthur said 'I have this friend', because well, he didn't, "Okay, Johns gay, whatever. And he falls in love with his best friend, Chris. But Chris is very, very straight. The two are really close and all – they've even kissed a few times, though it was all by accident, really. Chris doesn't know anything about John's feelings. John's never fallen in love before, remember, and he really doesn't know what to do. Any suggestions for my lost, fictional character?"

Alfred paused to think, chewing on his lip, "Well, it happens all the time on TV doesn't it? Just get John to flirt with Chris! No wait. How much does John love Chris? Like, would he be willing to sacrifice their friendship?"

Arthur panicked, not sure what the right answer was, "Well, John… he is defiantly in love. He would do anything to gain Chris' love back, but if that meant sacrificing everything they had as friends, then he'd try his best to move on."

Nodding, Alfred continued unpacking the vegetables, "I see, I see! Right. I have it! John should just talk to Chris about it – confess his feelings! If Chris is a worthwhile friend, then surely he'd understand! Then either they can go back to being friends, or they could try going out with each other. Does Chris have any secret feelings for John?"

Arthur shook his head, "No – well, it's all from John's point of view, you see, and sometimes Chris acts like he does, but John is pretty sure that he doesn't have feelings for him."

"Well, I wouldn't let John jump to conclusions! More often than not it turns out that the people you like have feelings for you back, or that's what I've heard. It doesn't seem all that apparent with Gilbert and the others." Alfred chuckled pityingly, "Poor guy."

"So John should tell Chris… okay. Thank you, Alfred." Arthur smiled, "I'm going to bed."

"Arthur, it's eight o'clock!" Alfred raised an eyebrow, "Why so early?"

The Brit shrugged, heading into the bathroom, "I'm really tired – it was all that shopping you made me carry, idiot."

"Sorry…" Alfred grinned bashfully.

"Night~" Arthur smiled, locking himself into the bathroom.

John should tell Chris…

In other words, Alfred had basically suggested that Arthur should indeed confess his feelings to the boy.

Arthur just hoped that what Alfred had said about more often than not, the person you liked had feelings for you back.

Arthur awoke the next morning rather sweaty and tried. To say he'd slept well would have been a downright lie. He moaned to himself climbing into the shower, the hazy memories of the hellish night slipping back to him. He was pretty sure he'd been sleep walking, and, hoping that it was only a dream, had attempted to climb into Alfred's bed. He'd also had a terrible nightmare waking him up at four o'clock in the morning about two men without faces (called Chris and John) who were chasing him and Alfred around, threatening Arthur because they'd used them as an excuse. For some reason, in the dream Arthur had very randomly confessed to Alfred – Alfred had gotten annoyed and had joined forces with Chris and John, chasing Arthur, and soon the whole school was chasing him, saying mean things that he didn't want to recall.

The shower helped him calm down an awful lot. He knew that he shouldn't be bothered by a dream for God's sake – fiction! Still, it had had him almost in tears when waking up from the nightmare and Arthur knew that he was rejected by Alfred in real life, it would be very hard to cope.

He just had to place faith in his best friend's advice. Alfred would understand, surely? And he hadn't made that much of a big deal about Arthur being gay apart from the odd joking insult here and there.

Yes, he'd understand. He had to!

There was a sharp rap on the door, "Artie! Do you plan on coming out of there any time today? Other people stink too, y'know!" Arthur could hear the grin in Alfred's voice, "Unless are you doing 'something' in there – I can come back later if you're… busy with 'other things'~"

Arthur almost slipped on the slippery surface, "What're you talking about! Get your head out of the bloody sewer, Alfred – I was just thinking!"

"Oh! About who? Just make sure the shower's clean when I use it!" Alfred's boyish, loud laugh cackled its way through the door, "Call me when you're done!"

Grumbling to himself, Arthur climbed out of the shower, tying a towel around his waist, pulling the door open with a ripe blush covering his face, "Just hurry the hell up, idiot. I'll be in the kitchen."

"Sexy, Artie, sexy~ nice six pack!" Alfred grinned, flicking Arthur's none-existent muscles on his chest.

Burning, Arthur swore at his friend, saying as many racist and stereotypically American insulting things his brain could come up with, "Go drown yourself!"

"Ouch, Artie! I'm hurt!" Alfred grinned jokingly, pretending to faint in shock, "And here I thought you loved me!"

Arthur had half a mind to mutter a confirmation of Alfred's statement, but the American had already shut and locked the door, and Arthur could hear the sound of the shower and its built-in radio blasting around the bathroom. Sighing and smiling fondly, Arthur went about getting dressed and then walked into the kitchen, buttering himself some toast.

Alfred came in about fifteen minutes later, wearing only a pair of loose sweatpants, drying off his hair. Alfred must've only just started puberty, but it seemed like he was one of the 'fast developers' as the muscles in his chest were starting to look less like a little girl's and more like the burly, masculine shapes they should be. They weren't quite there yet, of course, and the thoughts of any chest hair for both Arthur and Alfred were completely inexistent.

The American made straight for the cupboards upon entering the kitchen, rooting through the new piles of food they'd purchased yesterday. Suddenly a thought occurred to Arthur.

"Oh! Alfred, wait here a moment, will you?" Arthur stood up, chuckling at Alfred's look of question, "I have something to give you."

Alfred blinked a few times, wondering if he'd heard Arthur right. The Brit was not pleased with his reaction.

"Oi! I may act heartless, but that doesn't mean I am! Surely I'm allowed to give you a present?" Arthur pouted.

"No, no! I'm not complaining! What is it?" Alfred asked enthusiastically, grinning like a puppy.

Tapping his nose, Arthur skipped out of the room, only to return a moment later with something hidden behind his back, "Guess."

Alfred's face fell, "I suck at guessing! I don't know… an embroidery kit?"

"Do you really think I'd put you though such torture?" Arthur raised a bushy eyebrow, "No, here."

Arthur brought out the object he was concealing behind his back, smiling triumphantly to himself as he saw Alfred's face light up with delight. The American grabbed the box of Lucky Charms cereal off his friend, hugging them both (that is, the box of cereal and Arthur) in a bone crushing hug – and then realised that the box was only made of cardboard, and Arthur was panting for his life.

"I love you, Artie!" Alfred gazed at the box of cereals in a nostalgic remembrance of the sweet taste in his mouth, "These must've cost you loads! You said importing stuff cost a bomb!"

"It does, which is why I can't make a habit of this, okay? Savour them! I know you like your sugary cereals. Just don't get fat." Arthur muttered, now slightly embarrassed at the odd present. At least Alfred seemed happy with the cereal.

"Yes, yes, yes! I'll do anything you want me to!" Alfred hugged Arthur again before running over to the fridge and pouring himself a rather large bowl of the marshmallow-y stuff, tucking into it like it was the tastiest thing he'd ever eaten.

The day passed all too quickly for Arthur. It was one of those lounging-around Sundays, where you have loads to do, but for some reason you just don't do any of it. After they'd paid a 'quick' visit to Matthew that had lasted for three hours, talking about Gilbert and Francis, and they'd spent a few hours in the music room, finishing off Arthur's composition, the two found themselves only an hour away from Alfred's seven o'clock detention with the head.

"And Harry Potter's on tonight! The last one… I can't watch it without crying, and I don't want to be crying on my own!" Arthur moaned, "You had to get yourself landed in a detention, didn't you?"

Sighing, Alfred patted Arthur sympathetically like he was the one suffering, "Don't worry, Artie! Record it, and we can watch it later, 'kay? I promise! Then we can cry about Snape like big girl's together."

Already tearing up at the memory, Arthur nodded sadly, his lip wobbling, "K-kay."

"But what do we do for an hour? I mean I don't want to spend an hour doing nothing but complaining about the detention, go to the detention, and come back and complain more about it! That would suck!" Alfred groaned, slumping down on his bed, rolling over a few times with boredom.

"I have some Doctor Who DVDs we could watch? If you like Star Wars, you'll probably like it." Arthur suggested casually, sipping a mug of tea.

"I heard Billie Piper's hot… eh, why not? You never know, you might actually get me into it, Artie! I had a buddy back in America who was crazy for it – he tried to get me to watch the episodes on BBC America every Saturday, but I never got round to it…" Alfred yawned; turning his torso towards the small TV they had in their room, waiting for Arthur to place the DVD into the player.

"It's not Billie Piper you want to be looking at. David Tennant has a charm of his own…" Arthur sighed dreamily, and then blushed.

"Hah! The Scottish guy? Aww, that's adorable Artie! Hah! Artie's in love with Dave Tennant!" Alfred found it hilarious, and was now rolling around with a pillow, giggling like an idiot.

"David Tennant! Dave Tennant makes him sound like some sort of pedophile! And I am not in love with him! It's just… he's very… 'hot' as you would phrase it!"

No matter how Arthur phrased it, Alfred was going to find it hilarious, so the Brit decided to just shut up and play the episode, and decided to sit on top of Alfred until he begged for release.

"Ah! You're squishing my arm! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Okay! Okay! I'm sorry! Please, have mercy!" He giggled hysterically, trying to catch his breath, squirming at the weight of Arthur on top of him. Arthur grinned triumphantly.

"Tell me I'm so much more awesome than you, and I'll always be the cooler than Alfred F. Jones!" Arthur demanded, shifting his weight a little so it hurt Alfred that little bit more.

"Never!" Alfred still giggled, trying to wrestle Arthur off him. His efforts were in vein, and Arthur shoved a pillow over his friend's face, making them both erupt into more giggles, "Fine, fine! Arthur Kirkland is the awesomest Brit ever, and he will always be cooler than me, Alfred F. Jones! Now have mercy!"

Arthur kept his word and obediently climbed off Alfred, still giggling to himself.

"In your dreams! I'll always be the awesome, cool hero!" Alfred grinned triumphantly, only to get a pillow right in his face from Arthur, the two of them laughing.

Eventually the two calmed down a little, and actually managed to watch the science-fiction British programme that was running on the scene. Alfred was actually getting quite into it, but Arthur was more than a little distracted. He was squished right up close to Alfred, their hands tantalisingly close. He could hear the soft breaths in and out of the American's sleek lips, and he was sure that if he leaned his head on the boy's shoulder that Alfred's heartbeat would ring clearly in his ears.

He needed to tell Alfred his feelings. If he didn't, he might actually drive himself insane. What better time to do it than now…?

"Alfred." Arthur addressed his friend quietly, pulling the boy's attention away from the screen, "I-I need to tell you something."

The blonde tilted his head inquisitively, looking all too innocent, "What is it? Are you okay, Artie? You look kinda ill…"

A wry chuckle echoed about in Arthur's brain. A little ill. Hell, he felt like he should be being carted away to the hospital strapped to a stretcher, "I-I'm fine. I-I just don't know how to tell you what I'm thinking…"

"It's okay! You can tell me anything!"

"Anything? Anything at all?" Arthur asked, catching Alfred's worried gaze, "Really anything?"

"Arthur, what's going on?" Alfred really did sound worried now, "Has someone died or something?" His nervous chuckle at the end showed that he hoped he was joking.

"No, no, nothing like that, don't worry…" Arthur sighed – he was making a scene again. Okay deep breath. Three, two, one.

"I-I…" Was all that came out. He growled to himself, You idiot – you sound as emotionally challenged as Lovino! Are you a man or a mouse! Arthur, you're a bloody Kirkland! You've fought worse than this! Are you really going to let that American get the better of you like this!

"I-I...!" He tried again, "Bloody hell!" He shouted in frustration. Alfred placed a hand on Arthur's shoulder comforting him. "Can I just show you?" Arthur asked.

Alfred nodded still a little confused. At least this would be a little easier. Arthur took a deep breath, bidding his pride a final farewell. There was nothing to loose. Come on!

Hah, there was everything to loose. But Arthur was already moving. It was too late for thinking! He needed to get this over with.

The Brit grabbed Alfred's hand almost roughly – of course, he never intended to hurt the American - it was simply because of his own nerves. Alfred raised an eyebrow at the hand-holding, still completely oblivious of what Arthur was trying to tell him.

"God damn it, Alfred!" Arthur finally shouted in frustration, "You're with me every bloody hour of the day – you're my best friend, yet you still don't know a single bloody thing about me! You don't know what thoughts are in my mind daily, distracting me from my school work, making me cry at night, sigh like a love-struck girl every hour of the day! If you knew how confused I have been in the past month, then you'd understand. How confused everything has been making me feel! How even a casual touch, a meaningless sentence can get my heart beating faster than a slave driver and his whip! Alfred, bloody hell! It's all your fault…"

Alfred looked like he was about to say something, but Arthur cut across him, his voice a little hoarse, and sounding quite close to tears.

"It's because you're so perfect. Even your flaws are perfect! You're so happy – just always happy! And even if someone were to trip you up and laugh at you, you wouldn't get annoyed at them, and would make an excuse for them and forgive them, because, again, you're so brilliant. You've got everything right about you – you're handsome, understanding, kind, considerate, bloody hell! Take every positive adjective in the bloody dictionary – they all apply to you! The one thing wrong with you – and it's not even a flaw – is that you're not mine, and you never will be, because you're straight!"

Arthur had grabbed on to Alfred's shirt now, pulling on the fabric pathetically as he stared down at the bed sheets, feeling the tears trickle down his face, but not caring. He knew by the silence that Alfred was more than a little shocked about what Arthur was saying to him, and Arthur didn't blame him.

"This may be good or bad," Arthur continued determinedly, "but I'm not like you – I'm selfish – I'm a Kirkland, and we were taught to take whatever we could, and feel no regrets. So that is exactly why I'm going to do this."

And without so much as a warning, Arthur tilted his head up, grasping Alfred's lips with his own. He didn't care the American wasn't responding – he didn't care the boy hadn't said a word, and didn't look like he would for a while. He knew it was selfish – but as he'd told Alfred – he was a selfish person.

Arthur left Alfred's lips, throwing his arms around the boy's torso, sobbing quietly, "I love you." Oh, yeah, now he could say it.

There was silence for a minute, Alfred just staring at him, almost with a terrified look behind his glass blue orbs. Alfred glanced at the clock, "I've got to go…" he muttered quietly, pulling out of Arthur's grasp, and left the boy without even a glance behind him as the door shut in an omnibus, almost scarily final way.

Arthur felt the tears trickled down his cheeks, and he chuckled wryly. Of course he wasn't allowed a happy ending – it was funny how he'd been deluded enough to believe even for a minute that he might get the guy of his dreams – the one guy he liked.

Life sucked, Arthur decided.

He grabbed his phone, sending a quick text to Gilbert requesting movies, tissues and sweet things. The reply from the albino was almost instant, a definite yes. Gilbert understood him – they could be heartbroken, deluded idiots together, then.

A/N

;A; poor, poor Artie! I wanna hug him (even though I did this all to him ¬.¬)

So yes! 125 reviews and growing! I bloody love you guys! X3 thank you so very, very much!

Hope you enjoyed reading :D I'm not doing a lot after school tomorrow, so the next chapter should be up hopefully then, or maybe Friday if I get distracted X'D

Just for a heads up, I'm probably making this around 30-40 chapters long ^^ everyone will end up smiling in the end! (not too sure how exactly, though! X'D)

Love you guys!
byebyes~

(btw, XiXi Scarlett – I love the 'Silent-san' nickname X'D it made me grin X'D)