Scene Twenty-OneSince George had confided in him, John had hardly regained his peace of mind despite outward appearances. In fact, he was spiralling further out of control.When he got back to his digs that night, he shut himself up in his room, poured himself the first stiff measure of whisky, and knocked it back. This was unusual for him, as he preferred to savour his drinks, like everything else in his life. The fact that he had slept with a nameless woman the night before was hardly the point, as that was pure sex and the crisis in his life was about love and feeling loved. He shook his head, almost laughing as his mind skidded off as the first thought grabbed his attention. The ridiculous thing was that this happened just as he had sensed a rapprochement between George and himself. Jo Mills had been his long time lover but she had delicately backed away from an 'on off' relationship that had run for years. In the past, she had been his one political ally for years, with a similar outlook on the justice system while he had been the outcast, set apart from the brethren. They were all traditional, died in the wool conservatives and unable to see the bigger picture as political liberties were gradually being stolen from them. Now they had woken up and he had led an outrageously effective counter strike against them. Now John was in the curious position of being at the center of influence without retracting one single principle. Strangely enough, George had seen the light at last and had broken with Haughton. Life should have reached the peak of fulfillment and satisfaction and now his successes felt hollow, as his personal life had been turned upside down.

He had prided himself in being a progressive liberal campaigner in his views and actions, not least in the way he'd brought up Charlie. He'd made friends with those two very remarkable women, Nikki and Helen, full well knowing of their sexuality. Other male judges might have felt challenged and threatened by their very existence but he had felt a sense of kinship with them. It was clear that there was a mutual admiration society between them. It gave him a sense that his life and beliefs were as one so that the bombshell George had dropped on him disorientated him so much.

Suddenly, he picked up the phone. He knew what he had to do.

********

"Oh, come on John," Nikki said, several hours later, all the concerned affection of the world in her voice as they debated over a drink on a warm night. It wasn't the first they had had together. "It would be all very nice and orderly if all the straight people in the world were in one box and all the gay people in the world in another. You're finding out that life isn't like that. Years ago, I had affairs with straight women who used me as some kind of an experiment before going back into 'normality' so I got to be so paranoid about being cheated on. Helen knows all about that to her sorrow.""That's very kind of you, Nikki but that's only part of the problem. Part of me intellectually feels that the only permissible prejudices are against lack of humanity, dishonesty and obsequious careerism……" "…and intolerance and narrow mindedness, don't forget them…," added Helen brightly." You've left that out." "Quite right, Helen," added John appreciatively before the smile on his face promptly disappeared." My problem is that, OK, George and I have been apart for years, largely due to my compulsive infidelity. She'd changed recently, she's come to share some of my beliefs and whatever antagonisms between us had burned themselves out. Just at that point, when it looked as if we have the chance of a future together, she falls in love with another woman." "Did you talk to George about getting back with her?"

"In a roundabout way, and in an equally roundabout way, she graciously declined."

"So why did she refuse you?"

"I really don't know." John said with a studiously blank expression on his face. He winced slightly as the two women looked sharply at him. It made him feel uncomfortable.

"Lets put it another way, John. You give me a pen picture of George."

John felt on easier ground. This belonged to the world of facts. This he could cope with.

"George was always a woman of the world… even when we were both young. She's always liked the material things in life and power and position in the world. She has always had an iron shell and conceals her feelings very well."

"Meaning that you reckon she'd get back with you and overlook your personality foibles which are bound to sink your relationship. Are you sure George is as hard as you make her out to be? We've seen her down at 'Chix' and she comes over as totally charming and seeking some honest way of expressing herself, as if she's eager to learn a new language. She's certainly tough enough when she's in court as we've both seen. I hate to say it, John but Alice has been a good influence on her."

"So it comes down to this. I can't be sure if all this is just my hopes being disappointed or an unconscious prejudice against gay women coming to the surface that I can't admit to…." "John, you're talking a load of crap," Helen exclaimed. "The hardest thing to deal with is that someone who you once loved has found someone else who is more suited." "It happens that way, John," added Nikki." Trisha, my ex, has had to get used to me being around Helen. It can make you feel kind of inadequate, diminished and it takes real courage to rise above it and be that generous to your ex. At least she'll do better with Alice than with that politician guy." "That's easier to handle," John sprang back with alacrity." I knew Haughton and could so easily despise him and despair endlessly of George's lousy choice of men." "Whereas you don't know Alice. You know that George is changing for the better and Alice must therefore be at least halfway decent. You can't get away from that," Helen said softly as she slid in that logical conclusion. "That's nothing to do with homophobia. You may be a novice to the quote gay scene unquote, but you're the last guy to revert to primitive caveman mentality."

John stared at the two kindly women as his mind sought to deal with this blinding flash of enlightenment. They were both incredibly kind and understanding. It took away some of the feeling of hurt that had been gnawing at his insides. He could see things less from his trapped point of view and move to a more universal approach.

"I'm sorry for coming over and burdening you with my troubles. I'm really grateful to you both," he muttered, his eyes downcast.

"You're welcome to come round any time that's convenient, John. I told you that before. What intrigues me is that there's something here that makes you feel especially relaxed, the same as when you stopped over last time."

Both women knew that John was vastly understating his feelings of gratitude. It didn't matter as they got his feelings. The night felt especially calm and everything felt at peace. John wasn't to know that both women were used to such conversations at 'Chix' in bolstering up other women who had their trials and tribulations. This felt no different, as this was what they were there for. Helen thought fondly how John's male pride couldn't humbly admit his gratitude more than these awkward words. It didn't matter to her.

"That's a very good question," John said at last very slowly as he turned the idea over in his mind. "All I can say is that it feels safe. I've stayed over at women's flats many times, but this feels different…..I know very well that any relationship with you must be pure friendship or not at all. That stabilizes me. Of course, I enjoy intelligent conversation with you both and I feel that I'm in the same area of life as you are. Sorry that I can't be more specific than that."

"That makes sense to us," Helen said, yawning as she spoke." God, I'm tired."

"You've had way too much to drink, John," Nikki observed." You're stopping on the sofa?" she said, hardly a question. John nodded his head gratefully. He couldn't bear to return to the loneliness of his digs." Come on, let's all turn in."

***********

The man crept along the dark street, dressed in dark trousers, overcoat and wearing a woollen hat on his head. His eyes manically darted all around him and his eyebrows were furrowed in concentration. At last, he found the address that he sought. It was a large Georgian house, set back a little way from the road with big front bay windows. The front door was a large stout wooden affair and, even with glass panes wasn't about to submit easily to his bagful of tools. Instinct made him believe that the side or back of the house might be an easier proposition and he'd be less conspicuous. He was delighted to see a wooden fence at the side of the building that could easily be climbed over. Once there, luck was again on his side as such a warm night meant that the sash window was left slightly open. He'd hoped for that as it meant that he needn't have to forcibly break into the flat. He pushed upwards to ease the window up, a bit at a time. He grinned in an evil fashion, as he knew now that he'd be able to scare the shit out of those bitches who he'd tracked down. He'd have the advantage on them as no one can fight back when they're half dressed or not dressed at all. Accordingly, he rolled gently sideways off the empty kitchen draining board and landed lightly on his plimsolled feet with hardly a sound. The way was wide open now.