Full Circle
Chapter 21 – Difference in a year
AN: Happy Sunday guys. I've been up since 6 this morning for work. I think it should be illegal to be up that early on a Sunday. Anyway if you dont like Christmas in September the next few chapter are going to make you scream. Now me I LOVE Christmas I am counting down now that it is September haha! To the guest reviewer SAL I have no idea what has happened to your comment I didn't know anything until you alerted me I haven't done anything for it to be deleted so I have no idea. I did receive your comment as I have it in my emails so I thank you for your lovely comments. Enjoy
She looks up at the bright white light and wonders how she got to this very moment, her feet are up in the stirrups and she can hear the machines starting to power up. She rests her hands on the railings at the side of the bed; she turns to her left hand and sees doux bebe glistening under the harsh light.
She wonders what he would say to her if she ever told him, she hopes he will hate her, be disgusted with her anything but be the understanding and compassionate man he is. She contemplated telling him, then telling him it wasn't his but in the end no saying anything at all won out.
The doctor tells her she is starting now. She takes a deep breath and stares back up at the ceiling. How did it all come to this? Have I really become this person? How will I ever face him again? Will he ever love me again? She tries to drown out the noise and the feeling of life being sucked out of her, anything to drown out the pain from her heart and the numbness that is encompassing her whole body. She takes another deep breath and closes her eyes.
Fitz is woken by whimpering coming from Olivia. He turns to look at the clock to see it's a little past 3 in the morning, he rubs the sleep out of his eyes as he feels the sheets being clutched and scrunched tightly. He turns back to Liv to see her tossing and turning, he doesn't want to abruptly wake her and make her even more scared and disorientated.
Fitz starts by gently stroking her face trying to relax her features, he then leans in to whisper reassuring words in her ear it's something that has worked well in the past even in her subconscious he can seem to get through whatever has pulled her in. Finally he pulls her close and keeps whispering to her and laying gentle kisses on her temple, on her cheek, anywhere he can reach.
He can feel her heartbeat steadying out to its normal rhythm; he feels her whole body start to relax again. He strokes her for a few more minutes until he is completely sure that she is out of her nightmare. He holds her close and starts to close his eyes feeling confident that she is ok now. He feels her shift in his arms and he looks down to see that she has turned in his arms and is nuzzling his chest which makes him smile. Her head rests on his chest comfortable sleeping; he squeezes her and kisses her one more time before returning to sleep.
'Babe can you hand me that red bauble'
Fitz passes her the bauble and just watches the beauty before him decorating the Christmas tree in the residence. He has take a minute to take in the moment, here he was with his Livvie in The White House decorating their first tree together, he cant stop himself from comparing today to this time last year. It's not lost on him that today is a year from that fateful night and Liv has been struggling with nightmares for the past couple of days. What a difference a year makes he thinks.
'What do you think' Liv says whilst turning on the lights in the tree.
He looks at the twinkling lights and the glittering decorations and cant help but smile, for the first time in a long time he feels the magic of Christmas all around him.
'Wait you forgot something' he says whilst retrieving the angel to put on top of the tree
She smiles up at and takes it out of her hand, she goes to climb the ladder she has been using to decorate the top of the tree but instead he wraps around his arms around her and lifts her up
'Fitz' she shrieks in surprise and giggles as lifts her high enough to reach the top.
He keeps her in his arms and somehow they manage to turn her so she is facing him
'Hi'
'Hi'
They slowly lean into one another before their mouths fuse together, opening up to accept the others tongue as they swirl around each other. He holds her closer as she wraps her legs around him and runs her fingers through his hair. Its not lost on Liv that this time last year she was helping Mellie out with the filibuster, the snide comments under breath to Fitz, that she would do something that would change her forever and that she would spew venom to Fitz to make him come back at her and almost destroy everything they had. What a difference a year makes she thinks to herself before getting lost in Fitz.
Fitz starts backing them up luckily for them the couch is right behind Fitz, he sits and leans back so that Liv is on top. They break apart both breathing deeply, eyes closed, foreheads touching, both taking in the moment. They dive back into each other only quickly separating so that Liv can pull her jumper off then reuniting their mouths. Clothes are coming off at a frantic pace both chuckling at the fact that they are trying to pull their jeans off whilst trying to keep their mouths together not wanting to break their kiss.
Once down to their underwear they take their time caressing the other, Fitz runs his hands up and down her back which sends a shiver through Olivia, he unhooks her bra pulling the straps down her arms, as it falls to the floor he moves his hands to her panties and ever so slowly pulls them down. She breaks away from the kiss to help him get them off then she goes up to his chiselled chest and kisses down until she reaches his boxers. She pulls them down half way whilst Fitz kicks them off the rest of the way.
His erection springs free and Liv runs kisses up and down his shaft before taking him into her mouth. She hollows out her cheeks as she sucks up and down, she hears him moan and it makes her ego soar knowing she can bring great pleasure to the love of her life. She gently cups his balls and massages him.
'Oh god Livvie' Fitz says with a strangled moan
She swirls her tongue around him and goes up and down his shaft a few more times before removing her mouth and repositioning herself over him knowing that he would want to finish inside her and today thats what she wants as well.
Fitz puts his hands on her hips and helps guide him inside of her warmth, they lower her slow until he is all the way inside of her. They both groan out at the feeling of being one with each other, neither want to move they just want to take in the feeling of being united. Olivia bends forwards to kiss him once again, its messy, raw and passionate and soon their hips start moving in time with the kiss. Olivia breaks away as Fitz kisses up and down her neck before Olivia sits up straighter in order to move harder and allow Fitz to go even deeper.
She rests her hands on his chest as they meet each other thrust for thrust
'Uh Fitz' Olivia says breathlessly
'Livvie'
'Im ssss so close bbbaby'
'Me too Livvie'
He can feel liv clenching around him and he lets out another cry at the feeling of her walls squeezing him.
'Take me with you baby. Make me cum with you Livvie'
Thats was all the encouragement Liv needed to speed it up and give them both pleasure. They are both moaning loud it wouldn't be a surprise if their agents knew what was happening. With one final thrust and roll of her hips they both release at the same time heightening their pleasure.
Liv falls onto Fitz's chest and runs her hand through his chest hair whilst Fitz pulls the blanket that lay on the back of the couch over them. Liv is mesmerised by the twinkling lights whilst Fitz plays with her hair which makes her smile against his chest.
She lifts her head up to smile at him, Fitz brings both of his hands up to cup her face and kisses her slowly and sensually they are so lost in each other they dont her the knock at the door followed by it opening
'Mr President Sir you are.. Oh my god I am so sorry'
At the sound of Abby's voice they break apart and Liv buries her face in Fitz's chest whilst Fitz doesn't know what to do at the sight of his chief of staff and Liv's best friend.
'I'm sorry sir' Matt says from outside the door
'She said it was important about tonight'
'It's ok Matt'
At this point Abby has turned her back to the couple
'Right er there is some issue with the dinner tonight and I need you down there to sort it out' Abby rushed out so she could escape the room.
'I'll meet you down there' and with that Abby scurried out of the room
As soon as the door was closed Olivia started giggling
'I cant believe what she almost saw can you imagine her face if she came in a few minutes earlier'
Fitz chuckled along with her
'I better go before she comes back in here'
Olivia makes her disapproval at him leaving her known which Fitz smiles at and kisses her sweetly on the lips before Olivia removed herself from him and watched as Fitz walked butt naked to the bedroom.
Whilst Fitz was away Olivia pulled out her laptop to get some work done but to also try and Fitz a Christmas gift. They have never been able to exchange gifts and she wants this Christmas to be perfect for them especially after last years holiday. Since July she has fallen more and more in love with, he has been there for her and supported her through it all, this is their first holiday together and she wants it to be special and she wants that perfect gift to go with it.
'Are you sure you dont mind me going with Fitz tonight'? Abby asks Liv for the thousandth time
'Abby I trust you and Fitz needs someone with him tonight plus you guys are friends'.
It wasn't that Abby had a thing for Fitz it was the fact that Liv got jealous of her place in Fitz's life since their breakup a year prior. Her friendship with Liv was in a great place and she didn't want to jeopardize that by making Liv uncomfortable by going as Fitz's date.
Even though Liv was living in The White House with Fitz she wasn't ready to be his date to a dinner with lots of press especially considering the date. It didn't feel right and Fitz understood.
The next couple of days flew by for Olivia on top of trying to get a perfect gift for Fitz she was trying to wrap up all her business at OPA so her and the team could get a well earned Christmas. She was making her way to The Oval for her couples therapy with Fitz. Many of the workers were well aware of Olivia's and Fitz's relationship and didn't bat an eye lid at the sight of Olivia Pope walking around the west wing , in fact Olivia stops and talks to them on a regular basis leaving many to wonder what she could have achieved being first lady.
'You can go right in Olivia' Charlotte says to her with a smile which Olivia returns.
'Livvie this is Dr Fisher'
'Nice to meet you'
'You too'. They say whilst shaking hands.
Olivia sets her up her laptop to connect with Tracey and once everything is working and all the introductions have been made they get started.
'How has this week been for you? Tracey asks knowing the significance of it
'Better than I thought it would go. I have had a few nightmares this past week about everything that happened almost like I was reliving it. A part of me wants to bury all my feeling and erase it all and forgot about what happened but I know I cant.'
'What about you Mr President?' Tracey asks
'You can call me Fitz Tracey. I have been thinking a lot about the events of last year and I cant help but compare this year to last and it makes me realise how far we have come. I know it's been a hard week for Liv and I wish I could take the pain away for her or help out more than what I am doing'.
'Why do you feel that way Fitz' Dr Fisher chimes in this time.
'I dont want Liv to feel like she is going through this week alone. I know it must be tough on her cause it's tough on me. I just want her to know that she can talk to me about the abortion if she wants to, I dont want her to hide that part for fear it will upset me.'
'Have you felt like you cant talk to Fitz about that?'
'I haven't really talked to him about it since I came back. I guess I wasn't talking to him about it because I dont want upset or hurt him anymore than what I already have. I know how much he wanted a family with me and the first opportunity we had I ended it'.
'I know it wasn't like that Livvie, I know there was more to it than that. If you need or want to talk about it I am here I am always going to be here for you'.
Liv smiles and moves closer to Fitz on the couch.
'How has your relationship been since living together in here?'
They both look at each other and smile
'It's been pretty amazing. I know I had my doubts but I just didn't want to make the same mistakes I made last year but I love having Liv here.'
Olivia shakes her head in agreement
'When you both leave here where will you be heading?'
'We have decided to stay in DC for the time being we just need to find a place, there's always my apartment but that might not be good with secret service plus I haven't had the best of memories in there and I want to make new memories with Fitz someplace'.
'I take it your pleased to hear that Fitz?' Tracey asks with a knowing smile
'Very'
'Before you left Olivia you said that you had realised something about the time you went to Fitz on the balcony but that the opposite was true for when you left here. Do you remember?'
Olivia nods and gives a smile to Tracey knowing that she is pushing her to be honest.
'I wasn't truly ready to be with Fitz when I went to him that night. For the first time I went to him and there was no Mellie in the picture, we could really have our chance to be together but I was quickly losing control of the situation which didn't help matters. We were working but we were also losing the couple we were when all we had was stolen moments.'
'When I came back to Fitz I was truly ready to give him my all. For the first time everything was out in the open, we have been completely honest with each other and there was nothing truly holding us back. Everything that I used to fear about being with Fitz – losing myself, being married, having a family all went away when I truly accepted my love for Fitz and his for me'.
Dr Fisher gave Fitz a nod to let him know it was ok to talk
'Somewhere in the middle I stopped listening to Liv and I realised that part of it was because I was pushing you to give in to us and let us be out there in the open like I always wanted us to be. You told me that night that if we went in broken we weren't getting out together, so when we were outed I pushed us and kept on pushing to try and prove that what you said wouldn't be true. I wanted us so bad and this was the first time I really had you. No Mellie. No Jake. I lost sight of us and in turn pushed you into something you're not and still to this day I dont know why. I've always said Olivia Pope as First Lady would change the world.'
Fitz let out a sad chuckle and Olivia interlaced their fingers and squeezed his hand.
'What's one thing you are worried about for the future of the two of you?'
'I know its natural in relationships to have arguments and disagreements but I'm just worried I might slip into my old ways and go on the defensive and hurt Fitz like I used to'
'It's unrealistic not to have arguments or disagreements but you've got to remember Olivia that this relationship now is completely different to the ones you have had with each other in the past. You are both fully committed in this one, there is no other party there is only you two. You two are realising your dream, you both hit rock bottom from the last time, you both know the words and actions to hurt the other deeply but it is up to us what we do with that.'
'You've both survived the worst and have come out stronger than before. If you feel yourself hitting that point of no return remove yourself from the situation. Take a walk, write your feelings down, whatever you want to do to help yourself calm down but remember this time last year, remember the lowest points of your relationship and think to yourself is it really worth what I am about to say. Will I survive this? Will our relationship survive this? If you hit your limit think of those questions and truly ask yourself is it worth it?.'
They sit and chat for a few more hours before they say goodbye to Tracey and Dr Fisher. They are both exhausted after their session, Olivia is already lying down on the couch and Fitz soon joins her before they know they are asleep in each others arms.
Abby walks in to The Oval but quickly grinds to a halt at the sight of her best friend asleep in the arms of the president, her boss but also her friend. For the first time she truly notices how happy Olivia is even in her sleeping form, she also notes how at peace Fitz looks and smiles seeing them together. She is happy that they have found their way back together, if anyone deserves happiness it's them.
She quickly pulls out her phone and snaps a picture of them thinking it would be nice for them and quietly leaves The Oval with a smile on her face knowing that Olivia and Fitz will alright no matter what life throws at them.