Chapter 21: Making up is hard to do

BPOV

Are you still sure you want to wait for me?

Right now? No, I'm really not.

I tossed on my bed again as the words rang in my head, and another tear fell onto my pillow. Everything about tonight haunted me as I laid there; sleep complete evading me. Even his intimate touches before dinner haunted me. I had felt every ounce of his love and desire for me at that moment, and then to be almost completely cast aside by him just a few hours later... I never thought he would make my heart ache like this again.

I had been wrong.

My phone rang from beside me on my bedside table, and I didn't have to pick it up to know it was Edward again. It was now midnight and he had been trying to call for the past hour and a half, but I was not ready to talk to him. I didn't want to hear what he had to say, even if it was an apology. Forgiveness is earned, and he had not yet. He had expected me to stand behind him tonight without fully know all that I was standing up for.

Saturday it was going to be made official, even if he wouldn't leave until after he graduated. Edward would be a member of the United States military and there would be no turning back. He would belong to Uncle Sam above all others and he had expected me to take that final blow with grace. He trusted me enough to tell me before his own mother that he was joining, but not enough to tell me all the details. Then beyond that, he had the nerve to get angry with me when I needed a moment to process it.

I ignored the call and set it back on my bedside table, curling back under my comforter. A tapping on my window a few minutes later startled me out of my moping and I turned to see Edward perched on the tree branch outside. I turned my face away from him and didn't respond at all until he knocked on my window again. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and began texting him.

I'm not talking right now. Go home.

I pressed send and waited. I heard the rustling of the branches and leaves outside my window, and when I turned my head again, he was gone. I felt another tear trickle down my cheek as I turned back over, hugging my pillow as another sob wracked through my body. Part of me wished I could take back the words that I never really meant in the first place, but another part of me was still so angry with him for not telling me everything and then his words as well. My thoughts were disrupted by the vibration of my phone in my hand and I turned my face from the pillow to look at it.

A text from Edward.

Bella please, I'm sorry. Please talk to me.

I sighed heavily and shook my head before I began punching in a response.

We'll talk tomorrow. Its late, you should go home.

I'm not going home until you talk to me.

Well you're gonna get pretty cold out there.

Oh well.

I growled in frustration. This man could be the most stubborn male on the planet when he wanted to be, and I had a serious love-hate relationship with this side of him.

I was definitely leaning more toward the hate at this moment.

Are you still awake? he texted a few minutes later when I didn't respond and I clenched my free hand tightly into a fist before rolling onto my back.

No.

Bella just open your window and talk to me.

What part of I'm not talking right now don't you understand?

Haven't you heard it's not good to go to bed angry?

I closed my eyes and tossed my head back into the pillow repeatedly. I could see his smirk as he typed that in my head, and it only served to fuel my irritation.

This is not a joke, Edward.

I'm not laughing.

Well if Charlie comes home and starts searching the yard for your frostbitten ass, don't expect any sympathy from me.

Charlie won't be home for hours and I could be long gone by then if you'd just talk to me.

My neighbor will call him when they see your car.

It's down the street. No one will know.

I'll call my dad and tell him that there's a strange man in the yard, and he'll come home.

I run fast.

"Dammit Edward!" I exclaimed into the empty space of my room and glanced over to the window. Frost was rimming the edge of the window pain, creating an intricately jagged design. Normally I would lay here and stare at it, watching it grow; but now it only served to remind me how bitterly cold it was outside.

Knowing Edward, he was out there in that damn denim jacket that I told him a million times to get rid of in exchange for a real jacket. I groaned and tossed my blankets aside, my feet hitting the cold wood floor as I ran over to the window, flipping the lock and lifting it open.

"Get your stupid ass up here!" I hissed and stormed away from the window, walking across the room and folding my arms over my chest to wait for him to appear in the window. When he finally climbed in the window and closed it behind him, I felt my heart begin to race uncontrollably. So I averted my eyes from him when he turned to face me. "You wanted to talk, so talk."

He exhaled roughly and I heard the chattering of his teeth through it, and before I could stop myself, my eyes met his. "Bella, I know you're mad…"

My eyes widened as I glared at him, and shook my head. "Mad? You think I'm mad? Try furious, Edward!" I snarled quietly with my fists now clenched at my sides. "Why did you bother telling me anything if you weren't going to tell me everything? And then have the nerve to yell at me because I needed a moment to soak it all in. And after I was already snapped at by your mother."

"You mean like you're yelling at me now?" Edward retorted, his body still trembling from the cold but I was still too angry to care.

"Don't you even think about comparing the two! I was attacked from all sides tonight and I hadn't done anything wrong!" I snapped back, my voice now rising in volume.

"So I did? I was expecting what I got from my mother tonight, but I thought you understood," he replied, throwing his arms out in frustration. "Why does something as insignificant as that date make such a difference? It's not like I'm leaving Saturday."

"That doesn't matter, Edward! It becomes real on Saturday!" I nearly screamed back at him, feeling the tears fill my eyes again. "This cements that you are leaving me. It isn't something you can take back or change your mind! I will be here no matter what, but will you come back for me?"

A stunned look came over his face and he was completely silent for a moment. Then he shook his head gently and took a step toward me.

"Bella…" he said softly, reaching out for me and pulling me toward him. I pushed against his chest, struggling against his hold as I felt him kiss my hair.

"No, Edward. Just let me go," I yelled with one more violent shove against him and he finally released me. I backed away from him immediately. "You just don't get it, do you? You're not the one being left behind. You aren't going to be the one waiting and wondering if something bad is going to happen. I will be here, still in high school, while you are out there in the real world with people your own age. Women your own age. What happens when you find something better, someone who can be with you now? And I'll be here, sitting and waiting because I love you more than life itself." I ran my hand through my hair and turned away from him. The sobs began to shudder through my body again, and I wrapped my arms around myself tightly. I felt his arms come around me from behind, securing a hold around my shoulders and I attempted to wriggle out of his grasp. "Let me go, Edward."

"No, baby," he replied softly and kissed my hair as his embrace tightened around me. I growled, trying to pull his arms from around me but he wouldn't budge. "I'm not letting go, Bella."

"Get off of me!" I screamed as tears streamed down my face, leaning my head to the side when his lips brushed against my cheek. I turned to face him and began pushing against his chest and shoulders with my fists. His hands came to my arms and gripped them tightly, my eyes rising up to his and narrowing slightly.

"Bella, will you stop and listen to me?" he gritted through clenched teeth, visibly trying to maintain his hold through my struggles.

"Why should I bother? You won't tell me everything anyway," I snapped angrily as the balls of my hands pushed against his shoulders. "Why bother telling me anything at all!"

"Will you just…" he growled, cutting himself off abruptly when his lips crashed into mine. I was so stunned by his sudden movement that I instinctually responded, bringing my hands up to cradle each side of his jaw. But there was a difference in this kiss from any other he had ever given me. It was angry and needy all at once, but more passionate than anything I had ever felt; and I moaned at the intensity of the pleasure it was giving me.

"No," I mumbled against his lips, pulling away from the kiss when I finally regained my senses and struggling again against his grip. "You can't just kiss me and make it better. It doesn't work that way, Edward. And you haven't answered a single thing I've…"

Once again, his lips on mine silenced the conversation and my nails dug into his shoulders. He hissed through his nose in response, but it only served to make his kiss more persistent and I suddenly felt my back hit the wall. I moaned involuntarily and my hands drove into his hair, gripping it tightly in my fists as I felt the beginning of his erection growing against my stomach. I bit his lip to catch his attention but instead of pulling away, he dragged his own teeth over my upper lip and gripped my hip in his palm.

"I'm sorry," he said breathily in between kisses, but in a rougher voice than I was accustomed to.

"Edward, stop!" I mumbled as I tried to separate my lips from his again, but he was not allowing me to break free. His hand rose up, driving into my hair and his tongue snaked out to trace along my lips. "I'm still mad at you."

Edward opened his eyes to look into mine and nodded his head.

"I know," he whispered huskily as his lids lowered to glance at my lips again. I needed him to stop. I knew that this would not solve anything; but I didn't want him to. I pulled his face roughly to mine, wanting more than anything to feel him against me. A slow burning fire was smoldering inside me and the anger only seemed to fuel my desire. I had never felt anything as confusing as the collision of two such conflicting emotions rushing through me all at once.

He lifted me up to wrap my legs around his waist, my hands moving to his shoulders to dig in to his skin roughly. We landed hard on the bed, our bodies becoming more tightly entwined as our lips hungrily consumed one another. I tugged his hair in my fist and slid my foot down the back of his leg, while kissing along his jaw toward his ear.

"Fuck me, Edward."

EPOV

My head rose in surprise to look at her while she rolled us over and straddled my hips. I had never seen her look this angry before… or this sexy. Her hands slid under my t-shirt, roughly dragging her nails down my chest and abdomen, and the sensation shot straight to my erection, causing me to harden even more against the grinding of her hips. I had not intended to have sex with her tonight. I had only wanted to talk; to apologize.

"Baby," I said, letting out a heavy breath as her hands came to the edge of my pants. I painfully stopped her and took them gently in mine.

Her jaw clenched tightly as an indecipherable array of emotions flickered her through her eyes.

"What? You don't want to fuck me?" she asked in a tense voice, her eyes boring into mine. She breathed out an angry laugh and shifted her body off me, kneeling beside me on the bed. "So what exactly do you want, Edward? Your moods are so out of control tonight and I can't keep up!"

I sat up with a sigh and ran my hand through my hair. "Bella, of course I want you but I didn't come here to get laid," I retorted and turned my gaze over to her. "I want to make things right between us. I couldn't leave things the way I did tonight at the house."

"Then make things right, Edward," she replied, never breaking contact with my eyes as she spoke and then lifting her tank top over her head. She climbed onto my lap again, and began pushing my jacket off my shoulders.

"Show me," she pleaded in a desperate voice, her lips urgently seeking mine. "Show me what I'll be waiting for."

I was taken aback slightly at her sudden shift in mood. She had never appeared or sounded this distressed in all the time I had known her. "Baby, I don't think sex would be…"

"Please," she whimpered softly, leaning her forehead against mine with her fingers pressed against my lips. "It's not the sex. I need you."

I watched her eyes as her fingers slowly traced across my lips to my cheek and into my hair. I could still see the anger, but now also pain and fear. Was she afraid of losing me? Did she really think I would leave her and not come back? How could she still possibly think that? I wove my fingers gently into her hair and tilted her head to brush her lips with mine. But after one tender kiss, her lips began seeking mine out again in reckless abandon, pulling me sideways onto the bed and wrapping her arms and legs around me.

In a flurry of movements, we shed the rest of our clothes with her comforter pulled around us to shield us from the chill in the room. As I lay on top of her, feeling her body beneath mine, I brushed her hair back from her forehead and kissed her gently.

"Edward, please. Now," she groaned against my lips, her hands gripping my shoulders tightly and pulling me more firmly against her. I slid inside her, causing her to take a sharp intake of breath through her nose and to dig her nails into my shoulders. Her head tilted back away from my lips as I began to move inside her and she thrust her hips up against mine. "God yes… baby please…. more…"

Everything was different about Bella tonight. She had never had this desperation in her voice; she had never been this needy. As I sped up my rhythm, her hands came to my face, pulling me down against her lips while her legs tightened around mine. Her teeth clenched on my lower lip again and I drove deep inside her, causing her to gasp.

"Fuck yes!" she exclaimed, throwing her head back against the pillow and arching her back. "Do it again… please…"

I repeated my motion and felt her toes curl into the back of my thigh, applying more pressure as I continued at a steady pace.

"Like that, baby?" I panted, kissing her chin and down her throat.

"Ohh… yea…." she groaned as her hands moved to my ass, pushing me deeper inside of her. Sex had never been boring with Bella but this was beyond anything I had ever experienced before… once again. Her need for me was so great tonight, and not simply for the pleasure. She held me tighter; her lips came to press firmly against my shoulder with a whimper.

I slid my hands underneath her hips and thrust even deeper into her, hissing as I felt her teeth bite into my shoulder and her nails claw down my back.

"Come for me, baby," I whispered against her hair and she groaned in response.

Her body began to tense and I knew she was getting close. My hands gripped her hips tightly, giving me more leverage and her whimpering grew louder.

"Ohmygod… Edward…" she shrieked as she tightly gripped the bars of her headboard. Her breath caught as she clenched around me and her body began to tremble. "Please, let me feel you…"

"Shit," I hissed as the sensations she was causing in my body combined with her breathy plea to send my climax rushing through me. Our moans filled the room as my lips pressed against her neck until it finally subsided and my body relaxed against her.

Her hold tightened on me as I moved to roll off her, pulling me firmly against her.

"Don't move," she whispered, her lips brushing against my jaw. "Not yet."

I raised my head enough to catch her lips with mine, kissing her gently.

"Baby, I have to move. But I'm not leaving yet, I promise," I whispered and kissed her forehead as she hesitantly loosened her hold on me. Rolling to her side, I enveloped her in my arms with her head resting on my chest and she snuggled against my side with her leg draped over mine. After several moments of silence, I felt her shaking in my arms. I thought she was crying again until I heard a soft snort and realized that she was laughing. "What?"

She shook her head and then slowly tilted it up to look at me. Her eyes still looked sad but she had a small smile on her face.

"I guess they weren't lying about make-up sex. It really is pretty great," she laughed and kissed my shoulder.

"And I'm assuming by 'they' you mean 'Alice'?" I let out a small chuckle, rubbing her arm gently with my hand.

"Well, yea," she replied softly with a shrug, biting her lip. Her smile soon faded, and that same despaired look came over her face again. I lifted her chin gently with my finger to look at me and there were tears in her eyes. "Why did you start dating me, Edward?"

Her sudden question took me off guard. "What? Why do you think I started dating you? I love you."

She shook her head with a sad laugh. "But you knew you were leaving, and you knew why. You knew you would be leaving me behind. Even if you were to go to college, it would be the same thing. Either way, you would be somewhere I can't be. It's easy now, with you here. But I don't want to lose you."

I wiped away a tear that had fallen across the bridge of her nose and kissed her forehead.

"Bella listen to me," he said softly, cupping her cheek with my hand. "You're not going to lose me. I love you and I am going to continue to love you no matter where I am. Even if I am surrounded by women, it won't matter. There's only one Bella. My Bella. You'll always be the only one I want."

She stared into my eyes for a moment and then brought her hand up to my neck, pulling me toward her to capture my lips. Her kiss was different now, more passionate than distressed. Our arms came around each other tightly, pressing our bodies together as closely as we could. When we finally broke away for breath, our foreheads rested together and her fingers played with the end of my hair on my neck. "You promise?"

"I promise," I replied without hesitation, running my hand gently up and down her back. She smiled and her eyes began to flutter as she fought to keep them open. "I should go, baby. Your dad will be home before you know it and I don't think he would appreciate coming home to find his daughter's boyfriend naked in bed with her."

Her arms tightened around me but her eyes never opened. "Just a little longer," she mumbled quietly as she cuddled against my chest.

"Okay, just a little longer," I whispered, kissing her hair.

BPOV

I was still asleep; I had to be. I could feel his warm body against mine, his arms wrapped around me. I felt warm and safe.

The sudden sound of a car door outside shocked me into awareness, and my eyes flew open to look at the clock. 5:16 am. And then my eyes shot back to the warm body at my side and panic rushed through me.

"Edward," I hissed in a whisper, shaking his shoulder roughly until he opened his eyes. "Charlie!"

His eyes widened suddenly, shooting his head around to look at the clock as well. "Shit!" he muttered roughly, rolling out of bed and falling onto the floor.

"Shh," I hushed him harshly as I grabbed his jeans and shirt from beside the bed and threw them over at him. "Get dressed!"

By the time I had gotten up and thrown on my tank top and shorts, Edward was already on his way out the window. I ran over to close it and on the way back to the bed, I felt my foot hit something soft and I looked down to see the waistband of Edward's boxers caught on my toe. I heard my father's footsteps coming down the hall and I quickly kicked them under the bed just as he opened the door to look in on me.

"Oh, you're up," he said in a surprised tone.

"Uh huh," I answered, trying to keep the nervousness at bay long enough for him to leave.

"At 5 am… on a school day?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at this out of character action for me.

"Couldn't sleep," I shrugged and chuckled softly. "Do you want some breakfast before you go to bed?"

Sure Bella, kiss your dad's ass and make him even more suspicious. Good plan.

I felt the lump rise in my throat, and my heart start to race as he began to glance around my room. Then his eyes finally came back to me, and he shook his head.

"No, thanks. I'm just going to hit the sack. I have to be back in at two."

"Oh, okay. Well, goodnight," I said in a hurried voice, hoping he didn't notice. He watched me for a moment before nodding and closing my door. I let out a heavy breath and knelt down on the floor, reaching under my bed for Edward's boxers and ran back over to the window to open it. I looked down and didn't see him. "Edward?"

"Yea?" His voice sounded from beside me and I jumped, hitting my head on the window. I turned my head to look at him as I heard him chuckling and I narrowed my eyes at him sitting on the tree branch. "I'm sorry, are you okay, baby?"

I thrust his boxers into his chest, knocking him slightly off balance, and he laughed as he caught himself.

"Forget something?" I hissed but he leaned forward and kissed me gently. "You don't play fair."

"Never claimed to," he replied, smiling against my lips. "You better get inside. It's freezing out here. I'll call you later."

I nodded and watched as he shifted to begin climbing down.

"Edward?" I said suddenly and when he looked over at me, I reached out for his hand. When he took it, I pulled him back toward the window and kissed him firmly. "I love you."

He kissed my hand and then my lips one last time. "I love you too, baby."